I can't honestly believe this...

[lillygator]

We decided this year that, instead of having Christmas at my Aunt's house, we'd have it at my house. This comes as a relief to just about everyone, seeing as my Aunt is currently going through chemotherapy, and everyone else isn't very happy about going to her house because it's pretty uncomfortable. She sets all of the food up on her dining room table (that seats 8), but refuses to let anyone sit at the table. She asks that we eat in the living room, in front of the TV (that has football on...so you're not allowed to talk...but only my Uncle is watching), but when you have 10 people over for Christmas, and only have 3 tray tables, 1 couch and a recliner, it leaves a lot of us sitting on the floor, eating off of our laps and batting off their dog in complete silence, or being "shushed" for talking. (Oh, and did I mention that she refuses to use regular plates? Yes, we've been eating turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy off of paper plates off of our laps) This is a win-win situation. I get to be comfortable. Yes, I will have to do a lot of work, but we all get to be comfortable.

So, I've been pretty siked on having Christmas this year, I washed all of my dishes that I got for my wedding that I have yet to use, and bought a card table to add on to my dining room table so that everyone has a place AND we set up Rock Band in the living room for some guaranteed entertainment!

But we've hit a problem that I'm pretty insulted by. My Uncle (the aforementioned Aunt's brother, the shusher) decided that he'd "rather go to work" on Christmas because we won't be having any alcohol.

We have some leftover beer and liquor from my husband's birthday party in August and our Wedding in Sept of 2008 (yes, it's that old) that I guess we can put out just for him, but I can guarantee that he won't like it. He's a Budweiser man, and we have Sam Adams Summer Lager (out of season!) and Dale's Pale Ale (I have no idea where this came from). I'm honestly wondering if I should even bother putting that out there, tell him that we're absolutely not having it, and see what happens?

grumble grumble

Anyone been in this situation before? What do you think I should do?


Backstory, in case anyone was wondering, my Mother and I recently decided to cut booze from holidays because *SURPRISE* my Dad, and his entire family, are alcoholics. But they will tell you otherwise. When they walked into Thanksgiving with a brown bag full of beer and wine, I asked if we could put it back in their trunk, and this was the look I got in response

how did he know you weren't having alcohol? did you announce it in the invitation?

 

[omghidanielle]

Okay, so I don't get this. You decided not to have booze because your Dad and his entire family are alcoholics, but you're willing to break out the Samuel Adams for Uncle, even though he's a Bud kinda guy. Help me understand this: Are you or are you not serving alcohol?

Its okay to not serve alcohol. In light of the alcoholism I applaud you for doing it. IMO, alcohol does almost nothing to enhance family gatherings especially when there are people there who struggle with substance abuse. But it doesn't make sense to say you won't allow alcohol, unless it is a kind of alcohol that your guest doesn't like. What would happen if Uncle just decided to bring in a six pack of Bud? Would that be okay?

Personally, if Uncle doesn't want to come because there is no alcohol that's his choice. I don't see why you need to dance around to his tune. If he doesn't come you don't have to watch football. That's gotta be good for something.

I don't want it, but I'm conflicted because I don't feel like dealing with their dramatics. I'm not saying it's OK for him to drink what I've got, but what we have is so bad, it would keep him from drinking, BUTTT that might cause another fight. So I'm going back and forth...hence my love for all the different opinions I'm getting here right now

I don't want to be a jerk, I know what I like and don't like happening in my house. I recognize that everyone has their own priorities and tastes, but I also want to make sure everyone has a nice holiday.

I should probably just deal with the fact that you can't please everyone and let what happens happens.

And then dance on the table for being able to eat at one

 

[omghidanielle]

how did he know you weren't having alcohol? did you announce it in the invitation?

My Mother told him.

 

[Scurvy]

He is invited and is declining. That is his perogative.

Exactly. You are hosting. You can offer whatever you want to, and do not offer whatever you don't want to offer. That's entirely up to you. He can either accept or not. That's entirely up to him.

I should probably just deal with the fact that you can't please everyone and let what happens happens.

Yes. You can't please everyone. You have some good reasons for not offering alcohol. . .though it wouldn't matter if you had bad reasons; it's your home and you can do what you want. If you don't offer alcohol you run the risk of making one person unhappy. If you do provide alcohol you run the risk of many people being unhappy when your uncle starts getting drunk and obnoxious as he apparently has done in the past. It seems like a no-brainer to me. Honestly if he gets that obnoxious when he drinks I wouldn't even let him bring his own. I'd tell him that my home was alcohol-free and he can't bring any. (And it would be alcohol free, at least any time he is visiting.) If he chose to avoid my house over that, well too bad. I wouldn't consider it any big loss.

 

[clh2]

DH's family Christmas is generally at his brother's house. My BIL and SIL simply do not drink. I wouldn't even dream of bringing my own alcohol (be it beer or wine) to their home.

To be honest...I really can go 4 hours or so without drinking

 

[BelleWDW]

To be honest...I really can go 4 hours or so without drinking

I also wonder about people who leave a restaurant to have a cigarette......cant someone go ONE hour without lighting up???

 

[kathie859]

We have moderate social drinkers, recovering alcoholics, tee-totaler's and winos in our family. (I'm one of the social drinkers--I can take it or leave it)--BUT as a Mother to a recovering alcoholic, I can tell you I prefer to have no booze so he's not tempted. He says he doesn't care one way or the other--but I think it would have to be a temptation if liquor was readily available. So why court disaster?

The bottom line is that YOU are uncomfortable having booze at this family gathering. It's your house so it's your decision. If someone chooses to skip seeing family because of lack of alcohol--they have a PROBLEM!! Not you Good luck.

 

[C.Ann]

We never served alcohol at the big annual Christmas Eve parties we hosted in our home and no one had a problem with it.. Everyone who was invited still came (well over 35 people)..

I've lost too many members of my family due to the stupidity of drinking and driving, so it's my policy not to serve alcohol - ever..

If someone were to bring their own, I wouldn't stop them from drinking it, but I would insist that they call a cab to go home if they seemed even the slightest bit tipsy..

If your uncle doesn't want to come because you're not serving alcohol, that's his choice.. He can go to work - you can have your nice family gathering - and that's that..

I wouldn't give his "statement" a second thought..

 

[kaytieeldr]

Mm. I disagree with those other people. Your uncle choosing to go to work instead of coming to your house = NOT a mess, of any size.

 

[Bluestars]

You have every right to serve or not serve whatever you want in your own home. If he doesn't like it, then he doesn't have to come. Don't feel guilty about it.

I think you are making a good decision. I wouldn't want to be around people who drink and become obnoxious. Why risk ruining the party? I hope you have a wonderful time.

 

[tar heel]

It sounds like uncle liked it the way it was at his house and objects to the changes. You shouldn't give him gross, out-of-date beer, though. Either buy a sixpack, ask him to bring his own and or tell him you're not doing alcohol. Of course, th is is a moot point if he goes to work instead.

I'm not saying this to be obnoxious... The word is "psyched" not "siked." It took me a minute to figure out what you meant.

 

[Disney Doll]

It's quite simple.

You are having the holiday at your home.
Your house, your rules.
You have invited Uncle.
He is well aware that he is welcome to come.
If he chooses not to come, then it really isn't your problem. You invited him.

Get rid of the old beer, don't buy any new beer, don't cave to Uncle and enjoy your holiday.

 

[tnkr_bell]

Personally I agree...your house, your rules. You don't have to serve alcohol if you don't want to. Now it's up to you on what you want to do if he brings his own. Although I can see him the whole time he's there complaining about the game not being on. LOL It sounds like things might be a lot more pleasant if he wasn't there anyway.

 

[OceanAnnie]

It's quite simple.

You are having the holiday at your home.
Your house, your rules.
You have invited Uncle.
He is well aware that he is welcome to come.
If he chooses not to come, then it really isn't your problem. You invited him.

Get rid of the old beer, don't buy any new beer, don't cave to Uncle and enjoy your holiday.

Yep. MTE.

He'd rather go to work than not have his drink? That says a lot.

 

[RadioNate]

Flame away but I think the OP is causing her own drama. She decided what she was comfortable with, which is fine. The Uncle decided not to come, that is also fine.

Let him work. Why are you insisting an alcoholic who shushes you during football be there anyway? Just because he is family?

Like a PP said... Your house, your rules BUT you can't get peeved if/when people don't attend due to those rules.

Now, I'm totally pro alcohol and dont believe obnoxious drunk = alcoholic but really that is here nor there. You are all adults, let everyone make their own choices.

 

[mjkacmom]

Before I read the whole thread, I was going to say buy the bud, because I like to provide what my guests like when I entertain (I don't drink soda, but I'll buy it, and put up with the kids asking me "can I have soda" until the leftovers are finally gone!), but if he and your dad get obnoxious, I totally support your decision. The booze flows freely at all of our family funtions (wine, scotch, martini's, and fancy beer), and the only one who has issues is my dad, who is definitely an alcoholic. I DREAD this at holidays, but since we go to their home, there is nothing I can do. Hopefully, my mom can convince him not to drink too much (although he ends up sneaking more burbon into his manhattans when he thinks no one is looking...

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I would tell him to have a nice day at work.
We do not have alcohol on holidays for no reason other than the fact that we just don't care for it. I have all the holiday meals at my house. No one has ever asked for any except my uncle and my mother told him to bring his own next time. That was several years ago and nothing has ever been said since.

 

[okeydokey]

I'd tell him to enjoy his day at work. Your house, your rules.

Exactly!