How to approach? IL issues! HELP!

[mphalens]

Okay... let me explain... my DH grew up in Gainsville, FL (Go Gators ) so he grew up going to Disney...
He still loves it. He understands that our kids LOVE it He understands that I love it

His parents, who insisted on us going to Orlando, FL on our "required" family vacation with them, do not love it I don't understand, but they are NOT Disney people.

I accept it. I don't try to change it. Wish I could figure out WHY they insisted on us going to Orlando for a WEEK when they know their ONLY GRANDCHILDREN LOVE Disney and they (the ILs) didn't want to go to the parks AT ALL but they're weird.

So our compromise was that we (myself, DH, DS(5), DS(20mnths) )would get 5 day passes and the ILs would just get 2 day passes... we're getting one of our days in before they get there on Sunday and we'll go again by ourselves on Weds and Friday or Saturday... they're going with us on T/Th.

Last night MIL starts talking about how glad she is I found out about the pressed pennies because this way we won't have to stand in line to take pictures with Characters ... I asked her what she meant... of COURSE we'll be taking pictures with characters... we've been showing the little DS pictures of Mickey, etc for WEEKS (Our older DS doesn't have a CLUE we're going!!! It's a HUGE surprise!!!) ...
She starts in about how FIL can't STAND waiting for characters and how he WON'T do it ... but on our last trip he's the one in the character pictures and MIL is nowhere to be found (I think we have ONE picture of her from the entire trip)

I just don't know how to make sure the magic isn't ruined for this trip on the days the ILs go to the parks with us... they're SO negative... they SUCK the magic out of things and the last trip we did to Disney with them (DS was 3) was SO TENSE

I need some suggestions people!!! I'm a big mamabear when it comes to ruining my kids (and my) fun ... I kept it under check last trip because my parents were also with us, so I could just make DH deal with his parents and I'd go off with my mom ... but that's not the case this time and it's STRESSING ME OUT!!!!!!!

 

[dizneechic]

A few options come to mind...

You could book a character meal or 2 (with or without inlaws) and get the character fix then and avoid the lines.... the ILs may also feel like it's not time wasted since you'll also be eating at the same time.

You could also just for the sake of harmony not doo too much character visiting on the days you are with the IL's since you mentioned you have 3 days in the parks without them.

Last option (I've done this in the past with my family) is make up agenda's for the days you'll be with them in the parks. So for instance open till 11 is separate time, then from 11-2 you plan on lunch and a few rides together (that appeal to everyone), then you separate again or watch the parade together, etc etc. I did it with 3 sets of couples and a lone traveler, so on their agendas gave them suggested rides/sites based on what they would like and we had planned time together for events, meals, and some rides/sites. It was the BEST vacation having to NOT spend the entire time with everyone so we could move at out own speeds and never felt like someone was holding someone else up.

I agree it's no fun going when you have someone that is going to suck the magic out of visiting the parks with you, especially if you have to commit to being with them the entire time. Thankfully they sound like they will only be there a portion of it so it's a little easier (although not ideal). It's also possible they may see the kids flip over the characters and completely change their tune about everything.

Oh and if it makes you feel any better, we leave in a week to go down for 8 days, 1st big family vacation in 8 years. My MiL called 2 days ago to let us know she booked a flight and is planning on staying with us our last 4 days. Ummm ok. So your not alone!

 

[frtchr]

We went to WDW in December with our two kids. It was the first time for me traveling there with my ILs and not my own parents. Wow, it was different! I thought they would spend lots of time with us and enjoy being with the kids. However, they pretty much met us for lunch and then did their own thing the rest of the day. Quite frankly, that was fine with me.

Maybe meet your ILs for a meal and do a couple of things either before or afer a meal? There is no law that says you all have to be together for every minute of the day. As a matter of fact, it might make for a better vacation for all of you! Before we left home, I gave my MIL an itinerary of which parks we would be at which days and the ADRs I had made. I told her they were welcome to join us anytime they wanted for as little or as much time as they liked. Perhaps if they feel like they have some independence, it will be better. GOOD LUCK!!!!

 

[Hannathy]

To me it is pretty simple just don't do any characters the 2 days they are with you!!!! You are there 3 other days and ought to be able to get your character fill in those days. I am actually with your MIL I don't waste time with the characters either. When my DD was little if there wasn't much of a line we got a few pictures but we never spent any mass amounts of time doing it. I think not doing it for 2 days is a good compromise and when we go with family or actually any trip there is always compromise. The could be a lot more demanding believe me!!!

 

[Zeebs]

We went to Orlando with my inlaws and had a fantastic time, mainly because we realised we didn't want to do all the same things. They had days off with a visit to Discovery Cove and Seaworld, while we stuck only to Disney.

yes they were there to spend time with the kids, but 1. they are older and need time to chill away from the kids. 2. they were on their own holiday so why should they have to do only what we wanted and vice versus.

Finally, they won't be around for ever, you don't have to travel with them ever year. This would appear not to be your one and only trip to WDW so I would suggest just to chill out and let your kids enjoy their grandparents.

quote from my son 4 in his letter in a bottle he did at nursery "Dear Grandma and Parp, I am going to Disneyland Paris and I want you to come to"

Why did this make me want to cry. My parents live in New Zealand we are in the UK, they have met my eldest son twice and my youngest once. A trip to Disneyland with them is just something that I don't think they will ever experience and that makes me sad for them and sad for the kids.

Kirsten

 

[pudge the fish]

I would:
Tell them you changed your mind and have decided to go to ...Alaska!! for a vacation- The don't tell them you are really going to WDW until they are in Alaska.

Tell MIL you are sick and need to go to the bathroom with the kids- disappear for a while sneak in character pics of the kids.

Tell MIL you are going to MK and really go to HS or Epcot..

Pay a taxi to drop them off at DTD-it'll take hours for them to find you in a park.

Not making suggestions, I'm just saying 2 words - Duck tape

I'm sorry-not serious on the above, well maybe duck tape is kinda serious..
I would be stressing too-

there are times I want to disown IL's as they can be weird. Lucky for me, My IL's love Disney as much as we do and mil is always after us to get pictures.
Some people LOVE character pics and others don't
I would suggest to MIL that she and FIL can tour on their own and you all will meet up as not to bore her. This is for your kids and it is your family vacation.
Can DH talk to her about how important it is for your kids to get character pictures? or talk to her about not being negative during the trip?

Setting everthing straight before the trip is a good thing. Saves stress and blowups.

 

[Nancyg56]

I would come up with a plan that would give you more character time when they are not with you. DHS is loaded with characters so I would go there on one of your alone days. I would also ask them what they would like to do in teh parks. As a PP said, they may just want to meet you for a part of the day and have meals with you.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

To me it is pretty simple just don't do any characters the 2 days they are with you!!!! You are there 3 other days and ought to be able to get your character fill in those days. I am actually with your MIL I don't waste time with the characters either. When my DD was little if there wasn't much of a line we got a few pictures but we never spent any mass amounts of time doing it. I think not doing it for 2 days is a good compromise and when we go with family or actually any trip there is always compromise. The could be a lot more demanding believe me!!!

Makes sense to me.

 

[mphalens]

Thanks for the suggestions...
Part of the problem is that although we have 5 day passes and they're only going with us for 2 days, those 2 days are our days to do AK & Epcot... we'll probably go back to Epcot on our own for part of another day... but two of our "extra days" are really only supposed to be short park trips... Like "take the kids for a couple of hours" type thing...

I just don't understand WHY they insist on going to ORLANDO when we could have gone ANYWHERE else if they don't want to or like to do Disney, kwim???

sigh... I'm just going to hope and pray that they aren't all "negative" and don't screw us over like they tend to do on trips (sorry, there's a HUGE back story here, but no one wants to read it, I promise!!! I'm NOT being nasty... they have some MAJOR issues) ...

 

[aimlyles]

We are going in about 1 1/2 weeks and my IL's will be joining us for 2 days as well. We made the plans and invited them to come so they are staying at the house we rented and are able to drive (from New Orleans) while we are flying down.

For us my thinking is this our vacation and we are paying alot to go and if they don't want to do something they can go off on their own and do something else and meet up later. It's suppose to be about the children right, so if kids want to stand in line to get that extra special signature then they can either wait it out or walk ahead. I wouldn't be waiting in lines to get signatures all day long but a few through out the day isn't asking alot.

Good luck, hopefully things won't be so tense so you can enjoy the parks.

 

[ancestry]

When you are all together in Florida why don't you each do your own thing and meet up for meals and swimming/pool time? That way you can do what you want in the parks and in-laws don't have to go to the parks but yet you can still all have family time together at meals and activities outside the parks.

 

[HeatherC]

Don't you just love traveling with family? I would make this the last trip you take with them. There is no rule that says you have to vacation together.

I've had to do this too. One year my mil who winters in FL found out we were going to Disney over Feb. break and decided to invite herself and 3 friends! Now...she lives 30 minutes from us the rest of the year and doesn't call or even care to get together to see the kids the other 9 months of the year.

So we get to our resort which at the time was a 4 bedroom townhouse. The cell phone rings and she tells us that she's coming tomorrow with 3 friends since we have the room but that they can only stay for 5 days!

My first response was to laugh! I could not believe the nerve. My next response was to make dh call her back and say no go. If she wanted to do Disney with her friends, they would need to find their own place and "maybe" we could meet up for dinner one night.

Ever since then I make sure things like this won't happen again.

Good luck to you. I would just go along with your plans. They are adults if they don't want to do something they don't have to.

Have a great trip!

 

[OceanAnnie]

When you are all together in Florida why don't you each do your own thing and meet up for meals and swimming/pool time? That way you can do what you want in the parks and in-laws don't have to go to the parks but yet you can still all have family time together at meals and activities outside the parks.

That's what I would do. You are there for the kids. I wouldn't lessen the kids trip to accommodate adults that don't even like Disney or want to be in the parks. That's crazy to me! There will be plenty of time to meet up.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Don't you just love traveling with family? I would make this the last trip you take with them. There is no rule that says you have to vacation together.

I've had to do this too. One year my mil who winters in FL found out we were going to Disney over Feb. break and decided to invite herself and 3 friends! Now...she lives 30 minutes from us the rest of the year and doesn't call or even care to get together to see the kids the other 9 months of the year.

So we get to our resort which at the time was a 4 bedroom townhouse. The cell phone rings and she tells us that she's coming tomorrow with 3 friends since we have the room but that they can only stay for 5 days!

My first response was to laugh! I could not believe the nerve. My next response was to make dh call her back and say no go. If she wanted to do Disney with her friends, they would need to find their own place and "maybe" we could meet up for dinner one night.

Ever since then I make sure things like this won't happen again.

Good luck to you. I would just go along with your plans. They are adults if they don't want to do something they don't have to.

Have a great trip!

Amazing nerve. Good save.

 

[crysplefty]

I know my kids who are about the same age, don't have much fun at Epcot. That is where we tend to take the most character pics to keep them entertained. But seriously, what are the ILs going to do when your kids notice characters and get excited. The kids are going to want to go see the characters since they see everyone else is. We usually eat breakfast at the Tusker House (Donald's Safari Breakfast) about an hour before AK opens. Your ILs are going to have to understand that you have small children who are going to want to see the characters. If they wish to bypass a character, tell them you'll call them when you are finished with the character and catch up with them. Afterall, it is the kids' vacation too and they are not going to understand why they can't see a particular character but other kids can.

 

[busyshrew]

I know my kids who are about the same age, don't have much fun at Epcot. That is where we tend to take the most character pics to keep them entertained. But seriously, what are the ILs going to do when your kids notice characters and get excited.

Your ILs are going to have to understand that you have small children who are going to want to see the characters. If they wish to bypass a character, tell them you'll call them when you are finished with the character and catch up with them.

Exactly!!!

 

[CdnCarrie]

We never stand in line for characters. Just book some character meals and get pictures taken than.

 

[kpgriswold]

I also had toxic, hurtful in-laws who made me crazy and ruined many family visits. So I feel your pain! However, nearly 20 years of dealing with them taught me some things.

First, the fact that they chose Orlando might mean that they ARE, in fact, making some effort to make you and the kids happy, tolerating parks they dislike just because they know you like them. Most people really are doing the best they can with the emotional resources they have. Some just do alot better than others. Give them a tiny bit of credit.

Second, toxic people are usually deeply hurt and unhappy themselves. I found that I could sometimes conjur some sympathy for my MIL if I reminded myself of all that she had been through in her life. Sometimes....

Third, continue to let your DH deal with them. If they are being truly hurtful to you or the the kids, announce in a very calm way that you and the kids are leaving to do X and will return when they are ready to be nicer. Then do it, with NO further discussion. DH can fix it in whatever way he chooses.

Finally, I think you've gotten some good advice from the pps. You kids don't HAVE to see characters every day. If you have a chance encounter with some and the kids want to stop, then stop. And it IS OK (even preferable!) not to do EVERYTHING together every day.

And by the way, there ARE some other wonderful things to do in Orlando (Please don't throw rocks: I know that that's blasphemy!). Maybe your in-laws would enjoy Discovery Cove, or Gatorland. Silver Springs park in Ocala is especially fun for families, with glass bottom boat rides, animals and a great water play area. Just sayin.....

 

[4HOLIDAYS]

I had similar issues with my parents. My husband and I think it should be more about the kids and what they love , my parents want to do things they want. So, after a bunch of stressful trips and a stressful Dis cruise we now tell them what we are doing and if they want to come along that's fine and if not that's ok too. We plan for certain times and places to meet for meals and such. Everyone gets to do what is most important to them and no fighting, no hurt feelings.

 

[pilotwife_02]

That's a tough one, I understand that your kids may want to see the characters. Perhaps make sure your DH handles it when you are down there to cut down on the tension between you and the IL's but when it comes up and if your children see a character they want to meet if your IL's say they don't want to wait in line I would say something like "OK, go ahead, we'll meet up with you in 30 minutes (or an hour) or whenever at [insert ride/or restaurant]."

I can't see telling your kids all day long they can't meet characters just because your IL's don't want to stand in line.