How to avoid TOO much family time?

[mousetrip]

I'm excited to report that we are heading to WDW May 5-13. Eight days in a cabin at Fort Wilderness, and taking a day in the middle for Islands of Adventure. My DH is not a huge fan of Disney, but always has a good time when we go (even though sometimes it takes some arm-twisting to actually get him to sign off!) Our DD10, is very mature and outgoing for her age, happy to speak to other adults, and very independently minded (I mean this in a good way lol)
I'm starting to think about this trip in terms of family time. Of course, that's whole point, right? To spend time together? But I also think it's easy to get on each other's nerves after a few days together 24/7. Plus, DD10 is, in my opinion, on the cusp of being able to do a few things on her own, or am I wrong here? I am not a helicopter mom, and not really afraid of her being snatched while at Disney (Downtown Disney not withstanding). I can see a scenario where if she wants to go shop by herself for a while at MK, or do a ride by herself that I would set a meeting time in thirty minutes. (She would not have a cell phone.) Again, am I crazy? She knows to ask a CM for help, or another mom if need be. And of course she knows my cell phone number.

Also, I am thinking of doing our schedule for the week such that my DH and I each have a big chunk of solo time. I am ashamed to admit I would love nothing more than to have a good 8 hours to do WHATEVER I wanted! lol Plus, it would give each of us a chance to have that same time one-on-one with DD, like a date. Anyone have any ideas or thoughts on how to spend that alone time or date with DD time?

OH I'm SOOOOO excited! It's so interesting, having an only child, the difference in the trips as they get older. We've been when she was 5, 8, and 9, and now 10. She is getting to be a pro and knows Epcot and MK like the back of her hand! Raising her right!!!

Looking forward to hearing any thoughts. Please be nice if you think I'm crazy about letting her go "off leash"! I'm a good parent, I promise! lol

 

[SEA333]

DD9 (4th grade) is very independant and mature too, (and tall for her age), but I would not let her go into the theme parks alone. I am probably the most laid-back parent you will get a response from, too...just warning you....

I would let DS13 go into a park alone if he wanted to, and I would let DD go with him, maybe when she is 11 and he is 15.

Here is what I would let DD do on her own at age 9/10:

Walk around the gift shop alone with me in there or somewhere very close outside (she knows not to leave the building unless I am with her) I can see this the most at Epcot where there mostly only one way into a "country" and out.

Explore our building of the resort

Depending on how close we are, sending her to the "front lobby" part of the resort to look around.

Go on a ride alone while I wait

get food at a specific CS place and meet me back in a specific location

go to the bathrooms while I wait somewhere specified

I would NOT let her:

go on a bus, monorail, or boat without me

Be in a different theme park than where I am

Stay at the resort for more than an hour alone

Go to the pool alone, but I do let all three go together without me (DS13, DD9, and DS8). They have to go together and come back together.

Also, with the exception of the getting on transportation to another park or resort, I would let all three do any of the above-mentioned items together even if I would not let DD do them alone.

At home, DD pays for gas for me at the gas station, orders her own meals at resturants (all three have since they could talk, so I guess I'm cheating a little on that one! LOL), goes to the library by herself, walks into practices from the front entrance of whatever school/gym she needs to be at, goes to Girl Scouts alone, and she must always speak up for herself in stores or anywhere else she needs something from an adult. She is not scared in the least.

 

[Iamajoy79]

Hi - My Daughter is 8 and I will not allow her to walk to school across the street from our house alone. I can't ever imagine allowing her to go off alone in WDW at 10 and like your DD, she has been there several times. However, I was a very independent child and was not only allowed to do things on my own at a very young age, I also took care of my younger siblings. By 10, I was going to the store a few blocks away alone and babysitting, by 12 I was taking public transportation alone (I grew up in NY). I don't think you're crazy, we do have to eventually give our kids some freedom. I'm a very overprotective mom and it could be because looking back on some of the decisions I made when I was young, I realize I wasn't always as smart as I (or my mom) thought I was. That being said, only you can truly decide what is right for your child. I personally would try one of the kids clubs to get some me time and alone time with DH. If you do decide to let her go it alone, may I suggest a prepaid cell phone so you can keep tabs on each other. I think it's a good investment for your peace of mind and for hers.

 

[taterheads]

My suggestion is absolutely never alone at a resort unless she NEVER leaves the room and keeps the deadbolt locked. There is little to no security at resorts. A million doors behind which some whack job can pull her in and cause her harm. You are a bit safer in the parks so long as you set a specified time and meeting place but I still think 10 is too young. I know you'd love your space and time for DH and you alone but I think long periods of time of her by herself absolutely makes her a target. If you want date time with DH I also suggest doing one of the Disney centers for your daughter.
Another suggestion but I don't know how you feel about it, what about allowing her to invite a friend along on this trip. I don't know that I'd allow my child to go at 10 with another family, especially if I knew they'd be left alone. I COMPLETELY understand your desire for downtime I just hate to see a 10 year old left alone anywhere they could be targeted and unfortunately that's everywhere they aren't behind a locked door these days. Sadly perps who look for kids actually tend to focus on kid centric places like parks, schools, Chucky Cheese, arcades, and even Disney.
I think your idea of you and your husband taking your daughter separately for daddy daughter and mother daughter times is great! It would make for some great memories for your daughter, while allowing you and your husband some down time while the other takes her.
Hope you have a great time and find a safe way to get some down time.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Nope.....not at 10 alone. I would let her go through a short ride line alone if you are meeting her at the end of the ride, maybe let her walk around a bit in the same store you are in , within a park, and maybe get a snack while you are waiting right out side. I would not let her walk around the parks or resort alone or leave her in your cabin alone...at all. I would not let her out of my sight without a cell phone. We let our DS have some freedom at 13 WITH his same age cousin. Maybe look into one of the kid clubs for a few hours one night (WL has one), and you and DH would have a bit of time alone. I think each of you having a few hours alone time with your child sounds lovely. I would not choose 8 hours, but if that suits everyone....that is a safe and reasonable choice.
We sometimes break into pairs of two within our family of 4 for short times to accommodate everyone's desires of activities. Maybe consider taking an older cousin or mother's helper to spend extra time with your child?

 

[mousetrip]

My suggestion is absolutely never alone at a resort unless she NEVER leaves the room and keeps the deadbolt locked. There is little to no security at resorts. A million doors behind which some whack job can pull her in and cause her harm. You are a bit safer in the parks so long as you set a specified time and meeting place but I still think 10 is too young. I know you'd love your space and time for DH and you alone but I think long periods of time of her by herself absolutely makes her a target. If you want date time with DH I also suggest doing one of the Disney centers for your daughter.
Another suggestion but I don't know how you feel about it, what about allowing her to invite a friend along on this trip. I don't know that I'd allow my child to go at 10 with another family, especially if I knew they'd be left alone. I COMPLETELY understand your desire for downtime I just hate to see a 10 year old left alone anywhere they could be targeted and unfortunately that's everywhere they aren't behind a locked door these days. Sadly perps who look for kids actually tend to focus on kid centric places like parks, schools, Chucky Cheese, arcades, and even Disney.
I think your idea of you and your husband taking your daughter separately for daddy daughter and mother daughter times is great! It would make for some great memories for your daughter, while allowing you and your husband some down time while the other takes her.
Hope you have a great time and find a safe way to get some down time.

In case I was unclear... I meant I would love several hours by myself, so my husband and I would tag team so that both he and I would have alone time separately... for a date night, we've used the babysitting service and it was great.. that was when she was 5 and I haven't researched it lately as this trip is already a wee bit overbudget!

Anyhow, I still feel that especially in the daytime, that she would be ok for 15 or 30 minutes as long as I knew what store or attraction she was in. This is a kid that has done subways in Europe (not alone, but still, she was quite a navigator, and even in French!)

I really appreciate everyone's thoughts, it's interesting to see everyone's different parenting styles. Ten is tough because as I said, it's kind of on that cusp of independence!

 

[mousetrip]

I struggle with this! To me, Disney is SOOOOO special! To bring another kid along that (to be frank) could annoy you or b) could cause your own child to treat you as 2nd rate compared to the friend. (Friends are always more fun than Mom!) I don't think I can share her! lol I suppose if we lived closer and could go more often to where it wasn't such a big deal I'd be more ok with it. I'd definitely be ok with a cousin, but the problem there is, we couldn't choose just one and there are several.
On the other hand, it would be fun to see her have sooooo much fun with a friend, especially on the rides. AGH.... this is plight of the mom of an only! At any rate, as I said, we are already overbudget, and couldn't swing adding another mouth to feed on the dining plan. Maybe in a few years...

 

[mousetrip]

This all got me wondering if I was being too liberal or careless. So I did a little digging, in case anyone else is curious. Lots of opinions out there and many of them say that it's far more likely your child will just simply get lost (or rather, the parent lost from the child as they say there are no lost children at WDW, just lost parents!) Abductions don't occur it seems, at least no reports that I could find. There's been a couple of reports of some inappropriate touching at the waterparks, followed by prosecution. Anyhow, one person equated it to about the same percent of risk of finding a razor blade in a piece of Halloween candy. I would tend to agree with that unless someone can show me where abductions have actually happened there.
Some might ask, but why risk it? And it's not that I am looking to ditch my kiddo by any means. But if you were 10 and given 30 minutes to be on your own in the Magic Kingdom, how cool would that be? A kid in a candy store only much much more fun! Sometimes, she likes to go shopping to surprise me with something, and I have to say, go for it, kid. Mommy likes Donald best.

That said, she knows that if ever she can't find me she is to tell the nearest CM and stay put. I would do the same and I've heard they reunite families in a matter of moments with just their standard operating procedure.

 

[1000HappyWishes]

I have pretty laid-back parents. When I was nine, I went to Disneyland and I wandered off with my cousins, who were just a few years older.

However, at ten years old I would not have felt comfortable without a cell phone to contact my dad if I were going off by myself, and this is coming from a kid who has been staying home alone since she was nine.

 

[mjkacmom]

Get her an inexpensive pay as you go cellphone for the trip. I'd let my kids go off for a little bit at that age. However, I've never had just one. My 10 year olds stayed in our cabin on our last cruise, and were allowed to come and go. They've been walking to school since they were 7 without adults, and go out to lunch with their friends once a week, no adults. I don't think twice about leaving them home alone.

When I was 10, I was riding the monorail alone from CR to the MK, spending the afternoon in the park, all by myself (way before cellphones). So fun! I'm sure security wasn't even remotely as high as it is today.

 

[Nayan]

I never allowed my son free reign in the parks until he was much older. Now, I am very laid back as well, but until he was 15 I kept a tight hold. Bad things don't happen very often at the parks/resorts and it's usually the really bad that get's reported, but I did witness and report something and sadly the parents were right next to the child while it was going on and never noticed a thing.

 

[Minnesota!]

DD9 (4th grade) is very independant and mature too, (and tall for her age), but I would not let her go into the theme parks alone. I am probably the most laid-back parent you will get a response from, too...just warning you....

I would let DS13 go into a park alone if he wanted to, and I would let DD go with him, maybe when she is 11 and he is 15.

Here is what I would let DD do on her own at age 9/10:

Walk around the gift shop alone with me in there or somewhere very close outside (she knows not to leave the building unless I am with her) I can see this the most at Epcot where there mostly only one way into a "country" and out.

Explore our building of the resort

Depending on how close we are, sending her to the "front lobby" part of the resort to look around.

Go on a ride alone while I wait

get food at a specific CS place and meet me back in a specific location

go to the bathrooms while I wait somewhere specified

I would NOT let her:

go on a bus, monorail, or boat without me

Be in a different theme park than where I am

Stay at the resort for more than an hour alone

Go to the pool alone, but I do let all three go together without me (DS13, DD9, and DS8). They have to go together and come back together.

Also, with the exception of the getting on transportation to another park or resort, I would let all three do any of the above-mentioned items together even if I would not let DD do them alone.

At home, DD pays for gas for me at the gas station, orders her own meals at resturants (all three have since they could talk, so I guess I'm cheating a little on that one! LOL), goes to the library by herself, walks into practices from the front entrance of whatever school/gym she needs to be at, goes to Girl Scouts alone, and she must always speak up for herself in stores or anywhere else she needs something from an adult. She is not scared in the least.

This sounds like me and what I would/will allow my 9 year old son to do. You have to base it on the kid alone. My 6 year old...oy. He is going to be like 20 before I trust him to be alone. The kid is just clueless.

 

[Sheaboys]

Vacation for us is about family time. The years fly by to fast, next thing you know your baby is 15yrs old and taller than you. We treasurer these moments together, packed into 2 hotel rooms, sharing bed, arguing about the bathroom, swimming in the pool, laughing on the rides etc. The good, the bad, and the ugly.(and yes, there are times a few of us get ugly in Disney).

I have 5 boys. At age 10, the oldest was watching the younger 4 for about 1 hour at a time at home. All my boys are very independent.

Would I let them go off alone in Disney. No, not alone. Alone on a ride, while we wait sure, alone to bathroom, into a gift shop, sure. Alone on a bus, on a train, wonder to entire park no. Why would any kid want to go off alone in a theme park? That is not fun to be off alone, doing their own thing. None of mine would. And not because they are momma boys, because they are not, they are all capable of living life on their own. They wash dishes, do laundry, make dinner, play lots of sports, scouts, have girlfriends etc.

Like I said, for us, Life goes by way too fast, we cherish these moments even if the boys are irritating the heck out of each other, they still would rather be together than alone.

When we go to Six Flags, and the boys were 14, 12 and 10, they did go off alone, in a pack of 3. And meet up later, with lots of texting in between, like we are here, we just got off this ride heading to this ride etc. So can that happen in Disney, sure, but again as a pack not as a single person.

 

[SEA333]

This sounds like me and what I would/will allow my 9 year old son to do. You have to base it on the kid alone. My 6 year old...oy. He is going to be like 20 before I trust him to be alone. The kid is just clueless.

Oh LOL!! We must have twins for kids, then, because I feel the same way about my 7 year old. He is definitely NOT as mature or as worldly as his older brother and sister! He has spent his entire life following around his much more dominant-personality siblings that when he is alone, he is lost! The poor kids cannot make a decision without his sibs around

The funny thing is, because of this, I feel much more comfortable leaving him alone with DD9 (for less than 15 mon or so just to run DS13 up to his school a few blocks away or somewhere similar) BECAUSE of how well he listens to her. I know that as long as E is around, A will be just fine LOL

OTOH, I really hesitated a long time to leave DD home alone with older DS becuase they are both so dominating that they fight like crazy. Now they do stay home together on occassion, and all I get is phone call after phone call with them tattling on each other. LOL

 

[mi*vida*loca]

It really depends on the child.

My DS is 13. At 10 I could barely leave him home alone for 10 minutes. He just didn't have the maturity level. Like a PP, he's clueless on most things.

DD is 7. She is very independent and has a lot of common sense. Her maturity level is high for her age. At 10 I could see us staying at BC and me letting her walk into Epcot and grab a snack or a bite to eat on her own and coming back.

DS is now getting to the point where he babysits DD for long periods of time. He was with her all day during most of the summer and they did well.

We aren't going back to Disney until 2015 and he will be 15. He will have a lot more freedom when we go next time. I'm looking forward to him being able to grab breakfast for the family some mornings or grabbing lunch alone with DD if I just want to relax by the pool. Things like that. Or if we are hanging by the pool and him and DD want to run over to Epcot to ride Soarin or TT (plan on staying at BC) they can do that while I unwind. It'll be quite helpful.

But for my DS at 10 it would have NEVER worked. DD I could see doing the things you mentioned if we were within walking distance of a park. I'm not comfortable with the busses at that age.

 

[worm761]

I think 10 is too young without a cell phone. If she has a cell phone and you are right there in the same part of the park then maybe.

We went to Disney World when I was pregnant with DD. DS and DH went on rides that I could not. I always waited at the exit or a store nearby. Sometimes it would be a good 20 minutes before they found me. And this was a teen (13) and an adult. I was glad we all had cell phones.