How would you handle this situation? small update post #41

[Jeafl]

Well, I emailed my SIL and told her my kids would appreciate gift certificates as well. Would you believe she told me she was "already done" with the shopping for my kids?

I can only imagine what THAT means...

 

[minkydog]

Well, I emailed my SIL and told her my kids would appreciate gift certificates as well. Would you believe she told me she was "already done" with the shopping for my kids?

I can only imagine what THAT means...

I'm thinking...a Barbie wand and a Batman umbrella ...uh, no that would me MY sister-in law

 

[Patty3]

I fell sad for your children. My SIL used to do this as well. Now that the kids are in their twenties, the exchanging of gifts has long been stopped.

 

[jbdreamer]

Well, I emailed my SIL and told her my kids would appreciate gift certificates as well. Would you believe she told me she was "already done" with the shopping for my kids?

I can only imagine what THAT means...

Wow! She's a tricky one!
Guess you will have to wait and see what they get. If it's junk again, next year you will have to shop at the dollar store too!

 

[DVCJEN]

How about something different entirely. This year send a "family gift" a game, video or just candy. Then include a special card for each of the kids. Then you "are all done" too!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Well, I emailed my SIL and told her my kids would appreciate gift certificates as well. Would you believe she told me she was "already done" with the shopping for my kids?

I can only imagine what THAT means...

In this case I think that I'd level with her. Tell her that you are surprised that she's telling you what to get for her kids, but you can't do the same for your kids.

 

[jbdreamer]

How about something different entirely. This year send a "family gift" a game, video or just candy. Then include a special card for each of the kids. Then you "are all done" too!

Yeah, I like that idea.
Why not just send the family a plate of homemade cookies and your family picture!

 

[bluepinkmonkey]

hi im lauren and im new so help me out

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well, I emailed my SIL and told her my kids would appreciate gift certificates as well. Would you believe she told me she was "already done" with the shopping for my kids?

I can only imagine what THAT means...

Well then flat out ask her what she got them.

 

[Pam]

Well, I emailed my SIL and told her my kids would appreciate gift certificates as well. Would you believe she told me she was "already done" with the shopping for my kids?

I can only imagine what THAT means...

I would get her kids those emergency window breaker/seatbelt tool cutters!

Don't cave in and buy the gift certificates -- do the same kind of shopping for gifts that your kids receive.

We stopped ALL gift exchanges between siblings and also their children a few years back. We now buy OUR kids much nicer presents.

 

[Daisy Duck 5]

Do not get the gift cards! If she cant get your kids what you requested you should not have to either. Find them something else.

 

[elliemae1192]

I probably should have mentioned that her kids are 17 & 16 year olds, so they are not small kids. Also, even when I hand them gifts and stand right there, thery have never once said thank you.

Ok, between that and your SIL dictating what you buy for them while refusing to listen to your suggestions as to what your kids would like, I'd say it's time to get tough. If my nieces and nephews (or my own kids, for that matter) didn't at least say thank you, they wouldn't be getting anything from me the next year. I agree that if you are going to get them the gift cards, you should get a very small denomination. I wouldn't even do that though.

 

[mbw12]

Do not get the gift cards! If she cant get your kids what you requested you should not have to either. Find them something else.

I have to agree with this one!!!!

 

[bluepinkmonkey]

hi talk and send message to me so i can have buddys

 

[Jeafl]

I would get her kids those emergency window breaker/seatbelt tool cutters!

Hey Pam, when I got that, their dad got one as well. When he opened it, he looked at it and said "Well, that's one gift I hope I never have to use.".

 

[princess pooh]

I agree with the posters that said to get them something small. Better than dollar store stuff but not too expensive. I like to give nice gifts but there are some people in my family who just give us re-gifts and never say thank you (one time the birthday gift we gave was literally tossed aside!). From now on all they get are cheap picture frames!

 

[magicfan]

You've gotten some great advise so far.

As for your update: I would either email her back and tell her that since she already shopped for your kids that you and her should both start the gift card exchange NEXT year, and that you'd be sending gifts this year like her, too. That way it will sound like you two have an understanding but will start next year since she's already done her shopping.

You could get her kids the exact same things she has gotten your kids in the past. That way she cant get upset because she did the same for your kids. Just get the barrettes and hair accesories in different colors/styles so it's not that obvious. Or, different kinds of pencils---maybe those mechanical ones, or some colorful pens, or something. This could be taken either way. She "might" get the hint, or, it could just be a coincidence. Either way, she can't get upset because she does the same.

True, you shouldn't punish the kids, but if they are so ungrateful as to not ever thank you I wouldn't worry about it. If they were more grateful that would be different.

Good luck and please give an update. I have relatives like this as well. WE all know it's the thought that counts, but sounds like there is no though put into her "gifts" at all.

 

[jonestavern]

How about something different entirely. This year send a "family gift" a game, video or just candy. Then include a special card for each of the kids. Then you "are all done" too!

Oh yes! genius!

Jean

 

[Lyn5]

Usually I am very confrontational...but in this case I have to ask how does your DH feel about this (is this his sister?). If he thinks what she does is odd, but acceptable and doesn't want to rock the boat, maybe you are better off just buying what you want to buy for her kids and hopefully in a few years everyone will be grown and the insanity can stop. I am wondering that if you do confront her, is it worth it. If you hardly see them maybe it is, but if it will make Christmas dinner awkward or start family problems it may be better to just take the high road. Also, even if her gifts are less than desireable, at least she makes an effort to give your kids gifts. I have had very close family members not give any gift at all, thankfully the kids were too young to know, but DH and I were very hurt....but the people are family and there is no changing that.

 

[ReadingBelle]

Wow, it takes a lot of nerve to tell you what to get for her kids and not let you do the same. I would recommend sticking with the small gifts this year, then. There's no point in getting them exactly what she wants if she is just going to send your kids junk. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.