I can't stop crying... Update p. 12-question

[nhrenee]

Oy, just

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

I think it's time to pack it up and go home. He seems like a big baby! 9what men aren't though huh? ) good luck and you will find someone that is RIGHT for you

 

[PrincessTiff]

It makes me so mad that he would do this to you. It sounds like he wants to "be" with this girl, if he hasn't already. You'll have no trouble finding a guy that will treat you right.

 

[Amlee]

Take it all out of his hands! Don't wait around for him to make up his mind and see if you get the lucky draw. Boot him to the side and go on with your life. No it want be easy. But you will feel better about yourself, if you take control of things.

 

[christineann]

Don't settle for less, friend, settle for MORE.

You deserve better, and though it really hurts, finding out now is a lot easier than after you are married.

Wish I could hug you in person.

 

[LoriMistress]

Honey, this guy is leading you on. He's keeping you on the backburner and when he can't find what he's looking for, he'll settle for you. You deserve better then that. I would break off the relationship with him, and I wouldn't be one of those "we can still be friends" because you know with this situation that will NEVER work and you'll end up being even more disappointed and hurt. If he does come back to you; the ball is in your court at this point. If you want to settle with someone who's not sure what they want and always question for the rest of your marriage if he truely wants to be with you then that's your choice. Personally, I think he's no tready for marriage and is afraid to end things "officially."

 

[singingpixie]

Thanks everyone for the advice and hugs so far... I know deep down what all of you are saying is true, but at least at the moment I want to wait it out a bit for closure's sake. I don't know what I'll decide if he thinks he wants to keep going with it, but at least now I know that I don't necessarily want to stay in this. We'll see how I feel as time passes I guess.

I'm completely lost as far as where to go/stay and what to do if we do end up being over. I think he's basically decided to move if need be, and I could stay in the house if we did some room reshuffling, probably.... I just don't know if I want to. I've been so unfulfilled lately work-wise (I don't think I'm meant to be doing theatre long-term, but I don't know how to go about doing anything else) that it's hard to find a direction to head. Part of me thinks some stability until this all blows over would be good, but I'm out of work for the summer anyway (it's a august-may position) so I'm going to have to find something else, even if it's temp work, anyway.

My immediate concern right now is telling my mom. I'm at work at the moment, but I'm babysitting an orchestra rehearsal so I'm expecting her weekly call to chat sometime tonight... I'm obviously going to tell her, but I don't know how to hold it together. I mean, I'm in my office but I have to be presentable to go down to the stage if anything goes wrong, and at least to check in w/ them at the end of rehearsal. I am just dreading the phone call, and even more so because she's going to want to know concretely what's going on... not on purpose, but a lot of "I just don't know" is going to frustrate her because she won't be able to help with "I don't knows" if that makes any sense.

 

[crazyme5kids]

As a mother, I'm sure her heart will break for you. As a mother, I'm sure she'll know that this is the best thing for you. Take time to focus on you and what you want from life. It's easier to do when you're not worrying about pleasing and waiting on someone else. Do that and you'll start to feel better.

Bottom line is you are both young and at an age where it is hard to know what you want in life and who is really right for you. It doesn't make either of you bad people, it's just part of growing up. The part that usually stinks though.

 

[diznygirl]

As a mother, I'm also sure she will take the position that this guy is a jerk and you are better off without him. Be prepared for that.

But this girl that is off on spring break, it's not the same girl that is your roomie that is off on spring break, is it? Just wondering.

 

[tink2020]

Oh hon, my heart breaks for you! You've gotten some really great advice here. I've only been married a few years, but I'm sure many of us could share stories about "the one that got away" . Sometimes it's so hard to see the forest for the trees.... especially in a relationship that is only complicated by the fear of going out on your own - not just emotionally but financially, etc. As a fellow woman, I can totally empathize with your feelings. Heck, I was in an abusive relationship for years with the man I thought for sure I'd marry. Did I really believe it was right? Of course not, but it was familiar and comfortable. So many of us are innately good at making excuses for people that hurt us. Please don't do that anymore. Take a good look at your situation and get yourself somewhere YOU can truly be happy as well -- if you're honestly afraid of what the future holds for you with this guy, I can't believe that it's right for you. Life is not easy or happy all the time... but you need to at least know who the man is that you plan on coming home to for the rest of it.

Please continue to come here for support... we're all pulling for you and wishing the best for you.

 

[singingpixie]

Well, it's starting to sink in a bit. We're not officially "decided," but I'm at the point where I think that even if he wants to try to stick it out, I probably don't. I think the reason I wanted a chance to "try to fix things" is because I had always said "we're not happy now, but if I could only get him to change _______ it would be better," but I could never get him to fix those things. As silly and girly as it sounds, I thought that just loving him would be enough to make it work until he would "grow up" a bit and start treating me better. I still wish that was the case.... I still love him and will probably always love him (we were really good friends before we ever dated, and I hope that after some time apart to heal, we can be again- our social circles are really connected so it would be hard if we couldn't).

As for the house, it sounds like he'd move out and one of my roommates would move to the master bedroom w/ his girlfriend (who practically lives with us anyway, and has shown interest multiple times of moving in if anyone moves out), and I'd take the smaller bedroom. The furniture would mostly stay where it is until steve finds a place, and then he'd only take what he needs. He wouldn't have a place to put it anyway, so it would make little sense for him to pay for a storage unit while we all have to buy new furniture. It was all garage sale stuff anyway, nice garage sale stuff but not expensive or sentimental. I don't know if I want to be in the area forever, but I feel like I need some stability for a while until things settle down, plus I love the house and the neighborhood, and I wouldn't have to move with the dog.

It's hard to describe how I'm feeling right now- really sad and overwhelmed, since I had really only imagined my future with him for the past couple years (and the years surrounding college graduation include a lot of future-picturing). I was already kind of overwhelmed carreer-wise, and it feels like my one anchor is going away. But at the same time, the logical part of me feels like it's probably what I should have done a long time ago. I guess we'll see how the rest of the week goes.

 

[Hedy]

 

[tink2020]

Well, it's starting to sink in a bit. We're not officially "decided," but I'm at the point where I think that even if he wants to try to stick it out, I probably don't. I think the reason I wanted a chance to "try to fix things" is because I had always said "we're not happy now, but if I could only get him to change _______ it would be better," but I could never get him to fix those things. As silly and girly as it sounds, I thought that just loving him would be enough to make it work until he would "grow up" a bit and start treating me better. I still wish that was the case.... I still love him and will probably always love him (we were really good friends before we ever dated, and I hope that after some time apart to heal, we can be again- our social circles are really connected so it would be hard if we couldn't).

As for the house, it sounds like he'd move out and one of my roommates would move to the master bedroom w/ his girlfriend (who practically lives with us anyway, and has shown interest multiple times of moving in if anyone moves out), and I'd take the smaller bedroom. The furniture would mostly stay where it is until steve finds a place, and then he'd only take what he needs. He wouldn't have a place to put it anyway, so it would make little sense for him to pay for a storage unit while we all have to buy new furniture. It was all garage sale stuff anyway, nice garage sale stuff but not expensive or sentimental. I don't know if I want to be in the area forever, but I feel like I need some stability for a while until things settle down, plus I love the house and the neighborhood, and I wouldn't have to move with the dog.

It's hard to describe how I'm feeling right now- really sad and overwhelmed, since I had really only imagined my future with him for the past couple years (and the years surrounding college graduation include a lot of future-picturing). I was already kind of overwhelmed carreer-wise, and it feels like my one anchor is going away. But at the same time, the logical part of me feels like it's probably what I should have done a long time ago. I guess we'll see how the rest of the week goes.

You don't sound "silly or girly" at all... you sound normal. I hope you can find some closure and healing soon!

 

[elan]

You sound like you will be just fine.

 

[Muffy]

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Stay strong.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

Well, it's starting to sink in a bit. We're not officially "decided," but I'm at the point where I think that even if he wants to try to stick it out, I probably don't. I think the reason I wanted a chance to "try to fix things" is because I had always said "we're not happy now, but if I could only get him to change _______ it would be better," but I could never get him to fix those things. As silly and girly as it sounds, I thought that just loving him would be enough to make it work until he would "grow up" a bit and start treating me better. I still wish that was the case.... I still love him and will probably always love him (we were really good friends before we ever dated, and I hope that after some time apart to heal, we can be again- our social circles are really connected so it would be hard if we couldn't).

As for the house, it sounds like he'd move out and one of my roommates would move to the master bedroom w/ his girlfriend (who practically lives with us anyway, and has shown interest multiple times of moving in if anyone moves out), and I'd take the smaller bedroom. The furniture would mostly stay where it is until steve finds a place, and then he'd only take what he needs. He wouldn't have a place to put it anyway, so it would make little sense for him to pay for a storage unit while we all have to buy new furniture. It was all garage sale stuff anyway, nice garage sale stuff but not expensive or sentimental. I don't know if I want to be in the area forever, but I feel like I need some stability for a while until things settle down, plus I love the house and the neighborhood, and I wouldn't have to move with the dog.

It's hard to describe how I'm feeling right now- really sad and overwhelmed, since I had really only imagined my future with him for the past couple years (and the years surrounding college graduation include a lot of future-picturing). I was already kind of overwhelmed carreer-wise, and it feels like my one anchor is going away. But at the same time, the logical part of me feels like it's probably what I should have done a long time ago. I guess we'll see how the rest of the week goes.

You're not silly or girly, you're human and the end of a relationship is painful. I say let yourself experience all the emotions so that you are able to move on in a healthy way. Sometimes the end of a relationship is like a death, and the emotions and sadness take time to deal with, so don't be hard on yourself.

Remember, you are the anchor in your life. I think you should take some time and really look at all you have to offer, all of your strengths and see just how wonderful you are.

Stay strong, and remember you will make it through this and your life will be so much better.

 

[HunnyPots]

You know, you've gotten a lot of good advice so far but I just have to reiterate that a dating relationship (which is truly what you are in) should NOT be work! And the engagement period should be filled with excitement and anticipation. If you find yourself having to work at dating someone then they are not the right one for you! You deserve to be happy and excited about your life. And you should be with someone that you want to spend every moment with and who feels the same about you. He's out there. Don't settle!
BTW, I'm glad to see you changed your signature pic!

 

[Amlee]

Well, it's starting to sink in a bit. We're not officially "decided," but I'm at the point where I think that even if he wants to try to stick it out, I probably don't. I think the reason I wanted a chance to "try to fix things" is because I had always said "we're not happy now, but if I could only get him to change _______ it would be better," but I could never get him to fix those things. As silly and girly as it sounds, I thought that just loving him would be enough to make it work until he would "grow up" a bit and start treating me better. I still wish that was the case.... I still love him and will probably always love him (we were really good friends before we ever dated, and I hope that after some time apart to heal, we can be again- our social circles are really connected so it would be hard if we couldn't).

My heart breaks for you, as I have been down this road. I've learned you can't fix what they don't think is broke. No matter how hard you love them. For a while you will think you will always love him, yes he will always have a special place in your heart and memory. But that "love" will fade in time. Yes, you can also learn to be friends, it's not easy at first. It will all take time and time isn't always pleasant.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

more hugs your way

 

[Serena]

You sound like you are going to be just fine.