How to get him to read?

[tinkerbee]

I had no problem teaching my children to read, they are all reading where they should be. My step son on the other hand is almost 11 and can hardly read! One I don't understand how he has gotten through school this long. Two I don't know how to help. We only get him every other weekend and when either of us try to help him read he starts crying and through a fit and my husband gives up after 2 hours. We have talked to people at school and all they did was put him in a special class which doesn't help, they are not trying to teach him they READ to him!!!! His mom doesn't seem to care since every time my husban mentions it she says "yeah I know I don't have the time to sit there and listen to him cry"

One weekend my ss had 5 pages of history home work and my husband was working on the house. My husband told him to start his home work in his room(no tv on, no video games, no music). When my husband checked on him an hour later he had nothing done. Checked on him an two hours later he had one question done and it was wrong.It took him 17 hours over that weekend to finish it and only finally got done becasue my husband couldn't take it any more and pretty much did it for him. I don't know what to do. Or what is wrong. He can spell words most of the time if you ask him to spell it. But if you ask him what it says he doesn't know. He is to the point now he can't even tell you what the word "of" is half the time.

Today really got to me when he asked me how to spell Disney, I told him three times and said "I can't find it" he was looking on the cable list to find out what channel the Disney channel was at our house and he was looking in the "G's"!!!

I don't know what to do. Or where to get help.

 

[ducklite]

Has he been tested for dyslexia or another learning disability?

If he's been cleared, then I'd talk to him about what interests him and try to find books on that subject. If he likes video games, subscribe to one of the gaming magazines. If he's into sports, get SI for kids.

 

[freckles and boo]

It will be hard if he isn't in your care but as Ducklite said, you need to rule out the obvious problems. He could also have vision problems, processing problems, ADHD (inattentive type), low self-esteem, etc. Nobody is doing him any favors by letting it slide. If he CAN read and just doesn't like to, there isn't a lot you can do about it.

 

[budbeerlady]

DD doesnt really like to read books. (I dont know where she gets this from, I am a book worm!) She, however, will give her right arm for a disney type comic book. So when she was able to do all of her reading books over the summer with her reading tutor she earned the purchase of a nice new disney comic book. She reads donald comics nightly!

You need to find help and what motivates them. (So a tutor or something, and then a book, magazine, something they want to read.)

 

[Tinijocaro]

I would definitely look into any kind of learning disability. I also think that your dh (if he hasn't already) should be in contact with his teachers about this- frequently. Don't let up until he gets some answers- have dss tested. If your dss has special needs or disabilites and isn't getting diagnosed or the help he needs, how frustrating must that be for him?! Doesn't matter how appealing the subject matter is at this point- if he can't read it, he can't read it. Does he have an IEP (individualized educational plan)? Is that why they are reading to him?

 

[Alex2kMommy]

If reading is so hard for him, doing homework must be a nightmare for him! I know you don't have FT custody, but have you thought of getting him an after school tutor, or taking him to one of those places that will help with tutoring (like Sylvan Learning Center)? Maybe even an older child from the jr. high or high school?

My oldest boy is quite a bit younger (7yo and in 2nd grade) and reading above his grade level, but he has 'homework' to read for at least 15 minutes every night, in addition to other homework. He procrastinates on it all, and sometimes refuses to do the reading, claiming, "I HATE reading!"

While I think he probably could skip the reading assignment every once in a while, because he is so resistant to homework in general (which at this age can all be done within half an hour) I am really trying to reinforce consistency with it. No videogames, TV or other fun stuff unless the homework is done. It's important, it won't take long, and it just needs to be done, and then you can move on to more fun stuff.

I agree with ducklite, find books on subjects that appeal to him in hopes that he'll be interested in reading them. I bought my DS story books on YuGiOh, Captain Jack Sparrow and detective stories. Sometimes when he's really resistant to doing his reading, I'll read a page, then he'll read a page. He does much better when one of us is sitting with him listening to him read out loud. Eventually it gets done, he just occasionally needs/wants some help or attention.

 

[dimimi]

My step son on the other hand is almost 11 and can hardly read! One I don't understand how he has gotten through school this long.

Your step son would benefit from a reading intervention program such as the Wilson. Once a child is as old as 11 and many different approaches have been tried, it is best to try a research based/successfully proven to work program.

Two I don't know how to help. We only get him every other weekend and when either of us try to help him read he starts crying and through a fit and my husband gives up after 2 hours. This is probably difficult for you to do, because he isn't learning how to read like most kids. That is why he needs a professional. I am a reading and special education teacher. My own kids would prefer to work with someone else. Also, at 11, it is embarassing for him!

We have talked to people at school and all they did was put him in a special class which doesn't help, they are not trying to teach him they READ to him!!!! They read to him because in school, life goes on. We have kids at the high school that cannot read! However, we don't have time to teach them. So, when a student has a science test or homework, we read it to them.
One weekend my ss had 5 pages of history home work and my husband was working on the house. My husband told him to start his home work in his room(no tv on, no video games, no music). When my husband checked on him an hour later he had nothing done. Checked on him an two hours later he had one question done and it was wrong.It took him 17 hours over that weekend to finish it and only finally got done becasue my husband couldn't take it any more and pretty much did it for him. I don't know what to do. Or what is wrong. He can spell words most of the time if you ask him to spell it. But if you ask him what it says he doesn't know. He is to the point now he can't even tell you what the word "of" is half the time. This is very sad to me. What child would take 17 hours to do homework! If he can't read the work, how can he do it without a reader? Right now, I would try to build his confidence and read to him. See if he can learn the material if someone reads to him.

Today really got to me when he asked me how to spell Disney, I told him three times and said "I can't find it" he was looking on the cable list to find out what channel the Disney channel was at our house and he was looking in the "G's"!!!I would ask the school for a multi factored evaluation for a learning disability. Even if he gets services, which it seems like he is already, I would try to find a private tutor who can teach him the Wilson Program. The Wilson Program is a systematic approach to reading and was designed for older kids. If you do it religiously, you should see improvements. Good luck, I feel for your step son, the kids in school who can't read really have a tough time! I'm glad you are trying to get help for him.

 

[diznygirl]

I third (or fourth or fifth) the advice to make sure he has been tested.

I recommend the Hank Zipzer books written by Henry Winkler. He uses his experiences growing up with dyslexia to come up with some hilarious over-the-top stories about under-achieving Hank. My son laughs out loud reading these books.

http://www.hankzipzer.com/index.html

 

[CrazedDisFan]

This is simply negligent behavior on the mom's part. She needs to be doing everything she can by insuring that the child has the ability or strategy to cope in life. Ignoring his obvious severe reading impariment is doing him no favors. If the custody agreement is clear and your husband can, he needs to speak to the child's school a.s.a.p. If his impairment is so detrimental, he should be suffering greatly in school and your husband stepping in could be the make it or break it point for the rest of his son's life. At the very least it sounds like he needs some special education help and intervention to facilitate better reading skills.

Bravo to you, for noticing, taking time, and caring enough for your stepchild to be concerned!

 

[dimimi]

Maybe even an older child from the jr. high or high school?

I agree with ducklite, find books on subjects that appeal to him in hopes that he'll be interested in reading them.

I agree getting books might help him, but first he needs to learn the letter sound connection and to feel success. I have to disagree wtih the child from a jr. high/high school. Not knowing how to read is embarrassing enough, without another peer knowing it. At 11 years old, it is time to find a professional reading teach to start and please be sure a tested program is used.]

 

[Lanshark]

There is a big difference in won't read and can't read. As the mother of a dyslexic and as a teacher who specializes in teaching dyslexics I would suggest having him evaluated. Sounds like he would benefit from a multi sensory, directly taught, phonetic program such as Wilson/Orton.

My guess is that he is as frustrated as you are.

 

[Mkrop]

I agree Dad needs to interject himself more in the help or lack thereof that he is receiving at school. Also I think getting a tutor (like Sylvan) is a great idea, sometimes I think kids need someone other than the parent helping bc both sides get frustrated.

GL I hope your stepson gets the help he needs. And when he does I agree witht he get him books in subjects he likes, whether they are magazines or books.

 

[clarabelle]

I agree with everyone else that he needs professional help. Serious help.
But in the meantime I would consider getting some books on tape to listen to in the car. They have them at some Libraries or you can rent them -Cracker Barrell restaurants have them and you can buy them at Borders and places like that. There is real benefit from hearing how words are pronounced, Sentence formation ect..
It certainly wont' hurt.
I feel really bad for both of you. I think this would be one of the hardest things about divorce.

 

[Becky2005]

I agree with the others. I would definitely push for him to get tested. If all they are doing at school is putting him in a classroom where they read to him, that is NOT going to help him.

I understand your frustration and probably his too. I have an 11 year old who does not read very well. We knew there was a problem by the middle of 1st grade and had the testing done. We have been working with him constantly since then.

He does have an aide in class that will read the tests and things (that aren't reading) in certain circumstances where they are testing his knowledge of the subject at hand but he also gets pull-out instruction continuing to learn TO read. He *is* expected to read as much as he can on his own though, his aide doesn't read everything to him. I know they use the Wilson system in our school district. In addition to that, I take him to a private tutor 1/day week just by being in the right circumstances (it's a special ed teacher at our church that offers it to any student at our church's school that needs help & although we don't attend the school since we do attend the church, my son gets to go.)

I don't know if you have actually seen the IEP document that says what all services that are supposed to be provided (I'm guessing there *is* one if he's in a seperate classroom?)

If he doesn't know letter/sound combinations though it does sound like you need to start at square one with letter/sound combinations -- just a thought has he ever had his hearing checked? That would be one of the first things to check. I was just thinking when you said he was looking for Disney in the G -- I was wondering if he was hearing you say "G" instead of "D" since they do sound similar when spelling it out.

 

[dimimi]

I wanted to bump this for you so you get more advice. You can tell I really care about getting kids to read. I did notice in your post that you say your husband tries for 2 hours and your son cries. Two hours is a LONG time. Imagine trying to do something you don't know how to do for 2 hours. I imagine myself sitting in an advance French class...I'd go crazy! I'd need to start with French I.

good luck

 

[golfgal]

I would also say that if mom's attitude is really 'I don't have time to listen to him cry' then someone else needs custody of that poor boy. Don't discount the special ed classes. They have to take him back to the beginning where they DO need to read to him so he can learn to do that himself. It is a sequential process--think back to toddlerhood when parents read to kids--it builds from there. Also, forcing him to read when he physically CAN'T isn't doing him any favors. He really needs some attention like others have said. Right now the more you push the more turned off he is going to be. Find our what is wrong first and then go from there.

 

[Mkrop]

I noticed yesterday two dyslexia posts on the Family Board. Maybe jump over there and see what they aer saying too.

GL

 

[Cindy B]

There is a letter sounds issue. (D instead of G) It could also be a decoding issue.

I would suggest to ask if his school has a Wilson reading program- pull out programs.

You've gotten some excellent advice already.

If you have any questions, pm me.

 

[magicgirl]

I think that you need to be very careful in the way that you are "helping" your stepson. Forcing a child to do homework for 17 hours at a weekend or making him read until he cries is counter productive. You are making the whole reading, homework issue such a dreadful experience it will totally drain any self confidence he has. Get him tested but please stop making matters worse.

 

[LisaNJ25]

It sounds like he is so fistration. I hope you can get him the right help that he needs.

I have a 20yo niece that cant read.. and shes a mom.

I would frustrated me to no end as she was growing up. My sister would never push or put in the extra effort to help her out.