At this point, my FastPass window was up so I was able to get one for Tower of Terror before heading in the RRC line. And
who knew there was a singles line at the RRC? Okay, you can all put your hands down. Obviously I didnt. Either I never noticed it before, or they dont open it up in September. Im guessing the latter. So there.
[sticks tongue out at know-it-all readers]
I absolutely love the queue for this attraction, especially the loading area
I really feel like Im in the basement of a parking garage, sans gas fumes. So Im standing in line in the garage, admiring the view, and Im with a bunch of other singles, one of whom is standing right behind me. He is a short, stocky, nervous-looking middle aged man who is all smiles and over-eager to get my attention. Unlike David the Wales dude, this guy gives me the willies. And Im not exactly sure I could outrun him if I needed to. When I turned my head toward him to look in that direction, a creepy smile spread across his face. He seemed uncomfortable as he shifted his weight back and forth from one foot to the other. He finally gets enough nerve to break the ice. Is this your first time riding this? he asks, giving me that sinister smile.
Oh for Petes sake
do I really have to talk to this guy?
But Im polite. My mama raised me better than that. Dammit.
No, Ive ridden this many times. Its a great ride. I smile back, turn around, and inch forward, although the person in front of me hasnt moved at all. Im praying that they do soon.
Me too, he says, inching forward himself. Now it feels like hes invading my personal space bubble and Im more creeped out than ever.
Back off, back off, back off! Im thinking. He keeps shifting his weight and grinning at me like hes got a secret. His grin reminds me of Russell from Survivor: Samoa.
So
are you riding alone?
Clang! Clang! Tippy Toe! Lemon Drop! Warning bells going off in my head. My personal Creep Meter has hit eleven, one louder from ten.
I am for this ride, I say. My HUSBAND is taking a smoking break. Did I mention I have a husband? Well I have one, and hes waiting outside for me and hes really big and he lusts after wimp blood.
Oh, he says. His smile fades a lot, to the point where it didnt look quite so sinister, and he appears a lot less creepy. He also seems to have stepped back an inch. Success!
[two thumbs up]
Fortunately, my fake husband story pays off and the conversation comes to an abrupt ending after that. (Not that my husband is fake, but the story about him was.) Within moments its time for me to choose a lane. Im waving to Creepy Man and running toward my car. After my adventure driving through a giant doughnut, I jump out of my limo and try to take a picture of my picture, but by the time I get my camera out, the screen changes. Aw nuts. Looks like Ill have to ride this thing
again.
Sigh.
While this ride is exciting for some (see back row), it's equally as dull to others (see front row).
[Tilts head.] My mouth looks HUGE in this picture.
After my second spin (this time without having to resort to fake husband stories), I walk back down Sunset Boulevard. One of the street actors is out harassing the guests. I stood by and watch as LeRoy Small interacts with some young women. It didnt take long before the women have enough of non-ride distraction and they walk away. LeRoy is now looking for someone else to interact with. I stand there to see what he was going to do next. Fortunately, he turns to me.
LeRoy Small,he says, thrusting his hand out for me to shake. Small in name but big in talent POW! And he kicks his leg high in the air, which looked frighteningly close to pulling a groin muscle. He pulls a business card out of his breast pocket and hands it to me.
I look at his card and then at him. What exactly
is your talent?
Making you a star POW! And up goes his leg again.
Really? You got anything to back up this claim? Who have you worked with?
He leans in close and asks, Have you ever heard of Dorma Nesmond? I landed her the role that launched her career in Sunrise Boulevard.
Oh, I
love Dorma! She was brilliant in that performance.
Yes, it was one of her best performances oh, hello ladies, LeRoy says to some female passersby. Name is LeRoy Small. Small in name, big in talent POW! Up goes the leg. One of the women looks clearly freaked out by his over-dramatization and urges the other one to continue on. It didnt seem to bother LeRoy. After they walk away, LeRoy turns back to me as if his attention was on me the whole time. In fact, I am mostly responsible for Dormas success.
I hate to ask, but
I asked. you know, since youre so famous and all
may I take your picture?
Of course! He seemed thrilled by the idea of getting his picture taken. Are you a journalist? What paper are you with?
The Times? He grabbed his director chair and kicked his leg in the air and held it. He opened his mouth as if in the middle of a POW! He froze that way.
Okay
. I said, fiddling with my camera. That looks great. Now, just hold it like that while I take your picture
I snapped a shot but didnt tell him. I pulled the camera away from my face, looked at it as if perplexed, then drew it back in. Okay, here we go
I said, holding the camera against my face. LeRoy, in the meanwhile, is holding his pose as well as he can. The leg is starting to fall a little and the mouth is starting to close. Okay, just hold that. Perfect. Okay
wait for it
wait for it
I click another shot but still do not tell him. Again I pull it away from my face and apologize. Gosh, Im not sure whats wrong with this thing, but let me try it again. He makes a huffy noise like hes getting impatient, but otherwise continues to pose.
Okay
I dont have ALL day, LeRoy says, trying to sound as pleasant as possible, his mouth in a slowly deflating O shape and leg descending toward the ground. He is trying not to show irritation since hes getting interviewed and photographed by a newspaper journalist.
I fiddle with the camera again and pretend to take the picture. I again look at the camera as if it was broken. I encourage him to keep posing because I almost had the shot. By now I was giggling so hard, it was difficult to keep the camera still anymore. I was also starting to feel bad for this actor, who was nothing but a great sport about all of it. When he finally was able to put down his leg, he let out a sigh of relief, and then looked really irritated at me for taking so long. Be sure to let me know which paper my picture will be in.
LeRoy Small, Picture 1. Lots of enthusiasm here.
LeRoy Small, Picture 12. Notice the leg is starting to droop and the sun is starting to set.
I thank him and continue on my way up Sunset Boulevard.
The Streetmosphere are out full-force today. Further up the boulevard is Flavio Fellini, the overweight Italian director/actor, and Shelby Mayer, ostentatious studio mogul. They are engaged in a little skit with some fellow guests. Shelby is encouraging Fellini to work on his acting. Fellini picks a nice-looking woman to practice his lines on. After a few seconds, she decides shes had enough and walks away. Fellini is not swayed, however, and tries to work with another female guest. When she leaves, Shelby encourages Fellini to worker harder on his pickup skill, to really emote. Then I become his next target.
Hello, my-a little ravioli, Fellini says to me in his contrived Italian accent. I point at myself as if in question, then look behind me to make sure he was talking to me. Yes, you my sweet-a little spumoni. You are what Flavio has been a-looking for my whole-a life.
I pretend to blush. I look at the ground and kick my toe at an imaginary pebble.
Fellini walks toward me. Shelby encourages him to keep at it because his charm seems to be working. You look as good as Italian sausage, he coos. I look up at him and bite my lower lip, as if trying to contain myself.
Great! Thats great! Keep going! Shelby says.
You are like-a meat-a-balls to my spaghetti. Fellini gestures all Italian-like and walks up to me.
Very good, Shelby says.
You are as pleasant to the eyes as an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Dont overdo it, Shelby warns as he follows Fellini.
Fellini slides next to me and winks. It would be my pleasure if you could-a accompany Flavio to the buffet, if you would so have-a me.
Thats a very tempting offer, I said.
Youre a-paying, right?
I like a man with a lot of girth, I giggle.
Fellini brightens up a bit. Well, I am-a very girthy.
You certainly are.
Shelby decides he wants in on our conversation. He puts his hand in his vest pockets and introduces himself. He has a strange accent that Im not exactly sure where from
New England? He seems very inquisitive about my occupation, and keeps asking me if Im with the entertainment industry. He pulls out a fake bill out of his pocket and hands it to me, but makes no indication that he is bribing me. Do you have connections? he asks me, handing me another hundred dollar bill. Do you need more persuasion? he asks, pulling out another bill and handing it to me. But he sees my nametag and asks where I work. I tell him I work for the government, and suddenly he looks very nervous. And then he starts taking bills out by the handful and shoving them in my fist.
In your joooooooooob, do you arrest people? In your jooooooob, do you do any auditing? In your joooooooob, do you ever say Do you want fries with that?
Shelby admits (while in character) that he thought I was a cast member because of my
Hucifer badge, which really surprised me since they sell these things right around the corner, I said. Shelby looked very surprised by this and said hes never seen another nameplate like mine. I must have stood and spoke with Shelby and Fellini for ten minutes. Im sorry to say that I do not remember most of the conversation, just snippets. Seriously, the Streetmosphere at MGM is absolutely priceless when you stop and really get involved with them. They never get out of character, and they are a surprise with every encounter, unlike most attractions. This is the kind of great stuff you encounter when youre not rushing from attraction to attraction. Breathe it in, people. This is the kind of stuff that makes Disney
well, Disney.
Coming up: Part 4. Tower of Terror doesnt go upside down. Who knew?
You wouldn't mind if I dressed like a stormtrooper would you???
(hee hee hee) I have taken to reading her old 2006 trip report to get my fix of Hucifer prose. Imagine my delight when today I discovered that we can have a complete retrospective of Hucifer's nekkid back making an appearance at Sci-Fi Dine In.
But...
No picture?!
