How would you react if a friend confessed these thoughts to you?/update pg.4

[Hillbeans]

I went through two very painful Miscarriages each at 8 weeks along when trying to have a second baby and to think if my friend may have in some way "wished" that pain on me is beyond comprehension. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy went through what I went through those times.

I'm all for giving a friend a second chance or the benefit of the doubt, but when it comes to the health of your children, to even joke about that does not deserve a second chance, in my opinion.

 

[horseshowmom]

Basically, she wanted to make herself feel better at your expense - and you were supposed to support her in doing so. Quite honestly, she sounds like a very self-centered and self-serving individual. I'm not too sure that you've lost much...

Whether I ever confronted her or not after the "admission", I wouldn't have been able to keep from emotionally withdrawing from the woman. I wouldn't have wished something like that on my worst enemy much less my friend. And I object to her use of the word "prayer" - that's not what prayers are for.

 

[Nancy]

Well ... I suggested that you give her a chance to explain. You didn't. You confronted her and essentially said: "You hurt me and now I don't want to be your friend any more." Fait accompli. You set yourself up for her reaction. You wanted to end the friendship and now you can put 100% of the blame on her, that thoughtless witch. Granted, she should have taken the opportunity to say she was sorry but many of us do not turn contrite when someone confronts us with something we did that we know was wrong.

I'm sorry that your friendship ended that way .

What was there to explain? She had already done that with her "confession". She explained that she prayed for something to happen to her friends pregnancy so that nothing would happen to hers.

My best friend and I were pregnant at the same time, our daughters are 3 weeks apart in age. We were so thrilled to be going through it together and I would never have prayed for anything other than for her to have a healthy baby and easy delivery....and now almost 13 years later I can say 100% for sure that she was the same way. When my DD was hospitalized at 5 weeks old for a high fever she was right there for me even with her own baby only being 2 months old, she was not saying "oh thank God it was Nancy's baby instead of my own."

 

[mtblujeans]

I would have done the same thing. Anyone that wishes harm to you is not a friend nor a person to be associated with. Even if it was not meant as malicious.

I agree with this thought and I will take it one step further.....anyone who wishes harm toward you and a helpless baby in order to make themselves' feel better isn't quite playing with a full deck! Sometimes we should just listen to our instincts!!

 

[OceanAnnie]

She tried to make me feel like I was blowing it all out of proportion.

You weren't blowing it out of proportion, she was minimizing the hurt she cast upon you. Unbelievable.

You did the right thing. Undoubtedly.

ETA- You are better than me, Skywalker. I don't think I'd ever look back. I wouldn't listen to a thing she'd have to say. She has said enough in my book.

 

[holycow]

IMO you did the right thing by going with your gut....look at how she tried to put the blame on YOU! Hello?!!! She is the one who confessed her bizarre behavior...was there an apology...an...I was out of my mind at the time please forgive me...no...it's your blowing this out of proportion....I know Robinb said ...forgive...but even if I ever could forgive this would be one person I wouldn't want to have in my life.


Good thoughts to you and your family

lisa

 

[Puffy2]

I would think that she is rather immature. Hopefully she is mature enough to care for her own child(ren).

I wouldn't waste another moment thinking about it, but I'd also realize that my "friend" is a little lacking in rational/mature thought.

 

[daisyduck123]

That was very selfish of her.

Sure, she confessed to make herself feel better, but at your expense. Now she's made you feel, well, not so good. I don't know how good a friend she is to you, but a good friend should not have even told you something like that (I'm not even going to mention how wrong her initial thoughts were).
She feels better, & now you feel horrible.

 

[disneynutt1225]

Just thought I would give an update here...

I saw her the other night and I went with my gut instinct and told her that I was just too uncomfortable with the thought of what she'd told me, and that I think I will be keeping my distance.

She got quite upset at me for "punishing" her for "tellling the truth" and that it was "no big deal" because me and my children are fine!

I debated it for a while because she really was a pretty good person I think...however when I looked into my sons eyes, just the thought of someone, anyone, out there wishing something bad to happen to him...well I don't know. It made my blood boil and I knew that she would not be someone I would trust anymore.

She tried to make me feel like I was blowing it all out of proportion but I don't think I am...a lot of your posts helped me confirm that.

And to those of you who would try and forgive and forget...all I can say is that you have far greater generosity of spirit than I could ever have. I admire it, I really do, and you sound like loyal friends to have.

What a bizarre end to an otherwise pretty good friendship.

Frankly I don't know what's scarier, the fact that she had these thoughts and wished ill will for you and your baby, or the fact that she brought it up with you at random. I hate to sound completely paranoid, but I'd be wondering what other thoughts she's had about me that she hasn't told me about.

I think you made the right decision in telling her that you're uncomfortable with the situation. How creepy!!! I don't think I'd even be able to consider being friends with someone like that if I was in your situation. Like someone else said, when you have friends like that, who needs enemies??

 

[goin2disneyagain]

Just thought I would give an update here...

I saw her the other night and I went with my gut instinct and told her that I was just too uncomfortable with the thought of what she'd told me, and that I think I will be keeping my distance.

She got quite upset at me for "punishing" her for "tellling the truth" and that it was "no big deal" because me and my children are fine!

I debated it for a while because she really was a pretty good person I think...however when I looked into my sons eyes, just the thought of someone, anyone, out there wishing something bad to happen to him...well I don't know. It made my blood boil and I knew that she would not be someone I would trust anymore.

She tried to make me feel like I was blowing it all out of proportion but I don't think I am...a lot of your posts helped me confirm that.

And to those of you who would try and forgive and forget...all I can say is that you have far greater generosity of spirit than I could ever have. I admire it, I really do, and you sound like loyal friends to have.

What a bizarre end to an otherwise pretty good friendship.

I think you did the right think. I can't believe she would wish something so horrible on your and your child. That's terrible!! What type of person does something like that??!! That just sickens me. She sounds like a very selfish person and I think you are better off without her. Who needs enemies with friends like that!! Couldn't she have prayed that you both had happy, healthy babies??!! Wouldn't that have been the normal thing to do??

 

[Microcell]

I think you did the right thing, and this comes from experience.

The woman told me "I hope your baby dies" I brushed it off, since she was mentally ********!

I told her that it was a mean thing to say and I dropped it. She only said it because she was mad and thought it would hurt me.

Even so, it was scary to hear outloud. I also made sure I was never alone with her.

For someone who has a higher than 80 IQ, that is just strange.

Have you ever considered telling her that your problem is that if she wished it on anyone, how about the other 998 pregnant women she didn't know?

 

[Blondy876]

I would have done the same thing. It sounds like she's a bit of a nut. And I agree that there would be no way in the world that I would ever be able to look at her the same way.

 

[Beth76]

I think you did the right thing. If she's upset that you're "punishing" her, then I think that's her own conscience getting to her. She obviously knows she did something wrong since she felt the need to confess to you. I think she's the one who's going to need to forgive herself.