I feel sooo lost....I need help.

[The Three Cabs]

I've been there and it hurts bad! My ex cheated on me more than once, it finally got to the point that it was enough and we got divorced, but he always acted like he was somehow the victim in the situation....go figure. My sons were about the same age as your kids at the time, its been 10 years now and the boys are fine, in fact they don't even see him nor want to. It was one of the most difficult things I ever went thru but I survived and got stronger in myself. If you think the two of you can work it out then try. I tried hard, but he didn't really want to give up his other lifestyle. You really need to be careful because you don't want him bringing home a STD to you, that was always my biggest fear. I wouldn't put too much stock in the tattoo rings, my ex bought me so many things during that time and would talk about the future, its like they are trying to throw off there scent. If you ever want to talk please feel free to PM me, we all go through tough times and it helps so much when someone has walked a mile in our shoes. Keep yourself together especially for your kids.

 

[Serena]

Just know you will get through this. I know it's hard and you wonder how, but you will.

I was married for over 20 years, stay at home mom, no real job skills. I made it through a bad depression, I got a job, started school, got another job, and another job, and just finished college. My graduation ceremony is next month.

You can and will get through this. And really what choice do you really have? You can bury your head in the sand, hide in your bedroom, (I tried that, yeah, it didn't work), or keep going forward.

 

[chell]

 

[ryanshana]

I am getting stronger by the min....I have an amazing group of friends and of course you guys!

I just wanted to say that there is so much more back story to this situation....but I really don't want to say it all especially on a public forum. Just know that this behavior (maybe not the cheating, at least not to my knowledge) happened everything 3-6 months. He doesn't want to get help for it at all. So working it out is not an option. It was a co-worker and apparently, if I attempt to believe that he says, has been going on for a few weeks.

I hope you all understand why I can't write too much about it....Maybe I'll write a novel and then tell you all the title

But just know that I am taking all the steps to take care of me and my boys....at least I think...if you think of anything and don't see it on here I might not know so please post it thank you!

It's just soo sad he hasn't even wanted to see the boys...He didn't even call them to tell them goodnight...it's just such a shame....I am actually just shaking my head as I type this.

Well I'm exhausted...must get some sleep!
Nite

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'm sorry. If it were me, I'd get mad as heck (keep it to myself or share with friends) and use that energy to get the ball rolling.

I wish you all the best. Please keep us posted.

 

[wall*e2008]

I wish you and your boys all the best.

 

[kellyg403]

OP many coming to you and the boys. I have not had the time to read through all the replies but wanted to let you know that regardless of how you feel today, tomorrow will be better for all of you. Sometimes it is the lies/secrets that do the most damage. Having it all out in the open gives you the opportunity to make decisions and figure out a way to deal with the future on your own terms.

My ex had an affair and called to tell me about it on the phone, coward that he was. Couldn't even tell me face to face. If the truth be known, I think he was finally glad it was out in the open and also I think 'she' wanted to be a part of the situation. So she was and so it was out. She didn't know that 3 weeks prior to the confession he had just come back from being deployed (yes she was with him) and had worked everything including a babysitter to take me on a long weekend to the beach. Probably one of the sweetest and romantic times of my marriage, but made the parting so much harder when I looked back a mere few weeks. But guess what, it happened and I knew it was happening when I look back now.

Anyway, it is important for you to take a break from this situation and think about what you realistically want to do, how to do it and be good and kind to yourself. Cheating does not always spell the end of a marriage if both parties are willing to work with it, but sometimes it is. Just depends. You will need to get your things in order and make serious decisions. A lawyer can tell you what to expect financially. Probably your best bet is to start looking for at least part time work, because while he may have to send child support more than likely it won't be enough to cover it all. You will need to know your personal financial situation etc. And realize that sometimes, he won't be nice to you and won't want to help. I would have never guessed how brutal the ex was until it came down to Divorce and 'his' money. Trust me, 10 years later he can still be as brutal about things.

Take care of you and the boys, take some time to think. One of the best things I did about 2 months into the mess was take the kids away for a long weekend alone. To a beach house that was cheap..really cheap. Really small and really cheap. That weekend put my whole life into perspective. I made final decisions and never looked back. I am much happier, a whole person again. I have thanked the other girl profusely several times in the last 10 years for helping me get out of that situation. He will never change, and I am glad I will live my final years being happy and loving every moment of my family.

Kelly

 

[bumbershoot]

I
Many are saying the marriage is not over, but I think in this case it is. Back in late January she "found" bare essentials make up card worth over $100. She said this was not her brand. He did give it to her. I suspect it was for the other women but he covered his but by giving it to her. If I am correct then this affair has gone on for 5+ months.

Eek.

Are you sure the text was from him? And, are you sure the text was meant for you?

That is worth verifying. I once ended a relationship (or rather, didn't renew one) based on "some woman" answering his phone...a few months later I realized that my cellphone company was having issues, and was bouncing calls all over the place, where you would dial the correct number and it would go to someone else...turns out it was absolutely the best thing for that relationship to end (I met now-hubby a month or so later), but I would have preferred to make the decision based on correct information.


Lastly, the kids probably wouldn't get much from counseling NOW, but later, think about it. Put some money aside for it. I was older and could have used the counseling at the time (I was 4 when my mom and dad divorced)...my brother was only 2 and could have benefited a few years down the road, to really understand his feelings. So down the road a few years, I'd think it would be useful.

 

[disneymarie]

I really don't even know where to start. I really need support....my friends are great, but none of them have gone through anything like this. I just need to write away to my dis friends for support cause I need all the help I can get!




Sorry for the excessive "smileys" just how I feel!

I feel so horrible for you my friend. I went through the hurt so many years ago a life time, yet I still do not get it. You should try finding some legal help asap...

Ah, do you know the womans phone no from his cell phone? I would call her, I bet you could get some juicy stuff if she is willing to spill it. Like how long, if she even knew he had kids married etc. Guess you can see I would be outspoken toward them.

Do you have a close family member, or a friend that recently went through this? My cousin and I went through it together and we supported each other in so many ways.

Do you know he sent the text message or did the woman/man? You never know anymore.

I am being mean, but this stuff is so uncalled for and when life is so short, there are kids, I don't understand the men....
My hugs and thoughts are with you,
Di

 

[Kitty 34]

So sorry you are going through this.