How to Explain Menstruation to 9 Year Old?

[vhoffman]

My dd just turned 9 last month, but she looks more like 12. Its my feeling she will start menstruating soon. I really need to talk to her about it, so she's prepared. However, I'm at a loss as to how to proceed. She's only 9, how do I explain part of the "story" without explaining it all? I don't want to give her too much information that will only confuse her, but, like I said, she does need essential information.

I did start with our pediatrician, who gave me a book for her. I read it first, and its really not appropriate for her age level. Also, it says things I disagree with, such as its ok to love, hug, kiss another girl. It said somehting to the effect that with the onset of puberty many hormonal changes take place and one of the effects is a surge in sexual feelings. It stated that those feelings can be an attraction to boys or girls. It was a question/answer format, is it ok to kiss another girl? Answer--Of course! Many girls feel this way towards other girls and its perfectly natural! Pleeeze! How far are we supposed to go in the interests of political correctness? Adolescence is a confusing time, children need guidance. DD has 2-3 friends she likes to have sleepovers with. How awful if she thought it was "alright" to kiss, fondle, etc another girl then did so during a sleepover in all innocence, thinking it was "alright"? I spoke with the doctor about the book, which he admitted he hadn't read!

Well, back to topic--dd9 is developing rapidly and will probably start menstruating soon. I remember when I was about her age my parents got me a kit from the makers of Kotex. It included samples of various sanitary products, along with several booklets that explained the process without trying to use it as a vehicle for social engineering! I've searched but can't find anything similar for dd. I did find some websites that I think would be helpful, but they target a slightly older age group. They talk about dating, etc. I thought I could put together a sample kit of various products for her, wrap them nicely in a pretty display box. Perhaps I could make my own booklets, downloading just the pages I've found from websites that I think is appropriate for her age group. Well, any suggestions? I must admit I'm kinda stumped as to how to proceed.

 

[daisyduck123]

I was right where you were. My DD11 (she's been mistaken for 15 more than once) got her period at 10 & I had been expecting it ever since she was 9. When she was about 9, I got her a popular book by American Girl but I'm not sure she ever read it. I also talked with her, just so she would be prepared. After she did get it, I went in her room, found the book, & reminded her that it was there.

I did not get any special kits by any of the toiletry companies, but they are probably available. Having her period has caused problems with pool parties, swim team, etc. these past 2 summers. I'm glad my other child is a boy!

 

[tabrizia]

For books two you may want to check out are The Period Book, Updated Edition: Everything You Don't Want to Ask (But Need to Know) and The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls (American Girl Library (Paperback))

Both appear to be for younger girls, though you probably would want to read through them first anyways. I remember ages ago my mom got me What's Happening to my Body, but it appears to be for older girls. The Care and Keeping of you based off the reviews I see is mainly for younger girls and The Period Book appears to be the same.

 

[vhoffman]

Thanks for the suggestions! I'll look into the books. I will read them first, just to make sure there's not information I think is inappropriate for her age or confusing. I still wish I could find a sample kit of sanitary products. I remember how interested I was with mine. when the time came, I felt quite prepared. Its all quite overwhelming for a young girl, the more prepared the less anxiety. I'm still thinking of making my own sample kit, wrap and display them in a pretty manner. Since I'm not the artsy-craftsy type it will be a bit of a challenge. I just don't want her frightened if she starts without any knowledge of what to expect. Remember that scene in The Thornbirds? Poor child was convinced she was dying! Can't let that happen!

 

[KerriSue]

sent pm

Kerri

 

[QueenGoblin]

Have you looked on the websites of the various companies (Kotex, Always etc.?) I'm wondering if one of them might have a kit you could send away for. I remember getting one when I was a kid too that was geared to girls having their first period. Also check out the health and parenting section of your local public library. They should have a selection of books on the topic and you can pick one you are comfortable with. Do you have a friend who is a nurse or something similar? When I was around that age, one of the moms in our girl scout troop was a nurse and she came to one of our meetings to talk about getting our periods and to answer questions. Good Luck.

 

[newman7501]

I have been reading a great book geared toward the parent and the daughter called How to prepare you daughter for every woman's battle. It is biblically based and it discussed everything. There are three different sections and one section is for mom and daughter. I have a DD9 and while some of the stuff I know she is not ready to discuss the info on menstration and body changes is great. At one of my MOPS(mothers of preschoolers) meetings last year my pastor's wife spoke about how to talk to your kids about sex. She used materials by Dr. Leman(spelling?) mostly and said if your child isn't talking about sex and the like at age 9 or 10, they are definitely thinking about it. Scarey! She suggested keeping things simple and honest and keep an open dialouge so that when the big stuff comes up they won't be afraid to seek out advice from you. I believe the author of the book I mentioned above is Shannon Etheridge. PM me if you have any questions.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

You are so right to be cautious of a lot of books. I think the most important part of this conversation is that it sets the stage for a lot more conversations and gives you the chance to stress your moral values and your belives to your child.
I would start by asking her what she already knows. You might be surprised. Chances are she has a least some clue that you deal with "something" each month. My DS noticed at about 3 that certain times of the month I closed the bathroom door.
Start where she is. Give her informtaion just about menstration to start with. Be very simple and do not give her more information than she ask for. Stress that girls start at all different ages as if she does in deed start, she will most likely be one of the youngest in her class.

Good luck!!!!!

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

American Girl has a book called The Care and Keeping of You. Both my daughters have this book. It is wonderful book for young girls. I think the age recommendation is 7 or 8 to 10. It goes into things like shaving your legs, using deodorant, getting your period. All the big chain book stores sell it. I hope this helps.

 

[Reese]

I think that it is really important to be open and honest about menstration. Explain the technical process but also let her lead the conversation and be honest with your answers when it comes to any questions that she may ask.

 

[kkevcamsmom]

I just pm'd you with some sites and link I have used.

Good luck!

Lori

 

[va32h]

My daughter is 10, and she has known about periods, in general for several years now. I'd pick up a package of sanitary napkins in the store, for example, and she would ask what they were. Or I couldn't swim with her and she'd ask why.

When she was very small, I would just say "grown up ladies have something called a period each month, and when they have it, they use these and they don't get to swim."

This did once cause a most embarassing situation once at WDW when she was 6 - we were at the Poly pool, and this older couple was just sitting at poolside near us, didn't have bathing suits on, just regular clothes, and she asked "are you having a period? So is my mom. She can't swim today either?

Anyway, a couple of years later, I had another baby, and that pretty much naturally led to a full discussion. We went backwards though: How was the baby coming out, how did it get there, why don't you have a baby every nine months, oh, so that's what a period is!

Her main concerns were: would it hurt and would people be able to tell she was having it.

She just left for Girl Scout Camp yesterday, and one of things the camp counselors asked all parents to do was to make sure their girls over age 10 had some understanding of menstruation, in case it happened at camp.

I haven't see those little kits, quite honestly, since the days when you had to use a belt!

 

[tatooed goofy]

I totally agree with Grumpy's wife. The American Girl book...The Care and Keeping of You is awesome. I bought it before DD12 started and she would read it and ask questions. She still does since it has only been a couple of months. Of course, I did not let it replace me and our discussion but, it would help with the curiousity. Also, there is a journal called the Care and Keeping of You that they can write in and such to go along with the book. It is great as well.
This is a tough area when they are younger. I wish you luck and send you pixie dust. Keep all lines of communication open.

 

[TBGOES2DISNEY]

I'm not sure what details you don't want to discuss with dd, but just use your discretion and be honest with her. If you are afraid to talk about things, she might be too. And just buy her the products that would make her feel comfortable and clean. I remember when getting mine - my worst fear was having an accident! Also, make sure you have pamprin on hand for those especially uncomfortable and crampy days!

 

[SkcMom]

I have also been thinking of this quite often lately. I am so glad someone posted about it. My DD is also 9 and looks 12. People always mistake her for being older. I feel exactly as the OP does and really don't know where to start. As I do not feel she is ready nor do I want to tell her about sex yet. I feel she is way too young for that part of the "period story" But, I do realize I need to tell her about a period. She is our only child and my mom didn't tell me much at all when I was a kid. I didn't even start mine until I was 14. So I am not really sure where to start. Anyone who sent the OP a PM with links to websites regarding this kind of thing I would love to get them also. I feel like I need to tell her about all of this before school starts just in case it happens at school this fall so I need to get the show on the road for sure. We start school August 16th here. I am so not ready for my Savanah and mommy days to be over! Thanks in advance for any info! The DIS is the best!!

 

[Our 2 Princesses]

I have a 10 1/2 year old and I also love the book The Care and Keeping of You. We just started reading it together this summer. I have a silly question though - When I started my period at 12, I used my Mom's HUGE sanitary napkins and hated them!! Are there any sanitary napkins on the market today more geared toward young thin girls? My dd is very tiny. Thanks!

 

[momamy]

i got mine at 9. Let me just tell you it was soooo scary no matter how much my parents tried to explain it lol. my mom just let me know it was normal and healthy and she explained how to use the products and we discussed where they were. and she also used that time to discuss womans health issues and how important it was for me to tell her when i got mine so she would know if there ever was a problem.

Sorry if its TMI

Amy

 

[kkevcamsmom]

I was one that PM'd the OP.

Here are the links I sent her:

I found this site to be helpful, plus you can take only the info you want from it.

http://www.kotex.com/na/talk/teen/girlthing/

Also try:

http://www.always.com/en_us/pages/c...l?pageid=zn0002

Here's some links to books too (I think some were already mentioned)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/08...ie=UTF8&s=books

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/06...ie=UTF8&s=books

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/15...ie=UTF8&s=books



From reading the other posts I think I may seem abit strange. I opened the lines for the 'sex' talk when my DD was just 6 and her friends mom was having a baby, granted it was geared to a 6 yr old but a basic idea. As she got older the talks got more mature. We will discuss some topics that would have my mom red in the face for weeks. The pay off... my DD is 15 now and I have all of her friends(I should say her core friends, all 3 of them, and they are all my extra daughters ) coming to me for answers to questions they don't want to ask their parents, since they know they will just ignore the question or not be truthful. The parents gave me permission to do the 'tough' talk, with the understanding on both the child and the parent that if I thought something more was up we would all talk together.

We don't find it embarrassing or taboo, we have talked about everything from kissing to 'alternate' lifestyles. If we don't know we will do the research to find out, we tell her if we are not sure.

Good luck to everyone!

Lori

 

[kkevcamsmom]

I have a 10 1/2 year old and I also love the book The Care and Keeping of You. We just started reading it together this summer. I have a silly question though - When I started my period at 12, I used my Mom's HUGE sanitary napkins and hated them!! Are there any sanitary napkins on the market today more geared toward young thin girls? My dd is very tiny. Thanks!

Always brand make a pad called Slender, it's made for teens and smaller women. My DD15 uses them and loves them.

Lori

 

[daisyduck123]

I have a 10 1/2 year old and I also love the book The Care and Keeping of You. We just started reading it together this summer. I have a silly question though - When I started my period at 12, I used my Mom's HUGE sanitary napkins and hated them!! Are there any sanitary napkins on the market today more geared toward young thin girls? My dd is very tiny. Thanks!

Kotex makes a smaller one that works for my DD11 & she's had her period since she was 10. I can never remember which package it is, so every now & then while we're in the store I'll say, "Pick out your supplies for the month".