I Am So Aggravated With My Husband

[lovinwdw]

He really aggravates me!! My uncle passed away New Year's night and the viewing is going to be on Wednesday evening. Medicaid is paying for it, so we can only have a 1 hour viewing. He refuses to take the time off from work to come with me!! He is using the excuse that he was out of work last Wednesday because he was sick with a fever. It is his late night. He works until 10:00. It amazes me, because he is constantly doing favors for people at work. One night he worked until midnight, because someone asked him to cover his shift. He can't leave because someone has to be there. He is a drug and alcohol counselor.

We had our family Christmas party in the afternoon on New Year's Eve. He didn't come with me. He stayed home. I get embarrassed going to these things by myself. I didn't get married to go to these things by myself. His father is the same way...work comes first. It drives me crazy. I keep telling him that work is not the most important thing in life.

I really had to vent...thank you for listening!!

 

[Disney Doll]

Have you told him of your frustrations and concerns? Perhaps he doesn't realize that attending events by yourself is not what you had planned for your marriage to be like. There has to be some compromise.

A funeral is a necessary family event. Perhaps he doesn't have to go to every kids' birthday party in the family, but there are certain things that are "musts" IMHO, and a funeral iss one of them.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, you are not important. I could not stay married to someone like that. I agree with DD. You need to talk, really bad. If you are planning on children this will be a awful thing.

Now DH has a cousin whose marriage is like that, it is weird.

 

[bananiem]

Some people have phobias about funeral homes. My mil has one about hospitals. She wouldn't stay at the hospital for more than 1/2 an hour when fil had his kidney removed due to cancer.
Could your dh have an anxiety disorder about crowds? My dh and I do because we're both claustrophobic (our poor kids! ) but we make it through most events.
Maybe he is just being a jerk, but I feel the need to play Devil's Advocate sometimes. Hope he changes his mind and goes with you. My sympathies on the loss of your uncle.

 

[lovinwdw]

I did talk to him about it yesterday and he got mad at me. He said that my family is inconsiderate because they have family parties on New Years Eve and are only having one viewing time. I explained that this is the only amount of time that Medicaid would pay for and he thinks that is ridiculous!! We had a huge fight over it. HE is very considerate when it comes to some things. When my sister passed away last year he took 3 days off and also took some time off while she was in the hospital. But he was very close with her, as was I. I guess he figrues that because we weren't very close with my uncle, it isn't a big deal. But I just hate going to these things by myself!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You have issues that need to be worked out. You are newly married. Compromise, compromise, compromise.....

I don't blame you for being mad. I would be as well. It is one thing to not go because you absolutley cannot go, but to do it on "principle" is wrong, imho.

 

[Ava83]

My Dh was the same way, he grew up an only child, who was kept away from his cousins and MIL family (reasons there) So family was not made to be a big deal for him, so when he married me it was culture shock.

So we had the same issue when we got married. We came to an agreement (after not understanding each other for awhile) I do not make him go to everything, and he when told he has to go somewhere, goes and is happy. It finally clicked one night for him how his inability to do the family things once in awhile really affected me. And I understood how hard they were for him. So we met in the middle (our life story we are both Type A's, we just start at compromise now)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It took awhile for DH to get used to how "loud" my family was. Then his brother married into a huge Italian family and he saw how loud we weren't. He realized his family was just really quiet.

 

[missypie]

Some people really really really hate to go to viewings/visitations (as opposed to the rest of us who merely hate them). How old is he? If he is fairly young, it may take him a while to realize that funerals are a part of life and even if it is unpleasant and uncomfortable, adults go to these things.

 

[lovinwdw]

Some people really really really hate to go to viewings/visitations (as opposed to the rest of us who merely hate them). How old is he? If he is fairly young, it may take him a while to realize that funerals are a part of life and even if it is unpleasant and uncomfortable, adults go to these things.

My DH is 30. He has been to plenty of wakes and funerals. He has a very large italian family. He is just a workaholic and does not like to take days off. That is what makes me so mad!!!

 

[RadioFanatic]

he sounds VERY obnoxious to me. Did he offer to pay for extra viewing times? and how is it rude to have a party on NYE? he also sounds ridiculous.

 

[canwegosoon]

I am what I call an executive widow...my DH always works...I do have to tell you that things generally do not get better(people really don't change too much). I am sorry to say that you are probably going to have to come to a peace about these things or let it drive you apart. I am sure he is there for his family things...but he is not going to make more time for you and your family...unless he has to...but if you figure out what that is, let me know too.