I don't even know what to think.

[stepmommyof1]

One of my cousin died. He was an adult, but mentally he was an infant and couldn't do anything for himself, speak, etc.
At the funeral relatives got up and spoke about him.
Being like an infant in an adults body, my cousin obviously did not "do" a lot in the world, so the talk about him at the funeral was not about things he did in his life, but rather the impact he had on those around him and the lessons they learned from having him in our family and how they became a better person because of him. Stuff like that.
There was also a lot of talk about his innocence and his pure heart, because obviously he never said/did anything mean to anybody or did anything wrong in his life.
His brother got up and through his tears said "after living many years without being able to walk or even sit up by himself, ---- must be running and turning cartwheels in heaven now!"
After the funeral a relative who- up til now - has been one of the sweetest people I have ever known- came through the receiving line and after she hugged his brother she said "what you said, I'm sure you were trying to make everyone feel better but you shouldn't say things like that, it's very unfortunate that he isn't in heaven and it's nothing to make light of".
His brother couldnt even respond, he didn't say anything, he just excused himself from the receiving line and left.
I'm not sure why I am telling you this, I do have questions but I'm not even sure what I'm asking. I don't understand and I find it...devastating...to say something like that...especially when this woman who said that to him, had up til now been one of my favorite relatives because of her kindness.

 

[akhenaten]

That's about the worst thing i have ever heard!

It certainly would change my opinion of the person...

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

I'm sorry for your loss. I see nothing wrong with what his brother said but I see something wrong with what the relative said. Isn't the purpose of heaven to be free of your aches and pains and to be able to do what you couldn't on earth? I think the relative should have kept their mouth shut and I hope the brother is not upset about it or thinking he said something wrong.

 

[EMom]

Witch!

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I am so sorry for your loss.

As to what this person said, well I can't really say what I want to say because the language would be too strong.

 

[worm761]

I am sorry for your loss. I am also sorry that your relative felt the need to say something so mean to his brother.

 

[Principessa1284]

I'm so sorry she said that. Is she very religious? I've overheard things like that uttered by those very strict in their religious beliefs in how a soul gets to heaven.. but never to the grieving family! That was so inappropriate of her to say, especially to him. My condolences to you and your family.. I hope no one else said anything like that

 

[disneyismyname]

I'm sorry for your loss.
What that woman said is the most vile thing I've ever heard.

 

[laurie31]

Wow, I have no words...

Even when the deceased has lived a life that makes everyone pretty darn certain that he isn't "up above," the funeral is the last place such a thing should be said. Even our pastor, when asked to perform a funeral for someone who was not a Christian, doesn't make reference to where the deceased is or isn't spending eternity. After all, despite how someone lived outwardly, he may have still made things right with God before his death.

However, none of that applies for your cousin. He may have been an adult in body, but being severely disabled as he was, he didn't have the ability to be aware of right and wrong. In my opinion, he is certainly in Heaven.

The opinion of that relative is obviously different, but she was beyond insensitive to express such a thing to the family EVER, but at the funeral? Mindboggling. What on Earth did she hope to accomplish by saying something so hurtful?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I can't make any kind of coherent response without talking about Christian dogma, which, of course, isn't allowed.

So all I will say is that this woman probably should have thought twice before bringing up here theological theories at a funeral.

 

[FredinFL]

I'm sorry to butt in here...I don't know any of you but are you sure she didn't say:

"what you said, I'm sure you were trying to make everyone feel better but you shouldn't say things like that, it's very unfortunate that he isin heaven and it's nothing to make light of". ?

Maybe she just thought that being in heaven wasn't "fun" like doing cartwheels? but noble and solemn? Not that I believe that, I'd rather have fun!

That would seem to make more sense than a beloved aunt, whom you've always noted for kindness doing something like that, right?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I'm sorry to butt in here...I don't know any of you but are you sure she didn't say

I suppose there is that. Maybe she was misheard?

 

[luvsJack]

Wow. I am at a loss of what to even think why this person would have said this.

I don't know of any relegion that would believe that someone like your cousin would be any different than an infant or small child dying (does she not believe they go to heaven?).

She needs to go back and sweep her own back door, because I don't think she knows as much about God and heaven as she thinks she does.

What an awful thing to say!

 

[rie'smom]

Well after making a comment like that wonder if she'll be going straight to heaven- the sanctimonious cow!

 

[stepmommyof1]

No we allllll heard her, loud and clear: she definitely said he was not in heaven.
Trying not to discuss religion, I will just say this , i understand needing to make a choice in your life/beliefs. However with the mental capabilities of a baby, how could that just mean you are lost with no hope. I do not think that is true.

However nomatter if it's true or not, I don't understand why someone would do this.

 

[luvsJack]

No we allllll heard her, loud and clear: she definitely said he was not in heaven.
Trying not to discuss religion, I will just say this , i understand needing to make a choice in your life/beliefs. However with the mental capabilities of a baby, how could that just mean you are lost with no hope. I do not think that is true.

However nomatter if it's true or not, I don't understand why someone would do this.

I guess there may be a relegion that believes that way, but I have never heard of it. I can't imagine an infant, small child or someone is mentally disabled being responsible for making that choice

Even if she does believe that though, there is just no reason to say it!!

 

[Pigeon]

I'm not a believer in an afterlife, but I can't wrap my head around anybody saying something so gratuitously unkind, particularly at a moment like that.

 

[Jennasis]

I can think of a few (completely ignorant) reasons why that graceless, tactless, fool would say such a thing. For me, the proper retaliation would be a good ol' fashioned family wide SHUN. I can hold a grudge for a long time too.

 

[bellebud]

In my world, she needs a smack to get her attention, a harsh talking to, then being ignored.

She should have kept her religious nuttiness to herself. What a fanatic is all I can say. I'd have no more room for her in my life.

 

[Liberty Belle]

The forgiving side of wants to say maybe in her grief she misspoke and didn't really mean it. The whole entire rest of me wants to smack her rude, cruel, hateful face.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP and for such a horrible thing to hear about a family member who's passed.

What the heck is her reasoning anyway? Not only was it cruel, it was just ignorant.