I feel like such a bad mother now

[luvmyfam444]

my oldest (7) dd is DRIVING me crazy right now...I just don't know how to handle her - she's not doing anything horrible - just enough to get on my nerves & I really can't stand being around here & that's JUST AWFUL TO SAY & it's making me cry as I type it!
TOnight we all went swimming (which she really wanted to do) & all she wanted to do was hang on to the wall & then when dh & I got her to come into the pool she started crying & carrying on - dh was holding her the whole time - after about 30 mins & threats to take her home (which she begged for - so the threat ended up backfiring) she eventually calmed down - yes, she's been in the pool numerous times & had swim lessons - she just doesn't even want to try -she'd just rather hang out on the edge of the pool. And yes - the only thing that I've come up with to curb the crying/whining is to call her a baby (which is WRONG to me) but it works briefly - or I'll ask her what the kids @ school would think if they heard her crying.....

School has been a huge challenge for us this year (we've moved) her grades are lower than what we think she can do -she LOVES school but we dont' care for her teacher (who treats us like bad parents - we get notes all the time 'cause she doesn't think we work w/dd enough on Math - her lowest grade---a low C)

WE used to have lots of fun together - but now it seems as soon as I wake up I'm yelling @ her - she's supposed to make her bed in the a.m. before school & naturally she dilly daddles around & then eventually gets to it but this a.m. whined about not being able to...so I fuss @ her about she's plenty capable of making her bed... I can get her out the door on time but have to stand over her to get her dressed -

And then not mention she's trying things she's known were a no no for years (like jumping on the bed, hits her sister ,etc)

NOthing seems to be fun here anymore when she's around - I'm kinda glad she's off to school for 8 hrs (I USED to want to homeschool...) & HATE that I dread her coming home & that I have much more fun w/ dd (3)....that's just AWFUL that to me it sounds like I have a favorite already! That is SO WRONG but I just don't know what to do....

I guess (maybe) I should give myself some wiggle room (I AM pregnant) & stressed over this MESS of a house (I need Clean sweep desperately) but I just don't think a mother should Ever have feelings like this....certainly not daily.....

Help me get a grip - 'cause this is only gonna get worse---WAY WORSE--- as she gets older - & nope she doesn't have any behavioral issues @ school or church or anything (just with us) so I KNOW we are the ones that are screwing things up.....

 

[Serena]

 

[Pop Daddy]

sexy post

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

Let me add a big

Never underestimate the power of pregnancy hormones! You have a lot on your plate.

You have two huge events that while they are good things, can still be major stressors 1) a new home 2) a new baby on the way. This is probably affecting your DD in ways she doesn't even realize.

Her world is changing around her, a new school, home, mommy has a new baby coming. She may cling more. Be afraid to do things she used to love etc. She may regress in some areas, then eventually bounce back to normal.

And of course you all have to go through it with her.

This is what I'm guessing is happening. I hope things settle down for you all. Take care of yourself.

 

[ktpool]

sexy post

???????


Anyway, hopefully this is just a phase (long one) that you are both going through. I remember when my daughter (who is only 8 now) was morose and whiny when se was about 5 - wasn't listening, hard to get along with.

We went to family counseling because we were so worried about being bad parents. Turns out, we are a normal family. She got over the stage and while all has not been rosy, she is much better to be around.

Have you thought about focusing your dd on an afterschool acitivity like gymnastics or taekwondo - it has really helped my daughter make other friends and have things to work on besides school.

Don't get me wrong...I still dread 24 hours of togetherness on weekends sometimes, especially now that my ds is 6!

I hope it works out okay...please feel free to talk to us or get your daughter out of the house before it gets any worse.

 

[Mimi Q]

 

[cstraub]

 

[Dan Murphy]

's

 

[FreshTressa]

Aww, sounds rough!! I know we have had moments like that!...Heck, months like that.

 

[Planogirl]

Don't let it get to you. I've gone through periods like this but they always pass. The key is to stay in control and be as patient as possible.

You also have the pregnancy hormones to contend with and that's no picnic!

 

[luvmyfam444]

sexy post

I knew there were SICK people out there - now I've had a good example from one!

 

[Aidensmom]

Let me add a big

Never underestimate the power of pregnancy hormones! You have a lot on your plate.

You have two huge events that while they are good things, can still be major stressors 1) a new home 2) a new baby on the way. This is probably affecting your DD in ways she doesn't even realize.

Her world is changing around her, a new school, home, mommy has a new baby coming. She may cling more. Be afraid to do things she used to love etc. She may regress in some areas, then eventually bounce back to normal.

And of course you all have to go through it with her.

This is what I'm guessing is happening. I hope things settle down for you all. Take care of yourself.

I agree completely with this. And with the poster who said a "date night" might help. I think she needs a little special attention right now, with either you or your spouse.

 

[Briarmom]

I knew there were SICK people out there - now I've had a good example from one!

When he writes that it just means 'long post.' You'll see people use it to warn others that their posts are long.

I have a 6 year old who is almost 7 and a 2 year old. They are difficult to be around sometimes. It doesn't mean I love them any less. It doesn't mean you are a bad mother, it just means you are a mother. Plain and simple.
Starting in September, I will be living in a foreign country in a 3 bedroom apartment and I will have to homeschool. There will be very limited contact with others, especially other kids for mine to play with. I am terrified that I will fail my kids. Or that I will go nuts....
Take it one day at a time.
Oh, and my ds takes his sweet time making beds/getting dressed/doing homework. I find that a timer is a good friend. Even his teacher sometimes uses one with him.

 

[Hannathy]

I agree with all the posters that she is going through a lot right now. Some kids when they are trying for attention will go after the negative attention also. She doesn't make her bed so she gets you all to herself while you nag her. She fusses at the pool so Dad holds her. IMO I would give her some special big girl attention and then not give her any negative that you can help-don't fuss at her to make her bed type stuff. Of course hitting has to be dealt with to an extent if she isn't really hurting her sister maybe let them work it out. Don't forget to sometimes just give her a hug and say I love you, you drive me nuts but I love you. I do this a lot with a 14 yr old daughter !

Good Luck you aren't alone and think soon she will be a teenager and we all know how much fun teenage girls are !!!

 

[luvmy2sams]

As the mother of a DD7 and DS2.5 I can relate all too well from time to time. You've got an awful lot on your plate so cut yourself some slack regarding the house, etc. This too shall pass and one day you'll look back and hopefully be able to laugh about these days.

 

[taeja71]

As a mother of three, I know where you are. Trust me.

Why don't you take her out for a date night? Go shopping for baby clothes/ necessities-Mom and child bonding time. It may feel like torture to you, but your dd might feel more appreciated and loved. It's tough being the first child. Maybe this is her way of telling you she needs more attention since you are pregnant again w/ the off behavior.

Include her in the prego stuff. Have her be your co-coach or let her help make the calls to family when the time comes. I think involvement is key for both of you no matter how torturous the idea sounds right now.

Have you asked her how she feels about the "new" baby? Even at this age (7) she can tell you how she feels. Get on her level and try and smooth things out. Get your dh involved too if he has to refere, he can be your interpreter.

 

[mickeyboat]

I can sympathise, and it doesn't make you a bad mommy. I have a 5 year old and a 6 year old, and sometimes, especially on Sunday nights, I can't wait for them to go to bed. There are times when they drive me insane, especially with the figting and sibling rivalry going on.

Denae

 

[diznygirl]

Sorry it's so rough right now. Hearing "It's just a stage she's going through" doesn't automatically make it easier, I know. Sounds like you should just pick your battles - forget having her make the bed, cuddle and baby her when she is crying about something, go overboard with the love - she may just need some reassurances from you right now.

Good luck!!!

 

[disneygals]

3 girls here...many bad days. You're not a bad mommy! When my oldest was going through a hard time, every night I would tell her 5 wonderful things about her or that she did that day. TRY not to sweat the small stuff...does it really matter if her bed is made? As for my middle child, she needed "help" getting ready for years. Of course, she could do it herself, she just wanted me there. My third complained about going to school in 2nd grade...it did pass.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I have 4 children and I can honestly say that when my youngest (now 6yo) was between the ages of 1 and 5yo that there were many days that it was very difficult to be with him. He has an extremely strong personality and had a hard time getting along with his own shadow. It got to the point that I decided that we were not going to even vacation with other family members outside of our immediate family because it was too stressful. Thankfully he's not my first child or I would have thought for sure it was something that I was doing. He's finally to the point now that I actually look forward to being with him. So I certainly do understand what you are going through.

I think that you should decide on what's important with your DD and let a lot of other things slide. Personally for me, making the bed in the morning would not make the list. Maybe you should turn whether or not she makes her bed over to her. Tell her that you think it's important, makes the room look nicer, etc (whatever your reasons for making it), but that since it's her room you are going to let her decide if she wants it made.

You really need to pick your battles. You all are going through a lot of changes with the move and new baby on the way.

I agree that you should plan some special mom/daughter time with her.