How Upset Would You Be...? MIL Related...

[Abbie]

I'm in the minority here. You are not dumb, I would think a parent would acknowledge their child's first anniversary. I come from a family that always sent cards for things. Now it seems I'm the one always remembering everything and my mailbox is empty. Sometimes it bothers me, sometimes it doesn't. You are entitled to your feelings.

See, I think this just shows how people just operate differently. My DD was married a year ago tomorrow and as close as we are, I still had to write myself a note to remember to get her a card and gift! Doesn't mean I don't care, I just don't tend to remember anniversaries since I see that more as a "couple" thing. As it is, I've got another week to get it since they are celebrating in Hawaii!! Hope I don't forget!

 

[AlleyKat]

I'm in the minority here. You are not dumb, I would think a parent would acknowledge their child's first anniversary. I come from a family that always sent cards for things. Now it seems I'm the one always remembering everything and my mailbox is empty. Sometimes it bothers me, sometimes it doesn't. You are entitled to your feelings.

Touche'!

I have stock in Hallmark!

 

[Disney Doll]

As someone who has been married for almost 19 years, I will tell you that at times there are things you do for your in-laws that you are doing because you love your husband. Just as hopefully there are things your husband does for your parents that he does because he loves you.

It's a give and take thing.

Now, if this whole card/gift thing really bothers you, I would suggest that you discuss with your husband how he wishes to handle it. If he says "I will take care of the cards/gifts for my family from now on" then when MIL starts complaining about how you didn't call/write/buy/do whatever she deems as the appropriate rememberance of her special day, you will be able to say "Oh but MIL, your son told me he wanted to take care of calling/writing/buying/doing for you for your special day, so I didn't do it".

That way, you then don't have any reason to expect anything from her, because you haven't gone out of your way for her, so now you guys would be even.

Of course, if you have the discussion with your husband and he asks you to handle it, then you have to decide what's more important...your husband's request or your need to get a card/gift/phone call from someone who you don't sound like you like much and who doesn't sound like she likes you much.

 

[DeniseinNS]

I would be disapppointed as well, she could have at least made a quick call and wished you a happy birthday. Screw her, stop doing anything for her for her birthdays (and other holidays) and leave your hubby in charge of it, if he forgets then oh well.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, look, I totally and completely understand!!!

I don't think it is that you are being 'immature and selfish' like your MIL...
I think that, obviously, now that you are a bona-fide daughter in law, and knowing that your MIL is just SO big on these things, you would naturally feel 'hurt' and ignored and rejected by this!

But, it is gonna do NO good to get angry, resentful, keep scoresheets, etc... Open your eyes, see it for what it is (a self-centered and narcissistic woman) and move on!!!!

Adjust your expectations, don't worry, be happy now!!!!!!

 

[AKL_Megs]

OP, look, I totally and completely understand!!!

I don't think it is that you are being 'immature and selfish' like your MIL...
I think that, obviously, now that you are a bona-fide daughter in law, and knowing that your MIL is just SO big on these things, you would naturally feel 'hurt' and ignored and rejected by this!

But, it is gonna do NO good to get angry, resentful, keep scoresheets, etc... Open your eyes, see it for what it is (a self-centered and narcissistic woman) and move on!!!!

Adjust your expectations, don't worry, be happy now!!!!!!

You said it, Sister!


BTW... have you always had that tag? I've never noticed it! I was literally JUST about to post a sweet tea recipe thread... but, do you have a good recipe???

 

[DisneyAngel83]

we must have the same MIL. My DH has a sister, but they plan last minute if at all and we usually don't have the $$ to do what SIL wants to do, so I would jump in and plan stuff for MIL so we could afford it and to help out DH...

I always never took credit for it in front of her. We took her out for Mother's day last year, took her out on her b-day and I even made her a cake! Then, DH b-day rolls around and she can't even come over to our house and have cheesecake with her son because she has more important things to do (take a dog to her sister's house). DH spends his b-day with my family instead and my grandparents even buy him his b-day meal!

I told DH, I am out of it... we have x amt of $$ for her celebrations and no matter what is planned we will only contribute that much. That is all I will be involved from now on.

I don't expect her to buy us gifts, or remember my b-day or anything like that, but I don't think its unreasonable for her to come over to our house (she lives in the same neighborhood) to have some cake with her son on his b-day. 30 minutes of acknowledgment would have been better than what he got. Last year my heart hurt for the snub she gave him so much because he was so hurt and upset that she treated him that way... So this year he is 30 and we have planned a 6 night trip to Disney where we will celebrate his b-day in Epcot, our favorite park! We will simply evite everyone out the weekend after for dinner somewhere and that will be his bday, so less drama hopefully!

 

[Wishing on a star]

You said it, Sister!


BTW... have you always had that tag? I've never noticed it! I was literally JUST about to post a sweet tea recipe thread... but, do you have a good recipe???

Ohhhh, I love me some sweet tea!
I have really cut back, and an occasional good Mickey D's Sweet Tea is usually it for me.

I don't have a 'recipe' per-se, but I will give you my tips...

Start with good clear cool water, turn on medium-high.
I used to use Luzianne family sized tea bags.
Try different ones to find out which is the smoothest.
To get a smooth, rich, tea... put in your teabags once the water starts heating up and let it start to come to a boil.... this HOT brewing brings out the full, smooth, tea flavor, instead of just the bitterness.

Turn down, or off, and let this brew/stew for quite a few more minutes.

Then, take out the tea bags and add your sugar while still hot.

Once the sugar is dissolved, add COLD water or even ICE...
This will cool it and stop the brewing....

Leave it just a tad strong, because as you pour this over a glass filled over the brim with ice, and the melting ice will dilute the tea a bit more.

If you like lemon, never add to your pitcher or glass in advance...
A slice or wedge of lemon on top of your glass or on top of the ice when you pour the tea over, will be just perfect. If you let the lemon stay in the tea, it can 'sour' quickly! Each glass should begin with fresh ice piled high, and fresh lemon.

Hope this helps!

 

[AKL_Megs]

Ohhhh, I love me some sweet tea!
I have really cut back, and an occasional good Mickey D's Sweet Tea is usually it for me.

I don't have a 'recipe' per-se, but I will give you my tips...

Start with good clear cool water, turn on medium-high.
I used to use Luzianne family sized tea bags.
Try different ones to find out which is the smoothest.
To get a smooth, rich, tea... put in your teabags once the water starts heating up and let it start to come to a boil.... this HOT brewing brings out the full, smooth, tea flavor, instead of just the bitterness.

Turn down, or off, and let this brew/stew for quite a few more minutes.

Then, take out the tea bags and add your sugar while still hot.

Once the sugar is dissolved, add COLD water or even ICE...
This will cool it and stop the brewing....

Leave it just a tad strong, because as you pour this over a glass filled over the brim with ice, and the melting ice will dilute the tea a bit more.

If you like lemon, never add to your pitcher or glass in advance...
A slice or wedge of lemon on top of your glass or on top of the ice when you pour the tea over, will be just perfect. If you let the lemon stay in the tea, it can 'sour' quickly! Each glass should begin with fresh ice piled high, and fresh lemon.

Hope this helps!

I'm going to make this as soon as I get home! I use Luzianne as well!!! Thanks!

 

[dimimi]

I honestly don't care that she chooses to forget my birthday, and I don't expect EVERY anniversary to be remembered (this was our first), but it will be a cold day in hell when I keep doing for her, doing for her, doing for her, and she forgets about me. I guess I answered my own question - I am going to stop.

The problem with this is that it is your mother in law. YOu will need to do some of these things for your husband. Anyway, why doesn't your husband have a little get together for your birthday and invite a few relatives.

Yes a card/gift from MIL would be nice, but some people aren't into that. Your husband could take you and your MIL out for dinner in celebration of your birthday. Do you invite her over to celebrate your husband's birthday?