Hypothetical texting scenario between 2 married people

[VeganCupcake]

"Hypothetical" situation(don't ask for more details-hard I know- just go on what is posted- discussion between me and a friend, wanted to see other opinions)

You see a string of text messages between your spouse and a person of your gender.Don't assume it was 100% snooping, spouses sometimes use each others phones if their own battery is dead.You have heard this persons name but never met them.
The text conversation goes something like this
X-will be other person(who is married and knows your spouse is married) O-will be your spouse
X- Hi Love, you are a hard person to get a hold of lately .
O- Yeah I've been really busy
X- Is that a good thing or a bad thing
O- a little of both
X- we haven't had our date yet
O-Yeah, I still do owe you a date.

Your first 100% honest initial gut reaction is what? (this doesn't mean what would you actually do, what would you like to do)

Then what do you actually do?

Discuss(I always think of the "Coffee Talk with Linda Richman" SNL skit whenever I say that )

 

[lovin'fl]

I'd be irked with X but O seems to not be too into what X wants (which clearly seems like some sort of attention from O). So, I'd confront spouse but be more mad with the other person. I might want to reply to X as well and say 'this is O's spouse....".

 

[lovin'fl]

"Hypothetical" situation(don't ask for more details-hard I know- just go on what is posted- discussion between me and a friend, wanted to see other opinions)

You see a string of text messages between your spouse and a person of your gender.Don't assume it was 100% snooping, spouses sometimes use each others phones if their own battery is dead.You have heard this persons name but never met them.
The text conversation goes something like this
X-will be other person(who is married and knows your spouse is married) O-will be your spouse
X- Hi Love, you are a hard person to get a hold of lately .
O- Yeah I've been really busy
X- Is that a good thing or a bad thing
O- a little of both
X- we haven't had our date yet
O-Yeah, I still do owe you a date.

Your first 100% honest initial gut reaction is what? (this doesn't mean what would you actually do, what would you like to do)

Then what do you actually do?

Discuss(I always think of the "Coffee Talk with Linda Richman" SNL skit whenever I say that )

Oh...I forgot the rule...I always forget.

 

[design_mom]

I would definitely want an explanation. If my husband "owed someone a date" I would definitely want to know who and why. Perhaps there's a reasonable explanation, but I'd want to know it. ETA: I agree with previous poster that X seems to be more inappropriate in the conversation than O... so if I didn't have other suspicions/concerns about my husband, I would try not to jump to conclusions. However, I would want an explanation.

 

[VeganCupcake]

Oh...I forgot the rule...I always forget.

I would have done myself but obviously it doesn't work that way lol!

 

[SaraJayne]

I would definitely want an explanation. If my husband "owed someone a date" I would definitely want to know who and why. Perhaps there's a reasonable explanation, but I'd want to know it. ETA: I agree with previous poster that X seems to be more inappropriate in the conversation than O... I would try not to jump to conclusions, but I would want an explanation.

I agree with this. For me, the "Hi Love" moves it into the suspicious category.

 

[topolino]

I'd be irked with X but O seems to not be too into what X wants (which clearly seems like some sort of attention from O). So, I'd confront spouse but be more mad with the other person. I might want to reply to X as well and say 'this is O's spouse....".

Wow, it's amazing how quickly people will let the spouse off the hook, and put most of the blame on the other person.

I admit, the other person did seem more into it, but the husband told that person that he owed her a date. That wouldn't be enough for you to put some blame on the husband?

 

[RadioNate]

Absolutely suspicious. But I've been down this road & I believed the "explanations."

Go with your gut. You'll know (even if you don't want to believe it) if it is something inappropriate.

Take it as a warning sign.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Absolutely suspicious. But I've been down this road & I believed the "explanations."

Go with your gut. You'll know (even if you don't want to believe it) if it is something inappropriate.

Take it as a warning sign.

I agree with this!!!!!!!

I agree with this. For me, the "Hi Love" moves it into the suspicious category.

Yes. I agree. HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS!

I wouldn't be too pleased after reading that text. Id confront my spouse right away.

 

[firecracker725]

I just finished reading "Gone Girl", so my reaction may be a bit skewed. However, I think somebody would definitely have some 'splainin to do.

 

[RadioNate]

Absolutely suspicious. But I've been down this road & I believed the "explanations."

Go with your gut. You'll know (even if you don't want to believe it) if it is something inappropriate.

Take it as a warning sign.

Can't edit on phone. I believed the explanations....which were lies.

If I were the spouse of either party I would not be ok w/this exchange.

However, being single I'm SHOCKED w/some of the things my married friends say to me. People I think are happy.

I don't get it.,

 

[goofyintoronto]

Wow, it's amazing how quickly people will let the spouse off the hook, and put most of the blame on the other person.

I admit, the other person did seem more into it, but the husband told that person that he owed her a date. That wouldn't be enough for you to put some blame on the husband?

No kidding right? The husband was going along with it and even agreed to go out on the date. You should be mad at him most of all!!! If he said: NO, I CAN'T, IM MARRIED...then you wouldn't be having this problem now would you?

Doesn't matter how many women hit on your husband, its his job to tell them to back off. If he doesn't, be mad at him, not the other woman.

 

[Becky2005]

LOL! I went the total opposite way of everyone here.

Mostly because I know too many weird people I guess. The fact that it is owe you a date makes me think it was something along the lines of an innocent did something & said they would take them to lunch or something to make up for it.

I have no idea though without knowing the context of how each of them know each other. I have learned theatre people are an unusual group and am around them a bit because of DD -- so I could SO see that conversation happening in that group without any hint of anything bad.

I also work with several people that I could so see that conversation happening and again -- nothing more than innocent part.

And frankly, I read "love" with a British accent, although I'm sure it would be spelled Luv. I read it equivelent to Sweetie, Hun.

It really is one of those conversations that you need to know the people involved but by the conversation alone with nothing else with it. I could see it being innocent and I could see it being not so innocent.

 

[DVCJones]

Where there's smoke there's fire...

I might lay low and see if I could collect anymore information. (phone records) I would also learn as much about X as I could. I would probably turn into PI mode and save any information I could fine. Then confront 0 with just the text to see if he was truthful.

 

[nmmom95]

I would place all of the blame on my husband. This other person owes me nothing. He does.

I would take a screen shot of the exchange and send it to myself. Then I would confront my husband and ask for an explanation.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I think my reaction would depend on the other person involved. Is this someone that uses "love" often. I knew someone that called everyone "sweetie". Do the two have the type of interaction where "owing a date" would be a joking way of saying you owe me lunch or something? It just really depends on the type of personalities the two have.

If there is something hinky going on, the spouse is the one to question and be upset with the most. Sometimes it seem posters are quick to take blame off the husband and make the woman into some kind of temptress witch.

 

[Jennasis]

I'd confront DH about it. Then I might also have him call the coworker right there in front of me and put the conversation on speaker phone. You'd probably learn more about the truth from the woman on the other end who has no idea whats happening.

 

[Princess on the Run]

LOL! I went the total opposite way of everyone here.

Mostly because I know too many weird people I guess. The fact that it is owe you a date makes me think it was something along the lines of an innocent did something & said they would take them to lunch or something to make up for it.

I also work with several people that I could so see that conversation happening and again -- nothing more than innocent part.

And frankly, I read "love" with a British accent, although I'm sure it would be spelled Luv. I read it equivelent to Sweetie, Hun.

It really is one of those conversations that you need to know the people involved but by the conversation alone with nothing else with it. I could see it being innocent and I could see it being not so innocent.

I think my reaction would depend on the other person involved. Is this someone that uses "love" often. I knew someone that called everyone "sweetie". Do the two have the type of interaction where "owing a date" would be a joking way of saying you owe me lunch or something? It just really depends on the type of personalities the two have.

I am in this camp too. I call people love, sweetie, babycakes, dolly, etc all the time whether it's a man or woman. It's just my way and doesn't mean I am interested in any of them intimately. I also refer sometimes to things as dates when they aren't romantic. Like a GF and I have been tying to get together for dinner for some time and we call it a date. I call having lunch with someone a date. Or say "Let's make a date to work on that project" etc.

I work in a very male dominated profession and work with mostly men. I find that their wives frequently snoop (and yes, I consider it snooping to look at someone else's phone or email whether you are allowed to look or not) on their phones and frequently get a complex over innocent conversation. I feel that women who don't work outside the home or work with mostly women/children don't understand the way a co-ed work environment goes a lot of the time and they are quick to make assumptions. I am a happily married woman with 3 very young children and you'd be amazed how many wives think I am hitting on their DH or that we have an inappropriate relationship because we have coffee together, share inside jokes or see each other more often than they see their spouse. But that's the nature of working with someone. That's not to say some co-workers DON'T become inappropriate with each other, but I think the vast majority are innocent and cause unnecessary suspicion.

My advice would be to not look at your spouse's texts. If you need to use his phone for some reason, that doesn't require you to go into a text conversation and read it (or an email). If he has asked you to go into his texts and read/send one, then I think you can assume he's not having an affair because if he was, he'd have password locked his phone by now (or not texted her where you could see it). If he's leaving it out there for you to see, there's probably nothing to worry about.

I don't mean to sound harsh but I have been on the other side of this too many times. My DH works with a lot of women who call him honey and baby and I know it's nothing. I don't use his phone, his iPad, his email, his FB, etc and I'd be livid if he started checking mine. Not because there is anything to find but because it shows s lack of trust.

As to the specific texts, I don't think they are that suspicious. It's possible they are trying to work out lunch together to discuss something work-related or otherwise innocent. If it will make you feel better to ask him about her, you can, but I would watch your approach because it may make him angry that you not only snooped but that you would think such a thing on so little "evidence."

 

[VeganCupcake]

OP here- X & O 100% do not work together. Same opinions?

 

[mimmi]

Where does X know O from? What is their relationship like?
I don't think one could say anything about the conversation without further detail.
To me it doesn't sound suspicious at all (I got a facebook message from a male friend yesterday, that started with "Hi Darling", so what) and I don't know if there is more than one meaning to the word "date", we don't have all that dating stuff, so I don't know exactly what a date can be.
I think you or whoever we are talking about should just ask X or was it O, the spouse.
Disclaimer: I'm not a jealous person at all and I don't have much patience for snooping and making a mountain out of a molehill, so maybe I'm totally wrong.