I am so mad at DH right now!!!!

[Hannathy]

I agree with radiofanatic,hentob and Marybet. He is not being a great dad or husband. He is wasting money and making foolish selfish decisions. Yes you can have hobbies and passions but once you have a family they get put aside until you take care of your family. I think counseling would be great because the two of you certainly are not on the same page about responsibility, decision making or communicating. Good Luck you put up with a lot more than I ever would.

 

[ducklite]

You say you can't afford a new car, but if you add up all the cash you have been dropping on crapmobiles, my guess is you could afford a reasonably priced basic new car.

You need to stop enabling him. Next time he wants $500 for rims, say "NO"!

And I agree with those who say you two need to sit down and have a heart to heart--no yelling or nagging. Put it on paper how much you can afford to spend on a car and what you need to be able to use it for.

Anne

 

[thelittlemermaid]

I can relate. When DH and I first got married his obession was is 68 Camaro. Thankfully at that time we didn't have any kids.

Now his obession is his saltwater/reef tank. This thing is just as bad as the car! The equipment needed for {or at least DH says he needs all this equipment } for the tank costs alot of $$$$$. Not to mention the stuff needed to go into the tank {chemicals, salt, rock, fish, corals} AAAHHH!!!!! Just put a fish tank in place of the computer.

Now DH wants to get this pump thingy off a guy that costs around $500 This couple is expecting and so are we. I got upset and told DH if you get this thing you are paying for them to get their baby stuff, where we won't be able to buy our baby anything. He knows it's alot of money and hasn't bought it yet. He has even told the guy that he might not be able to buy and if he wants to sell it to someone else, not to think twice about it. The thing I don't like is him buying it second hand. When he can add another $100 to the price the guy wants and wait till next year at tax time and buy a new one. That way he doesn't have to worry about it burning up in a day, week, or month. And if it does, he can have it replaced.

With summer coming, DH has been talking about his Camaro and wanting to get it up and running. I told him it's one or the other! No way he is going to be putting money into both things.

Just wanted to let you know that it's just not your DH and your not alone.

Hugs to you!!!!

 

[andromedaslove]

I don't this it was at all. The poor woman was 8+ months pregnant with and stressing about money. Her husband goes out and spends $1000 on his hobby without even talking it over. He didn't even consider her feelings. Who does that to somebody that they love and respect?

This whole "it's a guy thing" doesn't fly with me. I just don't understand when a "guy" puts things before his wife and family, it is called "a guy thing". Nopers. It's called "a disrespectful thing" and "a selfish thing" in my book.

The OP has EVERY right to be angry!

Ok, I didn't say she doesn't have a right to be angry. You are right she has EVERY right to be angry. I also think that the family should come first. However, I said that the post stating that she doesn't have a husband she has another child and that they desperately need counseling was a bit snarky, and to me it was. She does need to sit down and have a discussion with her DH regarding things like this, some compromises need to be made, and some ground rules need to be set. I just didn't think it was appropriate to bash her DH that way. Just my opinion though.

Dana

 

[GoofyDad869]

All I know is this:

If I tried to pull off any of this (buying anything big without prior discussion, getting pissy when questioned, bad budgeting, etc.), I might as well not head home at the end of the day. I sure wouldn't be welcome there.

I mean, cars are cool. Really cool. I love mine. I probably spend more on mine than my wife wishes I would. But I personally wouldn't jeopardize a flesh & blood relationship (or my family's welfare) over a lifeless hunk of steel, rubber & plastic.

I think it's about more than cars though. Maybe, ego...

 

[horseshowmom]

I don't this it was at all. The poor woman was 8+ months pregnant with and stressing about money. Her husband goes out and spends $1000 on his hobby without even talking it over. He didn't even consider her feelings. Who does that to somebody that they love and respect?

This whole "it's a guy thing" doesn't fly with me. I just don't understand when a "guy" puts things before his wife and family, it is called "a guy thing". Nopers. It's called "a disrespectful thing" and "a selfish thing" in my book.

The OP has EVERY right to be angry!

I have to agree here. I feel so sorry for the OP. I can't even begin to fathom a situation like that.

Neither DH nor myself would ever go out and spend that kind of money without it being a mutual decision. I certainly do understand the OP's frustration, and I do think the OP's DH is way out of line to the point of neglecting his family (I mean, really, he refused to ride in the car the stoller would fit in, because it wasn't flashy enough... ).

Hugs to the OP!

 

[EthansMom]

With my DH, it's not cars, it's "investment/business opportunities". I'm not being supportive if I tell him we shouldn't use our savings to start a new business, or invest in a "can't fail" investment idea, etc..... And this is an educated, intelligent guy who makes great money!

In the past, DH one job to take another where he was being promised a part ownership in a business that was sure to be worth millions in a couple years. Luckily, we made sure to get a contract stipulating DH's salary and getting moving expenses reimbursed.

After, two years of being treated like crap and getting nothing that was promised verbally, DH decided to start his own consulting business because he was tired of working for someone else. Well, the two contracts that he had on the table (from different companies) suddenly disappeared after we'd invested in a new computer and other business equipment.

So, after 6 months of living off our savings, we had to move across the country for DH's new job. This job pays well, has great benefits, and the company treats DH great.

But, DH is now on an investment kick. He's sure he could make great money day-trading and we're sure to be millionaires shortly after he starts trading. I told DH he could have $4000 to play with. Of course, I get told that I'm not supportive because I'm skeptical and unwilling to put our retirement funds or the kids' college money into the latest scheme. I told him, "Hey, if it's a sure thing, then you can prove it to me with $4000 just as easily as you could with more!"

Luckily, my DH wouldn't spend/invest money without discussing it with me anymore than I would do those things without discussing it with him. And I handle our family finances and make sure that we're able to sustain any losses.

 

[DVC Sadie]

Tiff, you have every reason to be angry and I am feeling from your post you are feeling disappointed. I am sure you have already tried sitting down and talking to your dh in a quiet and rational way. If you need some marraige counseling there is nothing wrong with doing that. Sometimes when we have the ability to talk to a objective third person it can help open our eyes to how our spouses really feel in regards to, why he feels he needs to spend so much money on "crapmobiles". There must be some "need" he is getting out of it and maybe after talking with a third party you both will know the why.

I have enjoyed reading your posts for a long time. You always seem to find a humorous side to most everything. Heres hopping ou two can figure this out so both of you are content.

 

[NJBlackBerry]

I feel sorry for your husbands....

 

[GoofyDad869]

I feel sorry for your husbands....

Why? Making sure that a significant decision is OK with your spouse before doing it? Especially if it affects the whole family?

 

[horseshowmom]

I feel sorry for your husbands....

Do you also feel sorry for the wives?

Because my DH would for sure have some major objections if I behaved in the same type manner - for example, if he were going to be off work for a few weeks and was concerned about making ends meet during that time, and I decided to come home with $1000 in new clothes. He would be a VERY unhappy husband (and justifiably so).

 

[tiff211]

Wow...just...wow. I'm not sure if I have anything to add, but I do hope your vent made you feel better! And I hope it was the Expedition you were planning to take to WDW!

Thank goodness!! Yes, the gas guzzling but yet very reliable Expedition will be taking us to see the World!

 

[tiff211]

Maybe he should start riding the bus I've never experienced anything like this so I'm not sure what to do. Except that maybe you need some sort of "rule" that no one spends a certain amount of money without discussing with the other one first?

I don't think he's acting like a child really, obviously the guy is a car guy and that's okay, everyone needs something they are passionate about, right? I just think the way he's approaching this is childish. Plus he probably feels pretty stupid about buying the Chevy in the first place not knowing if it was a piece of junk or not.

BTW your post made me laugh (although you probably weren't going for that) with all of your funnies - driving off the lot like he just bought a 2007 MB!

Thank you! He does beat himself up after his childish decisions but not enough to stop him from making them again!!

I figured I should at least be entertaining in my post as long as it was!!!

 

[Disney Doll]

I would be upset if my DH spent $1000 without consulting me, since I would never think of doing that without consulting him. That's the compromise of marriage. That doesn't mean that we call each other for every minor purchase, but neither of us would consider $1000 a minor amount of money.

It seems as if there is more going on here than meets the eye. I would agree that a responsible spouse and parent doesn't spend money on something if the spending would adversely affect his family.

 

[tiff211]

Here I am smuggling kool-aid packets into Ponderosa and DH is spending $1000 a pop on rims!!! Oh, great now I don't wheter to laugh or cry!!!

 

[horseshowmom]

Here I am smuggling kool-aid packets into Ponderosa and DH is spending $1000 a pop on rims!!! Oh, great now I don't wheter to laugh or cry!!!

Maybe the two of you could compromise. You won't do the Kool-Aid thing if he won't buy anymore car parts!

At least you've got a good sense of humor (that'll take you a long way!).

 

[tiff211]

I agree with this. I do believe they need counseling. The husband is disrespecting his wife. Over and over again. He has children and yet sinks his $$ into cars. It is immature and selfish.

OP--Are you the woman who could not find time to exercise? I do not have time to research right now, but I remember you by the beautiful baby in your sig Anyways, I remember reading your schedule and near fainted. You are one busy lady! Yet your dh has time for _himself_ to go to the gym and now for all of this car stuff.

May I be as bold to say that this is NOT "typical guy" stuff? A typical man/father should step up to the plate and take care of his family's needs first and hobbies after the family has been taken care of....

Good luck and a BIG

Yes, that's me. We did have a loooong discussion about how off balanced everything is. I noticed he has changed how he does things.....a little. Baby steps, baby steps.

I do admit, he is very irresponsible with money, so I took away access to the family finances. He has his own spending account and when he spends that, which he always does, he will have to "borrow" gas money or lunch money. I make him pay me back on payday though. I hate it this way but counseling didn't help. It just taught me how not to blow a gasket as I have a very bad temper. We went about 4 years ago but he wasn't a willing participant. It was one of those ultimatium kind of deals. That may be it didn't work because he wasn't open to it. His thing is that he works hard for the money so he should be able to spend it as he pleases. He teaches so when he works in the summer and coaches it's "extra". I consider it extra to pay on cc's or extra to put in savings.

 

[Magickndm]

I do admit, he is very irresponsible with money, so I took away access to the family finances.

Wow. Just wow.

 

[ducklite]

I feel sorry for your husbands....

That's an absurd thing to say. DH and I have a high income, plenty of it disposable. But neither of us go and buy a car without at least mentioning it to the other. We both have our hobbies, he runs marathons, I do photography that I don't always get paid for. If I want to buy anew gizmo for my camera in the $200 range, I buy it. If he wants new running shoes at $150 a pop, he buys them. But before I go spending $5000K on a new camera body, you bet I'm going to discuss it with him. Likewise when he decided to run some crazy marathon that was going to cost over $15K, he brought it up--even though he already knew it was unrealistic.

Every couple has their own comfort zone for each making purchases without the other's involvement, and knowing and respecting that comfort zone is part of the give and take of a strong marriage.

Although I manage the bills in our home, it's with my husbands blessings. I manage our income, I don't control it. We respect each other enough to discuss anything that would have the potential to be detrimental to our finances--and I would expect that every married couple would have the same respect. Isn't that what being married is all about? Respect?

Anne

 

[MBeds]

To the OP:

Send him to the couch tonight!
Seriously, i hope everything works out for the best for your family..