How to handle an obsession with food?

[C.Ann]

He's just going to have to find a different therapist to find out WHAT this is. Is it anorexia? Coming up to bulemia (since he binges but isn't yet purging)? Is it OCD? Is he just a jerk? Is this just an overreaction from someone who doesn't want to be heavy again? Gotta find out WHAT it is.

Of course you can certainly leave before that happens. The only decision is what you want to do right now...support him in finding a new therapist as well as a couples therapist to help you both communicate in better ways...or just leave?





Definitely. If my therapist had required me to burst into tears at every session and have major breakthroughs, it would have been exhausting.


Does *it* make you feel like that, or does HE make you feel like that? Is that his intent? Or is it paranoia? I've had that, for sure, I've felt like DH saying something *about* me, when he's only talking *to* me. And I've done it to DH, too.

So we can accidentally make each other feel bad. And when I managed to mess up with how I'm talking, I wish he'd understand that I'd never do it on purpose. In fact, the time that I did have to talk to him seriously about his weight, I tried to be as gentle, non-shaming, concerned-about-him as possible. I was crying while talking, that's how difficult it was for me to talk to him. And I should realize that HE would never make fun of ME, too.

So is it just the talk that causes you hurt feelings, or is he deliberately shaming you?

But you can talk about weight or you can purposely shame a person.

Right...that's not saying he would LOVE you more if you were thinner, but that his eyes would be happier.


But bottom line, he needs to find a better therapist, to either stop any problem that's started, or at the VERY least get him to not say everything that's in his head about food. If he IS trying to shame you, and if he wants to stay with you, he has to stop shaming you.

And you have to decide if you want to stick around for this process.

My goodness! Amazing, but I agree with most of what you said..

There's only one other thing I would like to add.. Why are people here so quick to tell people to "toss aside" another human being - one that they care for - without putting a little more effort into resolving the problems?

I see this time and time again - even when it's in regards to ending a marriage - and I don't understand it.. Maybe that's why the divorce rate is so high.. Hit a bump in the road, kick the person out of the moving car, and just grab the next person standing on the street corner..

Life wasn't meant to be easy.. Relationships weren't meant to be easy.. Marriages weren't meant to be easy.. They all take work.. At the very least, I would give it some serious effort before I kicked someone to the curb..
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OP: Good luck with whatever you decide to do..

 

[Mouse House Mama]

My goodness! Amazing, but I agree with most of what you said..

There's only one other thing I would like to add.. Why are people here so quick to tell people to "toss aside" another human being - one that they care for - without putting a little more effort into resolving the problems?

I see this time and time again - even when it's in regards to ending a marriage - and I don't understand it.. Maybe that's why the divorce rate is so high.. Hit a bump in the road, kick the person out of the moving car, and just grab the next person standing on the street corner..

Life wasn't meant to be easy.. Relationships weren't meant to be easy.. Marriages weren't meant to be easy.. They all take work.. At the very least, I would give it some serious effort before I kicked someone to the curb..
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OP: Good luck with whatever you decide to do..

The reason I say to move on is because it should be easy when you are dating. There is no mortgage, kids, extended family stuff, etc. When you don't have that carefree easy time to look back on when things are rough and all you have is struggle from the beginning what would make you stay? Relationships should be easy. This is your partner in life. It should be the two of you against the world not the two of you against each other. They should be in the honeymoon phase. Not in the "you need to lose a few" stage. Sorry but that's how I feel.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My goodness! Amazing, but I agree with most of what you said..

There's only one other thing I would like to add.. Why are people here so quick to tell people to "toss aside" another human being - one that they care for - without putting a little more effort into resolving the problems?

I see this time and time again - even when it's in regards to ending a marriage - and I don't understand it.. Maybe that's why the divorce rate is so high.. Hit a bump in the road, kick the person out of the moving car, and just grab the next person standing on the street corner..

Life wasn't meant to be easy.. Relationships weren't meant to be easy.. Marriages weren't meant to be easy.. They all take work.. At the very least, I would give it some serious effort before I kicked someone to the curb..
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OP: Good luck with whatever you decide to do..

The divorce rate is so high because people force a relationship that is not a match.

She went to counseling with him, she is trying, etc. I took that into account in my posts.

She is at the crossroads now. You owe it to yourself and the person you are with to be honest with what is going on.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think most everbody here has taken a lot into account in their advice...
I did say "unless he is ready and willing to look into some heavy-duty professional help" then I would be ready to move on.

I think some of us see some very deep and serious underlying issues...
This is not just about 'diet'.

She has not committed to this person.
She has not had children to parent with this person.

And, yes, in a situation like this... it does come down to decision time. And the decision, like in every relationship at her particular stage... is to take a good (and hopefully objective) look at the person, and either make a real commitment, or decide that this is not right for you and make a break and move on.