I almost cried... (people don't understand)

[a1tinkfans]

Yesterday I was at my Mom's house for our weekly family dinner and a friend of the family, who is like another sister to us all, was over and asked me to bring my Disney planning binder. She said she wanted to pick my brain and share in my excitement about going. So I did. She was fantastic and asking a MILLION questions about how did you find out about this and I never heard of that, etc. (of course I told her the DIS is the place to go! ) One of my sisters was sitting at the table following along and picking up tips, etc as well. My friend told me she has been going to WDW almost every year for the last 15 years and she STILL didn't know half of the stuff I told her yesterday. She asked to see the shirts we made, etc. It really felt good because she was helping me get more excited (I really wasn't feeling it because our spending money budget is so tight) about the trip and all I have done to be efficient so everyone gets the most out of their trip. Until...

Her husband turned to mine and said... "geeze... she has everything all planned out, schedules (aka touring plans, which BTW are just loose plans because nothing is set in stone with a toddler and two boys), when and where you eat... like, everything". To which my bone-headed husband says..."yeah, she does, hey honey, what time do I get to go to the bathroom when we are at Magic Kingdom??".

I was so upset. I have busted my rump for the last few months trying to plan and make the most of this trip because I don't know when we will be able to go back again. I have spent countless hours trying to save money by planning ahead, comparing prices, shopping around, etc. Then to just have it dismissed like it was all so stupid or trivial, really hurt my feeling.

How did I deal with it, you might ask?? I stood up from the table, put both hands on the table, leaned over the table and said to my husband, "fine, you can go (expletive), I will get the kids up, and dressed when we are supposed to and I will get on the (expletive) bus and go on my (expletive) merry way and you can have a grand ole time fending for your(expletive)self and trying to find us or ANYTHING, for that matter. And oh.. btw, I will have your kttw card so good luck getting back into the (expletive) room or getting something to eat once you realize you will never find us over the 48 sq (expletive) mile property. HAVE FUN, JERK!"

Everyone kinda and pretended they didn't hear a thing. LOL

On the way home DH apologized. I told him I was fighting back tears and he said..."it was just a joke". Yeah, at my expense, not funny.

Am I really a weirdo or am I a "normal" person with a touch of Disney hysteria? Has anyone had a similar experience?

nancy,
You are so not alone. Though my experience was not exactly like yours, it truly Irks me when the DH says something like, "yeah, back from another great vacation" with that bit of attitude that he does not like it.
And YES, he goes because he knows how much I love it...and I am a planner......And of course its in front of his siblings and all....so I usually just look at him and then shrug and then walk away (so I don't crown him, LOL)
So, no you are not alone in your passion for Disney...I think sometimes that the only people that understand it are those here on the DIS
By the way, when he realizes that he ticked me off, he usually says, that he likes it because he sees how much I like it and my ds does.....so, I say, WHATEVER, I will not stop going...I just am sure to plan
"his" vacation idea so that he also gets his fix....for now he wants Mexico....so more planning for me........
Have a WONDERFUL time making MAGICAL memories on your trip, LUCKY you!!...

 

[ZoZo]

I'm sorry about the negative feedback. Even if people don't agree with you, there's no need to be outright mean about it. Remember, though, if you post things that are that personal on a chat board, you're bound to hear both positive and negative. And you did ask for people's opinions!

I do agree with other posters; it does seem that you did overreact. Your response seemed to be out of proportion with what appeared to be some teasing about your extensive planning. But there's obviously more to this situation than meets the eye - perhaps his comment was the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back". No way for us to know.

 

[delaneyc52]

After 35 yrs. of marriage...knowing DH for a total of 49 years....and just under 50 trips to Disney, all I can say is that it will get better!

I always did/do all the planning...a bit too commando in the beginning..but I eased up along the way. We are at the happy point. I plan, he brings his Hidden Mickey book. I give him the required daily pool time - with a beer of course and all is well with the Disney World. If I took every remark he made to me regarding my Disney plans seriously, we would not be in our little blissful marital state! Now if I could only get him on the cruise..... sigh....

 

[DisneyBrideToni]

I think that if I talked to my husband like that in front of people I would be heading to divorce court instead of Disney.

 

[mhmcduff]

This is enough already- We have a board about the most magical place in the world!!-Enjoy your trip- it will be magical and I am confident everyone will fit in bathroom breaks!! ha ha! Have fun!!!

 

[yrdlyprincess]

ahhh- I have had people say that to me b4, that I plan so much for this trip, and even DH has made fun of it--which I basicly say the same thing to him but with more &%$@ words. I have gotten over the fact of getting angry about it and just say I know that I will have a good vacation (at least my kids will) and have told DH that if he didn't like it- he could stay HOME.

 

[MAH4546]

Yes, you completely overreacted and no, your reaction is not normal. I am a planner when it comes to Disney, but I know when to lighten up and realize I'm becoming too obsessive about our plans.

It's a vacation, not a war plan.

And if I would have been your husband, well, you would have been going on your over-planned, every-minute-planned-out vacation by yourself.

I can't imagine *ever* talking to my DH that way.

Agreed!

I can't believe you would treat your husband in such a way! It's really shocking.

 

[aubriee]

My jaw was on the floor for that entire rant. It dropped another floor at the last statment...

Oh, Bratmomma, I think that was is supposed to be a fun family trip has turned into something else for you - and that it isn't creating a positive effect on you & your relationship with your spouse. But what really concerns me is what you recently stated, this is just the way you are....though to say that you are all 'loud, outspoken' folks seems to be a bit of a stretch, because most uproarious men I have encountered would in no way cower down to someone speaking to them that way.

I am saddened by how many people are backing your behavior up. How is it ever alright to speak to another person (and we're even not talking about *any* person here, but your partner, your lover, your avowed friend for life - your spouse!) in such a condescending, rude & downright hateful manner? Can you imagine how you would have reacted if he had done the same to you? Imagine if you had teased him about his preparations for an upcoming meeting for work? He had been working on his presentation for days, working up charts and writing up a speech, and when you were all together with friends and family, you gave him a ribbing about how endlessly he was going - that you & the children wondered if he'd ever come to dinner again? Now imagine if he stood up from the dinner table and towered over you, hurling a stream of obscenities at you, telling you to f- off. How would that make you feel?

And this is why I have a problem with the post: the last couple lines are the killers. That your husband came to you afterwards & apologized for the situation and *you* said *you* were the one fighting back tears?! Can you imagine how embarassing and hurtful it must have been for him to publicly recieve such a lashing from his partner? I am very sad & hurt for your husband. I am very sad for you that you think what you did is in any way acceptable & that you have come to a public forum asking for backup.

No, this is not "normal" behavior - it is awful behavior, and you very much need to apologize. Your DH teased you about your overplanning. Look, I love WDW just as much as the next guy, but dang! No one deserves such a reaction to a gentle tease. I am sorry you feel you're being criticized here, but I think most of us are just appalled to hear of one spouse speaking to another that way. My mother used to speak to my dad like that; after 30 years of absorbing such bad behavior, he finally stood up & walked out on her. I sincerely hope your path doesn't lead that way. I would highly reccomend some couples' counseling or at the very least, read The Proper Care & Feeding. Everyone, particularly your husband, needs respect. And you just annihilated that.

I agree 100% with this post. Sorry, but my jaw almost hit the floor reading all the things the OP said to her husband. If my husband acted like the OP, it wouldn't be an apology I'd be giving, it'd be a divorce.

 

[Danauk]

I too have to agree with the posters that have said you were out of line. I too am a complete over planner, my DH on more than one occasion has asked where his bathroom breaks are on the plan, but I know that he is joking. Have you seen the youtube clips of Hitler finding out about the changes at Epcot and Hitler not getting a Le Cellier reservation? (They are very funny BTW) They are mickey takes about elements of obsessive Disney planning, my DH says I am like them; they have a war map and the leaders are pretending it is Epcot pointing out where the troups will go and at what time - he says that is me! But the think is, I know he is right and I find it quite funny!!

 

[bratmomma]

Thank you all for your concern (and alarm). DH and I have discussed it further, and we are both satisfied with the outcome of that discussion. DH and I have moved on from it. I certainly hope everyone here can do the same.

I would remove the post but it has been quoted so many times that it wouldn't do any good anyhow.

Thanks again.

 

[inkedupmomma]

You sure DH doesn't want a divorce you over planning nut job... So funny how out of control this thread has gotten! Nothing but criticism and negativity! Op asked your opinion, not to be bashed and told what a four letter word she is. Honestly how is that at all helpful, or constructive. Furthermore, pot calling the kettle black much? Let's leave it alone. I think she knows she was out of line a bit, and obviously her and her DH are fine. Mods close this thread already, por favor

 

[leighe]

She ought to be called out if she posts on an internet message board about such ridiculous behavior! Her husband made a joke and she reacted by screaming and cursing at the table in front of her family?

Good lord people! I love the mouse too but it's just a vacation!

 

[DisneyStiles]

I am the husband - and I'm the overplanner and my wife does not get it?

Bottom line - we all blow it and this lady needs to be cut some slack. That being said she is the one that needs to apologize and consider very carefully what led her to say what she did and way she did it (it was not the comment!). If this was discussed without proper apologizes and discussion on how to handle similar situations - as they happen in all marriages - then the cycle will repeat itself.

If this feels like bashing then......