How would you react...Pregnant BM - update post #37

[Keira1387]

Hi,
I think I understand the point that your trying to get across. You are concerned about the BM dress and how it's going to fit. Also, I know it can very stessful when things don't go the way you planned. That being said, I don't think having a pregnant BM would be a big deal. I don't think I would even think twice about it. Plus, like someone else said wouldn't it be cool to show the baby when it grows up that he/she was at the wedding! If you are still concerned about it go to theknot.com and under ask Carley go to the BM section. It talks about how to handle this, and also flattering dresses as well. Good luck! It will all work out!

 

[caryndisneydiva]

back in the "old days" when women would wear big dresses all the time, they routinely hid their pregnancies (since it was taboo back then to be seen when you were pregnant ) by moving their hoop skirts up!!!!! maybe your seamstress could just move the skirt waist up and not alter the bottom...i agreed when yu said that yellow would be a problem pregnant color because it's so bright, and i also understand why you have your bm's in yellow, but now that i see your bm gowns, i think it will be fine. 2 peices break it up.

 

[geetey]

I typically lurk on the Wedding Board but thought posting on your thread might be of some help. My engagement was 15 months long and it turned out that two of my bridesmaids were pregnant by wedding time! Since we already had the dresses, I found a local seamstress to alter their dresses (one of the bridesmaid was 5 hours away so she called me with measurements in intervals so the seamstress could plan better). My SIL was HUGE - we needed extra material but in the end, everything fit.

I know you're concerned about your pictures but you really can't tell either of them are pregnant. When they were walking down the aisle, since the photos are head-on with their flowers held low, you don't notice the baby bump. For the group photos, again you can't really tell that they are pregnant because of the placement of the different girls. (We had a very large wedding party.)

I think it is so fun to look back at my wedding pictures and tell my godson, he was 'there' as well as my neice. My advice would be to talk to your photographer to see you can 'minimize' the pregnancy look (your bridesmaid will thank you too!) and your florist about the bouquet.

I understand your concerns about everything looking the same but honestly, it will be okay, with some tweaking. I hope this helps in some way.

 

[lov2b@disney]

I have been that pregnant bridesmaid in my brothers wedding , in fact another bridesmaid was 30 weeks with twins in the same wedding. I dont think It ever crossed any of our minds to not be in the wedding- We did what you are planning and got someone to alter the dresses and it was perfect. If the pictures were on the computer I'd send them but unfortunately it was over 7 years ago!

You really cant notice in the "posed" type pictures-the flower hide alot! And their photographer did some cute "bump" pictures of the two of us alone and with the bride and groom! Embrace it!

 

[MiaBella05]

one of my bridesmaids was 8 months pregnant during my wedding. I was devastated at first but then realized i could not imagine her not being in the wedding. She ordered the biggest size dress and had it altered last minute and it fit her perfectly. She would position the flowers to hid the bump and flaunt it. In the pictures you can even tell she is pregnant.

My advice is talk to her about your feelings, its best to get them out now so there are no hard feelings later

 

[mla1977]

MickeyAnne,

ignore the people who are telling you that you are selfish, it is your wedding afterall

I can understand how you are feeling, and if you guys came to some kind of resolution, then great!

I was at a wedding last year and one of the bridesmaids was 7 months pregnant but looked 12 months pregnant! (yes, she was THAT BIG). I her case, I wish the bride had done something to help her with the dress. The dresses were beautiful. Silver, strapless, etc, but on her, it looked like a tent. The top aroung her chest fit well, but the rest of it looked like a tent on her. I think that the dress that you picked will work out better for your cousin. Work with a seamstess, and if you need to, have it custom made for her. Just make sure that she is comfortable with what she is wearing and that she can handle the events of the day.

As for you, you've got six months to get used to the new pictures in your mind of how the day will look. I'm sure you'll grow to love how everything will look.

 

[Skylarr29]

I don't think it will be too bad with the dresses. The hot thing right now is for girls to be in different dresses of the same color. A lot of brides are having their girls different and it still looks wonderful! I am going to let my girls pick their own dresses as long as they are the same color then I want them to feel most comfortable in what they choose. Good luck!

 

[Nom]

I agree with ppers that it should be pretty easy to make that top into an empire waist that would be flattering to a pregnant woman.

However, the fact that the pregnant woman actually said that she would be ok if you asked her to sit it out leads me to think that you might just want to take her up on her offer. She obviously has the feeling already that you are very concerned with appearances, or else why would she even say that? I can not imagine if I became pregnant, and was in a wedding party, even considering bowing out- unless I knew the bride was very fixated on appearances.

So if that is the case, and she already feels that way, it may be better to just take her up on her offer to sit it out. I mean, this is tearing you up- if she stays in the party she will probably sense your ambivalence about having her there, and it will end up with worse hurt feelings in the long run.

PS- not trying to flame at all- just pointing out the option of taking her up on her offer, because keeping her in might lead to harder feelings in the long run.

 

[mla1977]

However, the fact that the pregnant woman actually said that she would be ok if you asked her to sit it out leads me to think that you might just want to take her up on her offer. She obviously has the feeling already that you are very concerned with appearances, or else why would she even say that? I can not imagine if I became pregnant, and was in a wedding party, even considering bowing out- unless I knew the bride was very fixated on appearances.

I'm not sure I agree with you on this one.

Here is another take on it. Maybe she doesn't think she will be up for the activities of the day, but she doesn't want to back out on you. She feels that she has made a promise to you that she will stand up for your wedding and she is going to do it. Maybe she wants you to dismiss her so that she won't feel guilty about backing out.

You probably should sit down and have a heart to heart with her about it.

 

[MistressOfAllEvil]

I'm not sure I agree with you on this one.

Here is another take on it. Maybe she doesn't think she will be up for the activities of the day, but she doesn't want to back out on you. She feels that she has made a promise to you that she will stand up for your wedding and she is going to do it. Maybe she wants you to dismiss her so that she won't feel guilty about backing out.

You probably should sit down and have a heart to heart with her about it.

I agree this is this best course of action. Until you get everything out into the open there's just a bunch of miscommunication and assumptions. And we all know that when you assume, you make and a** out of u and me.

 

[Nom]

I'm not sure I agree with you on this one.

Here is another take on it. Maybe she doesn't think she will be up for the activities of the day, but she doesn't want to back out on you. She feels that she has made a promise to you that she will stand up for your wedding and she is going to do it. Maybe she wants you to dismiss her so that she won't feel guilty about backing out.

You probably should sit down and have a heart to heart with her about it.

You're right- could be anything really, and I agree that the best solution is a real, open and honest discussion. I just also think though that if the OP does not feel she can get over this, she should be honest with herself and take the BM up on her offer to bow out, or else there might be worse hurt feelings down the road.

 

[megthewonderful]

I was 9 months pregnant at my sister's wedding. If she was annoyed with me, she didn't say anything. I actually felt terrible throughout the whole wedding weekend because everyone kept asking me if I was OK, was I going to make it, etc. Everyone was making comments about how I couldn't even drink to my own toast. I wore a slightly different dress than the other bridesmaids, but since I was the matron of honor it didn't seem too out of place. And the dresses were black, so it kinda hid how huge I had gotten! I wouldn't have missed being a part of the wedding for anything in the world, but I was sure glad when it was over and I hadn't gone into labor!

 

[GJLS10108]

I would be absolutely ecstatic if one of my BM was pregnant. It could only mean great things to come for your marriage. I keep telling my Matron of Honor that I don't care if she is pregnant and absolutely huge for my wedding...I just want her there and happy. And I tell her this because she just had a baby this past summer and someone asked her not to be in the wedding anymore because she was going to be 7 1/2 months pregnant. My MOH was absolutely devastated and really hurt when the bride asked her not to be a part of the wedding. I will admit...it is a little too selfish to not want her in the wedding because you are afraid of her big belly ruining your pictures...it would be a little different if your concern was for your cousin and it being too close to the due date.

BUT it is YOUR wedding so I guess you can do whatever you want and whatever you are comfortable with. And sorry, I'm not trying to sound harsh or anything...I just know how crushed my MOH or even one of my BM would be if I unasked them...

 

[GJLS10108]

The dress is an actual problem - not just me being selfish. Pictures are a BIG deal for me - I am an aspiring photographer. .

First things first...sorry about my last post...I responded before reading all the posts because the opening post kind of made my blood boil. The dress issue can be a very easy one if you are flexible. Look at the maternity dresses. Find a maternity dress that matches your color. Or better yet, talk to a seamstress and see what she suggest for the dress you have already chosen. I am sure they can work on something for your BM

 

[WDWAurora]

You know what else I've been thinking-not sure how big your bridal party is, but how do you know she's the only one? There could very well be another one pregnant and you don't know it yet, or they wouldn't be as far along. Would they be a problem, too? Your wedding party could end up small, as it's likely that most of them have the *possibility* of becoming pregnant. Just something to think about it. How would it be if she decided to sit out, based on the 2 of you talking, and then another one of the girls was pregnant?

 

[chiefdragon]

When my Dsister was married in 2005 I was 37 weeks pregnant. Things worked at great for me adn my DS. I had a dress just like everyone else, but my waist was just under my bust (which helped me not show so much of my bellie). As we were taking pictures. I was also in the back of the group, so that my bellie was not the first thing shown. In the end there is the most amazing picture of DS and I - where I am helping her into her dress and I am behind and you don't even see anything.

 

[MickeyAnne]

Well, I went in to speak to the seamstress at the store where the gowns have already been purchased and ordered (thanks to all of those people who offered dress suggestions but my dress choice was already a done deal which was half of my problem - I appreciate your thoughts though). The owner of the store said that he sees this situation with about 1 out of every 3 brides he works with! He made me feel alot better about how the dress will turn out. He basically said (in nicer terms) that they will alter the dress and that it will look just like everyone elses, except that she will look bigger (naturally and I have no problem with that whatsoever). I feel alot better knowing that I do not have to have her in a completely different dress then the rest of the party which is what I was really fearing. I decided to keep my MOH's dress the same as the rest of my party so I didn't want my cousin standing out more then my MOH because of the dress - thats no longer a concern. So, needless to say, the very short conversation at the bridal store really helped me to see things differently. I just panicked at first - I always do.

As for my cousin - I am very happy for her. She is so excited to be pregnant. She was worried about the dress as well and yes, she does know how into uniformity I am (I have been that way since I was little and she is 13 years older then me so she has a pretty good idea of how I am) so she was worried that her dress would have to stand out. She was relieved to know that it wouldn't have to. But I told her, even though it would have taken a minute for me to get used to it, I would not have flipped out on her if she needed to wear a different dress. We had a laugh together and she knows that I would never have asked her to sit out - she means to much to me. I also asked her how she felt about doing everything while being so pregnant - she said that she will wear flip flops and make the best of it - she doesn't want to miss out on being a part of it.

So after all that - all my worrying - things will be just fine. I know my photog will do a good job of flattering her figure in pictures and the dress will look pretty on her as well as the rest of my bridal party. Now both of my cousins children will be in the wedding - her son is one of the ring bearers. I will have to think of a title for the new baby. Now, all she needs to do is take care of herself and get her bump measured a few weeks before the wedding so that she can alter the dress.

Thanks for all of your input!

 

[jlovesee]

I can't believe all the people attacking this poor lady, she came to this forum asking for help and all you can do is bash her to death, about how evil she is to even think about it.

Everyone on this board I am sure if in the same situation would have atleast one second of doubt if she should include a pregnant bridesmaid. Brides are vain, it is nothing to be ashamed of it is just the truth. Does this dress make me look fat, (who doesn't think that from time to time honestly?) will I like another dress better, should I go with red and blue as my wedding colors, do you think these flowers will clash. In the end the material things don't really matter do they? But they are still important to all brides, hence the existence of this forum.

What I am saying is that there is no such thing as a perfect person. One day each and every person will run into a dilemma, where we all know the good, loving and heartfelt answer, but that little "dark" side will always creap into your mind too. Is it bad that we have these feelings, these questions on which side to go to? No, it's not, we ALL do. Atleast she is honest to openly confront it, and ask a genuinely honest question.

That's the problem with this world today we always want to look and point out the flaws of others but never realize that we too are also flawed.

To your question... I never had the problem with a pregnant bridesmaid, however I did have a problem with bridesmaids dresses somewhat similar to what you are experiencing. One of my bridesmaids was very tall, and the dress I selected (from David's Bridal) didn't come in a tall size, it was a unadorned violet dress. The dress almost ended up being tea length for one of my bridesmaids! Did I freak a little, yes, and she ended up looking a little different. I am glad I kept her in the group though. You will probably have to alter the dress (I agree empire style would be a good option) and she will look a little different from other bridesmaids. I can tell you in the long run though whether the dress matches or not won't really matter. You will be glad she was included, and that she was in your photos. Trust me there.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding, and more importantly a happy ever after.

Jennifer

 

[smoof]

I know you want everything to match and all, but it doesn't have to. When one of my co-workers got married, another co-worker was pregnant and in the wedding. She wore a simple black dress with a wrap the same color as the other bm dresses. That isn't saying black will go with the yellow, but a simple dress in a complimentary color with a wrap of the same color and material would be nice. Weddings are about family. Everyone will look back at the pictures with her round belly and think it is great.

 

[Ember]

I don't think you're selfish, I just think you need to de-stress and stop focusing on the little things that don't matter. This is NOT a criticism, by the way. Weddings are these big, all consuming things and most people deal with them by looking at the small things because they're something our minds can cope with rather then having to work with all the big things involved with planning such a major event. But trust me, this is not really important. On the day of your wedding you won't even notice. You'll be floating in your own little bubble of happiness and nothing will be important except you and your new husband.

If it makes you feel better, though, my bridesmaids didn't match AT ALL. Two of then were Muslim and wore long dresses and head scarves, one didn't like her arms and wanted the covered, and one is wonderfully out going and wanted something sexy. There was NO WAY that they would look the same! I asked them to wear pink and let them get whatever they wanted. I think their diversity is what makes my pictures wonderful!