I almost cried... (people don't understand)

[allison443]

Yesterday I was at my Mom's house for our weekly family dinner and a friend of the family, who is like another sister to us all, was over and asked me to bring my Disney planning binder. She said she wanted to pick my brain and share in my excitement about going. So I did. She was fantastic and asking a MILLION questions about how did you find out about this and I never heard of that, etc. (of course I told her the DIS is the place to go! ) One of my sisters was sitting at the table following along and picking up tips, etc as well. My friend told me she has been going to WDW almost every year for the last 15 years and she STILL didn't know half of the stuff I told her yesterday. She asked to see the shirts we made, etc. It really felt good because she was helping me get more excited (I really wasn't feeling it because our spending money budget is so tight) about the trip and all I have done to be efficient so everyone gets the most out of their trip. Until...

Her husband turned to mine and said... "geeze... she has everything all planned out, schedules (aka touring plans, which BTW are just loose plans because nothing is set in stone with a toddler and two boys), when and where you eat... like, everything". To which my bone-headed husband says..."yeah, she does, hey honey, what time do I get to go to the bathroom when we are at Magic Kingdom??".

I was so upset. I have busted my rump for the last few months trying to plan and make the most of this trip because I don't know when we will be able to go back again. I have spent countless hours trying to save money by planning ahead, comparing prices, shopping around, etc. Then to just have it dismissed like it was all so stupid or trivial, really hurt my feeling.

How did I deal with it, you might ask?? I stood up from the table, put both hands on the table, leaned over the table and said to my husband, "fine, you can go (expletive), I will get the kids up, and dressed when we are supposed to and I will get on the (expletive) bus and go on my (expletive) merry way and you can have a grand ole time fending for your(expletive)self and trying to find us or ANYTHING, for that matter. And oh.. btw, I will have your kttw card so good luck getting back into the (expletive) room or getting something to eat once you realize you will never find us over the 48 sq (expletive) mile property. HAVE FUN, JERK!"

Everyone kinda and pretended they didn't hear a thing. LOL

On the way home DH apologized. I told him I was fighting back tears and he said..."it was just a joke". Yeah, at my expense, not funny.

Am I really a weirdo or am I a "normal" person with a touch of Disney hysteria? Has anyone had a similar experience?

I just want to add that I totally agree with you that it is necessary to plan to get the most out of a WDW vacation. We don't go as often as a lot of others on here, so I also plan our days to get the most out of the trip. It was more that I was kind of taken aback by your reaction (the expletives I guess were part of it) and that you seemed real proud of it. I guess I saw it as him making a joke in response to the other guy's comments. You know your dynamic better though.

 

[edandcolleen1995]

Yesterday I was at my Mom's house for our weekly family dinner and a friend of the family, who is like another sister to us all, was over and asked me to bring my Disney planning binder. She said she wanted to pick my brain and share in my excitement about going. So I did. She was fantastic and asking a MILLION questions about how did you find out about this and I never heard of that, etc. (of course I told her the DIS is the place to go! ) One of my sisters was sitting at the table following along and picking up tips, etc as well. My friend told me she has been going to WDW almost every year for the last 15 years and she STILL didn't know half of the stuff I told her yesterday. She asked to see the shirts we made, etc. It really felt good because she was helping me get more excited (I really wasn't feeling it because our spending money budget is so tight) about the trip and all I have done to be efficient so everyone gets the most out of their trip. Until...

Her husband turned to mine and said... "geeze... she has everything all planned out, schedules (aka touring plans, which BTW are just loose plans because nothing is set in stone with a toddler and two boys), when and where you eat... like, everything". To which my bone-headed husband says..."yeah, she does, hey honey, what time do I get to go to the bathroom when we are at Magic Kingdom??".

I was so upset. I have busted my rump for the last few months trying to plan and make the most of this trip because I don't know when we will be able to go back again. I have spent countless hours trying to save money by planning ahead, comparing prices, shopping around, etc. Then to just have it dismissed like it was all so stupid or trivial, really hurt my feeling.

How did I deal with it, you might ask?? I stood up from the table, put both hands on the table, leaned over the table and said to my husband, "fine, you can go (expletive), I will get the kids up, and dressed when we are supposed to and I will get on the (expletive) bus and go on my (expletive) merry way and you can have a grand ole time fending for your(expletive)self and trying to find us or ANYTHING, for that matter. And oh.. btw, I will have your kttw card so good luck getting back into the (expletive) room or getting something to eat once you realize you will never find us over the 48 sq (expletive) mile property. HAVE FUN, JERK!"

Everyone kinda and pretended they didn't hear a thing. LOL

On the way home DH apologized. I told him I was fighting back tears and he said..."it was just a joke". Yeah, at my expense, not funny.

Am I really a weirdo or am I a "normal" person with a touch of Disney hysteria? Has anyone had a similar experience?

Wow, I have to say I think you totally overreacted. I mean seems like your DH goes every year and is a good sport about it. You got the money to go, time etc. Cut the guy a break. Or at worse, wait till you get in the car or pull him aside in PRIVATE to explain your side.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

I would have replied without missing a beat: "check page four, your pee pee and poo poo schedule's been underlined in brown ink."

If he said it to be funny, then take it in that spirit. If he said it to hurt you, then get some counseling together.

 

[PaddingtonBear]

I don't care what is going on behind the scenes or how much something said hurt him, if my DH EVER spoke to me like that in front of other people, that would be a "straight to counseling, do not pass go, do not collect $200". No way, absolutely no way, would I tolerate having F bombs hurled at me no matter what brought it on, and especially in front of other people.

 

[FayeW]

You seriously spoke to your husband that way....in front of other people...in someone else's home??? Holy Overreaction, Batman!

I totally get not feeling appreciated for the hard work you put in to the planning. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. After I got over feeling sorry for myself because nobody else seemed to appreciate the zeal with which I pursue a stray dollar, I put things in perspective. It's just a vacation. It doesn't have to be some idealized version of perfect.

 

[bratmomma]

Thank you to those who have posted supportive responses saying you know how I feel, etc. I appreciate that you saw my moment of stress and understood it.

To those who didn't, I suppose many of you are right, that it depends on the dynamics of the relationship and family involved. We are a very loud, outspoken family, all of us. I guess there are a lot of smaller details missing from my story that I could've/should've included but that I felt were unnecessary. Perhaps I don't communicate well enough in type.

For the PP who asked, no, my children were not in the room because part of the plans are a surprise for them.

I am really starting to regret making this post though. I should've known better. I have refrained from making any real personal posts for a while because I knew no matter what I said there would be some (or many) on the DIS who would find fault with SOMETHING written. I've seen it happen many times. Lesson learned.

 

[SaraJayne]

Thank you to those who have posted supportive responses saying you know how I feel, etc. I appreciate that you saw my moment of stress and understood it.

To those who didn't, I suppose many of you are right, that it depends on the dynamics of the relationship and family involved. We are a very loud, outspoken family, all of us. I guess there are a lot of smaller details missing from my story that I could've/should've included but that I felt were unnecessary. Perhaps I don't communicate well enough in type.

For the PP who asked, no, my children were not in the room because part of the plans are a surprise for them.

I am really starting to regret making this post though. I should've known better. I have refrained from making any real personal posts for a while because I knew no matter what I said there would be some (or many) on the DIS who would find fault with SOMETHING written. I've seen it happen many times. Lesson learned.

So you post about your verbal abuse/tantrum in front of family/friends and then get upset when people tell you you overreacted??

If I ever acted like that (which I wouldn't, but that is beside the point) no way would I broadcast it on the internet.

 

[AmazingGrace]

Yeah, you totally over reacted. And to talk like that to your husband at someone else's home in front of other people? Sounds like you owe him an apology. I wouldn't blame him one bit if he decided to cancel the vacation right then and there.
Having said that, OP, you need to take a deep breath and relax. This is just a vacation. Forgo some of the planning and just enjoy being together as a family. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be fun.

 

[inkedupmomma]

I am right there with ya! I hate when ANYONE disses or bashes my Disney side. It is uncalled for and childish really. DH however always backs me up since last years trip! and as of recent has really been backing me up after talking to many other families who go. He can not believe how "undisneyeductaed" they are I even hear him telling people hints or correcting false info these days! Some times it takes a few choice (4 letter) words to open their eyes You are always going to encounter people who think Disney planning is dumb, or unnecessary, just chuckle to yourself and think of all the magic they are missing!

 

[inkedupmomma]

Thank you to those who have posted supportive responses saying you know how I feel, etc. I appreciate that you saw my moment of stress and understood it.

To those who didn't, I suppose many of you are right, that it depends on the dynamics of the relationship and family involved. We are a very loud, outspoken family, all of us. I guess there are a lot of smaller details missing from my story that I could've/should've included but that I felt were unnecessary. Perhaps I don't communicate well enough in type.

For the PP who asked, no, my children were not in the room because part of the plans are a surprise for them.

I am really starting to regret making this post though. I should've known better. I have refrained from making any real personal posts for a while because I knew no matter what I said there would be some (or many) on the DIS who would find fault with SOMETHING written. I've seen it happen many times. Lesson learned.

shoulda, coulda, woulda! Stuff happens! People fight, flip out, etc.. it happens. No one is perfect, and maybe you could have handled it a bit better, but whatever. Don't stress or feel you can't share over a few people on high horses are having their holier than though moment. We have all done something dumb, cut her a break.

 

[Technosavant]

Thank you to those who have posted supportive responses saying you know how I feel, etc. I appreciate that you saw my moment of stress and understood it.

To those who didn't, I suppose many of you are right, that it depends on the dynamics of the relationship and family involved. We are a very loud, outspoken family, all of us. I guess there are a lot of smaller details missing from my story that I could've/should've included but that I felt were unnecessary. Perhaps I don't communicate well enough in type.

For the PP who asked, no, my children were not in the room because part of the plans are a surprise for them.

I am really starting to regret making this post though. I should've known better. I have refrained from making any real personal posts for a while because I knew no matter what I said there would be some (or many) on the DIS who would find fault with SOMETHING written. I've seen it happen many times. Lesson learned.

Gee, I'm sorry if I didn't bring enough unconditional affirmation to the table. All we know is what you said, and you don't come off all that great in your own anecdote. It does feel bad to have your hard work dismissed as unimportant, but I'm not convinced he was hinting at your work being completely worthless and thereby being a complete and total jerk.

What I see is somebody planning out every moment of their vacation- not my problem, more power to you if that's how your family likes to do it. But apparently your husband is unsure if that's how he wants to spend this trip (or maybe he's all for it and just cracking wise, either way not a reason to explode). Sounds like you need some more constructive communication, not complaining to people online about him and then complaining some more when you don't get the affirmation you'd expected.

As I said, you'll have an easier time if you understand and own up to the fact that you may well be a bigger Disney nut than most people. Then you might well have patience with others when they balk at your planning.

I know that many of the folks here want to get the most out of their time at Disney, but we need to understand that most people don't plan out every day to the moment and they still manage to have an enjoyable time. Heck, the best times my wife and I have had at WDW have been when we tossed the schedule and just took it easy. Had we been too afraid of an outburst like yours out of the each other, we'd have been too married to our plan to change and enjoy ourselves.

Folks, it isn't the end of the world if you miss Fantasmic or a character breakfast.

 

[AnastasiaTremaine]

How did I deal with it, you might ask?? I stood up from the table, put both hands on the table, leaned over the table and said to my husband, "fine, you can go (expletive), I will get the kids up, and dressed when we are supposed to and I will get on the (expletive) bus and go on my (expletive) merry way and you can have a grand ole time fending for your(expletive)self and trying to find us or ANYTHING, for that matter. And oh.. btw, I will have your kttw card so good luck getting back into the (expletive) room or getting something to eat once you realize you will never find us over the 48 sq (expletive) mile property. HAVE FUN, JERK!"

Everyone kinda and pretended they didn't hear a thing. LOL

On the way home DH apologized...

My jaw was on the floor for that entire rant. It dropped another floor at the last statment...

Oh, Bratmomma, I think that was is supposed to be a fun family trip has turned into something else for you - and that it isn't creating a positive effect on you & your relationship with your spouse. But what really concerns me is what you recently stated, this is just the way you are....though to say that you are all 'loud, outspoken' folks seems to be a bit of a stretch, because most uproarious men I have encountered would in no way cower down to someone speaking to them that way.

I am saddened by how many people are backing your behavior up. How is it ever alright to speak to another person (and we're even not talking about *any* person here, but your partner, your lover, your avowed friend for life - your spouse!) in such a condescending, rude & downright hateful manner? Can you imagine how you would have reacted if he had done the same to you? Imagine if you had teased him about his preparations for an upcoming meeting for work? He had been working on his presentation for days, working up charts and writing up a speech, and when you were all together with friends and family, you gave him a ribbing about how endlessly he was going - that you & the children wondered if he'd ever come to dinner again? Now imagine if he stood up from the dinner table and towered over you, hurling a stream of obscenities at you, telling you to f- off. How would that make you feel?

And this is why I have a problem with the post: the last couple lines are the killers. That your husband came to you afterwards & apologized for the situation and *you* said *you* were the one fighting back tears?! Can you imagine how embarassing and hurtful it must have been for him to publicly recieve such a lashing from his partner? I am very sad & hurt for your husband. I am very sad for you that you think what you did is in any way acceptable & that you have come to a public forum asking for backup.

No, this is not "normal" behavior - it is awful behavior, and you very much need to apologize. Your DH teased you about your overplanning. Look, I love WDW just as much as the next guy, but dang! No one deserves such a reaction to a gentle tease. I am sorry you feel you're being criticized here, but I think most of us are just appalled to hear of one spouse speaking to another that way. My mother used to speak to my dad like that; after 30 years of absorbing such bad behavior, he finally stood up & walked out on her. I sincerely hope your path doesn't lead that way. I would highly reccomend some couples' counseling or at the very least, read The Proper Care & Feeding. Everyone, particularly your husband, needs respect. And you just annihilated that.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Thank you to those who have posted supportive responses saying you know how I feel, etc. I appreciate that you saw my moment of stress and understood it.

To those who didn't, I suppose many of you are right, that it depends on the dynamics of the relationship and family involved. We are a very loud, outspoken family, all of us. I guess there are a lot of smaller details missing from my story that I could've/should've included but that I felt were unnecessary. Perhaps I don't communicate well enough in type.

For the PP who asked, no, my children were not in the room because part of the plans are a surprise for them.

I am really starting to regret making this post though. I should've known better. I have refrained from making any real personal posts for a while because I knew no matter what I said there would be some (or many) on the DIS who would find fault with SOMETHING written. I've seen it happen many times. Lesson learned.

shoulda, coulda, woulda! Stuff happens! People fight, flip out, etc.. it happens. No one is perfect, and maybe you could have handled it a bit better, but whatever. Don't stress or feel you can't share over a few people on high horses are having their holier than though moment. We have all done something dumb, cut her a break.

Has anybody coined a term yet for posting on a message board and then getting mad when the thread doesn't turn out the way you want it to?

Threadicus regreticus

Madicus Abouticus It Noticus Going My Wayicus

Dramamuchicus


Now, half of y'all are gonna laugh and the other half are going to be outraged. I would point out that the more things you can laugh about in your life, the happier you're going to be. I personally, have started a Madicus Abouticus It Noticus Going My Wayicus thread and but eventually decided it was all really really funny...

 

[goofydonald05]

Since my first trip to WDW with my daughter 1/07) I've loved it. I especially love the planning involved. But you're right, not many others get it. That being said, my husband died 2/06 and had been known to stick his foot in his mouth with a comment like that on occasion. I would give the world to have him be able to say something like that to me again.

I think it was wonderful that he apologized (my husband may not have), and I think sometimes you have to let some things go. We all say dumb things sometimes.

Basically, don't sweat the small stuff. You never know how much time you have left together.

 

[okeydokey]

You owe your husband an apology. You may enjoy the obsessive planning every detail of your entire trip, but maybe he doesn't. You may think this is the greatest vacation ever and maybe he doesn't. He's not required to agree with you on everything is he? What is required in my family is that we treat each other with respect and the way you spoke to him was way out of line in my opinion.

Please don't be the family at Disney that we all see that fall apart when things don't go exactly aciording to plan. Tough to enjoy it that way, KWIM?

 

[inkedupmomma]

Has anybody coined a term yet for posting on a message board and then getting mad when the thread doesn't turn out the way you want it to?

Threadicus regreticus

Madicus Abouticus It Noticus Going My Wayicus

Dramamuchicus


Now, half of y'all are gonna laugh and the other half are going to be outraged. I would point out that the more things you can laugh about in your life, the happier you're going to be. I personally, have started a Madicus Abouticus It Noticus Going My Wayicus thread and but eventually decided it was all really really funny...

I'm not sure why I was quoted but I lol at what you wrote I was just letting her know not to get bent over what a few people have to say, cause at the end of the day it doesn't matter

 

[SaraJayne]

You owe your husband an apology. You may enjoy the obsessive planning every detail of your entire trip, but maybe he doesn't. You may think this is the greatest vacation ever and maybe he doesn't. He's not required to agree with you on everything is he? What is required in my family is that we treat each other with respect and the way you spoke to him was way out of line in my opinion.

Please don't be the family at Disney that we all see that fall apart when things don't go exactly aciording to plan. Tough to enjoy it that way, KWIM?

I couldn't agree more. And I'm still wondering why the husband apologized to her...for what?? He didn't do anything.

 

[inkedupmomma]

wow, you guys are really going over board with the bashing. Its not like she flipped out and said stop yelling at her or is continuing to cry about it. I am also not sure where you pulled that she plans every minuscule detail and is one of "those" types. (not that there is anything wrong with "those" types fwiw)

She recognizes that she went a bit overboard, but she was upset, stuff happens, kwim? I don't think she came on with the intention of offending anyone or trying to make herself look like a bad person. Everyone has an off day, let's just all feel the Disney love, and if you feel a certain type of bad/mad way, try to speak constructively

 

[OceanAnnie]

I wouldn't have liked that joke either.

It sounds to me like you don't feel appreciated. And it might not be from just that one joke. If that's the case, talk to your DH about it. He'll be less likely to think it's a joking matter (not that he would do it that way again) if he understands how much you have done and what it means to you. Stuff like that can really fester. If it's in your heart, apologize for your reaction and move on.

 

[Ms.Mouse]

Being in a hurry when I origionally replied, I decided to come back and re-read the origional post and Yes..I do think you may have over-reacted. IF your DH is like some of the men in my family, they sometimes speak before they think and sometimes it comes out in a way that wasn't intended. OR maybe in this case, it was, no one really knows...
BUT
I do think maybe your DH made that "potty"comment where it felt safe to do so to let you know that maybe you may be overplanning and you may need to lighten up just a little bit. We are just giving our opinions and it would have been easier if we saw a samplet of your schedule but we don't know so don't feel that we are FOR or AGAINST you in any way. Maybe it may help if he gets involved with your planning also so you can get more of his opinions and wants in the plan.That being said...Not everything has to be planned for. I don't know how often you go to WDW but we go anywhere from 2-5 times a year and things happen all the time especially with children, the rides, the crowds, and to overplan makes those harried parents who are pushing through to get to the next stop and the children are overstimulated and just too young to put up with it all and everyone is miserable and the children are crying and the parents are arguing or yelling at their kids and I don't know about the rest of you but I feel so sorry for those families who just have to get everything in on this trip and not enjoying each other, their children or the wonder of it all AND sapping out all the MAGIC for their children and themselves and maybe even for those around them who have to see them acting this way AND I know that most of you have seen this behavior in the parks of the running around dragging kids around and parents yelling at little kids and the kids crying because they can't keep up with the BIG PLAN OF THE DAY and I can go on and on...Lots of money to spend to travel like that to be miserable and arguing about "THE PLAN" before you even get down there, isn't it?????