How to handle someone oversharing about you on social media?

[Disney Dynamite]

I've finally reached a breaking point with my MIL oversharing about my husband and me on Facebook, and I need to vent.

Here's the issue: My MIL doesn't completely understand how Facebook works as far as privacy goes, and she has no boundaries whatsoever when it comes to social media. I realize she likes to share things on Facebook because she's excited for us, and it's her way of bragging to her friends. Although I do appreciate her enthusiasm and support, some of her oversharing makes me downright uncomfortable. I don't enjoy seeing someone else sharing my personal business on the Internet.

There was an incident of oversharing last night, and it was the final straw for me. My husband agreed to talk to MIL this morning because he knew I was upset. She got angry about it, and her feelings were hurt. She got upset and told him she was just going to remove the picture in question and never post pictures of anything to do with us again. (He didn't ask her to remove the picture, just to dial back the oversharing that accompanied the picture and the oversharing in general.)

To be clear, I don't think she's doing this to be malicious or has any bad intentions whatsoever. However, it frustrates me that she thinks it's perfectly fine to share things on her Facebook about us that we would never post on our own Facebook pages or share with people who aren't immediate family/really close friends.

Has anyone ever dealt with a family member or friend who liked to overshare about you on Facebook? How did you handle it? Were you successful with setting boundaries?

 

[sunshinehighway]

I've finally reached a breaking point with my MIL oversharing about my husband and me on Facebook, and I need to vent.

Here's the issue: My MIL doesn't completely understand how Facebook works as far as privacy goes, and she has no boundaries whatsoever when it comes to social media. I realize she likes to share things on Facebook because she's excited for us, and it's her way of bragging to her friends. Although I do appreciate her enthusiasm and support, some of her oversharing makes me downright uncomfortable. I don't enjoy seeing someone else sharing my personal business on the Internet.

There was an incident of oversharing last night, and it was the final straw for me. My husband agreed to talk to MIL this morning because he knew I was upset. She got angry about it, and her feelings were hurt. She got upset and told him she was just going to remove the picture in question and never post pictures of anything to do with us again. (He didn't ask her to remove the picture, just to dial back the oversharing that accompanied the picture and the oversharing in general.)

To be clear, I don't think she's doing this to be malicious or has any bad intentions whatsoever. However, it frustrates me that she thinks it's perfectly fine to share things on her Facebook about us that we would never post on our own Facebook pages or share with people who aren't immediate family/really close friends.

Has anyone ever dealt with a family member or friend who liked to overshare about you on Facebook? How did you handle it? Were you successful with setting boundaries?

Unfollow or unfriend her. If you don't see what she's posting then it can't bother you.

 

[minnie mum]

Unfollow or unfriend her. If you don't see what she's posting then it can't bother you.

How is that stopping the original problem? Hiding your head in the sand isn't the answer.

Frankly, this is a situation that needs to be managed whether or not MIL gets angry or has hurt feelings. She needs a good lesson ( not just a lecture) so that she has a clear understanding about internet privacy and safety. And not just for the OP, but for MIL herself. Over sharing on FB or anywhere else can leave you very vulnerable to the unscrupulous.

 

[Hikergirl]

I've finally reached a breaking point with my MIL oversharing about my husband and me on Facebook, and I need to vent.

Here's the issue: My MIL doesn't completely understand how Facebook works as far as privacy goes, and she has no boundaries whatsoever when it comes to social media. I realize she likes to share things on Facebook because she's excited for us, and it's her way of bragging to her friends. Although I do appreciate her enthusiasm and support, some of her oversharing makes me downright uncomfortable. I don't enjoy seeing someone else sharing my personal business on the Internet.

There was an incident of oversharing last night, and it was the final straw for me. My husband agreed to talk to MIL this morning because he knew I was upset. She got angry about it, and her feelings were hurt. She got upset and told him she was just going to remove the picture in question and never post pictures of anything to do with us again. (He didn't ask her to remove the picture, just to dial back the oversharing that accompanied the picture and the oversharing in general.)

To be clear, I don't think she's doing this to be malicious or has any bad intentions whatsoever. However, it frustrates me that she thinks it's perfectly fine to share things on her Facebook about us that we would never post on our own Facebook pages or share with people who aren't immediate family/really close friends.

Has anyone ever dealt with a family member or friend who liked to overshare about you on Facebook? How did you handle it? Were you successful with setting boundaries?

Doesn't the bolded solve your problem?

 

[Disney Dynamite]

Unfollow or unfriend her. If you don't see what she's posting then it can't bother you.

Unfriending/unfollowing is often an excellent solution on Facebook, but that's so much easier said than done with immediate family members. It also doesn't solve the problem of her sharing personal information that shouldn't be shared. My husband and I have discussed just not keeping her in the loop on certain things. If she doesn't know, she can't share, right? I think I'm frustrated that this is someone we do love and trust.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

What are you sharing on FB that is a "secret"? You can either be more selective about what you are sharing on there, or block her.

 

[Jennasis]

OP isn't sharing things on FB....her MIL is posting stuff her DIL has told her in confidence.

The way to fix it is to NOT share anything with her you don't want the internet to know.

 

[sunshinehighway]

Unfriending/unfollowing is often an excellent solution on Facebook, but that's so much easier said than done with immediate family members. It also doesn't solve the problem of her sharing personal information that shouldn't be shared. My husband and I have discussed just not keeping her in the loop on certain things. If she doesn't know, she can't share, right? I think I'm frustrated that this is someone we do love and trust.

Unfollowing her is easy. She won't even know.
Maybe not telling her things is your best option. I mean it's hard to say without specifics about the toes of things she's posting because everyone has different comfort levels on what they want to share. If she's sharing pictures you send her that you don't want shared, easy solution don't send her pictures.
If she's sharing major life events you don't want shared ( pregnancy announcements) don't tell her until you are ready for everyone to know.

 

[pocomom]

I think this is a common problem with some older people (and non -tech savvy people, and kids , and so on) not really understanding the risks of social media. When I talked to my parents about the risks they actually closed down their Facebook. Not what I was looking for but it did solve the problem.
I think this may be an opportunity to educate rather than get angry.
Are her settings public, is she tagging you? If there is something regarding her settings you can fix for her (or yourself such as disallowing tagging) do that, but if her privacy settings are set up to just be her friends and her friends are truly her real world friends though I might let it slide even if it is more than you like. Truth is in the real world she is probably talking to everyone about you as well. Just be thankful it's the good stuff.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

Doesn't the bolded solve your problem?

The bolded did solve our problem in this particular situation, but we are still working on the bigger picture. I think it will be a work in progress for a while.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

What are you sharing on FB that is a "secret"? You can either be more selective about what you are sharing on there, or block her.

That's part of the issue. We aren't sharing anything on FB that is a "secret". MIL is taking is upon herself to share things we tell her (via phone, in person, etc.) on her FB.

 

[Hikergirl]

The bolded did solve our problem in this particular situation, but we are still working on the bigger picture. I think it will be a work in progress for a while.

so she probably just said that because she was hurt but not because she really meant it, I get it.
I think you and your dh will just have to be mindful of what you do share with her, if you don't want it on FB then definitely don't tell her! Maybe when she realizes that you aren't telling her things she'll understand why and really stop broadcasting your business on social media.

 

[georgina]

Wow, I understand why you are upset and would be too. I'm not on Facebook, and when my DH joined I told him I want no posts about me or pictures of me on there. I am just a very private person and that stuff can get out of control online.

I agree with maybe not telling her things for now.

 

[BellsFam]

Unfollow or unfriend her. If you don't see what she's posting then it can't bother you.

I'm sorry but in this instance this is BAD and dumb advice!

MIL, DH and I just went through almost this exactly last year... She was ticked that I stood my ground, didn't talk to DH or I for like 4 months! LITERALLY!

Almost a year later, best thing I ever did was stand up to her... DH realized that while she wasn't being malicious, she also had no boundaries and he now stands up for me w/o my asking...

De-friending her will be met with a VERY bad reaction and it doesn't solve future instances...

Stand your ground and don't grovel to her angry whims, she'll get over it and your relationship may be better because of it...

 

[Clifton Tesh]

I use to have this same problem, then I got rid of Facebook. Now no one can over share anything about me. And if they do, they had to work at getting the information so I guses they kind of earned the right to share it.

Can't tell you how much more peaceful life has been without Facebook.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I'm sorry but in this instance this is BAD and dumb advice!

MIL, DH and I just went through almost this exactly last year... She was ticked that I stood my ground, didn't talk to DH or I for like 4 months! LITERALLY!

Almost a year later, best thing I ever did was stand up to her... DH realized that while she wasn't being malicious, she also had no boundaries and he now stands up for me w/o my asking...

De-friending her will be met with a VERY bad reaction and it doesn't solve future instances...

Stand your ground and don't grovel to her angry whims, she'll get over it and your relationship may be better because of it...

If the Op unfollowed her, the mil wouldn't even know. Her posts just wouldn't show up in her feed. Cutting out your husbands mother because of unimportant fb postss is bad and dumb advice. You don't just cut people out, especially your husband's mother, because you don't like something inconsequential she posts on fb. It's fb, it's nonsense. If she were saying mean and nasty things that would be one thing but the op says that's not what she's doing.
Don't tell her things you don't want shared and unfollow her so you don't have to see her posts.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

I think this is a common problem with some older people (and non -tech savvy people, and kids , and so on) not really understanding the risks of social media. When I talked to my parents about the risks they actually closed down their Facebook. Not what I was looking for but it did solve the problem.
I think this may be an opportunity to educate rather than get angry.
Are her settings public, is she tagging you? If there is something regarding her settings you can fix for her (or yourself such as disallowing tagging) do that, but if her privacy settings are set up to just be her friends and her friends are truly her real world friends though I might let it slide even if it is more than you like. Truth is in the real world she is probably talking to everyone about you as well. Just be thankful it's the good stuff.

My husband and I both think that her lack of understanding about social media in general is a huge part of the problem. Like you said, this is a great opportunity to educate her. She does tag most of the time, but we've both adjusted our settings to where we have to approve a tagged item before it appears on our timelines. It's sort of scary how much she's willing to share not just about us, but about herself as well.

 

[scrapquitler]

That's part of the issue. We aren't sharing anything on FB that is a "secret". MIL is taking is upon herself to share things we tell her (via phone, in person, etc.) on her FB.

Don't tell her anything that you wouldn't want publicly known. Problem solved. If you know someone gossips (or posts on facebook, same difference...) you just don't feed them any information to pass along.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

That's part of the issue. We aren't sharing anything on FB that is a "secret". MIL is taking is upon herself to share things we tell her (via phone, in
person, etc.) on her FB.

Oh!! Well that is a more challenging scenario! I thought the issue was her clicking "share" on your posts. I think your husband needs to deal with this and make it clear you will need to confide in her less, unfortunately, if she keeps sharing private information about your family on her Facebook account.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Why don't you just talk to her and educate her to what she should be doing?