I am beyond livid at the teacher

[Erin1700]

OP here...
not quite sure where you guys feel I got involved inappropriately. The mom called ME after meeting the teacher in the store. Of course the mom continues to say it was all a practical joke and that now here DD had the end of the year ruined. Well, what about the little girl with the wet pants?? what about the other kids who were targeted?

UPDATE...the teacher DID indeed tell the mom that it was my kid who sent her an email. Teacher claims she thought the mom knew????? HELLO! But let's be realistic, accidents happen. If she really did ACCIDENTLY let it slip, that would be one thing. But to stand in the middle of the store and gossip with the mom about whether or not my kid could have emailed alone and say she was surprised my DD tattled b/c she doesnt normally...IS WRONG!! And to stand by the fact that the bully was just trying to be funny, is a slap in the face to the little girl who was bullied.
Not sure what will be done about it. Teacher claims she LOVES DD. DH said if she did she wouldnt have thrown her under the bus! I believe he is on the phone with the principal as I type. I will let all of you know the outcome.

 

[happygirl]

OP here...
not quite sure where you guys feel I got involved inappropriately. The mom called ME after meeting the teacher in the store. Of course the mom continues to say it was all a practical joke and that now here DD had the end of the year ruined. Well, what about the little girl with the wet pants?? what about the other kids who were targeted?

UPDATE...the teacher DID indeed tell the mom that it was my kid who sent her an email. Teacher claims she thought the mom knew????? HELLO! But let's be realistic, accidents happen. If she really did ACCIDENTLY let it slip, that would be one thing. But to stand in the middle of the store and gossip with the mom about whether or not my kid could have emailed alone and say she was surprised my DD tattled b/c she doesnt normally...IS WRONG!! And to stand by the fact that the bully was just trying to be funny, is a slap in the face to the little girl who was bullied.
Not sure what will be done about it. Teacher claims she LOVES DD. DH said if she did she wouldnt have thrown her under the bus! I believe he is on the phone with the principal as I type. I will let all of you know the outcome.

It sounds like the bully mom played you. I'm sure the bully got in trouble by the teacher. The bully mom knew you would go off on the teacher about it, and she got what she wanted. In all of that teacher looks like the bad guy and the bully is forgotten about

 

[Erin1700]

Well, obviously, until the OP talks to the teacher, the truth will never be known. Believe it or not, as others have stated, it is usually SOOOOO easy to know who told, just from a minor detail or two.

I stand by my original post when I say that, at this point, to be telling the teacher after the fact, something that is not truly physically threatening... but the old 'ice' thing.... would be considered by most people to be tattling.

Unless 'bully' did something directly to the OP's daughter.
Or, unless the bully did something that involved physical contact or threat to another student (like the boy actually shoving another child OFF the slide on another recent thread) I don't see that this is the big incident that would warrant 'telling'.

Why is the OP's daughter even considered a 'friend' of the bully???

Was the OP's daughter involved???

Was she personally bullied, or somehow complicit in the bullying???

To be honest, I am thinking that OP's daughter is in a tiff with the bully, is looking to tattle just to try to get bully in trouble. Why else, all of the sudden, her absolute determination to email the teacher.

To any unanswered questions here.

NEVERTHELESS: Now that the OP and her daughter are involved... And they are receiving phone calls from Ms.Bully, it is now way beyond that, and I see more complex problems on their hands.

My DD was considered a friend of the bully b/c they are in the same sport and the mom and I talk sometimes.
However, the child who WAS bullied is a lifelong family friend. This child and mine also just received their First Communion together at church and went thru a year of CCD teaching them to be good to others. I again have no idea how any of you could think it is ok to stand by and let a child be humiliated in front of her peers. Would this girl have stood up for my kid if the tables were turned??? I know she would! Would the bully??? No way.


My DD was not in a tiff with the bully. She was upset that she was caught btwn the 2. And the email she sent was more along the lines of "Please talk to the girl who was bullied, she is upset and afraid to tell you" NOT "You know what bully did??? I'll rat her out"

 

[Darsa]

I would have to agree with you Erin. It looks like from what you've said that I'd react in exactly the same manner.

I'm sorry you and your DD have to deal with this at the very end of the year, which is supposed to be a fun time for the kids.

 

[Erin1700]

I would have to agree with you Erin. It looks like from what you've said that I'd react in exactly the same manner.

I'm sorry you and your DD have to deal with this at the very end of the year, which is supposed to be a fun time for the kids.

Thank you!! It isnt easy being a parent is it??

 

[Tink888]

You counsel the op to talk to the teacher and then you tell her to "throw the teacher under the bus."

Amazing.... just amazing.

Not sure what you find so amazing.

The incident happened at school so the OP was absolutely correct in not getting involved and letting the school handle it. Her daughter did the right thing.

These kids are PREACHED to by teachers, administrators and anti-bullying programs to come forward when they are either a victim of or witness to bullying. They are TOLD they will remain anonymous.

Parents are advised if there's an incident in school to let the school handle it and NOT to get involved with the other parents for the sole reason of preventing the situation from escalating.

The daughter did what she was supposed to do. The OP was then confronted by the bully's mother. At that point the OP should contact the teacher and get her side of the story and if the teacher acted inappropriately then, yeah, absolutely, the principal needs to know about it and the teachers deserves to be "thrown under the bus" which is EXACTLY what the teacher did to that child.

Not amazing at all. What IS AMAZING is a child who throws ice down another child's pants so their subjected to ridicule for appearing to wet themselves. A mother who thinks it's FUNNY that her child did that and then proceeds to CONTACT the OP about it. And a teacher who felt that rather than take the appropriate action to discreetly deal with the matter, thought it better to gossip about it in a grocery store and give up the girl who told.

Nothing against teachers, they're human and make mistakes like everyone else. And when they do, especially over something like this, the principal deserves to and should know about it.

 

[Erin1700]

Thank you Tink I couldnt have said it better myself.

I will be the first one to tell you my kids faults but she is good in school and not afraid to talk to adults. Our arguement to the teacher and principal is now she will be afraid to tell anything.

 

[declansdad]

The daughter did what she was supposed to do. The OP was then confronted by the bully's mother. At that point the OP should contact the teacher and get her side of the story and if the teacher acted inappropriately then, yeah, absolutely, the principal needs to know about it and the teachers deserves to be "thrown under the bus" which is EXACTLY what the teacher did to that child.

If this is what you had originally said, I would have agreed with you completely but that isn't what you said. You told the OP to call the teacher to get her side of the story and then call the principal to throw her under the bus. You said nothing about finding out if the story was true or not.

OP - since you have talked to the teacher and confirmed that she did discuss your daughter with the bully's mom, I would make a complaint to the principal.

 

[RitaZ.]

OP here...
not quite sure where you guys feel I got involved inappropriately. The mom called ME after meeting the teacher in the store. Of course the mom continues to say it was all a practical joke and that now here DD had the end of the year ruined. Well, what about the little girl with the wet pants?? what about the other kids who were targeted?

UPDATE...the teacher DID indeed tell the mom that it was my kid who sent her an email. Teacher claims she thought the mom knew????? HELLO! But let's be realistic, accidents happen. If she really did ACCIDENTLY let it slip, that would be one thing. But to stand in the middle of the store and gossip with the mom about whether or not my kid could have emailed alone and say she was surprised my DD tattled b/c she doesnt normally...IS WRONG!! And to stand by the fact that the bully was just trying to be funny, is a slap in the face to the little girl who was bullied.
Not sure what will be done about it. Teacher claims she LOVES DD. DH said if she did she wouldnt have thrown her under the bus! I believe he is on the phone with the principal as I type. I will let all of you know the outcome.

Sounds like the mom intimidated or caught the teacher off guard at the store. In any event, the teacher shouldn't have divulged that information to the mom. Takes a lot of confidence not to be manipulated by an overbearing parent, aka bully.

I hope this problem is addressed by the principal. The mom is a total idiot! She doesn't get that it's her job to teach her daughter to respect others. She is too busy fighting anyone that will say anything negative about her 'precious'. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree in this case. Unfortunately, due to her living in denial, her daughter will continue to bully those around her. Unless, someone in the school decides to put a stop to it.

The mom said that it was all a practical joke, right? Well, next time you run into her, slap the heck out of her.

Once you are done beating the crap out of her, tell her that it was all a practical joke. I'm sure she'll understand.

 

[Tink888]

If this is what you had originally said, I would have agreed with you completely but that isn't what you said. You told the OP to call the teacher to get her side of the story and then call the principal to throw her under the bus. You said nothing about finding out if the story was true or not.
OP - since you have talked to the teacher and confirmed that she did discuss your daughter with the bully's mom, I would make a complaint to the principal.

Well, then I apologize that there was a misinterpretation between the way I worded it and how you read it.

But honestly and IMHO, as soon as the OP got a confrontational call from the bully's parent regarding an incident that the school was to have handled, that one action alone justified it being escalated to the principal and making them aware of the situation. And the principal could have sorted it out from there.

It's one thing for an adult employee to be questioned and possibly reprimanded for their actions and quite another for an 8 year old and her parents to be ostracized and harassed for doing the right thing (and what the school encourages students to do in the first place). That it turns out the teacher was blantantly irresponsible just makes it all the more infuriating.

 

[Erin1700]

NEW UPDATE

The principal said that everything we thought the teacher said and did was TRUE!! He said he has zero tolerance for a teacher discussing other children with parents. He agreed that what the teacher did was WRONG!
Now, only to make matters worse for the bully...she was "playing" and pinched 3 kids including mine in the face today. She had to write an apology and then when the teacher was not looking, instructed the kids NOT to show their parents.
I called to talk to the teacher and she had already left so they put me through to the principal. I did NOT play the "my child is a victim" card at all. I told him to please have the teacher open her eyes and see that this bully needs help. I called b/c the teacher sent a note saying please call her. I did tell the principal that I was thankful for the teacher handling the situation at school today.

Do I think the mom will somehow blame us for this? sure. She has already said that her DDs year is ending bad b/c the teacher found out about the ice thing. So what does that tell ya? Her DD is not held accountable for anything.
Oh, the principal said he was not aware of the ice thing, that the teacher handled it herself but he said to him it is a HUGE deal, not just a funny prank.

I must keep repeating to myself "This too shall pass"

 

[Stacerita]

How many more days of school?

 

[Erin1700]

How many more days of school?

Half days the rest of the week and then an hour on Monday.
Unfortunately, they swim on the same swim team in the summer, but not in the same lane. We go to the meets so we can monitor them there.

 

[akhenaten]

NEW UPDATE


Now, only to make matters worse for the bully...she was "playing" and pinched 3 kids including mine in the face today. She had to write an apology and then when the teacher was not looking, instructed the kids NOT to show their parents.



I must keep repeating to myself "This too shall pass"

How old is this girl?? nasty

Glad the principal sounds like he is taking it seriously...

 

[becjlek]

can you request they not be in the same classroom next year?

 

[Erin1700]

These are second graders!!!!

I think I will request they not be put together. There are 11 second grades, so I am sure that wont be a problem.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Sounds like the mom intimidated or caught the teacher off guard at the store. In any event, the teacher shouldn't have divulged that information to the mom. Takes a lot of confidence not to be manipulated by an overbearing parent, aka bully.

I hope this problem is addressed by the principal. The mom is a total idiot! She doesn't get that it's her job to teach her daughter to respect others. She is too busy fighting anyone that will say anything negative about her 'precious'. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree in this case. Unfortunately, due to her living in denial, her daughter will continue to bully those around her. Unless, someone in the school decides to put a stop to it.

The mom said that it was all a practical joke, right? Well, next time you run into her, slap the heck out of her.

Once you are done beating the crap out of her, tell her that it was all a practical joke. I'm sure she'll understand.

ITA! (love that animated smilie, Rita!)

Erin, I applaud the way you're handling it, until people realize that bullying involves humiliation as well as physical abuse, it's not going to get better.

 

[horseshowmom]

These are second graders!!!!

I think I will request they not be put together. There are 11 second grades, so I am sure that wont be a problem.

I agree.

 

[Buckalew11]

As the mom of a bullied child, please keep up with this as the school year starts next year. hopefully the bully will grow up a bit but the sad thing is, bully tends to get worse after 2nd grade, not better.
I always thought time away over the summer would make things better but it certainly did not. Ours seemed to be more mental abuse than physical abuse (although physical abuse did happen). I regret thinking "this too shall pass." It may and it may not.

 

[Wishing on a star]

WOW! What an update.

Yes, OP, you done good!!!!
These types things definitely need reported and dealt with!!!!

I don't think that anyone thought the daughter and the OP should never say anything, and just turn a blind eye to a 'possible' bully.
And, if the teacher spoke inappropriately, which she did, this should be handled as well.
We really just didn't have the full info.

From the updates, it is obvious that this girl truly is a bully, and that it is time for others to step up and report the problem. And, clearly, the way the daughter and the OP have stepped forward is warranted.

I hope this situation improves on all fronts!!!!