I give up on Christmas this year

[dawn1620]

I really don't mean to bring anyone down but I have just reached my limit this year. I do 99% of the Christmas shopping, planning, wrapping, ect and it has just exhausted me this year. I love my family but realized I live with two of the biggest ingrates ever put on this earth.

DH just thinks everything is done magically and all DD does is gripe about the smallest details.

With work being crazy and moving house just weeks away everything is just nuts right now anyway.

So I have thrown in the towel and refuse to do one more thing this year. I have passed the torch to DH who just gave me this stunned look as I told him as much.

I think I'll relax with a good book and cocktail tonight...after all my Christmas work is done.

 

[lattemomof3]

to you! I have been feeling like the biggest scrooge this year. It is truly tough to be a mom at Christmas. We do so much on a regular basis, throw in all of the extra Christmas performances my kids are in, hosting family and the neighborhood party, and packing up again (I still have one suitcase left to unpack from our Disney trip!) for 5 days away is about to land me in the nuthouse!!!!! I am usually not this grumpy, and I VOW to never be this crazy at Christmas again! Now excuse me as I am leaving to go decorate the church & take dd to basketball practice!

 

[CLEVERGIRL]

Be encouraged. This time of year can make a lot of us feel this way. Like you said just relax. Take a couple of deep breaths and not to get all preachy, but remember the reason for the season. Don't let stress from anyone over details ruin your holiday or dampen your spirits. I think after your cocktail break you will feel better. I hope so at least. Happy Holidays to you!:santa

 

[pilotwife_02]

Sounds like I could have written this post (we even have the same name ). I usually do all the Christmas shopping but I made DH go with me this year since my mom is out here visiting and was able to watch the kids for us so he had no excuse to get out of it.

There are a bunch of other complaints I was going to write here but as I started writing them I started getting more and more so I think it's best to not write them or I may lose ALL my spirit. My 2 boys aren't so bad right now since they are son young, it's honestly the adults that are getting to me this year.

 

[clovergirl5]

I know where you are coming from too. I get absolutely no help from dh either. I do all of the xmas cooking, baking, shopping, wrapping, xmas cards, planning for xmas day and anything else that needs to be done. His excuse, you stay at home and I go to work

Take the break you deserve and maybe you will feel better in a few days. No reason why dh's can't do some of the xmas stuff to help

 

[JoanGirardi]

This year I put my husband in charge of when the decorations would go up. Last year he complained that I put them up too early (the weekend after Thanksgiving), so I told him it was up to him this year. It was so relaxing to leave it to him. When he picked the day, we did the work together. What a difference from the past few years when I did all the work and he just fussed about it! If he hadn't finally done it, I had set this weekend as the time I'd do it without him again, but he came through, and it's been great. I'm in the best Christmas mood I've been in for years, and I really think it was from just releasing control and the stress of getting it all done.

 

[Mr.MouseFan]

At the risk of sounding like my favorite radio host, Delilah, you should slow down and relax and through all of the lights, packages, wrapping paper, and tape, don't forget the true reason for the season.

 

[wenrob]

I can remember feeling that way to the point that my favorite holiday became miserable. Here's the thing: I was doing it to myself. Does my DH shop? Decorate? Bake? Make and send out cards? No but I never asked him to either. We as women tend to take on all these tasks ourselves and by the time we realize we need help our families are spoiled rotten. But you know what? This means you can scale way back and they won't even notice. Once I realized that every room doesn't need to be decorated, I don't need to bake six different kinds of cookies, I don't have to send fifty cards when half those people don't even acknowledge them, I don't have to host the whole family for dinner, on and on. Guess what? My stress level went way down and believe it or not no one is upset that I choose to celebrate Christmas with my little family only or that they only get one kind of cookie in their tin. If there's something I usually do that doesn't get done and it bothers my family they know they are welcome to do it. Once it dawned on me the perfect holiday isn't necessarily my vision of perfect things went so much smoother, I could breathe and actually ENJOY the holiday.

 

[taximomfor4]

OP, I get how you feel.

Last year, I simplified. I don't send cards, and no I am not insulted if people stop sending them to me in response. We pick and choose which holiday extravaganzas to attend (we skip almost all of them). We may or may not end up baking cookies -- it depends on whether there is a day I feel a sudden urge to do so. What we have done: make popcorn and sit around the living room watching a CHristmas special. Have done that several times now. DH took the kids to Grandma's to help decorate her tree, and I stayed home and did a little online price-comparing. Planned out my route and purchases for a weekday this week.

No advice for you, except perhaps to simplify. Only you can choose what are your must-do items but I will say, once we cut some of what we THOUGHT were must-do's, we didn't miss them! And we are feeling quite relaxed this year. Only gotten 2 Christmas cards, but we expected that, lol.

 

[NCRedding]

Gosh, I could have written this post. I spent my Thanksgiving cleaning out a building (without DH's help) so I got behind in my Christmas decorating. Then, when I started decorating, DH got an attitude. He wanted to bring all the Christmas boxes down at one time, which creates chaos. I have labeled and numbered all Christmas boxes (sounds controlling and ridiculous I know), so that I can pull out the boxes I need and put away in stages so we aren't quite so chaotic. He didn't like my suggestions, so he threw a flashlight at me (he said he threw it towards me), and basically said "do it yourself then"

On top of all this, DH's aunt who lives in a retirement/nursing facility decided she wanted to host Christmas Eve there for DH's family (his parents are deceased). She very mobile (went to Bermuda and NYC in the last 6 months). I am just not looking forward to having a "party" in the dining room of a nursing facility for our Christmas. I know I should be happy since that means no cooking, but it just isn't festive and homey to me.

Off to decorate alone, and try to get the Christmas spirit.

 

[golfgal]

Gosh, I could have written this post. I spent my Thanksgiving cleaning out a building (without DH's help) so I got behind in my Christmas decorating. Then, when I started decorating, DH got an attitude. He wanted to bring all the Christmas boxes down at one time, which creates chaos. I have labeled and numbered all Christmas boxes (sounds controlling and ridiculous I know), so that I can pull out the boxes I need and put away in stages so we aren't quite so chaotic. He didn't like my suggestions, so he threw a flashlight at me (he said he threw it towards me), and basically said "do it yourself then"

On top of all this, DH's aunt who lives in a retirement/nursing facility decided she wanted to host Christmas Eve there for DH's family (his parents are deceased). She very mobile (went to Bermuda and NYC in the last 6 months). I am just not looking forward to having a "party" in the dining room of a nursing facility for our Christmas. I know I should be happy since that means no cooking, but it just isn't festive and homey to me.

Off to decorate alone, and try to get the Christmas spirit.

That pretty much says it all for me. I don't expect DH or the kids to help decorate. DD likes to help but the boys don't. It is my thing, not their thing so I don't ask. DH does get the boxes out for me but I don't have an OCD system for them either . I think people just need to step back and realize that if the santa ends up on the mantle and not the bookshelf it isn't the end of the world. Just like DH doesn't ask me to help weed the garden, it's his thing not mine.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My dd's are 13 and 18 and I make them help me decorate the tree. If they don't want to help, no tree. It seems to be working so far.
I make them help me out, the ingrates. DH at least makes a couple of trips out with me to get gifts and he will help out.

Like you, I don't have the energy to "do it all". If you can't or are not able to do something related to Christmas then don't do it.

Gift cards can be gifts. Simplify and relax a bit.You didn't say how old your kids were? If they are older I would tell them they have to decorate if they want decorations.

 

[C.Ann]

I have the greatest book ever that I read a number of years ago when I too was feeling totally overwhelmed.. It's called, "Be Your Own Santa Claus" -and deals with all of the various stressful issues surrounding the holidays and how to manage them so you aren't soley responsible for absolutely everything..

It's packed away - so I can't tell you the author's name - and I believe it's out of print now - but maybe you could find it on Amazon or half.com for next year.. It's really an excellent book and you'll feel a million times better after you read it and follow the suggestions..

Relax - and have a great holiday!

 

[Buckalew11]

I've simplified and it makes the season much better. I can only do so much and I won't make myself crazy while doing it.

I bake when I get a whim, I put up and smaller, more doable tree that does not overwhelm me, I do not send cards, I have made mjy list for shopping smaller and smaller, I try to watch a Christmas movie once a week, I try to attend something that celebrates the reason for the season so to speak, and to heck with all the rest. No pressure.

I refuse to make myself miserable trying to make for a joyous season for everyone else.

 

[mckryan]

On top of all this, DH's aunt who lives in a retirement/nursing facility decided she wanted to host Christmas Eve there for DH's family (his parents are deceased). She very mobile (went to Bermuda and NYC in the last 6 months). I am just not looking forward to having a "party" in the dining room of a nursing facility for our Christmas. I know I should be happy since that means no cooking, but it just isn't festive and homey to me.

Please look at it as a way to bring the holiday spirit to the many residents there that may not have visitors that day and are very lonely. Take some time to stop and talk to them and wish them Merry Christmas because it may really make their day! You can always go home and make your own Christmas dinner after celebrating with DH's aunt.

 

[Abbie]

I can remember feeling that way to the point that my favorite holiday became miserable. Here's the thing: I was doing it to myself. Does my DH shop? Decorate? Bake? Make and send out cards? No but I never asked him to either. We as women tend to take on all these tasks ourselves and by the time we realize we need help our families are spoiled rotten. But you know what? This means you can scale way back and they won't even notice. Once I realized that every room doesn't need to be decorated, I don't need to bake six different kinds of cookies, I don't have to send fifty cards when half those people don't even acknowledge them, I don't have to host the whole family for dinner, on and on. Guess what? My stress level went way down and believe it or not no one is upset that I choose to celebrate Christmas with my little family only or that they only get one kind of cookie in their tin. If there's something I usually do that doesn't get done and it bothers my family they know they are welcome to do it. Once it dawned on me the perfect holiday isn't necessarily my vision of perfect things went so much smoother, I could breathe and actually ENJOY the holiday.

What she said! YOU need to take the pressure off you. Decide what is a must for you and start letting go of the other "stuff". In the end, it's all "stuff". Christmas will come and go even if you don't do everything you'd like to do. Don't be afraid to ask for help from your family, even if they won't do it exactly as you would (in other words, "right" ). I really think the best gift you can give your family is a wife and mom who is not a frazzled resentful mess by the time Christmas rolls around! That is not the memory you want them to have. I saw myself in that role in the past and lessened the joy for everyone.....now if I start to feel resentful I either let go of what I'm doing or insist that someone give a hand!

Enjoy your cocktails and book and come back renewed! It's all good.

 

[NCRedding]

Nevermind: Merry Christmas.

 

[wenrob]

This is not that type of nursing/retirement home. The people here are very mobile, very independent and have more family support than you can imagine. The staff wears tuxedos and there are many people on staff who cater to their every whim. I can't go home and have a Christmas dinner for DH"S family, because this IS their Christmas dinner. I would prefer to have it in a home environment while DH's aunt can still be mobile. I celebrated several Christmases with my grandmother in a nursing home when she was unable to travel. I also volunteer at nursing homes, so I know that some people are lonely this time of year.

I came for support and ended up feeling very ganged up on, in between this and being called OCD because I didn't want to have 27 boxes of Christmas stuff in my living room. I guess I deserved to have a flashlight thrown at me. For those of you who get my post: Good luck with your Christmas spirit. Mine certainly needs help.

No one has ganged up on you, they're simply telling you to take a step back. If you've lost your Christmas spirit and are feeling resentful then it's time to stop and breathe. Seriously, do you need to put out 27 boxes of stuff if it makes you feel this way? Let perfect go and you'll feel much better. And I would have winged that flashlight right back at my DH. Though, he wouldn't dare even "toss" it at me no matter how bent out of shape he was. I repeat, if Christmas is making you miserable then you need to re-evaluate. The perfect holiday isn't always what we think perfect should be.

 

[powellrj]

I can remember feeling that way to the point that my favorite holiday became miserable. Here's the thing: I was doing it to myself. Does my DH shop? Decorate? Bake? Make and send out cards? No but I never asked him to either. We as women tend to take on all these tasks ourselves and by the time we realize we need help our families are spoiled rotten. But you know what? This means you can scale way back and they won't even notice. Once I realized that every room doesn't need to be decorated, I don't need to bake six different kinds of cookies, I don't have to send fifty cards when half those people don't even acknowledge them, I don't have to host the whole family for dinner, on and on. Guess what? My stress level went way down and believe it or not no one is upset that I choose to celebrate Christmas with my little family only or that they only get one kind of cookie in their tin. If there's something I usually do that doesn't get done and it bothers my family they know they are welcome to do it. Once it dawned on me the perfect holiday isn't necessarily my vision of perfect things went so much smoother, I could breathe and actually ENJOY the holiday.

I agree. I use to really go all out and then play the martyr. Look how hard I worked and all I did. Nobody cared. I have really scaled back and nobody even noticed that either.

I use to bake tons of different cookies and candies. This year I got different kinds of refrigerated dough and told DD and her friends to knock themselves out and they are having a great time.

I cut way back on my gifts and am giving more gift cards and cash. The kids would rather get cash anyway and most people on my gift list can buy just about whatever they need so it was hard to surprise them.

I still cook a traditional christmas dinner with turkey and ham and all the trimmings, but I use disposable instead of the good china and do more ready made things like the cut veggies and already made pie crusts.

I took a picture of DD and DS with the dog under the tree and had photo cards made at Walgreens. I will do a short letter to add to the photo card and all I have to do is adress them.

Anymore I only do what I want to do!

 

[dis-happy]

Things get hectic around here too. I can't tell you how many times the Christmas cards were left by the wayside over the years, unsent. Oh well!! One year I was too busy to put up the tree so I had the kids make construction paper decorations for the ficus tree in the living room. It worked. Today I have to decorate 8 gingerbread houses (gifts), go to a party an hour away, get a child to tennis clinic and back, and start PACKING for 6 people going on a 3 week trip to the west coast (leave next Thurs). Agh!

Two things help: playing the Christmas cd's...mucis always makes me happier and more energetic, and laughing to myself when the song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" comes on. La-la-la!

Time to get off the DIS and get busy.


Hugs to you, OP. And anyone else who needs it!