How to handle someone oversharing about you on social media?

[low-key]

If you ever say my name you over shared about me

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The bolded did solve our problem in this particular situation, but we are still working on the bigger picture. I think it will be a work in progress for a while.

Sounds like a good plan to me. It is going to take some patience for sure.

 

[Disney Doll]

I am always amazed by what people post on FB. And then they say "but I have my privacy settings set at....".

FB privacy settings mean nothing. Nothing on the Internet is private. And future employers will search it and will have someone at their disposal in their IT Dept. whi can get past FB's privacy setting.

Post a picture of vacation and you have just informed the entire world that your house is empty and ripe for theft.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

If you ever say my name you over shared about me

Whoa...You mean your real name isn't low-key?

 

[sk!mom]

I haven't read past the fist couple of posts. OP, stop telling them anything even remotely private. My mom posts pictures without permission which bugs me a little. I've stopped telling her things that aren't common knowledge not because she'll post it but she will repeat it to anyone who'll listen.

Your post reminds me of the most over the top over sharer that I know personally. Not on FB but we have a friend who still sends a Christmas letter. For the past several years as their kids have been grown, I've always commented to DH that it was weird to me that the letter included detailed info on what their adult children and spouses were up to.

Last Christmas reached a new height in privacy invasion: "Our DD had a very successful breast reduction surgery. She had long been plagued with back aches so this has been life changing. She's loving shopping for a new wardrobe."

I can only imagine how their almost 40 year old DD felt having her dad include that tidbit in the holiday letter.

I'm going to add this to the list of things to avoid as I age. Trying not to lose my filters!

 

[Mkrop]

No, she's not supposed to be a mind reader, but as an adult, I do expect her to exercise some common sense. If it's information that will put our safety at risk, then yes, I expect her to know better than sharing it on the internet. This is the same woman who taught her son to look both ways when crossing the street and not talk to strangers, but she's fine with exposing him to possible danger online? She's not upset because we questioned her judgment. She's upset that she got called out.

Many adults dont have common sense about things...I am sure you as an adult have made your share of mistakes. Have you ever sped? Common sense and safety tell you not to but many do it anyway.

The Internet and social media is hard on the older folks, I know at 46 I dont get some of it but I have a great kid who is always willing to show me stuff.

And without examples whose to say if what she posted was really crossing the line and exposed yourself to unsafe conditions or you are overreacting.

Some people overshare, I am one of those people and it drives my DH crazy, so I find a balance in life but it is also not fair to have him tell me not to be me.

Once again, try talking to her about it and why it is unsafe or if she is just one of those people than now you know and you refrain from telling her things...your choice. But I think she would just tell people things no matter what form so you should probably refrain from sharing.

 

[kamik86]

I work in a security related field and am generally a closed off type person so I share VERY little on facebook. Like I can't remember the last time I posted something.

My husband however likes to "check in" EVERYWHERE we go. Like if we go to a movie, out to dinner, etc etc. I hate it. Yes I know your facebook is only set to friends but you still have sketchy friends from high school you haven't seen for 10 years, your family that you have told me horror stories about them stealing from you, etc.

Also I see an AWFUL lot of posts from friends of my friends (I have a few cousins that post everything and many of their friends do too) maybe they all have bad privacy settings but even if they do if our friends were to repost things I know they would all see it. At least he doesn't have our address on his facebook.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

Many adults dont have common sense about things...I am sure you as an adult have made your share of mistakes. Have you ever sped? Common sense and safety tell you not to but many do it anyway.

The Internet and social media is hard on the older folks, I know at 46 I dont get some of it but I have a great kid who is always willing to show me stuff.

And without examples whose to say if what she posted was really crossing the line and exposed yourself to unsafe conditions or you are overreacting.

Some people overshare, I am one of those people and it drives my DH crazy, so I find a balance in life but it is also not fair to have him tell me not to be me.

Once again, try talking to her about it and why it is unsafe or if she is just one of those people than now you know and you refrain from telling her things...your choice. But I think she would just tell people things no matter what form so you should probably refrain from sharing.

I absolutely agree with you - We've all (myself included) made mistakes and done things totally lacking in common sense. With my MIL, the situation isn't helped by the fact that she doesn't respect boundaries in general and has a tendency to treat everyone (not just DH and me) as though they exist to provide Facebook content. We aren't the only ones who've had issues with things MIL has posted on Facebook.

Here's the specific incident that started this rant: DH and I are in the process of selling our current home and purchasing a new home. We've got contracts pending on both houses, but as you know, things can still go horribly wrong. Over the weekend, DH wanted to show them the new house. While there, she started taking pictures (not unusual - she does that everywhere), but she was specifically asked not to share the news on Facebook until everything was final. Not only did a picture of the house appear on Facebook that night, she also included the location and promised (via the comments on her post) to post interior pictures of all the rooms when it was finished. If she had only posted a pic of the house, I would've been irritated that she hadn't respected our request, but I could've lived with it. I'll never be okay with her sharing the other information.

My husband travels frequently for work, so I'm often home by myself. I know our address can be Googled, but I don't necessarily want it served up on a silver platter on Facebook. And I'm certainly not okay with anyone posting what would basically be a virtual tour of our personal space (unless it's a Realtor trying to sell the house). Providing a bunch of strangers with the location and a layout of our house (via the interior pictures she promised to post) is way too much information for my comfort. If we don't invite you into our home, I don't want you to know what our bedroom or the bathroom looks like or where it's located in the house.

I work in a security related field and am generally a closed off type person so I share VERY little on facebook. Like I can't remember the last time I posted something.

My husband however likes to "check in" EVERYWHERE we go. Like if we go to a movie, out to dinner, etc etc. I hate it. Yes I know your facebook is only set to friends but you still have sketchy friends from high school you haven't seen for 10 years, your family that you have told me horror stories about them stealing from you, etc.

Also I see an AWFUL lot of posts from friends of my friends (I have a few cousins that post everything and many of their friends do too) maybe they all have bad privacy settings but even if they do if our friends were to repost things I know they would all see it. At least he doesn't have our address on his facebook.

I hate the checking in. My MIL doesn't know how to go anywhere without checking in and tagging everyone who's with her. When we took MIL and FIL to Disney with us last year, the checking in and tagging was constant (at the hotel, at restaurants, every ride, etc.), even after explaining we don't like to advertise when we're on vacation and our house is standing empty. We both made sure our privacy settings were as tight as possible and didn't approve the tagged items to appear on our own timelines, but it was still so irritating that she did it even after being asked not to more than once. How hard could it have been to just not include us in her tagging spree?

 

[Grmnshplvr]

my mother is guilty of this, she once screenshot a text conversation between her and my daughter, the screenshot shows my daughters phone number. My mother friends ANYONE and has thousands of FB friends. I was not happy.

 

[Nettester]

I don't have a Facebook, I'm just a very private person and it's not my thing. My teens, however, do have FB. Both DH and i have parents divorced and remarried, so there are a lot of grandparents. My teens and use their FB to connect with their teen friends and teen mutual interests, etc. In the past year now, I've noticed grandparents liking and commenting on quite a bit of what they post. And when one starts, often the the rest of the grandparents have to chime in. I kind of cringe for my kids because I know it goes overboard into their peer space and surely the overly lovey-dovey grandparent comments must embarrass them. They wouldn't want to say anything to hurt their grandparents feelings. I don't want to speak up for the same reason. Social media etiquette within families = kind of a tough subject.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

We had this issue with my boyfriend's mother. She would constantly post pictures of us on her page which would include info that we didn't want posted, post multiples glittery memes on our wall with (good morning, good afternoon, good evening, have a nice day, etc), make multiple comments under every single thing we posted. Not to mention her IMing us all of the time. It was to the point that we would tell her we were at a party and send her a picture and she would post it with the info of where we are and how we're having a great time and how great we look. It was ANNOYING.

My boyfriend would get into it with her often. Finally we both deleted our pages and just stopped giving her any info. We never told her she is the main reason we deleted our FB. It can still be annoying because she decided to friend request his friends and if we are out a gathering they'll post pictures and then he gets texts of "Oh how nice that you are out but you can't do X,Y,Z for your mother."

With her she speaks no English and in a big way doesn't understand the American way of life. So we went radical and deleted the whole thing. I don't miss it one bit.

 

[Mkrop]

OP knowing how she is, you should not have let her take pictures of the new house. Set the boundaries before FB even enters the picture. She has no need for pictures of your house unless she wants to share them with either the FB crowd or other real life people. If you are not comfortable with that than you need to stop here right away.

 

[littleblackegg]

It sounds like her general "chattiness" and lack of understanding is generational and without any malice. Maybe (if she is local) you could have her over for a meal and Facebook lessons. Once she understands the scope of sharing on social media and can dial back her commentary, maybe this will be less of a problem. I don't think she wants to cause trouble. She lacks context, understanding and skills.