Husband thinks our son is gay

[Minniesgal]

In my opinion whether he is or isn't gay and whether he is or isn't dating is none of parents business until our children make it so by telling us. As long as they know that they can come to us about anything and we will support without judging as far as I am concerned matters of sexuality and their business

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Hey MM, do you remember a couple of summers ago we had all these post about perfect kids?
Seems everyone's kids here knew exactly what they wanted to be at age 8 and had the college thing all together and as young adults were mature adults.

I kept thinking I must be the worlds worst mom because my kid doesn't have a clue what he wants to do and getting him to focus was a major chore.

I remember when I finally posted that, out of the blue, tons of post saying the same thing.

LOL. moral of the story, never compare your kids or life to the public versions.

Op, tell your dh to chill. My kids sexual orientation would be the least of the things I would worry about.

Isn't that the truth!

My dd is dating, a 39 yo! They are moving out together soon. I don't know when she will finish a degree. I suspect she will do it when she is ready and able. She did have some health issues come into play and that really through her for a loop.

All I can say she is finally moving forward. It took her awhile to get herself on different path.

My youngest who is 17, does know what she wants to do. She is far from perfect but she is determined to succeed. Fingers are crossed there.

 

[Planogirl]

I come from a long line of family members that chose not to get very involved in relationships. For example my grandmother was one of 7 and only 2 of those married and had children. The others might have dated here and there but never seemed to be interested in anything serious.

I wouldn't assume anything at this point. He could be a late bloomer or just not interested or he could actually be gay. There's nothing wrong with any of that.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Everyone assumed my uncle was gay. We didn't remember him every dating and he never talked about women, etc. Well, a few years ago at 58, he got married - to a woman. I don't know if he's bisexual, gay, or straight, but I'm glad he's happy.

 

[NotUrsula]

If your son is depressed, then it is appropriate to help him access medical help for the depression. WHY he is depressed is between him and his medical provider.

Your husband has a point about possible depression, but it is best to leave the rest to a professional.

 

[disney1990]

If your son is 22, he must know how you feel about gays, gay marriage etc. Hopefully, you have been open enough in the past, that if he is gay, he will have no fear of letting you know in the future.

 

[Myothername]

Your DH is trying to incite drama between ALL of you. Don't take the bait.

I am glad that you already have decided you are not going to do it.

I think your DH is mourning the fact his son is not "moving on with life" compared with others at his work and it is hitting him pretty hard. I am sure he had dreams of your son going to college, getting a good job in his field and moving out.

The best thing you can do is to continue to reassure him that his son will find his own way, on his own time.

I also have a 22yodd living at home who dropped out of college, working part time, etc... who is also "very private".

Whether he is gay or not is something that you will find out in due time.

You really hit the nail on the head with the drama comment. These women in his office live for drama anywhere from so and so is pregnant to grandma needs her toenails cut. It is always something with them. They are sweet. Don't get me wrong and it is like a big disfunctional family in his office. But he acts just like the women.

I can't stand the constant postings on Facebook of the perfect families. I finally just started sitting back and looking at the posts. I know most of the people personally and I know their families are not that perfect. But I had this one facebook friend I finally had to cut out because her husband was perfect, her children were perfect, her life was perfect. I just could not stand the pressure, LOL.

 

[Jex]

I don't mean or this to be taken the wrong way, however if he is 22 working a min wage job, and still living at home he may be to embarrassed to bring a girl home. Or even date much.

 

[Art 1]

I don't mean or this to be taken the wrong way, however if he is 22 working a min wage job, and still living at home he may be to embarrassed to bring a girl home. Or even date much.

Exactly.

 

[Granny square]

You really hit the nail on the head with the drama comment. These women in his office live for drama anywhere from so and so is pregnant to grandma needs her toenails cut. It is always something with them. They are sweet. Don't get me wrong and it is like a big disfunctional family in his office. But he acts just like the women. I can't stand the constant postings on Facebook of the perfect families. I finally just started sitting back and looking at the posts. I know most of the people personally and I know their families are not that perfect. But I had this one facebook friend I finally had to cut out because her husband was perfect, her children were perfect, her life was perfect. I just could not stand the pressure, LOL.

I have friends that appear to be perfect on fb. She doesn't post to make it that way. She just posts happy good things. Not the crap that everyone has.

 

[Nola Girl]

You really hit the nail on the head with the drama comment. These women in his office live for drama anywhere from so and so is pregnant to grandma needs her toenails cut. It is always something with them. They are sweet. Don't get me wrong and it is like a big disfunctional family in his office. But he acts just like the women. I can't stand the constant postings on Facebook of the perfect families. I finally just started sitting back and looking at the posts. I know most of the people personally and I know their families are not that perfect. But I had this one facebook friend I finally had to cut out because her husband was perfect, her children were perfect, her life was perfect. I just could not stand the pressure, LOL.

Laughing!!! I have a girl I blocked because of this as well. All the perfect 4.0 averages, winning football games....I wanted to vomit! I know she is the insecure one- we went to school together- but I just couldn't stand it anymore!

 

[15isto2]

Just wondering if there was anything new?

 

[ILUVALASKA]

DO NOT ASK HIM. You will back him into a corner of fear. CReate an environment and drop hints that you are OK with any orientation. If he is gay, it will help him feel safe if the plan is to come out to you.

 

[luvthemouse71]

I think it's sad that people feel the need to worry so much about other people's dating lives. The dad in this situation sounds judgmental and obsessed with appearances( not talking only physical here) Maybe the son doesn't want to be embarrassed by his dad, especially if whatever girl he does bring around isn't up to standards in the father's mind.

I have friends and family members that are incapable of being unattached for any period of time. They'll either stay with someone who treats them terribly, or will find someone unsuitable, because they have to always have a significant other. Maybe this kid is smarter than that.

It could be worse, he could be knocking up all these women and then ditch the child support, or be sleeping around and catch something bad. I say, leave the kid alone.

 

[mom2rtk]

Maybe your husband needs to learn how to make up lies about his son, just like the other women at his work do about their own children.

Honestly. Comparing your child to what another parents says about their child is ridiculous.

OP, there's your answer.

 

[Hannathy]

I don't mean or this to be taken the wrong way, however if he is 22 working a min wage job, and still living at home he may be to embarrassed to bring a girl home. Or even date much.

Yep and his pool may not be that large to chose from because lets face it no matter how nice he is very few woman are going to want to start dating a 22 yr old in a min wage job without a degree and living at home. Especially if they have gone to school and are working and living on their own.

 

[Missy1961]

Just wondering if there was anything new?

I was wondering why this was back.

 

[lillygator]

why is the dad so obsessed?