Hubby vent-update page 13, post #189

[FredinFL]

You have to have the proper amount of "hand" in the relationship. A man without "hand" is no man at all.

What in the heck does that mean please? Because I'm sure it can't possible be what I'm thinking it means.

 

[jrmasm]

I didn't understand why the girl was crying and freaking out.

I know. Clearly not mature enough to be driving. I didn't reward tears when my kids were babies.

 

[phorsenuf]

Maybe I missed it somewhere but why is there not a school bus taking these kids to practice? It is a school team, right? Why is it the responsibility of the kids? Our schools always had transportation provided.
Plus, what would happen if the girls just said, sorry, we cannot drive. Period. Would they be kicked off the team or something?

 

[morethananyonex]

Ah..but what is the sound of one hand clapping?



Aren't you supposed to be making me a sammich?

Please accept my sincere apologies your highness, white or whole wheat?

 

[mdsoccermom]

I know. Clearly not mature enough to be driving. I didn't reward tears when my kids were babies.

Exactly. That along with the whole "you don't do enough for the family"? Heck no. There would be no driving privileges there.

 

[BeefJerky]

Please accept my sincere apologies your highness, white or whole wheat?

Oh ho ho, surely you jest. I demand SOURDOUGH

 

[mickeymedic]

Maybe I missed it somewhere but why is there not a school bus taking these kids to practice? It is a school team, right? Why is it the responsibility of the kids? Our schools always had transportation provided.
Plus, what would happen if the girls just said, sorry, we cannot drive. Period. Would they be kicked off the team or something?

I can't say 100% that this is the case for the OP, but in our school district there is not enough money to bus all sports teams. This means that the football players and basketball players get bussed to their events. But other sports - like golf and cross country - have to find their own transportation. It's not really fair, but its the way it is.

 

[Mkrop]

I have kids including one the same age as the twins. I think this whole drama is ridiculous. And even though I haven't heard his side of the story, I am in complete agreement with the dad.

I am not saying Dad should take the bus but a real father will sit down with his family, listen to everyone involved, learn what the logistics of getting everyone where they needed to be, see where or how he can contribute and come up with a VIABLE solution that can work for all the people he supposedly cares about. If that viable option is him taking the bus then that is what he should do If he can come up with a better game plan, than that is great too. I think this dad (and yes it is an assumption on my part) has been spolied by having a spouse who took on this responsiblity for years and now that Op can not do that, dad doesnt want to step up and help get HIS children where they need to go.

 

[jrmasm]

I am not saying Dad should take the bus but a real father will sit down with his family, listen to everyone involved, learn what the logistics of getting everyone where they needed to be, see where or how he can contribute and come up with a VIABLE solution that can work for all the people he supposedly cares about. If that viable option is him taking the bus then that is what he should do If he can come up with a better game plan, than that is great too. I think this dad (and yes it is an assumption on my part) has been spolied by having a spouse who took on this responsiblity for years and now that Op can not do that, dad doesnt want to step up and help get HIS children where they need to go.

If you take the OP's story at face value that he is selfish then you can't overlook that she has decided how this will work out and is unwilling to compromise.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I am not saying Dad should take the bus but a real father will sit down with his family, listen to everyone involved, learn what the logistics of getting everyone where they needed to be, see where or how he can contribute and come up with a VIABLE solution that can work for all the people he supposedly cares about. If that viable option is him taking the bus then that is what he should do If he can come up with a better game plan, than that is great too. I think this dad (and yes it is an assumption on my part) has been spolied by having a spouse who took on this responsiblity for years and now that Op can not do that, dad doesnt want to step up and help get HIS children where they need to go.

Actually, I'm starting to wonder if the Dad DID suggest a viable alternative: he gets a newer, more fuel efficient car, and the kids get his old car. It seems the Mom didn't want that:

I should know better than to post in a GG thread but GG is being manipulative and using most of you as enablers. Not only has she revealed her true intentions, she has spoken of her motivations. GG, I know you think that your being fair about this, but you know for a fact that the new car is the one that you want and that when you get your sales job you will, by necessity have the longest commute. Using your children to guilt your DH in this way is pretty low.

Based on this post, it sounds like the Mother wants the newer car so when her DH suggested he get the new car, the manipulation P/A tactics came out. I don't keep track of other people's lives through their many posts, but that doesn't mean others don't. If this IS the case (and based on the OP's 'I can do no wrong' attitude displayed here, I'm suspecting it is) then a viable alternative WAS offered. It just wasn't accepted.

One should be careful when tossing out the My Way or the Highway ultimatums. Keep doing it and eventually the other person chooses the Highway.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This thread is now just downright HILARIOUS!!!!!
OMG. ONLY ON THE DIS!!!!!

Look, almost all of us here know Golfgal.
Have she and I usually agreed on things???
NOPE... Often quite the contrary.

And, I will be the first to say that she may not be handling this situation perfectly.
It does take two to tango.

But, I have to say, anybody who thinks that taking a bus/subway/commute to work a few days a week is a huge hardship....
I mean, how could she castrate and imasculate her husband so viciously!!!!

Just try telling that to the the many men and women who do it every day!!!
Ohhhh, the poor souls!!!!

Since when does suggesting that the husband could commute, or purchase of a car for a family with five licensed drivers, make the OP out to be a total every-name-in-the-book that has been implied by some very inappropriate posters here. I find this to be just completely unbelievable!!!!

OP, as I mentioned a couple times before:
The thing for you to do, first, is to go buy a reasonable car to meet your families needs....
Second, you need to take a good look at the dynamics here and learn how to understand and handle your husband's issues in a better and more positive and effective way!

I KNOW that the gut reaction is to try to 'make them see'.... I mean, how can they not see?????
Golfgal, sometimes people just do not see... Sometimes people simply are unable to see anyone else's needs, POV, etc... One has to just give and give and give, while it is never even acknowledged, appreciated, like no real awareness at all... And, the other person is just blissfully unaware that they may need to compromise, to give back... The very suggestion that there is an issue, that they are not 'perfect', is such a blow that it makes them very defensive/angry.... (BTDT with my inlaws, and dealing with that with my husband.... I have learned and researched a lot....)

Remember, you can't change another persons attitudes and actions... But, you can look at how you are handling it.
You can't make a blind person see your POV.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

The obvious advice...
Buy a car... JUST DO IT...
Look at this as a big Ah-Ha moment.
Give up the drama.

 

[phorsenuf]

<snip>
Keep doing it and eventually the other person chooses the Highway.

Only if they have a car.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Only if they have a car.

 

[princessmom29]

Only if they have a car.

exactly, because apparently the bus is out of the question!

 

[mdsoccermom]

I am not saying Dad should take the bus but a real father will sit down with his family, listen to everyone involved, learn what the logistics of getting everyone where they needed to be, see where or how he can contribute and come up with a VIABLE solution that can work for all the people he supposedly cares about. If that viable option is him taking the bus then that is what he should do If he can come up with a better game plan, than that is great too. I think this dad (and yes it is an assumption on my part) has been spolied by having a spouse who took on this responsiblity for years and now that Op can not do that, dad doesnt want to step up and help get HIS children where they need to go.

A real wife wouldn't be so manipulative.

 

[Aisling]

You have to have the proper amount of "hand" in the relationship. A man without "hand" is no man at all.

Idesie, you're a riot!

 

[FredinFL]

A real wife wouldn't be so manipulative.

Is that like "real men don't eat quiche"?

 

[DipsyDoodles]

It's never "just one thing". It's a combination of 18 to 20 years of "just one thing" after another. This happens to be the "Just one thing" that demonstrates in a crystal clear manner how rigid, shrewish and 'getting even' attitudes makes marriages end LOOOONG before either party ever moves out of the house and files the papers.

The fact that there are so many women here who are giving up "atta girl" and "high five" posts is probably a good explanation for the number of anonymous "PRAYERS PLEASE! MY MARRIAGE IS BREAKING UP AND I NEVER SAW IT COMING!" posts I see every week here on the DIS.

I suspect it's probably already too late for the OP. I highly doubt she'll ever see herself or her actions as wrong and there's really no use trying to talk to her anymore. But if one or more other marriages are saved because a lurker sees him/herself in how they're acting in their marriage and can get the cycle stopped, then this thread is worth it.

Thank goodness the DIS has you here to save our marriages.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Thank goodness the DIS has you here to save our marriages.

Hey, if you see yourself in what I said, then you're most very welcome.

 

[BeefJerky]

Actually, I'm starting to wonder if the Dad DID suggest a viable alternative: he gets a newer, more fuel efficient car, and the kids get his old car. It seems the Mom didn't want that:Based on this post, it sounds like the Mother wants the newer car so when her DH suggested he get the new car, the manipulation P/A tactics came out. I don't keep track of other people's lives through their many posts, but that doesn't mean others don't. If this IS the case (and based on the OP's 'I can do no wrong' attitude displayed here, I'm suspecting it is) then a viable alternative WAS offered. It just wasn't accepted.

One should be careful when tossing out the My Way or the Highway ultimatums. Keep doing it and eventually the other person chooses the Highway.

Actually, the whole "kids get the old car" thing might work.