how to respond to rude people

[Kteacher]

How do you respond to rude people? I have a medical condition that unfortunately makes my abdomen swollen. I'm learning to live with it, and have unfortunately learned that along with the physical pain I experience I have to deal with comments from complete strangers ( "what's wrong with you?", and my favorite " when are you due?"-I am way past child bearing years).
I usually just walk away when a complete stranger makes these comments, but lately I've been getting so frustrated I'm tempted to just look them in the eye and say " actually I'm just really sick, but thanks for pointing it out to me", but then I think I would just be acting as rude as they are .
Any suggestions?

 

[deegack]

Big smile, say oh bless your heart and walk away.

 

[Bob NC]

If a complete stranger came up to me and said, "What's wrong with you?" I'd say, "I have an illness that will eventually be cured, unfortunately you will be a moron for the rest of your life."

 

[shellybaxter]

Personally I would take the high road and say something like "I have a medical condition, thanks for your concern" with a big smile on my face. But that's just me. Some people are just trying to express concern (in a very inappropriate way it appears) for you.

 

[JustRZ]

Times like this are where I slap a great big smile on my face and come up with something equally obnoxious to say to them. In this situation, I would probably say, "The same time you are, what's your due date, again?". Or start rambling like a crazy person to them, "Oh, Mildred, my dear, how wonderful to bump into you here! I haven't seen you in years! How kind of you to ask personal health questions, considering we're practically strangers! My how nice you are," and just walk away. Seriously, it's so much fun

This became my M.O. when I spent a few years on crutches due to chronic leg problems. My favorite was, "I'm using crutches?! What in the world? And here I thought my arms had just grown freakishly long. Guess I better call my doctor and let them know it's crutches! Thanks!". Snotty and over the top, probably, but when you are constantly bombarded by strangers, you do what you have to to cope

 

[Janepod]

Personally I would take the high road and say something like "I have a medical condition, thanks for your concern" with a big smile on my face. But that's just me. Some people are just trying to express concern (in a very inappropriate way it appears) for you.

I agree. Don't match rudeness with more rudeness.

 

[BroganMc]

I grew up with a physical disability so I'm used to it. Everything from those silent stares people think I don't notice to the sometimes patronizing comments. (My favorite are those who think I can be healed if I pray hard enough. As if I don't regularly talk to God anyway.)

My mom taught me the Southern way of politeness in every situation. So I'm never rude. I just smile and explain why I look different. People aren't usually judgmental, just curious and/or concerned. Being rude or offensive just reinforces the idea that people who look different are bad.

 

[Heidict]

In response to the "What is wrong with you" question, I would have responded "nothing, what's wrong with you?".

For the when are you due, I would look at them with a disgusted/you are stupid look on my face and tell them that I was not pregnant. This normally embarrasses them because there is really nothing worse then asking that question and finding out that you just insulted the person because they aren't pregnant. Or, if you already have kids I would back date it. For instance "3 years ago" normally leaves them with a questioning look on their face.

 

[Kteacher]

Thanks for all the replies . I'm still getting used to the fact that I have a chronic illness. So far I've just changed the subject when strangers have made comments. I like the humorous approach

 

[Andtototoo]

When I've had to deal with people like that, my response is this:

Me: "Oh, I'm sorry. When did we meet?"

Them: "Never."

Me: "Excuse me, then. I'd only answer such a personal question from people I know."

 

[snarlingcoyote]

I grew up with a physical disability so I'm used to it. Everything from those silent stares people think I don't notice to the sometimes patronizing comments. (My favorite are those who think I can be healed if I pray hard enough. As if I don't regularly talk to God anyway.)

My mom taught me the Southern way of politeness in every situation. So I'm never rude. I just smile and explain why I look different. People aren't usually judgmental, just curious and/or concerned. Being rude or offensive just reinforces the idea that people who look different are bad.

I no longer have a visible physical condition, but did as a child and this is what I (from the deepest part of the South) was taught to do as well. Most people don't mean ill, they're just thoughtless. A little niceness in this situation gives a lot of goodwill and good karma.

I didn't encounter many who thought I could be healed thru' prayer, but my answer was usually total befuddlement (not planned, btw) as my faith teaches that the "rain falls on the just and the unjust" and has one influential early adherent (Paul) who was not cured of some sort of condition or other even though he prayed for it to be gone.

 

[babyrich]

I have neurofibromatosis, its a genetic disease that cause growths all over my body. I am constantly stared at, pointed at, and etc. If some idiot asks what is wrong with me I usually say, well, I am being asked a very personal question by a complete stranger right now; but other than that nothing is wrong.

As far as I am concerned, I do not have to explain the way I look to anyone. I look this way of no fault of my own, their rudeness is something they can control and choose not to.

 

[thebigkahuna]

My favorite reply to *any* question that I do not wish to answer...

"why do you want to know?"

I found that this reply, usually surprises them, and "I'm a nosey so & so" is not an acceptable response. After that, if they come up with a reply ("I'm concerned" or "I was just wondering") I usually just say somethng like, "thats very kind of you." sometimes adding, "if you will excuse me" and walk or turn away. If that's not possible, I change the subject.

It lets them know that they have stepped over our relationship boundries.

 

[tigercat]

I am short (4' 8") tall and I get so tired of people wanting to know how tall I am and remarking on it. Some are "boy I feel so tall next to you", or let's measure my kid next to you"??? There is a lot of people remarking on how short I am. Wow I didn't know I was short. It makes me feel even smaller. I need a come back too, any idea's?
tigercat

 

[Schmeck]

Thanks for all the replies . I'm still getting used to the fact that I have a chronic illness. So far I've just changed the subject when strangers have made comments. I like the humorous approach

I know I am a stranger, and I don't want to sound rude, but if you are experiencing discomfort from a chronic illness, with a swollen abdomen, don't the doctors have any recommendations to help relieve your discomfort? No one should have to feel so awkward and uncomfortable - if strangers are pointing you out in public, then there is a true need to support some sort of treatment (surgery, etc) to give you some relief. I hope you can find a doctor that will help you. No one should feel like part of a freak show.

For those that ask when you are due - I would cut them some slack and give them the benefit of the doubt. I'd take it as a compliment, as you must look younger than your age!

For those rude enough to ask "what's wrong with you" - wow, they have some nerve! The first thing that pops into my head would be a rude response, but others have posted some better, taking the high road, solutions.

I have a disfiguring scar on the back of one calf (melanoma). People don't usually ask me about it, but my kids think I should tell people I got bitten by a shark, LOL!

 

[TavieP]

Big smile, say oh bless your heart and walk away.

Love this response.

I would throw in a little eye-squint as I say it - smile-and-squint so they can't tell if you're being extra-sincere or utterly sarcastic.

It's either that or have a button made that says "Yes, I have a medical condition, thanks for your concern "

 

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks for all the replies . I'm still getting used to the fact that I have a chronic illness. So far I've just changed the subject when strangers have made comments. I like the humorous approach

Tell them they can bring flowers.

(Hat tip to another thread)

 

[Styx Fan]

I like to act totally confused when someone asks a personal question.....like if they ask if you are pregnant I would say something along the lines of "what makes you say that?" If they then mention the size of your stomach, "is my stomach overly large?" they end up getting pretty frustrated!

 

[Stitchfans]

I really do not see the harm in someone asking another person if they are alright. Yes, what is wrong with you, is a insensitive way of asking but if they did not care they wouldn't of asked in the first place. They would just stare as mentioned. I have on occasion asked a person if they needed help or if they were alright and never got a negative response or rude comment back.

People complain about others being insensitive, every man for themselves, and yet if someone approaches you out of concern... they are wrong there too. It is human nature to look at others, yes as I said staring is rude, but even a person looks a second too long they are rude. But as said, even if they glance and look away that is rude.

I care, and if I see something on occasion I do ask questions. If that appears to be rude, well sorry. Some people may not know how to approach others. Some maybe doing it out of meanness. I think in general, most is just out of kindness and concern, or at least I would hope so. Either way, it looks like you are wrong if you do and wrong if you don't.

 

[Jennasis]

Q: "What's wrong with you?"
A1: "Nothing."
A2: "Nothing...what's wrong with you?"
A3: "And you aaaaaaaare...?" (best for total strangers)
A4: (grasp nose) "Why?? Do I have a booger hanging out?"

Q: "When's the baby due?"
A1: "I'm not pregnant." (add in insulted glare)
A2: "Whose baby? What in the world are you talking about??"
A3: "Are you asking because of my stomach? It's caused by a rather unpleasant medical condition and it embarrasses me greatly. Thanks for noticing."