How's married life?

[TippeeCanoe]

I saw this on Facebook yesterday and laughed.

 

[Kiren]

I also got married back in October and haven't been asked that question yet. Wait, maybe I have. Usually I just joke but my husband and I are pretty good. We are still learning things about each other and there's the odd time I'll do something or I'll have a "moment" (two hours of kittens on the TV and I reverted to a 5 year old) and he'll just look at me and put his hand out asking for the rings back. I laugh and tell him it's too late. We have already talked about many things and he's always joking when he asks for the ring back. You can't even tell that there's ten years difference between us!

 

[PerfessorZ]

As other posters have mentioned, it's just a variation on initiating small talk. But if you're looking for a couple answers to make people stop and think about what they're really asking, how about...

"Oh, that thing? That was just for the green card. I haven't seen him in weeks."

"That was all just an elaborate ruse to trick people into giving us wedding presents - that wasn't even a real priest."

In a loud voice, glancing about the room for people watching: "Oh, it's great! Couldn't be better!" Then lean in close and in a whisper, "If push came to shove, how much could I rely on you as an alibi?"

 

[Ember]

I agree it's just a way of making conversation. Give it a few months and the question will morph into, "So, when are you going to start your family?"

Look puzzled. "Are you asking after my sex life? Or just curious about the state of my uterus? Because we had sex yesterday and my last period ended a week ago. It was abnormally heavy." They never ask again.

 

[DebbieB]

I think it's just a small talk conversation starter. I know I got on a call with coworkers and a newly married woman got on the line. So I said "Mrs S, how's married life?". She came back with "same as before, nothings changed". In other words, they were living together previously. Not what I really wanted to know.

 

[BellsFam]

Timing is a funny thing....our 20 years together have been wonderful. The past 20 minutes he just pissed me off so bad I had to walk out of the room.

THIS POST IS EVERYTHING IN MY WORLD!!!!

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Well my husband and I just had a fight over what order hot sauce goes in.
He says mild is hotter than medium. That doesn't even make sense! MEDIUM... in the middle of hot and mild right??? There was Googling and everything. Now I'm getting the silent treatment.

That's my marriage today. It started off so great too with a break and coffee date!

 

[gwynne]

Well my husband and I just had a fight over what order hot sauce goes in.
He says mild is hotter than medium. That doesn't even make sense! MEDIUM... in the middle of hot and mild right??? There was Googling and everything. Now I'm getting the silent treatment.

That's my marriage today. It started off so great too with a break and coffee date!

I hope it helps to know your invisible friends agree with you.
Some days just make no sense, do they?

 

[Sabeking]

First time ever? I'm impressed...

No the first time yesterday! Lol!

He actually is a great husband; it was funny because he said something fairly insensitive that really made me angry, I left the room and sat down with my computer and this was the first thread I saw! He knew I was angry. I made sure he was asleep before I came back in the room ( I'm terrible) but he woke me up with a cup of coffee and an apology this morning. All is well.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I think it's just a small talk conversation starter. I know I got on a call with coworkers and a newly married woman got on the line. So I said "Mrs S, how's married life?". She came back with "same as before, nothings changed". In other words, they were living together previously. Not what I really wanted to know.

I usually answer this question the same as Mrs. S. We were together 17 years before we got married; I don't know what it is people are expecting to change. You said her answer was not really what you wanted to know -- What did you want to know?

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I hope it helps to know your invisible friends agree with you.
Some days just make no sense, do they?

So ridiculous lol.

 

[TippeeCanoe]

I usually answer this question the same as Mrs. S. We were together 17 years before we got married; I don't know what it is people are expecting to change. You said her answer was not really what you wanted to know -- What did you want to know?

If you don't live together before you're married, there are a lot of changes.

 

[Pix]

I think it's just a small talk conversation starter. I know I got on a call with coworkers and a newly married woman got on the line. So I said "Mrs S, how's married life?". She came back with "same as before, nothings changed". In other words, they were living together previously. Not what I really wanted to know.

I'm curious... If that's not really what you wanted to know, what did you want to know and why didn't you just ask that?

I don't think I was particularly clever with my responses. We lived together for a couple of years before we were married, so my answer was usually along the lines of "doesn't really feel any different..."

 

[gwynne]

I usually answer this question the same as Mrs. S. We were together 17 years before we got married; I don't know what it is people are expecting to change. You said her answer was not really what you wanted to know -- What did you want to know?

Not everyone is terribly literal. How's married life? A pleasant "It's fine, thank you" works.

 

[DebbieB]

I'm curious... If that's not really what you wanted to know, what did you want to know and why didn't you just ask that?

I don't think I was particularly clever with my responses. We lived together for a couple of years before we were married, so my answer was usually along the lines of "doesn't really feel any different..."

Again, I was just making small talk. It was right after she came back to work after the wedding. It was more of a greeting "welcome back, how's married life?". I didn't literally want to know details.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

If you don't live together before you're married, there are a lot of changes.

Sure, I get that, but if someone is actually asking how a newly living together couple is coping with the changes I think that's way too personal a question for casual conversation. In my case, the people asking know how long we've been together, so it strikes me as a weird thing to say.

Not everyone is terribly literal. How's married life? A pleasant "It's fine, thank you" works.

And sometimes I say that as well, especially to people who have already asked before. I just don't see much difference between "fine" and "same as before." They're both brush off answers. That's why I was curious as to why the PP thought Mrs. S. gave the "wrong" answer to her question.

 

[DebbieB]

Sure, I get that, but if someone is actually asking how a newly living together couple is coping with the changes I think that's way too personal a question for casual conversation. In my case, the people asking know how long we've been together, so it strikes me as a weird thing to say.

And sometimes I say that as well, especially to people who have already asked before. I just don't see much difference between "fine" and "same as before." They're both brush off answers. That's why I was curious as to why the PP thought Mrs. S. gave the "wrong" answer to her question.

I didn't think it was a "wrong" answer, I just thought it was a little personal for a online group meeting at work (people across the country). I guess lesson learned. I was just trying to make the point back to the OP that people don't literally want to know how your married life is, it's just a form of small talk.

 

[Mortlives]

If anyone asks, "He's still my perfect playmate."

 

[DiannaVM]

Honestly, marriage life has been alot easier than I imagined. I thought I would've been dying to go back home within the first month (I never lived away from home before we got married) and just overall I thought we would have a rough time adjusting, but it hasn't. Living with him was actually pretty easy and we both got very comfortable right away. If I didn't know any better, I would think we have been married for years rather than just a few months. There ARE times when he drives me crazy (as I do him because frankly I can be annoying sometimes lol), but we try really hard to compromise so most disagreements rarely get past just a simple discussion about what is making us angry. Last night I nearly chewed his head off though lol. I didn't feel well the day before so I was tired yesterday afternoon and I was on the couch taking a nap with the adoptive cat, when he came over to pet and mess with the cat. He started to purr at the cat right in front of my face and I woke up all startled because I thought the cat was angry or something. Gave me a serious fright, and I near wanted to smack his head off for doing that because I couldn't get back to sleep. He redeemed himself by making dinner though

That said, I probably wouldn't give that answer to people irl. Frankly, the question kind of annoys me, whether its just coming from politeness, or small talk or genuinely want to know how its going. Regardless, its something I rather do without because I am really not sure what people are expecting except for someone to say that its going "fine" or "well".

 

[craedaisy12]

I guess I would say like any life it comes with its highs and lows. Single, married it makes no difference. I assume you get asked that only when a marriage is new though and because it can be an adjustment, I can't recall anyone asking me that in the last 10/11 years. I also don't recall my Dh and I having an adjustment period because while we didn't live together before we were married, he lived downtown and I stayed with him every weekend for many years. We knew what we were getting ourselves into

Do many find it hard to adjust to married life?

I would say its not hard adjusting to married life. We are just learning how to live with each other. We are really adjusting to our new apartment and getting some kind of routine down with household chores.

Great post, and isn't it interesting that asking "how are you" or some version thereof has become a social convention when the last thing anybody really wants to know is how somebody is?

I know this all to well! I work in retail and customers usually give a short one word answer, ignore me, ask the same question without answering, or just start tell me their life story... I cherish the ones that really acknowledge me and sincerely answer the question.

I agree it's just a way of making conversation. Give it a few months and the question will morph into, "So, when are you going to start your family?" That's even touchier if you're having fertility problems. I had just had a miscarriage when a well-meaning but clueless friend asked that question.

I had my aunt asking me at my wedding if we were planning to have kids. My siblings have been married a couple years and have none yet. Our friends joke around when we don't come out with them because we wanted a night in, they would ask Hows the baby making coming? or along those lines. I know they all mean well but we are giving ourselves at least a year to enjoy just the two of us before trying!

Look puzzled. "Are you asking after my sex life? Or just curious about the state of my uterus? Because we had sex yesterday and my last period ended a week ago. It was abnormally heavy." They never ask again.

I love this! I don't think I could pull it off though.. but I may use it on a friend, someone I'll feel more comfortable saying that to!

Honestly, marriage life has been alot easier than I imagined. I thought I would've been dying to go back home within the first month (I never lived away from home before we got married) and just overall I thought we would have a rough time adjusting, but it hasn't. Living with him was actually pretty easy and we both got very comfortable right away. If I didn't know any better, I would think we have been married for years rather than just a few months. There ARE times when he drives me crazy (as I do him because frankly I can be annoying sometimes lol), but we try really hard to compromise so most disagreements rarely get past just a simple discussion about what is making us angry. Last night I nearly chewed his head off though lol. I didn't feel well the day before so I was tired yesterday afternoon and I was on the couch taking a nap with the adoptive cat, when he came over to pet and mess with the cat. He started to purr at the cat right in front of my face and I woke up all startled because I thought the cat was angry or something. Gave me a serious fright, and I near wanted to smack his head off for doing that because I couldn't get back to sleep. He redeemed himself by making dinner though

That said, I probably wouldn't give that answer to people irl. Frankly, the question kind of annoys me, whether its just coming from politeness, or small talk or genuinely want to know how its going. Regardless, its something I rather do without because I am really not sure what people are expecting except for someone to say that its going "fine" or "well".

I'm in the same boat! I had never moved in my life, lived in the same house for 24 years! My DH on the other hand had moved a lot as a kid and had lived on his own at one point to.

It was a roller coaster after the wedding. I still think we were crazy for how we did it. So we had our beautiful wedding day, took our 17 day road trip! Then the day after we got back, moved into our new apartment. It was a little overwhelming because the day after the move we went back to work. Which they had to send him away for two nights. So I was in the new place, by myself. Thankfully my sisters would come over to help me with boxes and such. I think it was easy to adjust to since we had been in and out of so many hotel rooms for two weeks it just felt like that until we made it our own!