bumbershoot
DIS Legend
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2007
- Messages
- 69,750
If they ask you for money, I say that you are allowed to talk about their money.
I really hope stepdaughter isn't like my SIL. Her (now supposedly ex) husband was far worse than losing a job and spending a small amount of time in jail. Rather, convicted felon, bank robber, and heroin user are terms that describe him. She met him while working as a counselor in his halfway house after he was released.
She always wanted cash, only cash. If offered actual assistance; baby-watching, for instance, it was turned down. We wanted to help one month by either watching her kids or paying a local daycare (right next to hubby and my apt building) for a month for her kids, but suddenly things turned around for her, when she realized we weren't giving her cash.
Any THINGS given to her? They were sold. I have NO idea who bought them, but that girl can sell anything.
We just don't give them anything. It's a bummer, but it is what it is. And if anyone saw my post about my niece in August, it's her daughter that I was talking about (about not OK behaviour with my 4 y.o. son).
So I hope your stepdaughter isn't like that.
About the smoking....I've never smoked, but my mom was addicted from the age of 15 until she finally *got it* and quit cold turkey at 35. During her late 20s, we were on food stamps, but she did find money for cigarettes. Why? Why be so selfish? Because she was 100% addicted. She was, she said, addicted from her FIRST cigarette. She tried multiple times to stop, but it was impossible until a massive asthma attack in the middle of the night when she realized that if she died, we would go to our dad's. (not a good scenario then) I'm sure she got some awful looks, wasting money on True Blues (is that brand around anymore?) and using food stamps on other stuff. But she had no choice b/c she was so addicted.
When I was in chiropractic practice I had a patient with rapidly progressing MS. They had very little money, and we had a "pay what you can when you can" situation worked out. They reeked of cigarettes so I knew they were paying less to me than they could if they didn't smoke, but it was a powerful addiction. It was too much, mentally, emotionally, and physically (especially for the MS patient), to give up the cigarettes then, so I tried hard to not judge them. At that point in their lives, it was out of their control.
So even though I am an absolute non-smoker, I do have some empathy for people who continue to smoke, even when broke.
However if they are smoking in the house or near their kids, the empathy ends. If they are doing that they are putting their kids' current and future health into a dumpster, and that's unacceptable to me. (yes my mom did used to smoke in the house and yes I have awful lungs...her parents smoked in the house and she had asthma from babyhood....I know from experience what it's like)
