I am so frustrated with child care!

Fourth: On the point about the amount of pay, obviously it is not too low if I have already have a bunch of people looking for the job. I decided not to train someone else in, and have put my DD in art camp and my son in a Y outdoors camp. ITA with the posters who have said this was a teachable moment for the kids since they wanted to stay home this summer. Make the sitter unhappy, and you have to go to camp! I said it many times, and now it has come to pass.

Sure who doesn't need the extra money these days. But that doesn't mean they're going to do a great job once they have it. You may encounter another situation of laziness and lack of motivation if you won't pay the piper.
 
Part of this post was to see what kind of judgment would come out on these boards because I have seen what has been posted to others, and what kind of scrutiny and misinformation would be commented on from this post. I won't be posting anything other than Disney stuff and support for other posters from now on, you can be sure!

I haven't posted on this thread previously because I know both how frustrating it can be as a provider of child care and as a consumer of child care. I have been on both sides, and it can be tricky each way. But, I was reading with interest.

What got me, though, is that you said you posted it partially to see how you would be judged. I'm curious why you wouldn't post to get feedback or even just to look for support. Why would the DIS history of judgement, etc. make you WANT to post a thread. That makes it sound like you were just looking for drama and so that you could say "See, look at those DISers. They're a nasty bunch!!"

Either way, I'm glad you've worked out a solution. I think your point about using the situation as a teaching moment for your children is a good one. Good luck to you!
 
I guess I don’t understand why you didn’t want to “deal” with scheduling things? They are your children.

I do agree she seemed lazy to lay down while getting paid.


Was your babysitter last year bad that you didn’t rehire her?

I wish we had rehired last year's sitter, in retrospect.

As for scheduling activities, I gave her a bunch of suggestions. I wasn't going to micromanage the days - just go with the flow every day and to decide when to go or exactly what to do each day from my suggestions or something that she would come up with herself.
 
Part of this post was to see what kind of judgment would come out on these boards because I have seen what has been posted to others, and what kind of scrutiny and misinformation would be commented on from this post. I won't be posting anything other than Disney stuff and support for other posters from now on, you can be sure!

Ah, so this was an experiment for you?

When you post on a public discussion board, you will receive positive and negative feedback, and even some criticism. It's just the way it is.
 

What got me, though, is that you said you posted it partially to see how you would be judged. I'm curious why you wouldn't post to get feedback or even just to look for support. Why would the DIS history of judgement, etc. make you WANT to post a thread. That makes it sound like you were just looking for drama and so that you could say "See, look at those DISers. They're a nasty bunch!!"

Either way, I'm glad you've worked out a solution. I think your point about using the situation as a teaching moment for your children is a good one. Good luck to you!

I take your comments and can totally understand why you would question that! I wasn't looking for drama, just support and to vent. I did have a little voice at the back of my mind to see whether or not my parenting would be questioned or commented on based on my post based on some posts that I have seen here. Those comments stung, to be sure, and offended me. I am really surprised at how many people think that I am underpaying, and although I disagree based on what friends of mine are paying, I will think again about rate of pay for next year. I have a friend who has a live in nanny for three children and pays minimum wage and then deducts room and board from that. What might be low pay in one place, may be reasonable in another.
 
Ah, so this was an experiment for you?

When you post on a public discussion board, you will receive positive and negative feedback, and even some criticism. It's just the way it is.

I agree, and I thought I could take it! :rotfl: I won't be posting anything personal again though! Stuff about amount of money paid, and what is reasonable to expect I can take. Stuff about my parenting, and my son, is too personally offensive so that's why I won't do it again.
 
Ah, so this was an experiment for you?
I don't believe it. I think she just didn't like the responses and is now trying to save face by blaming people here for perceived infractions.

I actually thought people were pretty restrained and understanding.

To be honest, she lost me when she called her MIL - who was going to help her out for two days - ancient.
 
She would have come back, but we decided to try someone new. MISTAKE.

I agree, I think if you found something good, you stick with it...there had to have been something otherwise why risk a good thing for a new thing? especially when you deal with kids!
 
Part of this post was to see what kind of judgment would come out on these boards because I have seen what has been posted to others, and what kind of scrutiny and misinformation would be commented on from this post. I won't be posting anything other than Disney stuff and support for other posters from now on, you can be sure!First of all, my DH was mad, but was NOT mad at the sitter. He did not berate her in any way. This discussion took place away from the children. In fact in the email where she quit, she said that her conversation with DH was nice and kind. He is a wonderful, kind man. He said as soon as he mentioned the blanket and lying around, he knew she was going to quit.

Secondly, my son is NOT an out of control brat as seems to have been implied by me and by other posters. I am also a parent that is VERY aware of my kids' personality and behaviour. I would appreciate it if people didn't read too much into what I said about him being rude (AT TIMES) and that he is energetic and rambunctious, and that he can argue with his sister. He is a lovely, funny, typical 8 year old. We told her that he wasn't a child that will sit quietly and read all day (although he will do that for a period!). He can be a handful on times. He is NORMAL. I overstated it to the sitter before she took the job because I wanted to make sure that she was aware of what she was accepting. She DID sit for us on two separate periods on two separate weekends to make sure that she could get along with the kids. IMO she did NOT quit because of the work (and if she didn't do anything in the house, but interacted with the kids and made the summer fun, I would not have called her on ANYTHING about housework) but because my DH called her on her lying around on the couch. I DID give her loads of guidance on how to deal with the kids. My post was long, but certainly is not exhaustive.

Third: I did NOT expect the sitter to plan the whole day - I did ask her to come up with one activity every day, or even every other day. It would be as simple as a walk to the park or a picnic, or going to the swimming pool in the neighbourhood. Also would not have been a deal breaker.

Fourth: On the point about the amount of pay, obviously it is not too low if I have already have a bunch of people looking for the job. I decided not to train someone else in, and have put my DD in art camp and my son in a Y outdoors camp. ITA with the posters who have said this was a teachable moment for the kids since they wanted to stay home this summer. Make the sitter unhappy, and you have to go to camp! I said it many times, and now it has come to pass.

Fifth: I do NOT pay cash under the table for childcare. I will give her a T4 for her work. I will remit her deductions and give her an ROE. It's a total PITA but I agreed to do that on her request, and I will certainly do that. I have already email money transferred her the day's pay for yesterday. Just because she didn't do what she agreed to doesn't mean I get to not live up to my obligations.

I will take your point about the dog. I wonder why she required my son only to do it, and not my daughter... Also, if she didn't want to clean up after the dog (and this is a once weekly occcurence - poor old thing!) I could have understood that, but she told me she didn't have a problem with it. And I would also note that I had other plans for the kids for various weeks for things that they wanted to do (half day art camp, etc.) so that she could have a break from both kids. These extra camps cost me approximately another $150 per week. With respect to extra kids around, my kids disappear when they have friends over - adding a child is like subtracting a child. It is not extra work. Plus, my kids will also be at their friends' houses, which actually DOES subtract a kid. It all works out. She had no problem with having other kids over and in fact would call other parents to invite children over because it WAS easier.

Bottom line: she quit with no notice after being called out on lying around, leaving me scrambling. Thanks again to those who have been kind enough to be supportive.


You said in your original post, "Way to long a post, but I needed to vent and get some perspective." If you didn't want perspective and only wanted rainbows and unicorns, you should've said so in the beginning. You want perspective, DISers will give you that.

And for me, the bottom line from the beginning would have been to get the best choice to take care of my children. IMHO paying minimum wage is not the best way to do that. Feel free to ignore me, too.
 
I don't believe it. I think she just didn't like the responses and is now trying to save face by blaming people here for perceived infractions.

I actually thought people were pretty restrained and understanding.

To be honest, she lost me when she called her MIL - who was going to help her out for two days - ancient.

Lots of lovely people posted here. I thank each and every one of them.

I totally appreciate and love my MIL. I misspoke - I should have said that she is a very old 78 and won't be taking the kids on any outings, and she doesn't have the energy to deal with my kids daily. But she will care for my children in the best possible way for those two days. No perjorative intended for my dear MIL.
 
You said in your original post, "Way to long a post, but I needed to vent and get some perspective." If you didn't want perspective and only wanted rainbows and unicorns, you should've said so in the beginning. You want perspective, DISers will give you that.

And for me, the bottom line from the beginning would have been to get the best choice to take care of my children. IMHO paying minimum wage is not the best way to do that. Feel free to ignore me, too.

I'm not ignoring anyone, and I thank you for your opinion. Thanks to all for giving me your honest opinions. I appreciate everyone taking the time to post. It was seriously only one or two people out of all the lovely people who posted things that were overly judgmental, IMO.
 
was seriously only one or two people out of all the lovely people who posted things that were overly judgmental, IMO.
Seriously, don't sweat it and don't get upset about it. There are so many people here, of course everyone will have different opinions. That's the beauty (and sometimes the agony) of a discussion board. If you're going to be happy here (at all), sometimes you've just gotta let stuff roll. But please don't criticize people who took time to post and help you.
 
Maybe I'm backpedalling a bit, and I'm sure I'm too defensive. In making these posts, I am taking a step back now, and just taking in the opinions. I didn't think from the start I was underpaying or had unrealistic expectations, but I am taking it all in, and processing. :rotfl: Maybe I did! Certainly something to think about next year.

Thanks to all, and I apologize for any defensive behaviour or anything else that offended.

Going to sprinkle some pixie dust on myself, and go on about my day! :wizard:
 
Seriously, don't sweat it and don't get upset about it. There are so many people here, of course everyone will have different opinions. That's the beauty (and sometimes the agony) of a discussion board. If you're going to be happy here (at all), sometimes you've just gotta let stuff roll. But please don't criticize people who took time to post and help you.

Good points! I completely agree. Again, thanks to you and to all who took the time to post and make all of the sensible comments. I am stepping back, and letting it all roll! :)
 
I agree, and I thought I could take it! :rotfl: I won't be posting anything personal again though! Stuff about amount of money paid, and what is reasonable to expect I can take. Stuff about my parenting, and my son, is too personally offensive so that's why I won't do it again.

You put the info out there about your kids so you can not expect people not to comment that their behavior may have contributed to this not working. Yes you might have gotten a dud of a babysitter but you painted a picture of how your kids were. Take ownership of that.
 
I guess I don’t understand why you didn’t want to “deal” with scheduling things? They are your children.

As for scheduling activities, I gave her a bunch of suggestions. I wasn't going to micromanage the days - just go with the flow every day and to decide when to go or exactly what to do each day from my suggestions or something that she would come up with herself.


I can totally understand why the OP didn't want to plan the day if it was the kids/sitter who were going to be doing the activity. If they're going to be doing it, they should arrange it.

DS's best friend has a sitter for the summer. DD gets along well with the friend's little sister. (The friend also has 2 brothers.)

I am working part-time this summer. I work 3 days per week. On the other days I am at home and the friend's mother is always trying to plan outings for the kids on the days I am home. Pool/park/picnic, etc.

I can't tell you how many times I have gotten calls from the Mom (from work) saying "I know you were supposed to meet at 11, but the sitter and the kids are running late. How about 11:30?" then 10 minutes later "They still haven't left yet. How about 11:45?" or "I know we had arranged ____, but my other son's friend invited them to the pool. Can you go to the pool instead of the park?" I know the sitter has my number. I've given it to her personally. I don't know why she doesn't just call me herself. It's silly.

(I kind of dread the meet-up-with-the-babysitter calls because, although their sitter seems nice, we just don't have anything in common, so it's kind of hard to small talk while the kids are doing whatever. I imagine it's equally weird for her. I would really be fine if she just called to cancel. But the kids love spending time with their friends... so I do it.)
 





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