I feel like such a bad mother now

[bananiem]

I agree with all the posters that she is going through a lot right now. Some kids when they are trying for attention will go after the negative attention also. She doesn't make her bed so she gets you all to herself while you nag her. She fusses at the pool so Dad holds her. IMO I would give her some special big girl attention and then not give her any negative that you can help-don't fuss at her to make her bed type stuff. Of course hitting has to be dealt with to an extent if she isn't really hurting her sister maybe let them work it out. Don't forget to sometimes just give her a hug and say I love you, you drive me nuts but I love you. I do this a lot with a 14 yr old daughter !

Good Luck you aren't alone and think soon she will be a teenager and we all know how much fun teenage girls are !!!

Bingo! At 7 she wants your attention, especially with the move and uncertainty of the new baby coming. She has discovered that not making her bed gets your attention. Negative attention, but attention none the less. Kids will take what they can get at that age.
My advice (making use of my early childhood degree ) is to back off on the bed. Remind her once in the morning. Then drop it. If it doesn't get made, at dinner that night mention how it would make your morning sunny if she would remember to make it the next morning. Then when she does eventually make it REALLY praise her. Turn the negative attention back into positive attention.
If you go swimming and she clings to the side, you and dh start splashing each other and have a good time. (Obviously right next to her.) But ignore her whining. She'll want to join you.
Good luck!

 

[cepmom]

I feel for you...I have not read all the other posts, but just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel. I have been having similar problems with my DD8. We have been going through the whiny, acting like a "baby" thing for a while now and also the "you hate me" stuff with her ~ yesterday she came home from school and wanted ice cream for a snack (which I wouldn't have given her) but it as all gone because i had the last of it. She burst into tears and said "you HATE me!!" and ran up to her room. We get that from her everytime she doesn't get her way. It drives me insane!! She is a middle child though, and always feels like somebody has got it better than her. I do need to make it a point to spend more one on one time with her...it makes a difference but it's so hard to find time between my working nights and weekends, her going to school all day and her 2 sisters that also need time with just Mom. It's hard to find the right balance.

I also have to stand over her to get her self ready for school in the morning...make the bed, get dressed, get her homework in her backpack etc. I have tried getting her to get the stuff ready at night, forget the making the bed, you name it. I finally decided that she was going to be responsible to get herself ready for school and if she forgot something she would just have to deal with it. I was done yelling at her. Today I made up a chart for her to follow with all the things she needs to get done. She is going to be responsible to look at it and check each thing off.

I am also going to try to implement some sort of merit/demerit system for her behavior. My SIL just started this with her kids and it seems to be working for them. For every "good" behavior (picking up toys without being told, doing something nice for someone) they get a point...when they exhibit a "bad behavior" (like hitting a sibling or getting out of bed after lights out) they lose a point. When they accumulate xxx points they get some type of reward (maybe an extra book at bedtime, or extra scoop of ice cream for dessert, a new Barbie etc)

hang in there...I know it's hard. You are a good parent

 

[elan]

Don't let it get to you. I've gone through periods like this but they always pass. The key is to stay in control and be as patient as possible.

I have to agree with this. My oldest DD8 has had a rough time too. The last few monthes have been brutal. Within the last few weeks she seems to be back to her normal self. With my DD whatever she is complaining about is not the problem-it is almost always something else-so I feel like a junior detective.
Every night I'd feel like a terrible mother for not being able to help her.

there are a few of us out here just like you.

 

[luvmyfam444]

Thanks for all the wonderful replies, I honestly haven't thought about giving her extra attention -or the fact that she might be concerned about the new baby (she didn't have any problem when her sister arrived - but she was only 4 then...) AND I just didnt' think I'd see any problems from her (her sister yes, but not her) & then I also thought it wouldn't come UNTIL the baby was born ---so THANKS for waking me up to this!!!!

Tonight @ church she went into the gym (like she always does) & said she didn't want to stay 'cause they were playing a game she didn't want to (dodgeball) so dh & I told her just to sit out & watch & left her...and YEP sent dh back to peek in on her & she had gotten up to play 'cause I guessit was just too much fun to watch.

BUT I did fail on patience again today on her homework I went over some problems giving her the answers beforehand & she still missed them! I was quite upset she wasn't listening...but we eventually fixed it & she got it done, though there was still a bit of tension.....

I'm definitely gonna have to figure out how to get time in for just the 2 of us & see how that helps....along with some new behavioral system..

THANKS AGAIN GUYS!!!!

 

[DisnyMama]

As a single mom since my DS was 5 years old I have been really lucky. He has always woken easily and in a good mood and when he was younger, mornings were easy with him as well as evenings. School wasn't a battle either. Now that he's a teen things are still good but sometimes some resistance as far as to "when" things get done. Teens seem to have their own time frame. However, I have two nephews that I dearly love but when I babysit them or they come to my house I use the "Super Nanny" techniques with them. The little one who is 5 likes to push buttons with my DS (14) the most and I have really had to use the "naughty spot" with him and he knows his Auntie means business. It works.