I Feel At My Wit's End--updated pg 4

[Chicago526]

Last year my son was choked on the bus by a 3rd kid (that since moved but made this duo into a trio of terror). He was choked so bad- he had bruises that formed around his neck. I filed a report w/ the school right up to the superintendent. As well as w/ the police. Who didn't help. They said they could basically only take a report. The bus driver claimed he didn't see anything. The video recorder ironically didn't have a tape that day (even though we were previously told it did), and they claimed to of interviewed all the kids on the bus that day and nobody seen anything. The other boy claimed he "accidentally" had pulled on ds's backpack. Which isn't worn around his neck. I had photo's and still got blown off. I was told it was an accident (it was no accident- this was ongoing) and there was nothing they could do over an accident.

This is what amazes me the most!!! I cannot believe the police wouldn't let you file CHARGES for ASSAULT!!!! Good grief, what's it going to take, one of these bullies pulling a knife or a gun? And why do I have a sneaky suspision that there WAS a tape, and they just destroyed it and told you there wasn't one?

This tells me, right there, that no matter what the local police and school will NOT take you seriously. You need a lawyer. In a way, it's good you can't meet with them until tomorrow, it gives you a chance to find a lawyer and get him/her up to speed. And I really, really want you to do this. Get a lawyer and bring them with you to the school. I feel at this point, with what you've described, that the time for "trying to work it out" is long, long past.

If you don't get an immediate response tomorrow that FULLY satisifies you and your husband, I'd pull your son out of school. Take your marbles (the tax dollars they get for your son being present in class) and go home. Money talks, between the loss of funding and the threat of a lawsuit, they'll have to come around. I highly doubt your son can be learning much with all this going on anyway, and a few days out of school while you work this out shouldn't hurt him much, academicly speaking.

 

[KelNottAt]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Hugs to you and your DS.

The only thing I'd add is to give up on the phone calls right now. Make email your only form of communication. That way to have an easy, dated paper trail of what you told whom and when.

Oh, something else to consider, tell your story to the local TV station or newspaper. A call from the media will usually get some action out of authorities in denial.

Good luck.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

This same kind of thing happened in a school district near us. The principal just "looked the other way" and refused to do anything. Well the mom of the boy being bullied got a hold of the local newspaper, the local news station etc. and also filed a nice lawsuit against the school district. Needless to say the bullies are bullies no more. I dont know what happened to the principal himself, but the district really got alot of negative publicity. My heart goes out to your family and your ds. I pray this gets resolved soon.

 

[TENIA66]

I found a website today from the government with lots of info about bullying.....I'm going to jump off and brb with the address...

http://www.mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/15plus/aboutbullying.asp

 

[TENIA66]

Also from the CDC report for reduction of injuries in schools, a source document for attorneys suiing school systems:

Recommendation 1: Social environment. Establish a social environment that
promotes safety and prevents unintentional injuries, violence, and suicide.
• Recommendation 2: Physical environment. Provide a physical environment,
inside and outside school buildings, that promotes safety and prevents
unintentional injuries and violence.
• Recommendation 3: Health education. Implement health and safety education
curricula and instruction that help students develop the knowledge, attitudes,
behavioral skills, and confidence needed to adopt and maintain safe lifestyles
and to advocate for health and safety.
• Recommendation 4: Physical education and physical activity programs.
Provide safe physical education and extracurricular physical activity programs.
• Recommendation 5: Health services. Provide health, counseling, psychological,
and social services to meet the physical, mental, emotional, and social
health needs of students.
• Recommendation 6: Crisis response. Establish mechanisms for short- and longterm
responses to crises, disasters, and injuries that affect the school
community.
• Recommendation 7: Family and community. Integrate school, family, and
community efforts to prevent unintentional injuries, violence, and suicide.
• Recommendation 8: Staff members. For all school personnel, provide staff
development services that impart the knowledge, skills, and confidence to
effectively promote safety and prevent unintentional injuries, violence, and
suicide, and support students in their efforts to do the same.

 

[barkley]

i would apply for a tso (temporary restraining order) which the school WILL have to address how they will enforce compliance with. there is a timeline between the issuance of a tso and a more formal long term restraining order. i'm sure that the school/parents/bullies faced with the prospect of being called into public court (with potential public media coverage) to affirm/deny the allegations in the long term restrianing order WILL find a means of stopping this from happening.

i would also consider casualy mentioning to the principal that given the liason confirmed to you he/she observed and chose to take no action to stop one instance of battery against the student-you view this as passive abuse on the liason's part and are considering including him in the restraining order as well (in addition to following up with child and family services to confirm that the principal as a mandatory reporter who has been made aware of the instance has met his legal obligation to document and report your abuse concerns re. the liason).

 

[MidNite]

This is just a very minor fix to the locker thing, what if you were to buy a new, stronger lock for your son's locker (one with two keys) and give the extra key to the Principal?

Bless you and your son. I hope things work out positively for you.

 

[kilee]

Today's turn in events didn't help me at all.... .

Yesterday I was posting some of the other events that happened- w/ the hat incident that happened yesterday. Anyhow, I got a call the minute I got to work today from the middle school secretary. First she wanted to tell me his lock was missing from his locker and she wanted to know why--- well I didn't have an answer to that one. I was at work and my son was there at school. Now, there have been several incidences in the past where my sons' lock was completely removed and found in the restroom. She also wanted to tell me she had been in the hall watching for my son to arrive at school today. So she could watch for any problems (mind you she's the secretary). Anyhow, she wanted to tell me there was an ivory hat in my son's locker this morning when my son opened it. I still had the "destroyed" hat and was really confused. I asked her if it was all covered in red and green stains-- she said "no, it looked brand new". I was really confused but she didn't really know anything else.

So, I pick up ds at the end of the day. Guess what he's wearing-- His Hat . Turns out that the destroyed hat is an identical one that one of the boy's brothers had (it is identical- same hat, same brand). They destroyed that one and switched it out w/ my son's. Then today they put his hat (which is still in perfect condition) back into his locker. Now, we had no way of knowing this-- BUT they pulled my son into the office instead and reprimanded him for not having a lock on his locker (which he didn't remove and they still don't know where it's at).

So, the original hat is back-- which we had no way of knowing that the destroyed one wasn't his. I can already see how they're going to downplay this right now. I'm glad the hat is fine----BUT-- they aren't going to care about 1 thing I have to say. As far as the physical bullying- it didn't happen this week- so they are not going to address it. Ugh-- this really threw things for a flip.......it was very unexpected.

 

[HaleyB]

Your poor son.

I wish I had something useful to say. I guess one step I would take is to keep a written log of events and to complain in writing to the school. Create a paper trail.

 

[noseybuddy]

Today's turn in events didn't help me at all.... .

Yesterday I was posting some of the other events that happened- w/ the hat incident that happened yesterday. Anyhow, I got a call the minute I got to work today from the middle school secretary. First she wanted to tell me his lock was missing from his locker and she wanted to know why--- well I didn't have an answer to that one. I was at work and my son was there at school. Now, there have been several incidences in the past where my sons' lock was completely removed and found in the restroom. She also wanted to tell me she had been in the hall watching for my son to arrive at school today. So she could watch for any problems (mind you she's the secretary). Anyhow, she wanted to tell me there was an ivory hat in my son's locker this morning when my son opened it. I still had the "destroyed" hat and was really confused. I asked her if it was all covered in red and green stains-- she said "no, it looked brand new". I was really confused but she didn't really know anything else.

So, I pick up ds at the end of the day. Guess what he's wearing-- His Hat . Turns out that the destroyed hat is an identical one that one of the boy's brothers had (it is identical- same hat, same brand). They destroyed that one and switched it out w/ my son's. Then today they put his hat (which is still in perfect condition) back into his locker. Now, we had no way of knowing this-- BUT they pulled my son into the office instead and reprimanded him for not having a lock on his locker (which he didn't remove and they still don't know where it's at).

So, the original hat is back-- which we had no way of knowing that the destroyed one wasn't his. I can already see how they're going to downplay this right now. I'm glad the hat is fine----BUT-- they aren't going to care about 1 thing I have to say. As far as the physical bullying- it didn't happen this week- so they are not going to address it. Ugh-- this really threw things for a flip.......it was very unexpected.

I can't believe what i am reading. The way the principal runs this school is a joke. I just don't know how you can stand it anymore. I still wouldn't let it go. I would be in that office with my notes and demand that something be done. Good Luck!

 

[C.Ann]

Today's turn in events didn't help me at all.... .

Yesterday I was posting some of the other events that happened- w/ the hat incident that happened yesterday. Anyhow, I got a call the minute I got to work today from the middle school secretary. First she wanted to tell me his lock was missing from his locker and she wanted to know why--- well I didn't have an answer to that one. I was at work and my son was there at school. Now, there have been several incidences in the past where my sons' lock was completely removed and found in the restroom. She also wanted to tell me she had been in the hall watching for my son to arrive at school today. So she could watch for any problems (mind you she's the secretary). Anyhow, she wanted to tell me there was an ivory hat in my son's locker this morning when my son opened it. I still had the "destroyed" hat and was really confused. I asked her if it was all covered in red and green stains-- she said "no, it looked brand new". I was really confused but she didn't really know anything else.

So, I pick up ds at the end of the day. Guess what he's wearing-- His Hat . Turns out that the destroyed hat is an identical one that one of the boy's brothers had (it is identical- same hat, same brand). They destroyed that one and switched it out w/ my son's. Then today they put his hat (which is still in perfect condition) back into his locker. Now, we had no way of knowing this-- BUT they pulled my son into the office instead and reprimanded him for not having a lock on his locker (which he didn't remove and they still don't know where it's at).

So, the original hat is back-- which we had no way of knowing that the destroyed one wasn't his. I can already see how they're going to downplay this right now. I'm glad the hat is fine----BUT-- they aren't going to care about 1 thing I have to say. As far as the physical bullying- it didn't happen this week- so they are not going to address it. Ugh-- this really threw things for a flip.......it was very unexpected.

------------------------------------

Not necessarily.. All it did was prove how slick these troublemakers are.. Do you still have the "destroyed" hat as well as the new one? If so, hang on to both of them to build your case..

As for there not being a lock on his locker - has it been missing before and reported? If so, then put the burden on them to prove that it was YOUR son that took the lock off..

Don't get discouraged and don't back off now.. Just keep gathering evidence and documenting everything..

And don't forget - always write down dates and times that you speak to anyone and make them aware of it by using your best professional tone when asking, "And you full name is? Is that Peterson with an "o" or an "e"?" At that point they will quickly realize that you're writing this info down somewhere..

 

[Alicnwondrln]

i would still call the police and let them all of this as since the school is doing nothing
eventually SOMETHING is gonna happen
and at least it will all be on the record
then let the school know

 

[OceanAnnie]

What you describe is strange!

Why would the secretary become involved? Why would she make a point of watching your son at his locker if there were nothing to "see" (no threat I presume) and how did she know about the hat, and it's significance? Instead of watching "out" for your son, it appears they are "watching" him! If there was a history of the lock missing (and the other student's shennanigans), why would he be reprimanded for it missing now? Did she report the lock missing? It seems to me they are setting the stage for Thursday. I bet they are going to try to make him out to be the troubled one.

Don't let the physical events become a non-issue! Be firm!If the conversation gets derailed, you be the one to put it back on course. Reference dates and events in the past and their inaction. Let them know it is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Ask them for an action plan.

BTW, they should be "watching" the devilish duo. Not your son!! And I'd let them know that in a heartbeat!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Oh Kilee--I am soo sorry this is happening to you.

I think it is time to elevate it to the Superintendant. Write him a letter-send what you have and photos of the hats. And CC him on what the school manual policy is regarding this. I'm sure the principal is turning a blind eye against his own policies.

And in spelling they always reminded us that the Principal was our pal.
This guy is the PrinciNOTpal.

Time to elevate the matter.

And though the police say they cannot do anything--is it possible to press charges. There may not be enough evidence to convict--but maybe pressing charges can at least bring those boys in for questioning.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Does your middle school have payphones--mine did way back when. Can you instruct him to run and dial 911 from that payphone next time.

911 coming from a school will not be ignored

You can tell the bullying principal that was what you instructed your son to do.

 

[MELSMICE]

So sorry to hear this is happening to your son.

I realize this is really a last resort, but when my younger brother was getting bullied at school & it got to the point that he didn't want to go anymore, my parents moved him to another school (this was his freshman year). It was the best thing they ever did.

Really, if you can't get satisfaction from the principal, etc., I would consider moving him to another school if possible, especially for high school. I would hate to see him have to deal with this for the next 4 or 5 years.

Unfortunately, kids don't change & they will probably bully him all throughout his high school years. Good luck.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

Wow I can't believe the original hat was put back.....what little sh*ts those kids are. Totally opposite update than what I thought it would be. Stay strong.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

I think it's really strange that the hat suddenly appears back in the locker with the Secretary watching. Do you really know that the troublemakers put it back? Or could it be that the Principal had another put in the locker to undermine your upcoming meeting.

Stick to your guns - unfortunately this whole situation is probably not over. I wouldn't back down and inch.

 

[MELSMICE]

Stick to your guns - unfortunately this whole situation is probably not over. I wouldn't back down and inch.

I agree. No one is going to stick up for your son more than you do. Don't forget the saying, "the squeaky wheel get's the grease". I would make my presence known.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

Something just does not seem right about this whole thing. This principal is a real jerk! And what is a secretery doing watching your son?

As others have said, keep track of names and dates of everything that is happening. Go into that office raising holy heck! I don't like confrontation but this school would have a hard time trying to keep me quiet! I am furious for you. Tell your son not to be afraid to call 911 next time anything happens. The school and those kids deserve it at this point.