I don't listen to fat people so...

[Angelhalo]

Rude behavior out of a child shouldn't be tolerated for any reason. Children shouldn't be telling their parents how much they should weigh, what they should wear, or anything else for that matter, or making rude comments to them. There is no way I would allow my children to speak to any adult this way.

I guess rude children who aren't corrected grow into rude adults.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I was trying to think of a good way of saying exactly that.

You might want to keep trying.

 

[minkydog]

Kids say all kinds of hateful things. That kid shouldn't be saying this to his mother (or anyone), and the mother should set him straight about that. But I don't think he said it because he has some deep-seeded hatred. But he does need to be spoken to about it, and disciplined in some way, so that hopefully he won't say something like this again.

I agree with everything. Not knowing the child or the parent, we really can't know what exactly transpired. But I do know that kids sometimes blurt things out that are very inappropriate and hurtful. His mother is going to have to be calm when she talks to him, to get to the root of what he meant. If she goes after him, guns blazing, he's going to be defensive and it will only escalate the situation.

When I was about 9 I said something equally cruel to my mother and grandmother. I made a comment about my Auntie Gladys,who was my mother's 88yo spinster aunt. Auntie lived in a nursing home way off in the mountains, very difficult and time consuming to get there. She was crotchety and well, old, in my eyes. So one day I said "Auntie Gladys is getting to be more trouble than she's worth." My mother and grandmother descended on my like a coupla hens pecking at a banana peel. I got it, both barrels.

But nobody ever asked what I *meant* by that statement. If they had I would have told them--I heard them talking to other relatives about how Auntie was lying and stealing from other residents in the home, how she was yelling at people, or they drove all the way up to see her and she refused to come out. It wasn't really that her life didn't have *worth* It was an acknowlegement that Auntie WAS getting to be difficult, for everyone. And I was 9yo and it worried me.

I'm going to give this mother and her child the benefit of the doubt. It would hurt me terribly if my child said something like this to me, but after I calmed down I HOPE I would be able to ferret out what the real message is.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, the kid didn't learn that attitude from the wind. He picked it up somewhere.

And, if I had an 8 year old and he said that, he'd quickly learn how much worse it is to piss off a fat person!

 

[MiniGirl]

There was a little boy in my youngest's K class. He was a very bright child who just did not like to do his work -- for whatever reason. When I'd volunteer in the class, I would insist that he do his work and not pass it off on anyone else. He would just look at me and tell me I'm fat. I'd tell him that may be so, but he still had to do his own work. Then he'd tell me that I was the fattest person on earth.

It was very upsetting. I am overweight, and I wish I weren't. I have some drugs in my body though, for a medical reason, that caused me to gain, and I will also admit that I have not been as good about my diet and fitness as I should have been. However, I am far from the "fattest person on earth." (That same school year I trained for and completed the WDW Half Marathon.) Anyway, one day his mom and I happened to be at school helping with something. She was having to deal with him. He did not like what she was saying to him, so he told her she was fat. Wow. What a change. She was, obviously, upset and she just gave up trying to get him to listen to her. It really opened my eyes to why he had been saying that to me.

Anyway, it is a long story to say that maybe the boy was just trying to change the focus of the conversation, and I think it is a very effective technique (albeit a cruel one).

 

[teacups]

After having all the appropriate discussions with this boy, I would probably take this as a huge "red flag" and get myself to the gym the next day. There's probably lots of truth to those words and yes, he's most likely embarrassed that Mom is looking the way she is, and its time to do something about it. Was he wrong in saying it, absolutely. Is it true, only Mom can answer that. Maybe the OP can answer that too. This could have been her "rock bottom" moment. What do they say, out of the mouths of babes?

Maybe next time this kid will say "cheap parents give less than $50 a week allowance. Mean parents make kids do homework. All mom's should be blond. " I hope the mom is not so lacking in self confidence and the need for public approval that she feels she must run to the gym becasue her kid has a rude mouth.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Well, the kid didn't learn that attitude from the wind. He picked it up somewhere.

And, if I had an 8 year old and he said that, he'd quickly learn how much worse it is to piss off a fat person!

 

[daisy2jae]

I'm struggling to lose weight. I look like I weigh 160-165 but I weigh 195. I can hide it well. But it hurts when my 4 year old asks me why I'm so squishy. She always pushes on my belly or chest and asks. I know she doesn't mean to but I know it's cuz I have a little too much fat on the bones.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

My mother would have knocked me on my "you know what" in 2 seconds flat!

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm struggling to lose weight. I look like I weigh 160-165 but I weigh 195. I can hide it well. But it hurts when my 4 year old asks me why I'm so squishy. She always pushes on my belly or chest and asks. I know she doesn't mean to but I know it's cuz I have a little too much fat on the bones.

I remember at my six week checkup after I had my first son I was sitting in the waiting room and a little boy came up to me and said, "Why are you so fat?" The mom just chuckled. I would have been mortified if my son did that.

I just told him that I'd just had a baby. My DH says I should have said, "It's because I watched too many cartoons."

 

[OhioStateBuckeye]

Ugh. I said something like that to my grandmother when I was about 5. We were having Thanksgiving dinner at her house, and she was the last one left eating because she had done all the serving. I really wanted my dessert, so I waited until everyone was quiet and I said 'Grandma, you just keep eating and eating and getting fatter and fatter'.

Now, everyone at the table just cracked up and thought it was the funniest thing in the world. I don't even think I realized how mean it was, I was just a selfish little kid who wanted some pie.

Sometimes kids just say stuff and don't even think of how hurtful they are.

 

[pearlieq]

After having all the appropriate discussions with this boy, I would probably take this as a huge "red flag" and get myself to the gym the next day. There's probably lots of truth to those words and yes, he's most likely embarrassed that Mom is looking the way she is, and its time to do something about it. Was he wrong in saying it, absolutely. Is it true, only Mom can answer that. Maybe the OP can answer that too. This could have been her "rock bottom" moment. What do they say, out of the mouths of babes?

Seriously? If someone is sent to their "rock bottom" moment by an 8 year old having a bratty moment they have WAY bigger problems than whatever extra weight they may or may not be carrying.

If the kid feels embarassment from their parent looking different than what they believe is "normal" the kid needs to learn that particular life lesson. People come in all shapes, sizes, and appearances and loving someone means accepting them as they are. It's not a call for Mom to change. It's a call that the kid has some lessons to learn.

 

[The Orchid]

After having all the appropriate discussions with this boy, I would probably take this as a huge "red flag" and get myself to the gym the next day. There's probably lots of truth to those words and yes, he's most likely embarrassed that Mom is looking the way she is, and its time to do something about it. Was he wrong in saying it, absolutely. Is it true, only Mom can answer that. Maybe the OP can answer that too. This could have been her "rock bottom" moment. What do they say, out of the mouths of babes?

Ya gotta prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child. You can't change every little thing that might cause a kid embarrassment. What happens when he feels his 40 jeans aren't good enough and he needs 100 dollar jeans so he won't be embarrassed? What happens when his new brother is born autistic and that embarrasses him? Institutionalize the brother so bumblebee isn't humiliated? What if his older sister has bad acne? Do we put her on accutane so precious doesn't have to go to school with his head hung down in shame? What if dad is terribly ugly? Do we put a bag over his head or make him get plastic surgery so junior can be proud to be in the family? And how about Grandma with the buck teeth? Send that old lady to the dentist so the little darling can feel good about his family. Good grief. All those things would be as ridiculous as mom losing weight just to appease a kid who really, really needs to learn some manners and discipline.

If I were the parent of this child, I would use this as a great opportunity for teaching the child some life lessons. The mother doesn't need to lose weight if she doesn't want to. She needs to teach the child to be thicker skinned if people are in fact picking on him (which I doubt since more than half of his peers also have fat mommies). She needs to teach him the importance of family and always, always, always supporting the people he loves and who love him. He needs to learn that words hurt other people as much as they hurt himself. Lots of opportunity here to educate the child and make him a better person.

 

[pearlieq]

Ya gotta prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child. You can't change every little thing that might cause a kid embarrassment. What happens when he feels his 40 jeans aren't good enough and he needs 100 dollar jeans so he won't be embarrassed? What happens when his new brother is born autistic and that embarrasses him? Institutionalize the brother so bumblebee isn't humiliated? What if his older sister has bad acne? Do we put her on accutane so precious doesn't have to go to school with his head hung down in shame? What if dad is terribly ugly? Do we put a bag over his head or make him get plastic surgery so junior can be proud to be in the family? And how about Grandma with the buck teeth? Send that old lady to the dentist so the little darling can feel good about his family. Good grief. All those things would be as ridiculous as mom losing weight just to appease a kid who really, really needs to learn some manners and discipline.

If I were the parent of this child, I would use this as a great opportunity for teaching the child some life lessons. The mother doesn't need to lose weight if she doesn't want to. She needs to teach the child to be thicker skinned if people are in fact picking on him (which I doubt since more than half of his peers also have fat mommies). She needs to teach him the importance of family and always, always, always supporting the people he loves and who love him. He needs to learn that words hurt other people as much as they hurt himself. Lots of opportunity here to educate the child and make him a better person.

Well said!

 

[olena]

If I had said that to my Mom, I wouldn't have been able to sit down for at least a week.

 

[dejr_8]

If I had said that to my Mom, I wouldn't have been able to sit down for at least a week.

I'm with you on that one.

 

[goofy4tink]

Ya gotta prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child. You can't change every little thing that might cause a kid embarrassment. What happens when he feels his 40 jeans aren't good enough and he needs 100 dollar jeans so he won't be embarrassed? What happens when his new brother is born autistic and that embarrasses him? Institutionalize the brother so bumblebee isn't humiliated? What if his older sister has bad acne? Do we put her on accutane so precious doesn't have to go to school with his head hung down in shame? What if dad is terribly ugly? Do we put a bag over his head or make him get plastic surgery so junior can be proud to be in the family? And how about Grandma with the buck teeth? Send that old lady to the dentist so the little darling can feel good about his family. Good grief. All those things would be as ridiculous as mom losing weight just to appease a kid who really, really needs to learn some manners and discipline.

If I were the parent of this child, I would use this as a great opportunity for teaching the child some life lessons. The mother doesn't need to lose weight if she doesn't want to. She needs to teach the child to be thicker skinned if people are in fact picking on him (which I doubt since more than half of his peers also have fat mommies). She needs to teach him the importance of family and always, always, always supporting the people he loves and who love him. He needs to learn that words hurt other people as much as they hurt himself. Lots of opportunity here to educate the child and make him a better person.

You took the words right out of my mouth. Great post.

There is never any excuse for rudeness...and believe me, a child at 8 knows what is rude and unacceptable. There would have been repercussions from me if my child had said that...there is absolutely no excuse. A 3 y/o??? Maybe. But not an 8 y/o.

 

[Disney Doll]

My mother would have knocked me on my "you know what" in 2 seconds flat!

And probably wouldn't have cared "why" you said it nor would she have thought that she should go to the gym.

What happened to those kinds of mothers? The ones who realized that they were the parent???

 

[Stitchfans]

Rude behavior out of a child shouldn't be tolerated for any reason. Children shouldn't be telling their parents how much they should weigh, what they should wear, or anything else for that matter, or making rude comments to them. There is no way I would allow my children to speak to any adult this way.

I guess rude children who aren't corrected grow into rude adults.

I agree.

 

[Boxley]

After having all the appropriate discussions with this boy, I would probably take this as a huge "red flag" and get myself to the gym the next day. There's probably lots of truth to those words and yes, he's most likely embarrassed that Mom is looking the way she is, and its time to do something about it. Was he wrong in saying it, absolutely. Is it true, only Mom can answer that. Maybe the OP can answer that too. This could have been her "rock bottom" moment. What do they say, out of the mouths of babes?

There is no excuse for a kid to be disrespectful to his mother like that. I don't think it is the weight that is a big issue here but the fact that the child needs to learn to repect his elders and also accept his family members no matter what shape they are , thin or not. I am pretty sure the mother knows she is overweight and does she need to have some kid tell her "I am not going to listen to you because you are fat" That is his mother and yes, he DOES have to listen to her no matter what. This kid isn't a little child who may have made an innocent remark, he is 8 years old and that is a fine time to learn about tact and understanding.

Firedancer and Jilpie, there may be truth in these words, but if your kid came to you and said " I don't have to listen to you because you are a *blank*I wonder how you would react. Would you nod and say "Yes, you are right I should stop being this way." Or would you teach your child a lesson in not being respectful.