I Am Having A Debate W/a Male Friend...

[Barbers2005]

i figured this would be this case.....he thought it would be more of a variety of answers....this is the story...i will try to make it short...this is what i got out of the story anyway...years and years ago he was married and it was a bad marriage, wife was fooling around, well he said he got tired of being alone and him and a female friend fooled around, kissed and made out...anyway, stopped befor anything else happend because he felt so guilty...fast forward 6 years to now...this female he did this to is married to his best friend (after she had 2 kids with other guys) and he is re married to someone else (happy marriage) these people hang out at there house sometimes with the kids and stuff...wife finds out about this drama and is upset..she says once a cheater alsways a cheater...he says he did not cheat...also this lady is always at her house and she did not know about this and feels a little betrayed....he is complaining he does not know why she is so mad????

It's funny that your friend felt guilty...but doesn't think he was cheating. He knew he was cheating and just wanted to justify it (and there may be some justification in his case). As far as his current wife, I would feel betrayed too if I were her. It's not so bad that he had a one time fling, but it's really disrespectful for him to invite the woman to his house while his wife was totally ignorant of their past history.

 

[Barbers2005]

Now obviously this would be a big range. Some spouses (like mine) don't mind joking around and laughing with their friends. But some spouses are "stricter" than others...which is why you should be careful who you marry!

ITA! Jealous people should marry each other and permissive people should marry each other- the two don't mix well, in my experience.

 

[misshilda1]

I think if you take the step to kiss,or touch someone in asexual way or are intimate with them in anyway you are a cheater and never had any regard for your spouse or mate otherwise you would have stepped away from not toward it,if itis acceptable than I wonder what the reaction would be if the shoe was on the other foot. I wish people would have some morals about them and some self respect. Oh well if my husband ever pulls that he will have bought him a one way ticket outta my life...

 

[ujpest_doza]

i figured this would be this case.....he thought it would be more of a variety of answers....this is the story...i will try to make it short...this is what i got out of the story anyway...years and years ago he was married and it was a bad marriage, wife was fooling around, well he said he got tired of being alone and him and a female friend fooled around, kissed and made out...anyway, stopped befor anything else happend because he felt so guilty...fast forward 6 years to now...this female he did this to is married to his best friend (after she had 2 kids with other guys) and he is re married to someone else (happy marriage) these people hang out at there house sometimes with the kids and stuff...wife finds out about this drama and is upset..she says once a cheater alsways a cheater...he says he did not cheat...also this lady is always at her house and she did not know about this and feels a little betrayed....he is complaining he does not know why she is so mad????

It is none of his current wifes business as it is something that happened in the past before he met her.

What was then was then, what is now is now.

I also think he stopped short of cheating as well as it happens.

 

[livie1205]

one- i have been his friend longer BUT i DO think it is his current wifes concern because this person comes into her home and vice versa...also she is now thinking if he could do that to someone he was married to could he do that to me (i dont think he would) BUT this is something that just came out...new to her. ok it came out because this girl lets just say got around and had babies with 2 men (they all work together) and one of the guys already had a wife..YEH anyway well her now husband was mad because i guess he thinks she slept with everyone so this guy didnt want to say hey we messed around too.. and another friend told him they DID have sex (both say no we didnt)....so thats how it came out... I AM SO GLAD NOT TO HAVE ANY OF THIS DRAMA LOL

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I think what the guy did in his 1st marriage is cheating. I doubt anyone would think differently, if it was their spouse who was fooling around.

As far as "once a cheater always a cheater", I really believe that if you love someone as much as you should, you wouldn't consider cheating on them. If you cheat on your spouse once, you will most likely do it again. That said, just because you didn't love your 1st spouse enough, doesn't mean you wouldn't love another with all your heart & never cheat.

The guy should have told his 2nd wife about the situation, before originally getting together with the other couple. Since he didn't do that, it probably would have been better for all involved, if the current wife never found out about the cheating. He wasn't cheating on her, & he may never. Now that she knows, I could understand if she no longer wants to hang out with the other couple. The strain on their relationship just wouldn't be worth it. I would hope the guy would respect that & do what's best for his marriage.

 

[ptcruisermom]

another question on cheating-

You have what you think is a steady BF for two years, M word has been mentioned but live 3 hours from each other, and lady still has teen agers, so M not really possible due to mans job. Make a long story short lady finds out Man has been in a single site chatting and even meeting some of the women, she confronts man he says it is all friendship, nothing to it. Even though he has paid for some of these dinners out. he said he didn't lie or cheat lady says he did. what is all of yoru opinions

 

[misshilda1]

I'd say more than likely you have a cheater or wanna be cheater on your hands. If he wants friends then he should be on a mixed friends site not a singles site.Hence forth the word SINGLE.It's not our fault when trouble finds us but when we go looking for it then it was intentional.And before I get flamed yes you can have friends of the opposite sex and have dinner and so on and not be a cheater but if my husband were pickin up hookers or something then I would question his motives and pretty much no they were not honorable.Good luck but don't look thru the window with the blinds shut keep them open to make sure....

 

[ujpest_doza]

another question on cheating-

You have what you think is a steady BF for two years, M word has been mentioned but live 3 hours from each other, and lady still has teen agers, so M not really possible due to mans job. Make a long story short lady finds out Man has been in a single site chatting and even meeting some of the women, she confronts man he says it is all friendship, nothing to it. Even though he has paid for some of these dinners out. he said he didn't lie or cheat lady says he did. what is all of yoru opinions

If you're in a steady relationship why would you even go on dating websites?

3 hours drive is quite a distance as well, far from ideal.

 

[Barbers2005]

another question on cheating-

You have what you think is a steady BF for two years, M word has been mentioned but live 3 hours from each other, and lady still has teen agers, so M not really possible due to mans job. Make a long story short lady finds out Man has been in a single site chatting and even meeting some of the women, she confronts man he says it is all friendship, nothing to it. Even though he has paid for some of these dinners out. he said he didn't lie or cheat lady says he did. what is all of yoru opinions

I would say he is either cheating or trying to. There is no honorable reason for him to be chatting on a singles site. And taking several of these women out to dinner? It sounds fishy. Besides, if there were nothing sneaky going on, the lady wouldn't need to "find out"- her boyfriend would have told her already.

 

[misshilda1]

Bust him and dump him he's up to no good.

 

[allyphoe]

he said he didn't lie or cheat lady says he did. what is all of yoru opinions

She should find a different guy. It doesn't matter a bit whether I think his behavior was inappropriate; if she thinks it's unacceptable and he thinks it's fine, and they can't close that expectation gap, eventually it's going to cause more serious problems.

 

[dfarner]

I'm going to say anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse (or significant other) is cheating.

Absolutely!!

 

[ptcruisermom]

I'd say more than likely you have a cheater or wanna be cheater on your hands. If he wants friends then he should be on a mixed friends site not a singles site.Hence forth the word SINGLE.It's not our fault when trouble finds us but when we go looking for it then it was intentional.And before I get flamed yes you can have friends of the opposite sex and have dinner and so on and not be a cheater but if my husband were pickin up hookers or something then I would question his motives and pretty much no they were not honorable.Good luck but don't look thru the window with the blinds shut keep them open to make sure....

yep kept the blinds shut too long-now I'm the bad guy on this one, oh wel lhis loss. Thanks for your reply

 

[ptcruisermom]

If you're in a steady relationship why would you even go on dating websites?

3 hours drive is quite a distance as well, far from ideal.

Yes it is quite a drive and he had to make it every week end He has no obligations, (kids that live with him ) I have thre one in 20's one teen and one teenage, their father does no visitation so I have them 24/7 so hard for me to get away


I agree steady relationship shouldn't be checking those sites out. But I am worn according to him and his friends on the site

 

[ptcruisermom]

I would say he is either cheating or trying to. There is no honorable reason for him to be chatting on a singles site. And taking several of these women out to dinner? It sounds fishy. Besides, if there were nothing sneaky going on, the lady wouldn't need to "find out"- her boyfriend would have told her already.

All of my sentimetns exactly, nothing to it so why wsn't i told?????????????????

If he felt like he wanted out why didn't he say so. He won't answer me on the WHY just says he did nothing wrong oh well his loss