I am LIVID!!!!

[sk!mom]

my sil is what you would call "strong headed" and if she doesn't get her way 150% then she calls people names and throws fits. Well quite frankly I want to enjoy myself and since we are paying for the trip I can choose not to invite them- and we can have more fun.

so now all my planning is out the freaking window because they don't want to go without them- but no one will have a good time because everyone has to walk on eggshells around my sil so she is always happy.

So do we pay for an extra 2 adults and be miserable so he'll want to go or do we just plan something else?

Thanks for listening!

You planned a generous gift, if they decline, then I would move on. I wouldn't get mad, I wouldn't invite anyone else along, and I wouldn't plan anything else instead. I would just say, "Oh, no thank you, well, maybe next year."

Then plan a deluxe trip for your family with the money your saving.

 

[momamy]

Every family has one of those people in it... lol

I would plan the vacation for you and your family. and throw your inlaws a nice dinner.


sounds like you wouldn't be able to please everyone!

 

[DawnM]

What? So she didn't want to go, called it stupid, and now is offended? how can that be? You DID invite them.

What does WDW support that she is so upset about anyway?

Yeah, I am with the others on this....scrap the entire thing, have a great dinner, or send the in-laws somewhere, and just forget Disney for this particular event.

Dawn

WOW such quick responses!! you guys ROCK


well I had originally invited them to go along but she said they would have to see because they don't want to support what WDW supports. she then claimed that people who wanted to go see a mouse are stupid . Then she made some other excuses to why not and then tried to put it all on my bil and that's when I decided that I do not want to pay for them to go and have to listen to her. I told dh that I wanted to go ahead and scrap the whole thing and like give fil and mil a weekend at a local B&B. Then save the money for our next trip with my parents the following year for THEIR 40th and our 10th anniversary.

 

[taitai]

It sounds like you should just graciously bow out and plan something less elaborate. I get where your in-laws are coming from. It is their Anniversary and they are celebrating 40 years of marriage. A big part of that is their kids of which your bil is one. It is perfectly reasonable for them to want all their children to help them celebrate. However, if your sil is making it different than just do something else.

Sorry it is causing you stress.

Taitai

 

[RNtheRN]

Frankly, tell your SIL where to go. What you have offered you IL's is more than generous. If they can't see that, then go without them.

Little story.

Our last two trips to WDW we took my nephew with us. My brother (nephews father) hasn't been around much when DN was growing up. I thought it would be nice to give him a few nice memories of his childhood(he was 16, then 18) when we took him and he greatly appreciated the trips.

This time we chose not to take him because we are trying to save some of our DVC points for a DCL trip in '09. We explained this to him and he completely understood, stating that he was ver happy to have gone on the last two trips.

But...............

My brother callled me about three days after we planned the trip and flipped his lid He screamed at me and cursed as to how "could I even think about going to Disney and not taking my nephew". So I said fine, asked him to fork over the difference for an uprade, plane ticket and a few hundred for spending money.
To this he responded that he can't afford it, and because I make a comfortable living, that I should be the one to foot the bill.

I love my brother dearly, but the simple fact is he's a deadbeat. As much as I would love to take the nephew its not financially doable.

The moral of the story is.................it is nice to help out, but generosity can only count for so much.

Thus endeth the surmon

 

[mari360]

I'm glad you decided to do that Especially after everything she was saying about people that support the mouse. Does she not know how many diehard Dis fans there are. She's lucky you aren't me i would have put her in her place. And not cared if they spoke to me. It actually would have been better for my sanity if they stopped talking to me. hmmmm... just do the B&B for your IL''s. And save the money for the next trip. I would not go with people like that they would RUIN my whole vacation.

 

[abarnold]

Thank you all. RNtheRN- that sounds like something my sil would do. Dawn M- she doesn't like the fact that they have the gay and lesbian week which I find is funny because dh has an uncle that is gay- and she won't let my bil even talk to his uncle because of it. The reason she doesn't like Mickey- is because she used to have a friend in high school that LOVED everything about Mickey (sounds familiar huh??? ) and her friend got tired of her and told her off- since then she said she can't stomach ANYTHING that has to do with Mickey.

I personally think she has lost her mind- none of us can even understand why bil even married her- oh well. I guess what made me so mad yesterday is the fact that she is dictating what gift my in-laws were to get...correction my il's are ALLOWING her to dictate what gift they are to get.

I talked to my dh last night and we agreed- we're going to save up our money go in it with my parents and take a 2-3 week stay at Disney in a couple of years. I think ummm I KNOW I would have more fun with them anyways.

 

[Rylee]

My husband has 2 sisters that have to have their own way! The "loud one" that says and does everything to your face and to anyone else that will listen to her, and the "quiet one" that puts the ideas in her sister's head and sits back quietly once their plan is in motion.

My husband's brother's wife and I are actually referred to as the "Out-Laws." Ah, if they only knew what we call them...

I suspect your husband's parents are trying to keep peace, perhaps they have always catered to their other child's whims, and/or maybe they are truly concerned their other child would feel hurt, if left out of a family vacation.

In any event, I would not give in, unless you and your husband feel it is an arrangement you can be happy with. Also, I definitely would not pay for the SIL & BIL. This is a gift for your husband's parents, a generous gift, and you do not need to extend it to include their other children.

If after some more thought, you decide you could all manage a trip together, your husband should call his sibling and say... "We would like to take Mom and Dad to WDW, it would make them happy if we could all go, here's the amount $$$ it would cost you." Let them decide and be the ones to "disappoint" your husband's parents.

Other wise, I would select a different anniversary gift, perferably one that doesn't involve interaction with you SIL.

Then, I would get busy planning the next trip to WDW for your family.

 

[grumpalina]

Send them on a nice cruise- 3 or 4 night and be done with it!

 

[karajeboo]

I agree, if the BIL and SIL want to go..hey, they are more than welcome to buy their own tickets and make their own resort reservations. But if it means that you are suposed to pay for BIL and SIL for your parent's 40th anniversary present.....that's just crazy in my book. It's VERY generous of you to pay thousands of dollars for mom and dad for their anniversary...but how that HAS to include the mooching BIL and SIL..I don't follow that logic.

I think this would be the ideal situation - that way BIL and SIL are there (if they choose to go) and you made the offer. I would NOT offer to pay one dime toward their vacation, however! This gift is for MIL and FIL, period. And if FIL decides not to do it because BIL and SIL can't go, then I wouldn't offer anything else. Since when do people get to decline a gift and then make you choose something else???? That's just plain rude. I think what you offered them was truly magical and if they can't see that, then it might be money wasted anyway. JMHO

 

[PEANUT1]

sounds like a disaster!!! I am glad you decided not to take them. You in laws sound ungrateful anyway.

 

[FayeW]

If their actual anniversary date is during the trip, then I understand completely why the ILs would want all of their family with them to celebrate the day. If the anniversary is before or after the trip, and would be celebrated with all of their family together at a dinner or family party, and this trip was your gift to them to mark that event, then you are not doing anything wrong by offering the trip to just your in-laws.

There is no way I would pay to bring BIL & SIL. In fact, if they were coming, then I would ask them to contribute to the gift and pay half of mother and father ILs expenses. Then the gift would truly be from all of their family.

 

[Girlpower]

Plan a nice anniversary dinner at a local restaurant. Save a few thousand dollars and put it toward your next family trip. Invite SIL and put up with her for 2 hours.

totally the way to go...

 

[momof3littlelilos]

WOW such quick responses!! you guys ROCK


well I had originally invited them to go along but she said they would have to see because they don't want to support what WDW supports. she then claimed that people who wanted to go see a mouse are stupid . Then she made some other excuses to why not and then tried to put it all on my bil and that's when I decided that I do not want to pay for them to go and have to listen to her. I told dh that I wanted to go ahead and scrap the whole thing and like give fil and mil a weekend at a local B&B. Then save the money for our next trip with my parents the following year for THEIR 40th and our 10th anniversary.

I don't understand why there's an assumption (or offer) that you'd pay their way. They're adults, they know when you'll be there, let them buy their own tickets and pay for their own rooms if they decide that being there for the family event trumps whatever it is they're prostesting and not wanting to support by going to WDW.
IMO it's not reasonable to expect you to pay for BIL and SIL in addition to the original gift offer...even if they were fabulous people.

 

[abarnold]

our original offer was to help pay for the trip for them since bil doesn't make a lot of money (even though TECHNICALLY he makes more than us) that we would pay for the rooms if they paid for everything else. As for the anniversary- their anniversary is in March but we have 4 school aged children that can't take off of school for that trip. So we were planning it for the summer after they had their party and everything else with the whole family- this was something that was supposed to be magical for them and something that they could enjoy with their grandchildren and see the looks on their faces- and what's worse is that the kids REALLY wanted to show Paw Paw and Grammy all the great things about WDW and they don't act like they care now. My parents have even offered to go 2 years in a row (oh darn how could I EVER stomach THAT ) now so that the kids won't miss out.

I think the part that gets me the most is that I allowed myself to get excited- and I really should have seen this coming since every time they PROMISE to come down and visit (we are 4 hours away) something always comes up- now mostly with sil and the new baby (which is a whole different rant ) where they don't want to see our kids as much and the kids feel it and it hurts them- that why I was really looking forward to this trip so that way our kids could have some alone time with them. I just want to scream AAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[DVCJEN]

Plan a nice anniversary dinner at a local restaurant. Save a few thousand dollars and put it toward your next family trip. Invite SIL and put up with her for 2 hours.

I totally agree! Don't crowd somewhere as special as WDW with memories of a miserable, expensive family trip!! Totally not worth the grief!

 

[mari360]

Oh wow. what kind of granparents are they? I go through the same thing when my DD was born i felt as if my MIL put her 2nd to her nephew all the time. If she bought her 1 tshirt he would get 3. then my SIL had another baby a little girl this time and the only time i speak to my MIL is when i call her. Last year on our trip we invited her to come along with us to DIS. we were going to pay for her trip and my other SIL (which i get along with) purchased her the airline ticket and was going to give her spending money. But literally a couple of days before the trip she decided she didn't want to go. That killed me thank god i was able to get back what i paid for her because i had trip insurance but it was so inconsidereate of her. And my SIL lost what she paid for the plane ticket. That was bad. So feel for you with your kids. But remember they have a set of grandparents that LOVE them enough.

 

[chrisw127]

Bow out. Maybe send the ILs on a nice small cruise by themselves.

Sounds like a plan. Truth is, you can't get between your MIL and her daughter. She doesn't see that her daughter is a pain. Better to not fight it.

 

[bopper]

Instead of saying this is an Anniversary present, say that you have invited them to spend time with their grandchildren at Disney. Your parents enjoyed it so much, you wanted them to have a chance too. SIL can plan their own trip another time, this is for some Gparent/Gchild bonding.

 

[flipflop]

Good decision! Although I do understand why your ILs would like to have all of their children/grandchildren on an anniv. trip, after what SIL said, I'd def. not go down to WDW with her. Talk about spending a lot of money to be miserable (and I agree with the other posters who told you not to pay for them). Yuck. Sounds like there are also some competition issues with how much time they spend with your kids vs. SIL. Vacation should be a time of joy.