Humiliated at AKL

[Sargeant Tibbs]

I'm sorry you had a panic attack. You need to see someone who can help you learn how to cope with your situation. Your family should be understanding, and help you through your panic attacks.

No one should expect a room ready before the stated check-in time, and even that time is an estimation. I don't really find fault in the hotel, unless they didn't fully explain to you that rooms are not guaranteed to be ready until later in the day, or if they kept telling you 'just another 30 minutes' or something like that.

However, I am going to say that some of these things that ramped your anxiety were choices you made. You could have eaten any time in that 11 hours. You could have gone to the parks. You could have changed in the restrooms in the hotel lobby. You could have had bell services hold the frozen/refrigerated food.

So you made some choices, and they led you to getting more and more frustrated and anxious, which caused you to make some more choices, and you got more anxious, and repeat until you just went down. You need to learn to remove yourself from that loop as soon as you recognizing it happening; that's where therapy will help.

This.

I'm not dismissing your panic attacks, OP. I suffer from them as well. Sometimes, like you, for absolutely no reason. It's up to you to know your triggers, and the resort was operating under standard procedures. Above all, lack of food and sleep is a surefire way to bring one on. Take care of yourself first, so that you can take care of others.

Edit: try not to dwell on what happened (easier said than done sometimes) and have fun. Be easy on yourself. If your inlaws care about you at all, and I'm sure they must, they will understand.

 

[RogueX]

Best of luck through the rest of your trip and hope everything goes a lot smoother.

 

[GinnyBear's_mom]

That sounds awful and hopefully you don't allow the embarressment you feel to color the rest of your trip.

One thing that helps me prevent attacks is planning, flexibility and identifying triggers. I probably over plan (scratch that, I definitely over plan) but planning for different scenarios in advance helps me see options that in the moment of an attack I might not think of. I have my triggers clearly identified and I go through my schedule to see where I might encounter them. The unknowns of check in/arrival day can be very stressful. Having contingency plans for various times the room could be ready can be helpful. For example I have plans if I receive a room ready text late morning, after lunch and after 4. Might sound crazy to some people but these are my compensatory strategies to make sure I don't spiral out. Keeping my husband aware of my triggers and the various plans/scenarios also helps so he is aware of how to help me.

You mentioned your family didn't eat for 11 hours. Going without proper meals after such a long drive probably caused you to ramp up quickly. You had your heart set on Boma but after experiencing 2 panic attacks, being flexible about where you ate (The Mara was just downstairs) could have alleviated some stress and anxiety. Sometimes we have our hearts set on these perfect vacation moments, such as the best place for dinner on a certain day. Being flexible and learning when it is ok to let those things go can be really helpful.

Also, you stated that Disney should not have allowed you to have a public panic attack for 30 minutes in the lobby. I'm unclear on what you think they should have done. If your family was unable to help calm you down during your panic attack would a manager approaching you at the height of your attack been able to do so? I see you putting a lot of blame on the staff at the resort. Perhaps after therapy you will see that there are tools you have that can make a difference in how you respond to various scenarios. Best of luck with the rest of your trip.

 

[_auroraborealis_]

DVC units are rare to access before 4PM and 5-6PM is far more common. With housekeeping in its present state, and DVC occupancy at 100% it is rare there is an unoccupied unit the prior night. So all turnover really kicks off at 11am.

 

[Jennasis]

So sorry about your panic attack. DH and I both have GAD and have been through what you did. Please don't feel humiliated. Its a medical condition,just like an asthma attack or a severe peanut allergy reaction. The problem is you do not seem to have any rescue meds available. Speak to your therapist and doctor about getting a script for an emergency rescue med to treat onset of a panic attack. And of course reflect in the choices you made that contributed (going to the pool instead of the park, nobody eating g for so long etc). Much like an asthmatic or allergy sufferer you have to learn your triggers and use better judgment to not allow yourself to get to that point.

You took too much on. Take care of yourself first. Hope the rest of your trip is smoother.

 

[VandVsmama]

I know ur heart is in the Right place, but I disagree. Not “Anybody” would have had the same reaction. how many times have you seen it happen, heard it from a friend or family member. It’s a Disorder that can potentially get worse, Why go there when there’s Help.
I really believe that the First step is Acknowledging that an Issue Exists then Seeking Professional Help to Live an Easier life, free of the Panic, Trauma, humiliation, guilt and myriad other factors involved here. It Affects More than the person who experiences it.
Coping mechanisms, Trigger alerts .. a Good professional can aid Tremendously.
I truly hope OP seeks the help because it has and Will impact the Entire Family Unit. He obviously loves his family and taking care of Himself/mental health is the Best Gift to them and to him!
this IS fixable! Blessings his way!

you totally misunderstood my post.

 

[a1tinkfans]

you totally misunderstood my post.

Okay, that sometimes happens when it’s written versus an actual convo. I just have a Strong Opinion which you have Every right to disagree with, of course.. that OP needs and deserves help and to please Seek it. Life is too short to Suffer like he is. have a good day and I Truly
hope that Today is a Great Time for that Family too!

 

[ldo]

And I am glad you are under medical care-I'd also advocate a therapist. IMHO, these days, one needs to has less expectations with customer service/hospitality- do to short staffing, etc. Yes, they might have given you wrong info, or the maid staff didn't process that the room was clean, etc. Getting to a room at 5:30 is not the norm, but not uncommon for DVC. I have been on your end of things and sometimes you do wait until after 4. I've also had many frustrating screw ups by WDW with our tickets and spent countless hours trying to fix them. WDW has a lot of people coming thru parks/hotels each day and there are a percentage of missteps and even fails.
Not to belittle your illness, but I suggest "setting yourself up for success," making sure sleep, food (even a light snack at 3 before dinner) and thinking thru expectations (room is generally available at 4 (not guaranteed) and we're here at 10:30--we need a plan for the day (despite what the front desk says) and we won't get groceries until we have actually gotten to our room). Same for while you're in the parks this week (don't wait too long to eat, don't push yourself too much).
If you haven't, explain to your family that you have a disorder and are on medication, but the Dr. is trying different ones to see what works best and that medicine and that combination of circumstances didn't fit very well. And tell them how embarrassed you are at the "lobby event," even though it was an involuntary response. They will understand and sympathize--what if you'd had a diabetic convulsion-no one would think less of you and I don't think they will for this.

 

[VandVsmama]

Okay, that sometimes happens when it’s written versus an actual convo. I just have a Strong Opinion which you have Every right to disagree with, of course.. that OP needs and deserves help and to please Seek it. Life is too short to Suffer like he is. have a good day and I Truly
hope that Today is a Great Time for that Family too!

So here’s the deal…I’ve been in the OP’s shoes myself before. I know from first hand experience what he’s talking about re: having a panic attack. I understand what goes through your head when you’re in the middle of one. I’m not talking about watching somebody have a panic attack, I mean being IN one yourself.

I agree that it’s a medical problem that requires medical assistance to manage.

The point I was trying to communicate is that sometimes when you’re in the midst of a moment like that, it’s really easy to not realize that it is totally ok to be upset that things didn’t turn out that day like you’d hoped. Given all of the stuff that happened to them with check in and then the magic bands and having to wait longer for the room and all that, it is NORMAL to be upset over that!

I also understand the automated thought processes that kick in at times like what the OP experienced. It’s like your brain goes on auto pilot and you can’t switch it off, which results in thinking that you’ve ruined everyone’s trip and everyone’s day.

Switching gears for a moment:
Let’s talk instead now about techniques, tips, or coping strategies that might help…
If it were me, I would:
1. Make sure I get a good nights sleep the rest of the trip.
2. Explain to my relatives that I have panic disorder. Explain what that means and what I will need their understanding on during the rest of the trip.
3. Give myself some down time each day to unwind from the rest of the group. Even if it’s just for 15 minutes.
4. Do ONE thing each day just for myself. Whether it’s go to watch the animals or sip coffee in the quiet of the morning or whatever.
5. Practice forgiving myself.
6. Remind myself that not everything has to be perfect in order for us to have a good time.
7. Hit the “reset” button with everybody. Have each person on the trip pick THE number one thing they want to do.Go in with the attitude that if you get to do your “thing,” then the rest of the trip is icing on the cake.
8. Force myself to slow down on the rest of the trip. Purposely look at the little details around the resort and the parks because that helps my brain unplug and get out of auto-pilot mode.
9. Make a note to talk to my doctor about this all when I got back home.
10. And for the next trip, not drive 40 hr straight through.

 

[tlm345]

We have had similar experiences in the past on vacations. We have found that by purposely keeping the first arrival day as a buffer day…it seems to help us all get acclimated. I have two in our party that suffer from Anxiety and honestly sometimes even myself. I think due to the fact that I take a lot of the stress and strain upon myself to keep it light for them. I’ve had my fair share of first arrival day meltdowns, hunger/hangry episodes, no one can make up their mind where we want to go or what we want to do while waiting for that room is ready text. So to take that strain away we build ourselves in an “acclimation day” to arrive, go to the pool, zero plans and just expect that room to be ready when it’s ready. Once it’s removed from the pedistal it helps.

The good news is no matter what melt downs and nightmares happen on that first day. We always go to sleep and tomorrow is a new day. I hope that you have the same. The ability to recharge and wake up in the happiest place on earth with your family.
I know it’s hard but it should never be embarrassing for your family to see you as human, because you are, and how you carry yourself moving forward teaches your kids how to pick themselves up and continue on even when it’s hard.
I hope you have a magical rest of your trip and just chalk it up to your “acclimation day” and you survived.

 

[SirDuff]

Really sorry that you day was so awful. As others have said, there is no shame in having a panic attack disorder.

That said, there seems to be a massive amount of lack of self-awareness or desire to take responsibility here. When your reaction to stress is 15+ minutes of lying on the ground while crying and shaking, you condition is serious. Also the idea that this all could have been prevented if AKL let you into your room early, completely ignores all the choices that you/your family made that

 

[TwoMisfits]

We have had similar experiences in the past on vacations. We have found that by purposely keeping the first arrival day as a buffer day…it seems to help us all get acclimated. I have two in our party that suffer from Anxiety and honestly sometimes even myself. I think due to the fact that I take a lot of the stress and strain upon myself to keep it light for them. I’ve had my fair share of first arrival day meltdowns, hunger/hangry episodes, no one can make up their mind where we want to go or what we want to do while waiting for that room is ready text. So to take that strain away we build ourselves in an “acclimation day” to arrive, go to the pool, zero plans and just expect that room to be ready when it’s ready. Once it’s removed from the pedistal it helps.

The good news is no matter what melt downs and nightmares happen on that first day. We always go to sleep and tomorrow is a new day. I hope that you have the same. The ability to recharge and wake up in the happiest place on earth with your family.
I know it’s hard but it should never be embarrassing for your family to see you as human, because you are, and how you carry yourself moving forward teaches your kids how to pick themselves up and continue on even when it’s hard.
I hope you have a magical rest of your trip and just chalk it up to your “acclimation day” and you survived.

With my cancer, we also now only travel on 1st and last days (no planned "fun" those days)...and I don't drive now unless it's driveable within an 8 hour period (so I can have 3 1 hour breaks - 2 meals/1 medical tea and walk - and still now leave after sunrise and get in before sundown to get groceries and rest)...

It actually works best for my kids, too, b/c sometimes when we get in, they just want to reconnect with online friends and sit in jacuzzis and relax...

 

[VandVsmama]

What has helped me immensely with vacation anxiety is to come up with 1 or 2 “Plan B’s” in my head. That way, when Plan A starts to go south, we can more easily adjust. Then when Plan B starts to go sideways, I can switch to Plan C. And so on.

Take the Boma situation…a very viable alternative that I would have switched to would be to eat dinner at the Jambo House quick service instead. Scrap the whole Boma dinner entirely when the first wait list thing failed. And next time, don’t do any TS on arrival day at all. That way, if you have travel delays for whatever reason, you can more easily switch gears.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

Also, please keep in mind DVC check in is after 4pm. 5-6 is not uncommon. I know you asked to get in your room early, but what did you expect the front desk to say but we will try? They are not going to tell you no.

Like previous posters we do not make plans for the first day that are not flexible. With driving or flying delays and issues happen. We eat when we are hungry and amuse ourselves until we get in the room,

Have a great trip and enjoy your family time

 

[Prince John Robin Hood]

It sounds like a situation where the communication by the staff was poor. Sorry you experienced that OP.

 

[bumbershoot]

I hope today is going better.

You need to learn to remove yourself from that loop as soon as you recognizing it happening; that's where therapy will help.

Yep. Therapy is amazing for getting those future-self-help scenarios set up.

Not “Anybody” would have had the same reaction.

She didn't say anyone would have the same reaction. She said anyone "would have had a rough go of it".

But the person at the front desk said they would try to get it ready early and to hang out at the pool.

Ugh. That is so unfortunate. I swear there is something wrong with AKL CM communication training. December 2010, our first trip (AKL was at the end of a multi-split-stay trip) we ended up with a problem with our DVC room and switched the next day. They told us it would be ready soon, and we waited. And waited. And waited. It was when it was literally freezing so we couldn't even swim. It was a terrible way to spend a day.

As far as Boma goes, is it normal for your family to eat right before a buffet? We usually try to go as hungry as possible.

My stomach shuts down if I try to do that. I eat *less* and I feel sick if I go to a buffet when I haven't eaten in that many hours. But even just snagging something like an apple or a banana might have helped you guys.

You drove a long way, overnight. You hadn't eaten. You were told it would be soon. That was a perfect storm for problems even for those without anxiety problems. Avoiding that perfect storm is definitely something to work on going forward.

What has helped me immensely with vacation anxiety is to come up with 1 or 2 “Plan B’s” in my head. That way, when Plan A starts to go south, we can more easily adjust. Then when Plan B starts to go sideways, I can switch to Plan C. And so on.

Yep.

And write them down, so when you're physically and/or emotionally exhausted you can just read them rather than remembering them.


OP please don't be embarrassed. Your family loves you and cares about you. They aren't judging you. And if strangers are, who cares? They are strangers.

 

[TheDad00]

Sorry you have an attack. Not their fault and Disney not to blame

 

[MadHookUp]

The food keeps being brought up. At 2pm when we decided to go to Boma, we haven't eaten for 6 hours. We decided that we could wait 2 more hours for Boma and go really hungry. After we lost our 5pm table and readded to the queue it said 30 minutes wait. The we waited 2 hours for a table as the estimated wait time was flying all over the place. Once it hit 7pm we gave up and ate at Mara, 11 hours later.

I think this is getting lost on some people here. I am not blaming Disney that I had a panic attack. I also realize at a logical level these really are bordering on minor inconveniences. Before I developed this condition, I just would have sat in the lobby and just waited till we could finally get in. I am angry about how everything was handled. I am angry that while I am having a public panic attack, it still took 35 minutes before I could get in a room. I had nowhere to go.

 

[ldo]

Imho, 8 hrs after an all night drive going to a new place with some hiccups in your room might have been too much. Not that it caused it. But it might have affected how you dealt with it-insisting on speaking with a manager, etc., which then made you angry which might have then triggered the attack.
agajn, a therapist can help you with coping mechanisms fo avoid triggers.
Disney has rooms assigned and might not have had your category of room instantly. They are also likely not medically trained for this event. So their option might have been to call an ambulance.
You can continue to be angry-or realize you were in the middle of a room miscommunication, and you got a room in early evening. Not ideal, but not egregious. I hope you can move on and enjoy your week.

 

[Dug720]

At 4pm when I was told a manager was going to approve it, we could have put the groceries in the freezer, but we didn't realize we were lied to.

I'm unclear as to how you were "lied to". In your first post, you said "was ready but needed a manager to sign off on it". You seem to be the one who assumed it was happening at that moment. There could have been one manager needing to clear all the rooms that were turning over and yours happened to not be the first on the list. I'd imagine it is not just a "manager peek in the room" kind of thing either - they have a checklist to ensure that everything is set - especially for DVC. Unless they said the manager was in there at that exact moment and you have proof that they were not, I'm unclear how that constitutes lying. They could have been checking it and found that it was not up to snuff - something like that would not necessarily be communicated to the front desk. Any number of things could have happened.

In terms of the door not opening and waiting, could some people not have gone to check-in for dinner while others waited for the unlock to put the frozen stuff in? Worst-case they'd have them wait to sit until you were there, but I'd think it would be such a minimal time they would have seated them. Just something to think about next time.