I caught my teen smoking! update post 68

[Inigo]

Contact your local school or health department and ask if they have a TAP/TEG or similar program. TAP/TEG is Tobacco Awareness Program/Tobacco Education Group. It teaches the reasons not to smoke, and then can help with cessation for those who choose to quit.

If she gets caught by the police, I'd make her pay the fine herself. Around here, it's $115 each time a juvenile gets caught with tobacco.

 

[MoniqueU]

Another thought came to mind...
Where is she getting the cigs from? Who picks her up from school? Is someones older brother or sister buying them for her? Is she home unsupervised and able to walk to the corner store? Maybe figuring out when and how she is getting them and cutting her off at the source might be good. My kids are so disguted with me I hope they never start, but if they did I would figure our how and when and where they were getting the smokes and fix that ASAP. Of course I would have to lock mine and my DH's up and keep them from hanging out with their friends but I would do that if I had to. Hopefully my kids keep thinking I am disgusting and choose not to.I might have an advantage over you as I am a SAHM mom with a mther that lives with me and we drive our kids everywhere and really limit who our kids hang out witn. Though my 12 dd goes to shows/concerts where people smoke so ff she did it she would be staying home. I don't think telling her the health risks or that she smells will help, I know for me right now I simply do not care. Just being honest here. I am probably a hypocrit for being so adament about my kids not smoking but I think once you get hooked and that becomes what fixes what is wrong with you that minute it is over and done with. IF she can get off them and figure out a way to deal with her feelings in another way asap you might be able to stop this in time. I would set her up with her Dr's asap and watch her like a hawk. Back in the day I was just able to buy my own ciggarettes they didnt card then, here they do now BIG TIME. I also would steal change from my parents or panhandle in front of the convience stores to get money to buy them. I had too little supervision at the time.

I am just trying to come up with some other better ideas to help you out, this is what came to mind.

 

[legalsea]

I am a long time DIS member / poster but for anonymity sake I have created a different user name for this issue.

This is a little long, sorry!

Here is a little background: I have a teen daughter (15) from a previous marriage and I have been remarried for 5 years. My second husband and I also have a child together, she is much younger.

My teen daughter has ADHD and depression issues. She also has a biological father who shows very little interest in her, no matter how hard she and I try to get him involved. He does not live close to us; he lives about 5 hours away. Basically, he is not a good person and she is learning this. I am carefl to never say negative things about him, no matter how much I would like to!

She is currently in counseling for these issues and is taking medicine for depression and ADHD.
She has a good relationship with my husband, her step-dad.

To the issue: I discovered her smoking cigarettes one month ago. She had been smoking a few a week for about one month. We had a long heart to heart talk, she spoke with our youth pastor at our church and my brother as well. (she is very close to my brother) She also lost some privileges.

We thought she was doing well... BUT...last night, a neighbor informed my DH that he saw her smoking the day before. She was apparently hanging out of her bedroom window smoking. I have to be honest, I was extremely angry! That may not be the right reaction but I was! Just the thought of her smoking in my house again – especially with her little sister’s bedroom right next door really ticks us off. (my dh and I)
I am not a yeller but she definitely knew I was VERY upset, as was DH.

We talked to her again last night. Trying to be supportive yet STRONGLY conveying our disappointment and loss of trust in her. She has lost most of her privileges but we don’t want to take it all away. When you do that – what does she have to look forward to? (IMO)

I know this is way too long – but as a parent I am just worried about her. We want her to make wise and safe choices. She did voice that she was scared because she seems to “always do this” – meaning she “always ruins things”. That just about broke my heart.

I am also considering having her basically write a report about the detriments of smoking...

Any advice or suggestions are really appreciated at this point.

Without reading all of the suggestions, I submit my own:

If nothing else, buy your child an electronic cigarette kit.

I started smoking when I was 13 years old (I am now 53). My parents caught me smoking lots of times and I promised to quit lots of times. Yet, the peer pressure and habit were too strong for me to resist. What my parents told me simply did not register.

Now, you have electronic cigarettes. I started them 40 days ago. Not one ‘real’ cigarette since. My young nephew (age 23) just began (with my encouragement) the e-cigarettes. He told me recently that he loves being able to ‘smoke’ with his friends, yet not smoke. Indeed, he tells me that his friends are beginning to use them. Yet they ‘look’ like real cigarettes.

 

[MoniqueU]

Without reading all of the suggestions, I submit my own:

If nothing else, buy your child an electronic cigarette kit.

I started smoking when I was 13 years old (I am now 53). My parents caught me smoking lots of times and I promised to quit lots of times. Yet, the peer pressure and habit were too strong for me to resist. What my parents told me simply did not register.

Now, you have electronic cigarettes. I started them 40 days ago. Not one ‘real’ cigarette since. My young nephew (age 23) just began (with my encouragement) the e-cigarettes. He told me recently that he loves being able to ‘smoke’ with his friends, yet not smoke. Indeed, he tells me that his friends are beginning to use them. Yet they ‘look’ like real cigarettes.

Ok you have me interested where do you get these? Is it just one or a pack and how long does it last? Does it have nicotine in it? Have you gained weight? I am still trying to lose 30 plus lbs from the mega ton I gained when I quit(I had other stuff going on at the same time) I am interested. I am not even a social smoker, the only person I know that smokes that I am around is my DH and he works most of the time. I hide out in the garage so even my neighbors can't see me in the backyard. I am just so emotionally tied to them right now. How are your moods? Are you on edge? Any info would be good. Thanks.

 

[legalsea]

Ok you have me interested where do you get these? Is it just one or a pack and how long does it last? Does it have nicotine in it? Have you gained weight? I am still trying to lose 30 plus lbs from the mega ton I gained when I quit(I had other stuff going on at the same time) I am interested. I am not even a social smoker, the only person I know that smokes that I am around is my DH and he works most of the time. I hide out in the garage so even my neighbors can't see me in the backyard. I am just so emotionally tied to them right now. How are your moods? Are you on edge? Any info would be good. Thanks.

here is a link to a forum:

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/forum/

Plus, look here on Disboards for 'electronic cigarettes' and you will find lots more information.

I started with the Njoy Npro (found at many malls) and I still recommend them.

 

[Shadow Dancer]

just wanted to say a lot of kids do this, you shouldnt be embarrassed by it, it doesnt mean your a failure or anyhting, you didnt have to use a another user name, only if you knew what are kids do

I thought the same thing.

 

[disney1990]

I am a long time DIS member / poster but for anonymity sake I have created a different user name for this issue.

This is a little long, sorry!

Here is a little background: I have a teen daughter (15) from a previous marriage and I have been remarried for 5 years. My second husband and I also have a child together, she is much younger.

My teen daughter has ADHD and depression issues. She also has a biological father who shows very little interest in her, no matter how hard she and I try to get him involved. He does not live close to us; he lives about 5 hours away. Basically, he is not a good person and she is learning this. I am carefl to never say negative things about him, no matter how much I would like to!

She is currently in counseling for these issues and is taking medicine for depression and ADHD.
She has a good relationship with my husband, her step-dad.

To the issue: I discovered her smoking cigarettes one month ago. She had been smoking a few a week for about one month. We had a long heart to heart talk, she spoke with our youth pastor at our church and my brother as well. (she is very close to my brother) She also lost some privileges.

We thought she was doing well... BUT...last night, a neighbor informed my DH that he saw her smoking the day before. She was apparently hanging out of her bedroom window smoking. I have to be honest, I was extremely angry! That may not be the right reaction but I was! Just the thought of her smoking in my house again – especially with her little sister’s bedroom right next door really ticks us off. (my dh and I)
I am not a yeller but she definitely knew I was VERY upset, as was DH.

We talked to her again last night. Trying to be supportive yet STRONGLY conveying our disappointment and loss of trust in her. She has lost most of her privileges but we don’t want to take it all away. When you do that – what does she have to look forward to? (IMO)

I know this is way too long – but as a parent I am just worried about her. We want her to make wise and safe choices. She did voice that she was scared because she seems to “always do this” – meaning she “always ruins things”. That just about broke my heart.

I am also considering having her basically write a report about the detriments of smoking...

Any advice or suggestions are really appreciated at this point.

My DD tried this years ago (she is 30 now). I told her that I would go through her purse every day to check for cigarettes. That I would not be giving her any money except when I was with her and knew what she was going to be spending it on. Smoking was/is totally unacceptable in our house. Since then, both of her grandparents have died from smoking related issues and her father (we are divorced) has emphysema.

And, no she does not smoke!

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm going out on a completely different limb with the smoking. I don't think it's a form of rebellion(maybe some) but I just think it's a way to have some control over her life. She can't control the people and the way they live that are in her life(example her dad or even her mom and the new family) but she knows that smoking is wrong but having this control over it makes her feel in control.

I also wonder if it's not a way to relax when stressed or upset. Many smokers smoke just to unwind. My husband could go a year without smoking but you mention the words deployment and you'd find him lightening up within hours.

She needs to find a way to get more control in her life and an outlet to release stress. I know alot of people are saying the groups and the sports but honestly it just adds stress too. More pressure to be the right person and perform to standard and act the way is expected.

I do think that at this point it's going to take talk and action including taking away all monies and looking through backpacks, purses and pockets anytime she comes home but I also can't stress enough finding something for her to feel more in control of her life.

 

[sigh]

Thank you all so much for the wonderful and supportive responses! I truly am grateful.

We are taking this one day at a time. Last night, she and I attended a community rally/walk for peace and it was very fun!

We will just continue being supportive and continuing talking with her. (but still not allowing certain privileges for a while - I kinda liked the idea of withholding a driver's license. )

thank you!

 

[sigh]

I'm going out on a completely different limb with the smoking. I don't think it's a form of rebellion(maybe some) but I just think it's a way to have some control over her life. She can't control the people and the way they live that are in her life(example her dad or even her mom and the new family) but she knows that smoking is wrong but having this control over it makes her feel in control.

I also wonder if it's not a way to relax when stressed or upset. Many smokers smoke just to unwind. My husband could go a year without smoking but you mention the words deployment and you'd find him lightening up within hours.

She needs to find a way to get more control in her life and an outlet to release stress. I know alot of people are saying the groups and the sports but honestly it just adds stress too. More pressure to be the right person and perform to standard and act the way is expected.

I do think that at this point it's going to take talk and action including taking away all monies and looking through backpacks, purses and pockets anytime she comes home but I also can't stress enough finding something for her to feel more in control of her life.

I think you do have a very good point and I do agree.
It is hard to determine what would her more control of her life but I will certainly think on this.
It is hard on her with her little sister; I know she has jealousy issues- which are understandable. Her step-dad loves her dearly and tries to be there for her... but he is not her biological father. She sees her step-dad being an awesome daddy to our younger daughter everyday and that is very hard on her.

 

[kristilew]

I did not read through the posts, so forgive me if this has been said... just wanted to throw in my 2cents.

I was a regional director for the American Lung Assoc for several years. I would occasionally get calls from parents who had caught their kids smoking and asking for help/information to deter them.

I would have these kids come in and do some volunteer work with me for a few days. Mostly answering the phone, but also sometimes going on hospital visits with me. This always cured them of smoking forever.

It is really eye-opening to talk to someone who has tried and tried to quit, and they can't and it's ruining their life. Really heartbreaking to talk to someone whose spouse or kid has lung cancer b/c of living with secondhand smoke. Really scary to meet someone who has burns on his face from sneaking a cig while on oxygen for emphysema.

In any given day, my office would get 10-20 of these kinds of calls or cases. This was many years ago now, so things may have changed with how the Association works. But if you have a local office, it might be worth making some volunteer time one of your DD's penalties.

 

[golfgal]

I did not read through the posts, so forgive me if this has been said... just wanted to throw in my 2cents.

I was a regional director for the American Lung Assoc for several years. I would occasionally get calls from parents who had caught their kids smoking and asking for help/information to deter them.

I would have these kids come in and do some volunteer work with me for a few days. Mostly answering the phone, but also sometimes going on hospital visits with me. This always cured them of smoking forever.

It is really eye-opening to talk to someone who has tried and tried to quit, and they can't and it's ruining their life. Really heartbreaking to talk to someone whose spouse or kid has lung cancer b/c of living with secondhand smoke. Really scary to meet someone who has burns on his face from sneaking a cig while on oxygen for emphysema.

In any given day, my office would get 10-20 of these kinds of calls or cases. This was many years ago now, so things may have changed with how the Association works. But if you have a local office, it might be worth making some volunteer time one of your DD's penalties.

You could take her to see my mom in the nursing home, on oxygen with a lung disease and STILL smoking .

 

[sigh]

I did not read through the posts, so forgive me if this has been said... just wanted to throw in my 2cents.

I was a regional director for the American Lung Assoc for several years. I would occasionally get calls from parents who had caught their kids smoking and asking for help/information to deter them.

I would have these kids come in and do some volunteer work with me for a few days. Mostly answering the phone, but also sometimes going on hospital visits with me. This always cured them of smoking forever.

It is really eye-opening to talk to someone who has tried and tried to quit, and they can't and it's ruining their life. Really heartbreaking to talk to someone whose spouse or kid has lung cancer b/c of living with secondhand smoke. Really scary to meet someone who has burns on his face from sneaking a cig while on oxygen for emphysema.

In any given day, my office would get 10-20 of these kinds of calls or cases. This was many years ago now, so things may have changed with how the Association works. But if you have a local office, it might be worth making some volunteer time one of your DD's penalties.

I absolutely love this idea but unfortunatly the closet Lung Association is 4 hours away from our home.
I will certainly look into other options like this in our area, thank you!

 

[C.Ann]

Without reading all of the suggestions, I submit my own:

If nothing else, buy your child an electronic cigarette kit.

I started smoking when I was 13 years old (I am now 53). My parents caught me smoking lots of times and I promised to quit lots of times. Yet, the peer pressure and habit were too strong for me to resist. What my parents told me simply did not register.

Now, you have electronic cigarettes. I started them 40 days ago. Not one ‘real’ cigarette since. My young nephew (age 23) just began (with my encouragement) the e-cigarettes. He told me recently that he loves being able to ‘smoke’ with his friends, yet not smoke. Indeed, he tells me that his friends are beginning to use them. Yet they ‘look’ like real cigarettes.

----------------------------

I thought I read that the FDA was putting a hold on the manufacturing and selling of these electronic cigarettes? Didn't someone post that recently?

 

[powellrj]

I absolutely love this idea but unfortunatly the closet Lung Association is 4 hours away from our home.
I will certainly look into other options like this in our area, thank you!

I question how well that even works, because I know in our family, my grandfather had emphysema for years and my cousins still took up smoking. In my own DSs case, we were the primary care givers of my DFIL when he died of lung cancer at home. We were with him full time and my kids saw what a horrible death it was and still less than a month later my DS started smoking. Most teens think things like this won't happen to them. I wish it were that easy. I wish we could show them what all the horrible things out there can do to them so they won't do it. Most kids think its always someone else, but never them.

 

[rie'smom]

----------------------------

I thought I read that the FDA was putting a hold on the manufacturing and selling of these electronic cigarettes? Didn't someone post that recently?

Makes you wonder about other FDA decisions.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

----------------------------

I thought I read that the FDA was putting a hold on the manufacturing and selling of these electronic cigarettes? Didn't someone post that recently?

Not that I know of. They are selling like hotcakes according the the local news here the other day.

 

[C.Ann]

Makes you wonder about other FDA decisions.

My personal opinion is that it's not so much the FDA - that's just a cover for the government wanting to slap the same kind of taxes on it that real cigarettes have.. But - that's "poitical" I guess - so we can't discuss it..

Not that I know of. They are selling like hotcakes according the the local news here the other day.

Locally? The report that I read was from someone who had ordered them through the mail - maybe Amazon.com or something.. Never even knew they were available in local stores..

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Locally? The report that I read was from someone who had ordered them through the mail - maybe Amazon.com or something.. Never even knew they were available in local stores..

I don't know. All I know is that my local news was doing a story on it and it showed people smoking them at work, at their desks.

I didn't pay that much attention to get the whole story.

 

[kristilew]

I question how well that even works, because I know in our family, my grandfather had emphysema for years and my cousins still took up smoking. In my own DSs case, we were the primary care givers of my DFIL when he died of lung cancer at home. We were with him full time and my kids saw what a horrible death it was and still less than a month later my DS started smoking. Most teens think things like this won't happen to them. I wish it were that easy. I wish we could show them what all the horrible things out there can do to them so they won't do it. Most kids think its always someone else, but never them.

True, when it's just one or two people they see it happen to. It adds up when you're seeing it a hundred times in a week. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. I hope your DS has quit since then.