How would you respond? Issue with instructor (long)

[TinkerbEllnor]

My son takes weekly drum lessons at a local music studio. It's about the time for the yearly recital sign ups. Since he just started in January and is very much a beginner, I've been trying to decide if he should perform in the recital or not.

After yesterday's lesson, I didn't get a chance to talk to the instructor about the recital because he went right on with the next student and I didn't want to interrupt, I just planned to ask at the next lesson... So I am acknowlodging that what is to follow is one-sided.

On the way home, I was asking DS what he'd learned today, just making conversation, trying to feel him out if he wants to try to perform in the recital.

DS said he "didn't really learn anything today", "part of the time (the instructor) was just showing me pictures".

I said "Pictures? Of what? Drums? Bands?"

DS said "No, one was a picture he took of his eye, one was of his cat, one was a poop in a toilet, and there was another that he said he couldn't show me". As DS was describing the eye pic, at first I thought his instructor just fancied himself an artist, then when DS got to the toilet pic, the red flags shot up.

I pay this studio for music lessons, at the rate they charge, imo, every minute should be spent teaching the music. And I am also concerned about borderline inappropriateness of the pictures, and why he felt it necessary to show them to a 6 yr old. DS certainly did not ask to see the pictures, he was very confused about the whole thing. And it sounds like there was at least one absolutely inappropriate pic in there too that at least some judgement was shown regarding the audience.

I am wondering how big of a response do you think this warrants?

-Would you let it go? After all, DS didn't see anything he hasn't seen before.
-Talk to the instructor? Just about taking lesson time away with a non-music distraction? Or bring up the content of the pics as well?
-Bring it up to the owner of the studio? Ask to switch instructors?

I appreciate any input. Thanks

 

[My sister's princess]

My son takes weekly drum lessons at a local music studio. It's about the time for the yearly recital sign ups. Since he just started in January and is very much a beginner, I've been trying to decide if he should perform in the recital or not.

After yesterday's lesson, I didn't get a chance to talk to the instructor about the recital because he went right on with the next student and I didn't want to interrupt, I just planned to ask at the next lesson... So I am acknowlodging that what is to follow is one-sided.

On the way home, I was asking DS what he'd learned today, just making conversation, trying to feel him out if he wants to try to perform in the recital.

DS said he "didn't really learn anything today", "part of the time (the instructor) was just showing me pictures".

I said "Pictures? Of what? Drums? Bands?"

DS said "No, one was a picture he took of his eye, one was of his cat, one was a poop in a toilet, and there was another that he said he couldn't show me". As DS was describing the eye pic, at first I thought his instructor just fancied himself an artist, then when DS got to the toilet pic, the red flags shot up.

I pay this studio for music lessons, at the rate they charge, imo, every minute should be spent teaching the music. And I am also concerned about borderline inappropriateness of the pictures, and why he felt it necessary to show them to a 6 yr old. DS certainly did not ask to see the pictures, he was very confused about the whole thing. And it sounds like there was at least one absolutely inappropriate pic in there too that at least some judgement was shown regarding the audience.

I am wondering how big of a response do you think this warrants?

-Would you let it go? After all, DS didn't see anything he hasn't seen before.
-Talk to the instructor? Just about taking lesson time away with a non-music distraction? Or bring up the content of the pics as well?
-Bring it up to the owner of the studio? Ask to switch instructors?

I appreciate any input. Thanks

Do you stay around during the lessons? Six seems on the young side to get dropped off at a music lesson?

I would bring it up, but there are a few people on the board that have a great saying in their siggie something like we won't believe half of what they say about you if you won't believe half of what they say about us.

 

[TinkerbEllnor]

Do you stay around during the lessons? Six seems on the young side to get dropped off at a music lesson?

I would bring it up, but there are a few people on the board that have a great saying in their siggie something like we won't believe half of what they say about you if you won't believe half of what they say about us.

I am there the whole time, but in the waiting room. They do the lesson in a separate room. It has a glass door so you can see in, but it is around the corner from the waiting area, so he is out of line of sight unless I hover outside the door.

 

[smkiya]

My son takes weekly drum lessons at a local music studio. It's about the time for the yearly recital sign ups. Since he just started in January and is very much a beginner, I've been trying to decide if he should perform in the recital or not.

After yesterday's lesson, I didn't get a chance to talk to the instructor about the recital because he went right on with the next student and I didn't want to interrupt, I just planned to ask at the next lesson... So I am acknowlodging that what is to follow is one-sided.

On the way home, I was asking DS what he'd learned today, just making conversation, trying to feel him out if he wants to try to perform in the recital.

DS said he "didn't really learn anything today", "part of the time (the instructor) was just showing me pictures".

I said "Pictures? Of what? Drums? Bands?"

DS said "No, one was a picture he took of his eye, one was of his cat, one was a poop in a toilet, and there was another that he said he couldn't show me". As DS was describing the eye pic, at first I thought his instructor just fancied himself an artist, then when DS got to the toilet pic, the red flags shot up.
I pay this studio for music lessons, at the rate they charge, imo, every minute should be spent teaching the music. And I am also concerned about borderline inappropriateness of the pictures, and why he felt it necessary to show them to a 6 yr old. DS certainly did not ask to see the pictures, he was very confused about the whole thing. And it sounds like there was at least one absolutely inappropriate pic in there too that at least some judgement was shown regarding the audience.

I am wondering how big of a response do you think this warrants?

-Would you let it go? After all, DS didn't see anything he hasn't seen before.
-Talk to the instructor? Just about taking lesson time away with a non-music distraction? Or bring up the content of the pics as well?
-Bring it up to the owner of the studio? Ask to switch instructors?

I appreciate any input. Thanks

RED FLAG
Bring it up to the owner and the authorities! If he's innocent then there's nothing he has to worry about. If you just switch instructors, who will he harm next?

 

[My sister's princess]

I am there the whole time, but in the waiting room. They do the lesson in a separate room. It has a glass door so you can see in, but it is around the corner from the waiting area, so he is out of line of sight unless I hover outside the door.

Can you hear them playing?

 

[smkiya]

I also want to add that I'm not quick to judge, but this was totally inappropriate and should be dealt with quickly and tactfully. I would tell the other parents what your child described. I'm sure your child isn't the only one he's showed those pics to. Maybe he may have crossed the line with another child. IMO if I were a parent of a child there, I would want to know. I said report it to the authorities too, it doesn't hurt to make a phone call. Don't let this go. Please.

 

[TinkerbEllnor]

Can you hear them playing?

Yes. There are a lot of different lessons going on at the same time, piano, guitar and drums, so they are muffled a bit, but it's hard to hide drumming. Starts and stops in hearing the drumming hasn't been unusual, because they will sometimes go over something in the book, and DS can be a chatterbox too so he stops to talk and ask questions. I didn't notice any long lags in the drumming at yesterday's lesson. I didn't even realize anything was amiss until DS told me on the way home.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

Completely inappropriate! I'd be finding a new teacher, pronto.

 

[krcit]

Creepy!! I'm not usually an alarmist but this made alarm bells go off. It's like he is grooming him....show him pics this week and say 'oh, I can't show you that one' and then next week say 'remember the pics I showed you, wanna see them again?' Really creepy. I would talk to the owner of the school b/c even if it was innocent, he should be instructing him for the whole lesson. keep us posted.

 

[My sister's princess]

Yes. There are a lot of different lessons going on at the same time, piano, guitar and drums, so they are muffled a bit, but it's hard to hide drumming. Starts and stops in hearing the drumming hasn't been unusual, because they will sometimes go over something in the book, and DS can be a chatterbox too so he stops to talk and ask questions. I didn't notice any long lags in the drumming at yesterday's lesson. I didn't even realize anything was amiss until DS told me on the way home.

The only reason I ask is because your son said they hardly did anything. I think you should talk to the teacher, which was your question in the first place

I would hate for him to be doing something that isn't appropriate and you not to know, but I think it would be just as bad to talk to the police without talking to him first. Accusations could ruin his teaching career and if he didn't do anything that would be horrible!

 

[princessmom29]

Something is definitely not right here. I would definitely talk to the instructor about it, and bring it to the attention of the owners of the studio. I have a 6 year old DD and if she told me something like that the first thing I would do would be to go to the adult and ask them about it, asking to see the photos as well. Mabye what he though looked like poop was something else, and mabye the instructor wasn't showing a particular photo becuase he was planning to display or sell it, but there is too much here that is bothersome. I would need some answers.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I would definitely get the other side of it, but don't wait until the next lesson. You may want to call the owner in when you speak to the teacher so it's not your word against his.

It sounds wrong on so many levels, but your son may only be remembering what interested him most at the lesson, rather than the lesson itself. It may have only been a minute. Poop in a toilet or what he'd mentioned that he couldn't show? NOT appropriate for any reason.

DH is a music teacher -- it is hard to keep younger kids' attention for the full time -- so it may just have been a short break.

Best wishes.

 

[tuckerkeys]

Yeah. TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE!!

I would call the studio, and speak with the owner TODAY. Ask them WHY this is going on in a drum lesson?

Pictures, 1 with poo he showed and another he didn't? Whaaaa??? Are you SURE that the 1 pic was a tiolet pic w/ poo? Can it be that your son's imagination went wild on something like this? It is a bit weird for a 6 year old to just come up with an image like this out of nowhere so I'm sure your son is telling the truth...

Child predators are EVERYWHERE. Some will stop at nothing to interact with kids. Have the music instructors had background checks since they are interacting 1 on 1 with kids? I know this sounds extreme but you can never be too careful when it is your kid....

Kudos to your son for telling you this. I would freak out if I was in your shoes...It's too weird & to be honest I wouldn't take him back to this instructor in the future......

 

[smkiya]

The only reason I ask is because your son said they hardly did anything. I think you should talk to the teacher, which was your question in the first place

I would hate for him to be doing something that isn't appropriate and you not to know, but I think it would be just as bad to talk to the police without talking to him first. Accusations could ruin his teaching career and if he didn't do anything that would be horrible!

I'm not trying yo incite anything, but I have a family member who was abused so this strikes a chord with me.

Tell me though. What do you expect this teacher to say? "Uh, sure I showed your child some inappropriate pictures during his drum lesson. Would you like me to show them to you?" Really....

I have a 5 1/2 year old daughter. If she told me what the OP's son told her, in the same context I would totally believe my daughter.

Turning a blind eye is harmful.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Something isn't right there.

I'd have a talk with the instructor in person. I'd ask him to describe the pictures he showed your DS. If he leaves any of them out, I'd ask him about the rest of them. I would imagine he would be at least a little uncomfortable telling you what he showed your DS. Yeah, maybe even ask to see them. I'd tell him if you're uncomfortable telling me about it or showing me, you shouldn't be showing them to my son. I'd also tell him he needs to stick to the lessons.

I would still get a different instructor, but I would let the people that run the facility know there is a little bit of crazy going on there.

 

[My sister's princess]

I'm not trying yo incite anything, but I have a family member who was abused so this strikes a chord with me.

Tell me though. What do you expect this teacher to say? "Uh, sure I showed your child some inappropriate pictures during his drum lesson. Would you like me to show them to you?" Really....

I have a 5 1/2 year old daughter. If she told me what the OP's son told her, in the same context I would totally believe my daughter.

Turning a blind eye is harmful.

What I expect is the teacher to say "here are the photos I showed your child Mrs. X" and for them to be photos that aren't that bad. OP seems like an involved mother, and most music teachers would realize that the student with the involved mom is going to ask about what they did during the lesson. That is why I think this is an understanding

I didn't say to turn I blind I, what I said was to speak to the instructor before jumping to conclusions.

 

[smkiya]

What I expect is the teacher to say "here are the photos I showed your child Mrs. X" and for them to be photos that aren't that bad. OP seems like an involved mother, and most music teachers would realize that the student with the involved mom is going to ask about what they did during the lesson. That is why I think this is an understanding

I didn't say to turn I blind I, what I said was to speak to the instructor before jumping to conclusions.

Yes, I see what you are saying. Also another poster mentioned that it would show whether the instructor became really uncomfortable when asked. That does seem reasonable.

I would trust what my daughter said in the context that was given by the OP though, and not the (for parent's eyes) set of pics that the instructor had set aside.

 

[TinkerbEllnor]

The instructor only works one day a week so I can't talk to him until the next lesson. We are the 1st lesson of the afternoon after school, and the owner of the studio is usually there at that time too so I will bring her in too. I will ask him to see the pics. I don't believe anything physical has occurred. I'd have pulled DS out immediately if I had. I just wanted some confirmation if I should bring it up at all, since as described by DS, 2 of the pics were benign, and the 3rd, well, DS is 6 yr old boy- poop is VERY amusing at this age, but he didn't really think it was funny this time.

Got to run to swimming lessons next so I will check in again later. Thanks for all your help.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Both my girls have been taking music lessons since 5 or 6.

They take 30 minute lessons (started piano, did a little voice, then switched to violin). Not in any lesson has every.single.minute been spent with the sound of music.

I would say at least half the lesson was playing, the other portion on set up, put away (at least for violin).

I haven't left them at a lesson though I may not be in a room. If my child goofs off, I am told. But for the most part, professionalism is maintained.

Showing pictures was never part of it--so I would definitely follow up on that with the instructor.

In the future, I have found it easier that when I have questions pertaining to anything regarding my children and lessons--at the start of their lesson always worked best. Even if it took a few minutes from my child's lesson. This way, you get it addressed quickly and it doesn't disrupt other students.

 

[Wishing on a star]

When the underlying questions/allegations involve inappropriate behavior with a child that young, no way would I go just to the instructor and give them a heads up. IF ( note, IF ) I felt like I needed to address this, it would begin with a meeting with the director/owner of the studio present.

IMHO, a little chit-chat is one thing.
What has been described way crosses over the line.
And, yes, to me it sounds like 'grooming'... 'scoping out'...

Whether I chose to address the issue or not, I would be looking for a new music instructor for my kid.