I don't listen to fat people so...

[Mouse House Mama]

What an obnoxious brat. I can't believe anyone would defend that behavior.

Amen! I would have grabbed him by his skinny butt and shown him exactly why he was going to listen to his "fat" mother.

 

[Robinrs]

her profile says she's 16.

Even my 16yo knows better.

Disrespect is disgusting no matter what the details. I wasn't even able to THINK that way about my parents and my son was raised the same way. Too many parents think back talking is cute, I see nothing cute in it at. An undisciplined mouth is let loose on all authority figures if it's allowed to spew at it's FIRST authority figure.

 

[The Orchid]

Agreed. The way it was said was not acceptable (and I never said it was), but the content could be in what you said above if it were phrased a little better.

Lets take the parent/child out of the situation and leave the rest of it the same:

If my boss was 600 pounds and came in my office and asked me to do some task it would make no sense for me to disregard that request because of his weight. However, if that same boss came in to advise me on my lunchtime food choices I would not take him seriously and would respond with something like "You are kidding, right?". I wouldn't say "you are fat and I don't have to listen to you" but to try and give me eating advice when he obviously has much less of a grasp on what a healthy lifestyle is than I do is ridiculous. This is what I was referring to when I talked about the lack of context in OP. Nothing more and nothing less.

I disagree. As you know from a previous discussion, I am overweight due to steroid use (to treat autoimmune disease). My daughter is 18, she is thin, she eats healthy and she listens to me when I tell her what is good for her and what is bad for her. Just because I am overweight absolutely does not mean I do not know what is good for my daughter.

A guy used to live across the street from me who was an alcoholic. Alcohol clearly ruined his life (landed him in jail which is where he is now). Yet he would lecture Robin to not use alcohol and pointed to himself as an example of what happens when you go down that road. To this day, she is terrified of drinking for fear she could become what our former neighbor was.

Sometimes you can teach a child not to do something based on a bad road you have taken. I have told my daughter many, many times that being overweight has not helped my health and that I want better for her. She understands this. I do have every right as a parent to teach her good eating habits even though I happen to be overweight. And even if I got this way by eating twinkies and candy bars, I still have a right to teach my daughter not to repeat my mistakes and expect her to be completely respectful to me in the process.

 

[Darsa]

Yep, I'm with the "not cool, not acceptable, not ever" crowd. Ugh, I cannot imagine how it would turn out if my child ever said such a thing; she would certainly become very familiar with the walls of her room...

 

[dejr_8]

What an obnoxious brat. I can't believe anyone would defend that behavior.

What's funny about it is I wouldn't describe him as being obnoxious or a brat.

 

[NotUrsula]

There was a little boy in my youngest's K class. He was a very bright child who just did not like to do his work -- for whatever reason. When I'd volunteer in the class, I would insist that he do his work and not pass it off on anyone else. He would just look at me and tell me I'm fat. I'd tell him that may be so, but he still had to do his own work. Then he'd tell me that I was the fattest person on earth.

It was very upsetting. I am overweight, and I wish I weren't. I have some drugs in my body though, for a medical reason, that caused me to gain, and I will also admit that I have not been as good about my diet and fitness as I should have been. However, I am far from the "fattest person on earth." (That same school year I trained for and completed the WDW Half Marathon.) Anyway, one day his mom and I happened to be at school helping with something. She was having to deal with him. He did not like what she was saying to him, so he told her she was fat. Wow. What a change. She was, obviously, upset and she just gave up trying to get him to listen to her. It really opened my eyes to why he had been saying that to me.

Anyway, it is a long story to say that maybe the boy was just trying to change the focus of the conversation, and I think it is a very effective technique (albeit a cruel one).

I have not read the entire thread, but BINGO! we have a winner. This is almost surely the tactic that the child was employing.

He wanted to get her off his back, so he deliberately insulted her in hopes that she would either a) be so hurt that she would just fall apart and forget all about the original conversation, or b) get angry but not trust her temper and have to leave the kid's presence to calm down. He probably figured that either way the original issue would be forgotten.

As to where he got the idea: probably either via the playground or via TV.

It REALLY isn't about the kid being embarassed. A teen girl might do that, but not an 8 yo boy.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I would have taught him all about fat people and sat on his scrawny little butt until he begged me to stop.

I wonder how people would feel about this same situation if he said it to dad and dad cracked him in the mouth? Odd how it's more acceptable for men to be fat than women.

I realize my being fat might be uncomfortable for my daughter but guess what, lots of things in her life will be uncomfortable and she'll have to learn to deal. There are plenty of things she has done and will do that will embarass the heck out of me, but you know what, I'll learn to deal because I'm her mother and love her NO MATTER WHAT. That's something that kids need to learn about love -- it's unconditional. You can't let them think it's only okay to love their spouse if their spouse looks like a trophy wife/husband. Then what, life happens and it's okay to discard your spouse for something better looking and more well maintained? How about a child born with a deformity -- lock it away somewhere so your shining example of the perfect family isn't tarnished?

Fat is the last acceptable prejudice.

 

[FireDancer]

Hi Orchid, haven't see you around lately, hope you are well.

I do agree that people can learn lessons from other people's mistakes. There is also a difference between teaching anyone something from your mistakes and being a hypocrite. There has to be context for everything.

For example, if someone who was paralyzed in a drunk driving accident wanted to sit me or a class down and talk about the mistakes he made and what they cost him that would be a very good life lesson to learn. If that same person were to lecture me about the dangers of drunk driving while he was drunk and behind the wheel he would be a hypocrite. It doesn't mean that the lesson is any more or less valid, but to contradict your own advice takes away credibility from the lecturer even if it doesn't from the lesson.

I put much more stock into someone showing me with actions as opposed to telling me with words. This is especially true when the actions and words are not in agreement.

I am not of the opinion that an overweight parent can't teach their child about health, but they have to make their actions and words consistent. A parent trying to correct past wrongs and continuing to do the exact same wrongs while telling their child it is wrong will be seen through by their child eventually.

Just my opinion, as I said in the previous thread we conversed on I welcome all opinions even when they don't agree with me.

I would have taught him all about fat people and sat on his scrawny little butt until he begged me to stop.

I wonder how people would feel about this same situation if he said it to dad and dad cracked him in the mouth? Odd how it's more acceptable for men to be fat than women.

I'd feel the same if the circumstances were the same. The first line is something I always notice in these kinds of threads. To feel it is ok to call someone "scrawny little..." but not "fat" is exactly the kind of hypocrisy I despise. In other threads I have seen a poster rail at how unfair it is to judge a celebrity as too fat and then conclude the rant by pointing out how terrible thin <insert thin celebrity here> is. Again, don't say out of one side of the mouth it is ok to judge weight based on skinniness but not based on fatness.

As for the second, there is a reason that David Beckham gets the Armani underwear billboards and not John Goodman, so whether we like it or not both men and women are judged based on weight. It is what it is.

 

[DaParkers]

Seriously? If someone is sent to their "rock bottom" moment by an 8 year old having a bratty moment they have WAY bigger problems than whatever extra weight they may or may not be carrying.

If the kid feels embarassment from their parent looking different than what they believe is "normal" the kid needs to learn that particular life lesson. People come in all shapes, sizes, and appearances and loving someone means accepting them as they are. It's not a call for Mom to change. It's a call that the kid has some lessons to learn.

Not true! A "rock bottom" moment doesn't have to be some big thing. It could be you looking at an old picture, walking past a mirror, or realizing that you just ate a whole half gallon of ice cream at once. For most people, it's the little things, or little people in this case. And even if the kid learns that life lesson, it may still hurt now to be the kid with the fat mom. BTW, I am overweight and I would NEVER accept that from anyone, let alone a child. I am condemning the behavior, but I do understand what Firedancer is saying.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Kids............ sometimes they just say the darndest things....obviously it was to get a rise out of the mom, and it apparently did!

Personally, I don't think it is as earth shattering as others feel it is, BUT
that being said, I'd have taken it as an opportunity to make it a "teachable" moment, discussing how hurtful the remark was AND it would also have incurred some sort of "loss" like missing favorite show/taking computer away that night, etc...just to "hit home" a bit.......I'd then just move on making sure he knew that his remark was not acceptable and won't be tolerated.....

 

[Judy from Boise]

I realize my being fat might be uncomfortable for my daughter but guess what, lots of things in her life will be uncomfortable and she'll have to learn to deal. There are plenty of things she has done and will do that will embarass the heck out of me, but you know what, I'll learn to deal because I'm her mother and love her NO MATTER WHAT. That's something that kids need to learn about love -- it's unconditional. You can't let them think it's only okay to love their spouse if their spouse looks like a trophy wife/husband. Then what, life happens and it's okay to discard your spouse for something better looking and more well maintained?

Exactly I agree with you, and my point is the proper response is to start a conversation about where the remark came from in the first place...then the limit setting and the warning about what the consequence will be if the behavior standard isn't met.Somehow i don't think a smackdown is going to accomplish much except prove the bigger person wins.

I am a huge believer in enforcing high standards of behavior in children, but if our homes aren't safe places to process negative feelings, and learn how to positively express them...then where is?

 

[daisy2jae]

I remember at my six week checkup after I had my first son I was sitting in the waiting room and a little boy came up to me and said, "Why are you so fat?" The mom just chuckled. I would have been mortified if my son did that.

I just told him that I'd just had a baby. My DH says I should have said, "It's because I watched too many cartoons."

cute idea about the "cartoons" I bet he would think twice when watching tv a lot. ...I wish I could say it was only six weeks but it's been 2 1/2 years since my last baby.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I would have taught him all about fat people and sat on his scrawny little butt until he begged me to stop.

I wonder how people would feel about this same situation if he said it to dad and dad cracked him in the mouth? Odd how it's more acceptable for men to be fat than women.

I realize my being fat might be uncomfortable for my daughter but guess what, lots of things in her life will be uncomfortable and she'll have to learn to deal. There are plenty of things she has done and will do that will embarass the heck out of me, but you know what, I'll learn to deal because I'm her mother and love her NO MATTER WHAT. That's something that kids need to learn about love -- it's unconditional. You can't let them think it's only okay to love their spouse if their spouse looks like a trophy wife/husband. Then what, life happens and it's okay to discard your spouse for something better looking and more well maintained? How about a child born with a deformity -- lock it away somewhere so your shining example of the perfect family isn't tarnished?

Fat is the last acceptable prejudice.

I agree with almost everything you said, except this line; "Fat is the last acceptable prejudice."

Smokers are the last acceptable prejudice from what I see and hear. It has become socially acceptable to humilate, berate and publicly ostricize a smoker.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Hi Orchid, haven't see you around lately, hope you are well.

I do agree that people can learn lessons from other people's mistakes. There is also a difference between teaching anyone something from your mistakes and being a hypocrite. There has to be context for everything.

For example, if someone who was paralyzed in a drunk driving accident wanted to sit me or a class down and talk about the mistakes he made and what they cost him that would be a very good life lesson to learn. If that same person were to lecture me about the dangers of drunk driving while he was drunk and behind the wheel he would be a hypocrite. It doesn't mean that the lesson is any more or less valid, but to contradict your own advice takes away credibility from the lecturer even if it doesn't from the lesson.

I put much more stock into someone showing me with actions as opposed to telling me with words. This is especially true when the actions and words are not in agreement.

I am not of the opinion that an overweight parent can't teach their child about health, but they have to make their actions and words consistent. A parent trying to correct past wrongs and continuing to do the exact same wrongs while telling their child it is wrong will be seen through by their child eventually.

Just my opinion, as I said in the previous thread we conversed on I welcome all opinions even when they don't agree with me.



I'd feel the same if the circumstances were the same. The first line is something I always notice in these kinds of threads. To feel it is ok to call someone "scrawny little..." but not "fat" is exactly the kind of hypocrisy I despise. In other threads I have seen a poster rail at how unfair it is to judge a celebrity as too fat and then conclude the rant by pointing out how terrible thin <insert thin celebrity here> is. Again, don't say out of one side of the mouth it is ok to judge weight based on skinniness but not based on fatness.

As for the second, there is a reason that David Beckham gets the Armani underwear billboards and not John Goodman, so whether we like it or not both men and women are judged based on weight. It is what it is.

In case you missed it, there was a wink at the end of my sentence about sitting on him. I don't know if the child is actually scrawny or a little chubby or just average weight. I don't believe the OP ever mentioned the weight of the child. It was a joke.

As for hypocrisy and who you would and wouldn't take advice from, are you a parent? If not, why should I give your opinion about how to raise a child any more weight than someone who is or has? Also, have you ever been fat? How would you know how easy or hard it is to lose weight and what it's like to be fat? Until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes, please don't pretend you know what it's like. You can only guess what it's like.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I agree with almost everything you said, except this line; "Fat is the last acceptable prejudice."

Smokers are the last acceptable prejudice from what I see and hear. It has become socially acceptable to humilate, berate and publicly ostricize a smoker.

You're absolutely right. Thanks for pointing that out.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Maybe I stand alone here but I don't care why he said it. He was rude and disrespectful! I cannot stand when kids are fresh and instead of correcting the kid they get all freudian on the child and wonder what might have triggered the child to behave that way. Seriously! Stop making excuses and parent!

 

[luvsJack]

Maybe I stand alone here but I don't care why he said it. He was rude and disrespectful! I cannot stand when kids are fresh and instead of correcting the kid they get all freudian on the child and wonder what might have triggered the child to behave that way. Seriously! Stop making excuses and parent!

Nope, you don't stand alone at all. It doesn't matter one bit "why" he said anything, the fact is he said it. That child has not business saying such insulting things to any adult, let alone his own mother. If one of mine had said such a thing, first he would have had to pick himself up off the floor and then he would have spent many days in his room contemplating what he should have said instead.

Its not about his opinion of his mother's weight, its about his disrespectful words.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I agree with almost everything you said, except this line; "Fat is the last acceptable prejudice."

Smokers are the last acceptable prejudice from what I see and hear. It has become socially acceptable to humilate, berate and publicly ostricize a smoker.

I predict in about 20 years it will become as acceptable to humiliate, berate and publicly ostricize a fat person for the same reason it's acceptable now to do that to smokers. And the same bottom-line excuse will be used if/when these people are called on their behavior:

"Well, being overweight is unhealthy for you and I don't want to have to pay for your actions with increased medical costs. I also don't want to have to smell you or deal with being smooshed into your blubber on airplanes or in any public place. If you lose weight because of my derision and snide remarks, then you'll thank me for it in the future so I'm doing you a favor."

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I predict in about 20 years it will become as acceptable to humiliate, berate and publicly ostricize a fat person for the same reason it's acceptable now to do that to smokers. And the same bottom-line excuse will be used if/when these people are called on their behavior:

"Well, being overweight is unhealthy for you and I don't want to have to pay for your actions with increased medical costs. I also don't want to have to smell you or deal with being smooshed into your blubber on airplanes or in any public place. If you lose weight because of my derision and snide remarks, then you'll thank me for it in the future so I'm doing you a favor."

I DO think fat people will be discriminated against. How can they not?

The CDC says smokers cost 96 BILLION in health care costs annually
Fat people 147 BILLION

In any given year (per the CDC) an overweight/obese person costs 42% more in health care costs than an average weight person.

And while it is not polite to say, two candidates walk in for a position in outside sales. One is average weight and one is obese. Who do you hire? This is a person who will interact with the public and represent the company.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I predict in about 20 years it will become as acceptable to humiliate, berate and publicly ostricize a fat person for the same reason it's acceptable now to do that to smokers. And the same bottom-line excuse will be used if/when these people are called on their behavior:

"Well, being overweight is unhealthy for you and I don't want to have to pay for your actions with increased medical costs. I also don't want to have to smell you or deal with being smooshed into your blubber on airplanes or in any public place. If you lose weight because of my derision and snide remarks, then you'll thank me for it in the future so I'm doing you a favor."

It's apples and oranges. Smokers affect those around them. It's not okay to humiliate or belittle them, but I can walk away or ask them to leave (like if they were in my home) if they opt to light up and disregard those around them.

A fat person doesn't affect my health in any way.