I am terrified of Christmas this year...

[MIGrandma]

I understand how you feel.

My Dad was in a nursing home 2 years ago, he had Alzheimer's and was getting violent at night and my Mom could no longer take care of him. He wasn't "bad enough" that we were worried about him dying anytime soon, so rather than bringing him here to the house to spend Christmas with us we waited until everyone left then went up to see him. I will regret that decision until the day I die. We just thought it would be easier for everyone, him included. But if I would have known he would be dead two weeks later, I would have walked to the ends of the earth to bring him here to be with us for the day. So rather than a "last Christmas" with him here with us, I will always carry the guilt with me, instead of "good memories."

Thankfully I have wonderful memories of other Christmases, and that is what gets me through. I'm assuming you've had good Christmases in the past with your Mom, and those are what you need to remember.

Yes, if you feel that this year will probably be her last, it's going to be a different kind of celebration. But my advice to you would be to stick to your normal traditions. Have lots of smiles and laughter with her, take lots of pictures. Just be grateful to have Christmas with her. Just be grateful for each day you have her. IMO, that's all you can really do.

 

[dakcp2001]

I am so sorry, it sounds really difficult! Try to live in the moment! Can you get everyone together at one place so everyone can be together? Try not to let the sadness take over, your mom wants to see you happy!

 

[TnTsParty]

I agree with the other posters. Don't get upset if everything doesn't go exactly as you planned it but try to relax and make it the most memorable Christmas you can - definately take lots and lots of pictures. Life is short and you never know when it is your time.

If we would have know last Christmas was my brother in laws last Christmas I am sure more pictures would have been taken and somehow it would have been more memorable then it was - but how were we to know that just 4 months later (on his birthday no less) he would be dead. And to add to that my grandmother passed away 2 days after my brother in law. Last Christmas we had no idea it would be her last Christmas as well - she fell and broke her hip on New Year's Day this year. After that it was down hill till the end. I am going to try and make Christmas this year as good as I can for my sister and my neices especially since it will be my 1 neice's first Christmas - what is that word? Bittersweet - I think that's it.

Hugs to the OP and all the other poster's that have had their share of bittersweet memories of the holidays.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Make it the best Christmas ever! Please don't let your sadness ruin it. You will have plenty of time for sadness after she is gone. Live in the moment, she is still here.

My mom passed away on January 23rd, 1995. Had we known that 1994 was going to be our last Christmas with her, we would have made it very special. She loved Christmas, it was her favorite time of year. Many people don't know when the last Christmas with a loved one will be, and they take it for granted. You have the opportunity to make lasting memories of your mom's last Christmas on earth.

(((HUGS)))

Beautifully put.

OP, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I pray you're able to put away the sadness and just feel the incredible joy that your mom is still with you. Make this Christmas as special as possible and the memories you take from it may help you when the time comes.

 

[fimac]

Look at as a blessing that you know. Four years ago we found out my Dad was dying so I left my family (3 boys 10, 8 and 5) in Canada and went to help my Mother and Father in the UK.

You have a chance to build some good memories of your last christmas together. I spent many hours with my Dad watching sunsets together in his last weeks. Now when I enjoy a beautiful sunset all the wonderful memories I have of him come back and I find it very comforting.

 

[moon]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It must be horribly painful.

Just live each moment, enjoy it and try to make her happy. Also, I don't know your mom's circumstances, but I know doctors don't know everything. Maybe, just maybe she'll still be around next Christmas.

It's wonderful that you two love each other so much and are in good terms. Cherish that love, which will remain with you forever.

 

[C.Ann]

Make it the best Christmas ever! Please don't let your sadness ruin it. You will have plenty of time for sadness after she is gone. Live in the moment, she is still here.

(((HUGS)))

We knew that the Christmas of 2004 would be my DH's last (he passed away a few weeks later).. Knowing that it would definitely be his last Christmas, we pulled out all the stops - purchased all his favorite type videos for him to watch; made sure he had several fruitcakes and boxes of ribbon candy (his favorites) - DGD and I baked Christmas cookies until we thought our arms would fall off (an entire week - and he was the official "taste-tester" for every type we made) - we took photos galore - and we took his special diet and tossed it right out the window!!! Anything he wanted in the weeks leading up to Christmas and after, he had - as often and as much as he wanted.. We included him in everything that we possibly could (even though he was on oxygen 24/7) and just made it the best Christmas ever..

Please don't be sad and ruin "this" Christmas worrying about "next" Christmas.. Make it "all" about your mom - so you'll always have those special memories to cherish.. I know it's going to be hard, but you can do it..

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I can sure relate to your feelings. My mom suddenly and unexpectedly died the night before Halloween (which was one of her favorite holidays along with Christmas). She stood up from the bed and collapsed from a heart attack. No goodbyes, no nothing. The first year was horrible. I know that I was in a deep depression. I told my family (grown kids) that I didn't want a Christmas tree. They demanded. They came over and helped. It truly helped me through the funk. You have to continue to celebrate whether you want to or not. This is the third Christmas now and I am putting up a Christmas tree and celebrating life. Each year it has gotten easier.

 

[Magix]

I understand how you feel. Christmas 2003 my mom and I both knew it was our last Christmas together, since she was suffering from colon cancer and we knew at that point it was beyond cure and she'd opted to stop treatments. We didn't talk about it, but we knew. Just before Christmas, I took her to see the Candlelight ceremony at Disneyland (something neither of us had ever seen before) and we hit the shops on Main Street afterward. We came out of the shops just as the fireworks ended and we stood there on the curb watching the snowfall. We couldn't even look at each other, because we both knew it was the last thing we were going to do together. She died Jan 22, 2004. To this day, I can't watch the snow fall on Main Street. I'll go out of my way to avoid it.

That's the second time I've cried about that memory today. I'm taking my Dad and some friends to Disneyland the Sunday after Thanksgiving and I'm already worried about the snow. How silly is that?

 

[klacey1]

I'm so, so, sorry. I agree with the other posters-- just try to make this holiday as special as you can. Don't focus on doing things for the last time, just keep things positive and fun.
I know this isn't even in the same league as losing your mother (so please don't be insulted!), but this Christmas will probably be our last with our beloved basset hound. She grew up with my brother and I and has brought so much joy and love into our lives. However, we're just focusing on enjoying the holidays and enjoying hers and everyone else's company...if you focus on the negative, those are the memories you'll have of the holidays from now on. If you focus on the positive, memories may be bittersweet, but at least they'll be memories to make you wistfully smile...
Last year, on Christmas Day, DBF's aunt stood up and said "I THINK IT'S TIME TO TALK ABOUT ALL OF THE DEAD PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES." Well, that just sent her husband into the next room, bawling-- this was only his second Christmas without his father. The rest of the gathering was terribly uncomfortable. Her mistake (besides being a generally unpleasant and insensative woman) was focusing on the death. If she had brought up a happy memory about her husband's father's life, the day could have included sweet rememberances...

 

[a1tinkfans]

It will almost definitely be my last Christmas with my mum. I have such a range of emotions and I'm not sure what to do. I want each second to count, to matter. I want memories that will last for the rest of my life. But the whole thing feels so sad. I usually love Christmas, but I'm dreading it this year.

Thanks for listening.

Try and Concentrate on the HERE and NOW. And don't waste your energy on the "future". We can't change what will be, BUT we can Live in the MOMENT.....

Enjoy the small things, the moments, make MORE memories to last you a lifetime....take Pictures, Get a tape recorder and talk about some things that make you both laugh! It is wonderful to "hear" the laughter.....
Wishing you a WONDERFUL, MAGICAL MEMORY filled Holiday Season!!!

 

[terri01p]

It will almost definitely be my last Christmas with my mum. I have such a range of emotions and I'm not sure what to do. I want each second to count, to matter. I want memories that will last for the rest of my life. But the whole thing feels so sad. I usually love Christmas, but I'm dreading it this year.

Thanks for listening.

You are very blessed, you have a great chance to do and say all that so many families never have the chance too, make it the best you can and enjoy the chance you have been given to make a nice holiday for the ones you love.

 

[pigletgirl]

Yeah, its definitely hard going through these holidays not knowing if you're going to be able to celebrate with them in the coming years knowing that it may be the last.

Enjoy the time you do have!

 

[4nana]

I'm in tears reading about all your heartbreaking losses ~ my heart and prayers go out to each one of you . I lost my dear Dad to the beast just after C'mas 6 yrs ago,
so know this pain.

Ember, altho your heart is heavy sweetie, I know you will find the strength and faith to enjoy today with your Mum and not let sadness rob your spirit by dwelling on tomorrow. I hope you can rise above to make this C'mas the best one yet, in spite of sad circumtances.

Praise God my Mom is a 17yr breast cancer survivor who just celebrated her 80th BD . Sadly, this past year I see her health going down hill a little day by day. I am doing all I can to make all the special memories we can together, because I know one day I will walk in your shoes and my heart breaks . Godspeed you and your dear Mum as you make loving memories to last a life time. ^j^

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP,

It is never easy to lose a mom. It will be 3 yrs, Dec. 6th, that I lost mine.

The only advice you will get from me is: always treat each visit with her as though it might be your last. I never left hospice without telling mom I loved her. When I got the call from hospice that she had passed away I was sad that I had not been able to be there but I felt comfort in knowing that my last words to her were "I love you".

TC

 

[Buckalew11]

Hugs, Ember. I know exactly what you are going through.

There are so many needs and such sadness noted on this thread. I think it is very important for each of us as members here to try to reach out to each other and let people know we care even when they feel sad, scared and alone.

Losing a loved one is so very hard.

 

[manning]

Look at as a blessing that you know. Four years ago we found out my Dad was dying so I left my family (3 boys 10, 8 and 5) in Canada and went to help my Mother and Father in the UK.

You have a chance to build some good memories of your last christmas together. I spent many hours with my Dad watching sunsets together in his last weeks. Now when I enjoy a beautiful sunset all the wonderful memories I have of him come back and I find it very comforting.

I bet he is there watching those sunsets with you.

 

[Briarmom]

I was in your shoes last year. My Grandma was my SAHM and cancer took her this past March.

I wasn't able to spend her last Christmas with her, but I did bring the kids home for Thanksgiving. I spent a lot of time with her and built a lot of new memories.

Enjoy it as much as you can. Take TONS of pictures. We have really cherished our pictures from Thanksgiving (and the ones of Christmas that were with the rest of the family).

I'm just so so sorry.

 

[JerseyJanice]

A big hug to you, Ember.

I lost my parents in May of 1990, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss them still. All I can say is cherish this one and find a way to go on--because you have to--it's all you can do.

 

[TheBigBadWolf]

Hugs to you, Ember. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it is. I've lived it, too.

My mom was diagnosed with cancer on Sept. 26 when she was 55 and I was 34. I never dreamed we wouldn't even get to celebrate one last Christmas with her. But she knew, though I don't know how. She died on Nov. 20, less than two months after getting the diagnosis. It broke my heart. I still miss her so badly.

Try to make this Christmas the most special of both your lives. Take lots of pictures, and videos too, so you'll have the sound of her voice. Ask your mom to fill out a "Mother's Memory Book" for you, and a "Grandma's Memories" book for your children to be. The memory books I have for my DD & me are two of my most treasured possessions.

Many hugs to you and your mum.