I’m not imagining things, am I?

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

Yes, I am incognito. sorry, but some times he reads here and he knows my regular user name.


Here are some facts:
Been married over 23 years.
2 adult kids. 1 married, 1 with disabilities and lives with us.
We *always* knew each others passwords and never hid cell phones or anything like that.
For the last year or so he started bec9 in secretive with his cell phone. At this point he comes right out and says no, you can’t see my phone. Why not? I ask. I get no answer.
He has recently starting making investments that he hasn’t fully explained to me.
In order to further fund this trading of his, he has taken out a home equity loan of $229,000 out of our house.
Current mortgage is almost paid off. Current mortgage is only his name, the house deed is in both of our names.


He’s hiding money from his salary that used to go into our shared bill paying account. All of my monthly disability goes in to that account, as well as $375 that we charge son for room and board.

He’s flying to CA alone, to check out an area of a job that he doesn’t even have yet.

If he gets that job he wants to move himself there to CA.

He’s basically distancing himself from me as much as he can without actually saying he wants a divorce.

Once he gets that $229,000. that lowers the equity in the house, half of which is mine.

The trip to CA is costing $1,000 for flights and hotel. Doesn’t include transportation to and from airports, doesn’t include how he’s going to get around out there. Plus he’s going to need to spend money on food too.

And with his hidden accounts, I really won’t know what he’s spending and on what.

ok that’s all I can say for now. Please tell me the obvious.

 

[nw6675]

Document everything. Make copies of anything important like bank statements. Get your own account and move your money. Be suspicious of everything and anything. Maybe even talk to an attorney for best next steps.

 

[brockash]

Yes, I am incognito. sorry, but some times he reads here and he knows my regular user name.


Here are some facts:
Been married over 23 years.
2 adult kids. 1 married, 1 with disabilities and lives with us.
We *always* knew each others passwords and never hid cell phones or anything like that.
For the last year or so he started bec9 in secretive with his cell phone. At this point he comes right out and says no, you can’t see my phone. Why not? I ask. I get no answer.
He has recently starting making investments that he hasn’t fully explained to me.
In order to further fund this trading of his, he has taken out a home equity loan of $229,000 out of our house.
Current mortgage is almost paid off. Current mortgage is only his name, the house deed is in both of our names.


He’s hiding money from his salary that used to go into our shared bill paying account. All of my monthly disability goes in to that account, as well as $375 that we charge son for room and board.

He’s flying to CA alone, to check out an area of a job that he doesn’t even have yet.

If he gets that job he wants to move himself there to CA.

He’s basically distancing himself from me as much as he can without actually saying he wants a divorce.

Once he gets that $229,000. that lowers the equity in the house, half of which is mine.

The trip to CA is costing $1,000 for flights and hotel. Doesn’t include transportation to and from airports, doesn’t include how he’s going to get around out there. Plus he’s going to need to spend money on food too.

And with his hidden accounts, I really won’t know what he’s spending and on what.

ok that’s all I can say for now. Please tell me the obvious.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I strongly encourage you to get your "ducks in a row," as soon as possible.

 

[#1hoosierfan]

You have given out a lot of very detailed information. If he reads here, he will know it’s you.

I’m glad the deed has your name on it.

 

[Polychrome]

You are NOT imagining things, that sounds for sure. If you know the bank for the home equity loan, I would go there tomorrow and make sure there was no paperwork that you 'signed' to consent to a home equity loan on your marital residence.
You need to protect yourself and your son. I would take most, but not quite all, of the money from your joint account and move it to one that only you control. You can still pay bills out of the new account in just your name, but at least your husband won't be able to empty that account.
Clearly your husband needs to communicate what the actual issue is or you need to do some sleuthing on your own in order for you to figure out how to move forward. For now, do your best to protect what you can without being mean / aggressive about it. Help from a lawyer to prevent him from taking out more equity on the house. As eksmama01 said, document everything. You need to take action. I hope things will work out for you. Sending hugs, you need one!

Edited my post to delete the quote of your post in case you want to delete / change any of it because as someone else noted, he will recognize your post as being you.

*** Also, if he were to click on your regular icon, it shows when you joined and ALSO where you were 'last seen' / what thread you were last viewing, so if it was this one, it leads him right to it.***

 

[firefly_ris]

It doesn't sound good. I'm so sorry. See what you can do in the meantime to get more control of your assets. He is obviously getting his own game plan together. Very sad.

 

[GAN]

Sorry to hear that -I've experienced similar. My suggestion -get an attorney. If he's making financial decisions without your consent, that could be a risk to your future. I'm not suggesting you file for divorce, I'm suggesting you take the preliminary steps to protect yourself. Whether he's cheating or just running away -it sounds like you're not heading in the same direction.

 

[ronandannette]

@WDWDCLDLFAN - since you know all these things (2nd mortgage on a house you jointly own**, private investments/accounts, travelling independently to investigate a new job/relocation) have you tried asking him directly what’s going on? If it appeared my entire life was teetering on the brink of MAJOR disruption, that would probably be what I’d do...

** For the DIS financial experts - I find this very odd. How does one party secure an independent loan against a jointly-held asset without the signature of the other? I alone hold the title to and am named on the mortgage on our home. Being as my husband has dower rights even without being on title, he must sign off on any sale or encumbrance on the property. No bank would let me pull out the equity without that.

 

[GAN]

@WDWDCLDLFAN - since you know all these things (2nd mortgage on a house you jointly own**, private investments/accounts, travelling independently to investigate a new job/relocation) have you tried asking him directly what’s going on? If appeared my entire life was teetering on the brink of MAJOR disruption, that would probably be what I’d do...

** For the DIS financial experts - I find this very odd. How does one party secure an independent loan against a jointly-held asset without the signature of the other? I alone hold the title to and am named on the mortgage on our home. Being as my husband has dower rights even without being on title, he must sign off on any sale or encumbrance on the property. No bank would let me pull out the equity without that.

I believe the mortgage is in the husbands name -the deed is in both names

 

[ronandannette]

I believe the mortgage is in the husbands name -the deed is in both names

Right, but how does he get a new loan registered agains the title of the property that she also owns, without her consent?

 

[cvjw]

I would be very concerned about what is happening in your investment accounts. I would get into the accounts and document everything. It sounds like your husband is planning a new life without you and your son. Terrible situation you are in. Probably time to face the truth and be proactive for yourself.

 

[wenrob]

Get yourself to a lawyer ASAP as in now, today. You want to get that loan stopped if you can. Do NOT empty your account, he can use that against you. Collect all documentation you can and get a lawyer. Seriously, today. Take the day off of work if you have to. He’s setting it up to leave you high and dry. Go. Now.

 

[AnnaS]

Not good - sorry you are going through this. Everyone has already suggested the steps you should take. Wish you and your family the best!! Please take care of yourself and your loved one's needs now.

 

[china mom]

Yeah, I am zeroing in on the mortgage thing also. If the deed is in both names, both parties would have to sign the loan documents and every time I have signed new loan documents, they have had to be notarized. So, either OP is misunderstanding or there is some serious fraud going on.

Either way, OP need to protect herself. I suggest going to a lawyer and possibly hiring a financial investigator.

 

[GAN]

Right, but how does he get a new loan registered agains the title of the property that she also owns, without her consent?

For instance, say one party has poor credit history -the other can apply for a mortgage on their own. At the closing there is nothing to prevent you from placing both parties on the deed for ownership. Only one is "responsible" for the payment of that mortgage. Joint mortgage and Joint ownership are separate things.

 

[tzolkin]

Right, but how does he get a new loan registered agains the title of the property that she also owns, without her consent?

Yes, that seems odd and enough to at least inquire with the bank and a lawyer about.

For instance, say one party has poor credit history -the other can apply for a mortgage on their own. At the closing there is nothing to prevent you from placing both parties on the deed for ownership. Only one is "responsible" for the payment of that mortgage. Joint mortgage and Joint ownership are separate things.

My spouse is the only one on the mortgage for our home and I am the only one on the mortgage for our rental property (we are both on both deeds), but that's how we set up the original loans at the time of purchase (so we were both at the lawyer's office signing the various papers together with full knowledge of how things were being set up). To me, that seems very different than one of us going and taking out an additional loan without the other's knowledge. I would assume I couldn't go and get another loan on our primary residence in my name only without my spouse's consent since he now also owns the home.

 

[amylevan]

You can get a home equity loan with only 1 person’s name on the loan but the bank MAY require the other spouse to sign documents consenting to the loan.

Married couples with differing credit scores do it all the time.

 

[GAN]

Yes, that seems odd and enough to at least inquire with the bank and a lawyer about.



My spouse is the only one on the mortgage for our home and I am the only one on the mortgage for our rental property (we are both on both deeds), but that's how we set up the original loans at the time of purchase (so we were both at the lawyer's office signing the various papers together with full knowledge of how things were being set up). To me, that seems very different than one of us going and taking out an additional loan without the other's knowledge. I would assume I couldn't go and get another loan on our primary residence in my name only without my spouse's consent since he now also owns the home.

The way I understand it, your husband could get a second mortgage on your primary home without your consent and vice-versa for your rental property? Which seems to be the case with the OP -the husband secured a 2nd mortgage without her consent.

 

[MamaMermaid]

Not a good sign...

 

[wenrob]

The way I understand it, your husband could get a second mortgage on your primary home without your consent and vice-versa for your rental property. Which seems to be the case with the OP -the husband secured a 2nd mortgage without her consent.

It seems like he’s trying to get his “half” before she can take him to court or before he divorces her but it’s a cockamamie scheme at best. She still owns half that house and he’ll need to make her whole in the end. Unless his plan is to just skip out on her and the loan altogether which would explain the new investments. He’s trying to drum up as much cash as he can.

Sorry to the OP for being so blunt but there’s zero innocent explanation for this. You need to protect yourself right now.