How Would You Help?

[Floridaman999]

I'd buy the kids something a bit more mobile just in case one of those evictions actually goes through.

 

[lynxstch]

People like this (the overall impression I get from the posts) do not want to change their habits. They rely on others bailing them out.

I’ve unfortunately watched this cycle for decades with someone very close to me and discovered after nearly going broke myself trying to help that “helping” was the worst thing I could have done. Paying the utility bills for them is as much enabling as handing them cash. Providing Christmas for their kids is also enabling the situation. Coming in and trying to fix things doesn’t fix things. It’s just gives one more reason for them not to fix it themselves.

That said, seeing kids go without Christmas would break my heart. I would gift the kids something they could use and something small they would enjoy and that COULD NOT be returned for cash.

I can totally relate to everything you said, as we were in the same situation with a close relative. She would return all the Christmas gifts that her kids got, whether it be through the church, school,Toys for Joy etc. (she was great for figuring out what programs she could get on the list for , and there were many!). After someone saw her at Walmart returning a cart full of mdse,it got so that whenever we bought them anything, or even now if we do, we cut the UPC codes off so they couldn't be returned without her going through a LOT of hassle. She finally stopped trying to return things! We helped her pay bills, bought food, had her car repaired etc. We kept hinking she would get her act together, but it finally became more than apparent that it wasn't ever going to happen. Everyone in the family had helped her, over and over, but no longer. Unfortunately if she sinks now, she sinks, as no one can do anything anymore.

I would not be buying a trampoline. I would buy them some food, maybe pay something to the utility company to bring their bill down, and that would be the extent of it. Maybe a very small gift for the kids, just so they had some kind of a Christmas, but not to the extent of a trampoline. (said relative also bought one of those for her kids. First day on it, one of the sons was horsing around, and fell and smashed his face on one of the springs or something, which entailed a visit to the ER and a scar he will have forever!

 

[QueenIsabella]

I would not get the trampoline for several reasons:

(1) They can be a liability. Not all insurance companies cover them. Since they don't own their residence, the landlord has every right to object (since they'll be liable).
(2) If they get evicted, the trampoline will likely be lost to the family. They can't store it easily, and might not be able to bring it with them.
(3) The parents could easily sell it, leaving the kids with nothing but more misery.

Instead, I would go with a small, thoughtful gift for each child. As a neighbor, it would be easy to ask them, "What are you hoping Santa will bring you this year?" I would aim for something their parents aren't likely to get them any time soon.

I'm torn on the ideas of paying off bills or giving grocery gift cards. Certainly, you want the kids to have food and a safe place to live. But the more you help the parents, it seems, the more they expect help from others. I would offer to babysit while they attend Dave Ramsey sessions at a church, though--that would truly be helping the family.

 

[Princessclab]

This needs to be reported to the authotities. These children do not have a safe environment to live in on a continual basis.
Are the parents already getting assistance? If so where is the money going, the assistance programs need to look at this.
Neglect is an abusive environment.

I feel bad for the children.
I agree it is difficult to watch, but these types of people prey on the generosity of others with no personal responsibility.
Often children suffer as a result.

 

[luvsJack]

Ok I apologize, I wasn’t clear about the situation entirely. Wasn’t trying to leave details out just forget you can’t see the situation. When I go back and read I see why everyone is talking about food and clothes.

The kids have clothes and mom buys groceries every payday. She goes to Sams once a month or so. They have free after school care for the kids.

After the lights have been off, their fridge stuff will be ruined. So maybe a bag of fresh foods but they really are not without food. They even go out to eat occasionally and every kid gets taken out for their birthday.

It is totally the bills! I don’t feel bad for mom and dad at all. We all do what we do for these kids only. But they aren’t poor to the point of doing without clothes and food. Just lights and water several times a year which makes my blood boil honestly.

My neighbor told me today that since she has been able to talk to the mom a lot in The past few days she is realizing that this has been a way of life for her all her life.

But I am taking note of all your suggestions and discussing with my neighbor before we decide what to do. I think the trampoline is out but we are still thinking about what else. Thank all of you. Dave Ramesey is a great suggestion. I will look for one of his books.

I don’t think they have signed up for any programs because up until the lights were turned off, they said they thought they would be able to swing all of it. And of course that was before the water got turned off.

I think we are at the point that we will do something for the kids but are pretty sure we won’t be taking care of any bills.

 

[luvsJack]

Here the cost of a trampoline would pay our water bill for 18 months. Still, I'm not sure that any aid you give this family will make any difference whatsoever if they can't get a handle on their money problems. I mean, the money has to be going somewhere.

Yeah, it would mine too but apparently they owe $1200 due to some leaks and not paying for several months.

 

[Princessclab]

Ok I apologize, I wasn’t clear about the situation entirely. Wasn’t trying to leave details out just forget you can’t see the situation. When I go back and read I see why everyone is talking about food and clothes.

The kids have clothes and mom buys groceries every payday. She goes to Sams once a month or so. They have free after school care for the kids.

After the lights have been off, their fridge stuff will be ruined. So maybe a bag of fresh foods but they really are not without food. They even go out to eat occasionally and every kid gets taken out for their birthday.

It is totally the bills! I don’t feel bad for mom and dad at all. We all do what we do for these kids only. But they aren’t poor to the point of doing without clothes and food. Just lights and water several times a year which makes my blood boil honestly.

My neighbor told me today that since she has been able to talk to the mom a lot in The past few days she is realizing that this has been a way of life for her all her life.

But I am taking note of all your suggestions and discussing with my neighbor before we decide what to do. I think the trampoline is out but we are still thinking about what else. Thank all of you. Dave Ramesey is a great suggestion. I will look for one of his books.

I don’t think they have signed up for any programs because up until the lights were turned off, they said they thought they would be able to swing all of it. And of course that was before the water got turned off.

I think we are at the point that we will do something for the kids but are pretty sure we won’t be taking care of any bills.

JUST going without lights and water SEVERAL times a year is an unhealthy environment and is reportable especially if they are asking neighbors for help. People can ask for help before the utilities are shut off. Reading a book will not really help these people who don't believe that need help except for handouts from their soft hearted neighbors. They rely on them.
Those poor kids.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I would focus on the kids. If they need essentials like warm coats, new shoes, or diapers for any little ones, I’d buy that, plus maybe a small toy for each or a game or some art supplies to be shared.

Another idea is to gift them an experience. Take them out for dinner/lunch and a movie, or another activity such as a children’s museum, ice skating, or maybe an indoor trampoline park.

 

[luvsJack]

JUST going without lights and water SEVERAL times a year is an unhealthy environment and is reportable especially if they are asking neighbors for help. People can ask for help before the utilities are shut off. Reading a book will not really help these people who don't believe that need help except for handouts from their soft hearted neighbors. They rely on them.
Those poor kids.

I don’t disagree believe me. CS has been called once but they just helped them get whatever it was turned back on.

Please don’t think I really meant “just”, I was being a bit sarcastic.

 

[luvsJack]

I would focus on the kids. If they need essentials like warm coats, new shoes, or diapers for any little ones, I’d buy that, plus maybe a small toy for each or a game or some art supplies to be shared.

Another idea is to gift them an experience. Take them out for dinner/lunch and a movie, or another activity such as a children’s museum, ice skating, or maybe an indoor trampoline park.

Games and art supplies would be good. I know one of the girls lives to draw. And they all live going to the zoo, that may be a good idea too.

 

[morgan98]

Ok I apologize, I wasn’t clear about the situation entirely. Wasn’t trying to leave details out just forget you can’t see the situation. When I go back and read I see why everyone is talking about food and clothes.

The kids have clothes and mom buys groceries every payday. She goes to Sams once a month or so. They have free after school care for the kids.

After the lights have been off, their fridge stuff will be ruined. So maybe a bag of fresh foods but they really are not without food. They even go out to eat occasionally and every kid gets taken out for their birthday.

It is totally the bills! I don’t feel bad for mom and dad at all. We all do what we do for these kids only. But they aren’t poor to the point of doing without clothes and food. Just lights and water several times a year which makes my blood boil honestly.

My neighbor told me today that since she has been able to talk to the mom a lot in The past few days she is realizing that this has been a way of life for her all her life.

But I am taking note of all your suggestions and discussing with my neighbor before we decide what to do. I think the trampoline is out but we are still thinking about what else. Thank all of you. Dave Ramesey is a great suggestion. I will look for one of his books.

I don’t think they have signed up for any programs because up until the lights were turned off, they said they thought they would be able to swing all of it. And of course that was before the water got turned off.

I think we are at the point that we will do something for the kids but are pretty sure we won’t be taking care of any bills.

There is so much wrong with this post, I don't even know what to say. This is obviously a way of life and a completely different outlook on what parenting and being responsible adults is. This is beyond strange that anyone can excuse it or say it is "only" not having utilities, let's go buy a trampoline.

They aren't poor to the point of no clothes, but have no lights and water? What the heck??????????

 

[lovemygoofy]

How the heck do you know so much about this family? Shopping habits, money spent and bills behind and frequent help for neighbors? If you're that close, sit her down and chew that *** not make up for poor parenting and choices for the holiday.

 

[dish rag]

I'm dumbfounded that a trampoline was considered for these people. They get used 2 or 3 times then are left to rot.

 

[zoo2tycoon]

We all want to feel better and help less fortunate at the holidays. It seems this family is in needy, but there are better things to give than a trampoline for the kids. It seems it should be a necessity not a want. Clothes, food, etc.

On the garage sale site where I live people are posting stories of being in need- some are very practical and will check the public agencies people recommend or ask for necessities. One lady had kids asking for new cell phone (talking iPhone), PS4 games, Xbox One games, high end items. People kindly suggested or offered more practical items and the person in need passed them up and was rude.

It is a sad situation for the family you are referring to, but it seems there are better ways to help.

 

[bigbabyblues]

They aren't poor to the point of no clothes, but have no lights and water? What the heck??????????

My bio mother was/is like this (I was raised by grandparents but lived next door to them. I'm using both words because I haven't had contact with her since my papa passed away, but I really doubt anything has changed). They didn't/don't have great jobs but they both work, she chose/chooses to spend the money on things other than bills and then beg for help wherever she could find it. She would pay the water bill one month but not the electric, then next month pay on the electric but the water, etc. Always a sob story, never her fault, the bills "must have gotten lost in the mail", "she really did pay it, they must have put it on someone else's bill", etc. She hid/hides the bills so he won't find them, or simply throws them away. He has never bothered to figure out what happened/happens to the money, was content to let others take care of their bills. Sometimes she was able to get assistance from programs but I have no idea how. The utility workers would come to shut off their water, electric, gas, whatever, and her dad would go out and pay the bill for them, or else she would go cry to someone. Over and over and over again for at least 15 years. He finally came to understand that he wasn't helping her and she was creating her own problems and he stopped bailing her out. She asked me for help one time after I was married and I told her no.

 

[GreatLakes]

I'm going with the others. Good intentions but bad idea. A trampoline is not a good idea to get anyone due to the potential liability but definitely not for a family that is struggling. If one of the kids hurts themselves and needs medical care where will that come from?

allot of landlords also don't allow them b/c THEIR homeowner's insurance may cancel coverage so i would'nt get them one-even if they are allowed it's an added cost to their renter's insurance (if they even have it at this point).

I can tell you when I rented it was forbidden in my lease and all of my mom's rental properties forbidbthem in her leases.

 

[luvsJack]

There is so much wrong with this post, I don't even know what to say. This is obviously a way of life and a completely different outlook on what parenting and being responsible adults is. This is beyond strange that anyone can excuse it or say it is "only" not having utilities, let's go buy a trampoline.

They aren't poor to the point of no clothes, but have no lights and water? What the heck??????????

I wasn’t excusing it. As I said to the pp, I was being sarcastic.

We just wanted to do something for the kids and the trampoline was just an idea.

I am afraid that it is a way of life.

 

[luvsJack]

How the heck do you know so much about this family? Shopping habits, money spent and bills behind and frequent help for neighbors? If you're that close, sit her down and chew that *** not make up for poor parenting and choices for the holiday.

The neighbor they are staying with told me a lot of it because the mom told her. We have had conversations with her and got the impression that she doesn’t want to change.

 

[luvsJack]

I'm dumbfounded that a trampoline was considered for these people. They get used 2 or 3 times then are left to rot.

Not around here. All of my kids grew up having one and we have one for my grandkids here. (Not the same ones)

My kids stayed on theirs and when the grandkids come over they stay on it now.

These kids come over when the grands are here and enjoy it too which is why we had the thought.

 

[LSmith]

Honestly I would try to help them pay their water bill or give the kids personal gifts. Home trampolines are always a bad idea.

https://www.livestrong.com/article/347980-statistics-on-trampoline-injuries/
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/er-visits-jump-as-trampoline-parks-rise-in-popularity/
https://www.parents.com/health/doctors/what-er-doctors-wish-you-knew/
https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/doctors-warn-of-trampoline-injury-risks-1.1250737