How to handle comments made

[Chuck-PA]

Yesterday I went to the mall. I parked in a handicapped spot with my permit hanging from my rearview mirror. I have MS.

As I returned to my car, a woman walked up to me and said
"handicapped, hmm, you look pretty healthy to me"
I was shocked, I could not respond. The comment bothered me.
For the most part, I do try to find other spots that are close to the door but when they are too far I choose a handicap spot.
I am not in a wheelchair and do not walk with any assistance, but I do have problems with walking long distances.

 

[Tissa]

Things that come to mind are, well with MS I sure don't feel healthy, or "Oh where did you graduate Medical School" or just "mind your own business you old hag". Seriously though I've gotten this a couple of times with my ds because if he is wearing pants you can't tell he has a leg brace on. One time I did pull up his pant leg and said "he can't walk I think we qualify" She just walked off. You just have to blow off the ignorant people out there and don't let them get you down.

 

[MEM]

You do not need to "explain" your need for a "disabled" placard to anyone but the person issuing it. Ignoring people like the woman you met is the best policy because they are just looking for a confrontation. I can understand being upset by it - DS12 is functioning on the high end of the autism spectrum and we get remarks sometimes about how he seems "normal". I have gotten so good at tuning out negative comments that I can almost convince myself I imagined them!

 

[ducklite]

How about telling her that her mental issues aren't physically apparant either?

Anne

 

[Haley Whippet]

My favorite is "I will give you my parking placard if you take my illness too"
"I would happliy park far away for good health"...
Deb

 

[Tosie]

How about "That's why it's called the invisible disease!"

Or ask her if SHE would like to take your injections for you (if you're on any of the injectables. My dh is on beta seron).

 

[minkydog]

How about no explaination at all That really drives 'em crazy

It's none of their business why you have a parking tag. We have two, one for DS who is obviously mentally handicapped and walks funny, and one for DH who has severe lung/heart disease but looks entirely healthy. Like you,we try not to take a handicapped space, but if DH is having a bad lung day or the parking lot is huge we'll lug our van right into that place. I'm not going to put my DS or DH into jeopardy just for a few busy-bodies' sake.

Of course, you can always get snarky "Bite me."

 

[Earstou]

Maybe ask for a donation to your favorite charity that supports your illness or better yet, ask to sign them up as a volunteer for the charity since they have so much time on their hands?

 

[Lisa_Belle]

I'd just give a good, long "boy are you an idiot" stare and walk of shaking your head. I've seen plenty of healthy people park in the spots, and then go and get their passenger who is obviously the reason they're there. Just don't let someone's haughtiness get you down. Someone with much more expertise has already determined you're deserving of the space.

 

[Napria]

Boy you hit one of my biggest pet peeves. This is what I call "hidden disabilities" and my son has many: epilepsy, autism, hemianopsia (a specific type of partial blindness). To look at him though, he appears healthy.

I once had a man yell out his car, "That's a HANDICAPPED spot, you know!" I just stood there flabbergasted (well, I actually didn't just stand there as I was in the process of opening the door to help my son out.)

I've thought about this alot since then. I think it's better to tell people about the disability, if you're so inclined to speak about your (or your child's) disability. The reason I feel this way is because when my son was first diagnosed at three months old with having had a stroke, I had never heard of anyone other than an older adult having strokes. It felt quite surreal, and also, quite lonely. Then as I spoke with my son's therapists, I found that he was not the only infant that any of them had treated who'd had a stroke. I formed the first pediatric stroke support group in the country, so no one else would feel the uncertainty of facing this alone. (Our group is no longer in existence, but there are online groups now that are)

Education about all disabilities only helps everyone. Perhaps telling about a disability and erasing just a tiny bit of ignorance will have another positive affect down the road that you may not even forsee. I heard that after telling an acquaintance about my son, her cousin's child was exhibiting some behaviors that my son has and later -- because of the information passed along -- was subsequently diagnosed with high functioning autism and now is getting help.

I know everyone feels differently about this, and although I don't go around announcing my son's disabilities, when appropriate I am very upfront about them, and my son is too. To our family, his disabilities are a part of who he is, just as the fact that he has brown eyes is a part of who he is. Just since I was a child I've seen a huge shift toward accepting people of all abilities, race, sex and religion. The way DS is treated in school is completely the opposite to the way some kids with obvious disabilities were treated when I was in school. Often the unfamiliar is feared, but with knowledge comes acceptance.

I'll get off my soapbox now. Thank you for your kind consideration of another opinion.

 

[forr2grls]

Simple come-back:And YOU don't look ignorant.

 

[Darth Cupcake]

How about telling her that her mental issues aren't physically apparant either?

Anne

As a person with MS also, I empathize with the OP. Some days are very difficult and ignorant comments from strangers are extremely hurtful.

 

[Tumblwd501]

Wow, that's just really ridiculous. I think Napria has it right. Ignorance makes people do a lot of stupid things. If you take the high road and educate them, hopefully they're mature enough to learn from it and everybody wins.

 

[candykisses]

I like to flash a big smile and say, "Like your ignorance, not all disabilities are visible." And maybe add a slight shaking of the head as we walk away.

 

[dclfun]

Well, I am in a power wheelchair, use a ventilator and feeding pump, and have a service dog in vest by my side. I have still been literally cursed at for pulling in disabled parking spot as I've exited my van. One man ( who wanted my spot for his wife) once called me a f'....ing bi..ch and told I shouldn't have parked there because it was the last spot and his his wife was more disabled than I was. I told him, "yes...she sure is! She has YOU for a husband!" as I rolled away. ---Kathy

 

[schlepsnort]

Yep, I've heard quite a few from people. I have severe RA and when I was younger the older set would spew curses at me if I used THEIR handicapped spot.
My favorite was being told, "Well you are too young to be disabled"
Really? My response, "If I knew there was an age requirement I would have notified my dr."

People are so rude.
But I usually vary my responses to the one fingered salute, bite me, roll my eyes and walk away, or comment about someone's IQ level being soo low...

You have to learn to ignore but every once in awhile you do react because it just realllly gets to you.

The worst one wasn't a parking issue. I had gone to a local drug store to pick up party supplies for my DS 3rd b-day. As I walking from my car to the front door I felt a hard smack against the back of my leg and looked down. Some punk kid threw a full soda can at me.
The little punk told his friend that he bet he could hit the cripple.
Well that 'cripple' called the police and that punk got in big trouble.
It is really sad what this world has come to.

 

[playwright]

Wow, that's just really ridiculous. I think Napria has it right. Ignorance makes people do a lot of stupid things. If you take the high road and educate them, hopefully they're mature enough to learn from it and everybody wins.

Yes, I agree with you Tumbl. Napria made some insightful comments.

 

[Chuck-PA]

Thank you to all who responded. I do llike the comebacks you sent.
I chuckled at a few.


To a previous poster, I do take injections, I take Copaxone everyday.
I have been diagnosed about 4 years and it is the first rude comment I had.
I am also sure it may not be the last, lol.
But thanks to you I will be ready with a response

 

[Kellyscrapbooks]

Yesterday I went to the mall. I parked in a handicapped spot with my permit hanging from my rearview mirror. I have MS.

As I returned to my car, a woman walked up to me and said
"handicapped, hmm, you look pretty healthy to me"
I was shocked, I could not respond. The comment bothered me.
For the most part, I do try to find other spots that are close to the door but when they are too far I choose a handicap spot.
I am not in a wheelchair and do not walk with any assistance, but I do have problems with walking long distances.

Oh this just steams me! My mom is a young, healthy looking 55 year old woman. She has less than 30% of her breathing capacity and in the cold or strong winds cannot breath if she is outside. She is on the lung transplant lists and still refuses to use her handicapped access because people make comments.
If you are entitled, use it... and then if you feel so inclined, tell off the person making the remarks and don't feel badly about it at all.
(I was on bedrest when I was pregnant with my son, my husband pulled into the handicapped space at the Dr's office, I had a handicapped placard and we were still given a hard time.)

 

[badblackpug]

How about "Thank you."