How to tell a family member...

Disneyfan754321

DIS Veteran
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
My brother in law came to stay with us to get back on his feet.
Now its been 6 months not back on his feet and not trying to be.
How do i tell him he has worn out his welcome? I talked to my DH about his brother and he simply says i dont know what to do we cant put him on the street. There are no more family members to have him.
 

JayMass

Mouseketeer
Joined
Oct 18, 2019
What do you mean by "get back on his feet?" How old is he? Is this an addiction thing? What was the agreement when he moved in?

I think it's best to be upfront and honest. Depending on his needs, you could also suggest some alternatives.

My wife and I had her mother's ex-husband move in for a couple months. He is about 70 years old and had no other place to go. We agreed that he would move out once he found some suitable housing but he got real comfortable real fast and it was much easier for him to just stay. That was unacceptable for our family so we researched some senior housing, gave him some options, and told him he needed to move on. He was angry but did move out. He did not follow our senior housing leads, instead moving in with an ex-girlfriend.

Opening up your home to help a family member is the right thing to do. But when that family member begins to take advantage of the situation, you need to do what's right for your immediate family. It's a tough conversation but you also need to realize that your BIL is an adult. You are clearly showing him compassion and empathy, but you also can't let him take advantage of your generosity.
 


Disneyfan754321

DIS Veteran
Joined
Feb 19, 2019
What do you mean by "get back on his feet?" How old is he? Is this an addiction thing? What was the agreement when he moved in?

I think it's best to be upfront and honest. Depending on his needs, you could also suggest some alternatives.

My wife and I had her mother's ex-husband move in for a couple months. He is about 70 years old and had no other place to go. We agreed that he would move out once he found some suitable housing but he got real comfortable real fast and it was much easier for him to just stay. That was unacceptable for our family so we researched some senior housing, gave him some options, and told him he needed to move on. He was angry but did move out. He did not follow our senior housing leads, instead moving in with an ex-girlfriend.

Opening up your home to help a family member is the right thing to do. But when that family member begins to take advantage of the situation, you need to do what's right for your immediate family. It's a tough conversation but you also need to realize that your BIL is an adult. You are clearly showing him compassion and empathy, but you also can't let him take advantage of your generosity.
You are some kind angel to let her x move in.
Glad im not alone, i guess i was hoping my DH would be the bad guy, but i guess he wants to blame it on me.
He is 50 (older brother) lost his job, lost his car.. no addiction issues, just seems to be very lazy.
Every job in walking distance there is something wrong with it ( McDonalds, grocery store etc) when he had a seasonal job in December kept calling out or would volunteer to go home when they are slow. I called the housing authority they said the wait list is 18-24 months. And they must have a job or some income to qualify.
 

5kidsmommy

DIS Veteran
Joined
Aug 16, 2013
We've had a few people live with us over the years. I joke that our home is a home for wayward young people. None have stayed more than a few months, I guess we've been lucky.

I think you need to sit down and talk to your husband, be open and honest with him. He is his brother and he needs to speak to him. It's your home too and he is placing the needs of his brother above his wife. That would tick me off big time. I suggest he give his brother a reasonable timeline for his departure.
 

mommasita

DIS VETERAN
Moderator
Joined
Aug 3, 2004
I think I would give him a date and deadline, you have xx about of time to get a job, and a Place to live. This won’t be easy that’s for sure, discuss it with your husband first, and sit down all together after.
 



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