How to address delicate situation?

[Stitchfans]

I can't believe there are no responses to this yet! I am not at all alarmed by breastfeeding in public, but letting everything hang out is unnecessary for sure. And having husband massage while pumping?!!?!? I am not sure how to address this one, but I would be hesitant to go out in public with her for now.

I agree. I would come up with some kind an excuse not to go out with them any more. She is going to the extreme.

 

[lilybrooke14]

You could always just begin a conversation about her ta-tas.

"Grandpa? Aren't Suzy's ta-tas holding up well. They're still so firm, even after the breasfteeding. Oh look, it's just like a bullseye. You know...I should have ordered milk with my dinner anyway, would you mind topping off this glass? You're not using that one just now."

Hopefully she'll be mortified into locking up the spare "girl" at least.

 

[JessicaR]

Ta-ta's on parade she pops them both out and one is always hanging out there unused).

This is hysterical. The mental image is really very funny.

I can't imagine what you could say to someone like this that would matter. I would just do my best to avoid her while she does it. Maybe if everyone walks away she'll take the hint.

 

[JessicaR]

You could always just begin a conversation about her ta-tas.

"Grandpa? Aren't Suzy's ta-tas holding up well. They're still so firm, even after the breasfteeding. Oh look, it's just like a bullseye. You know...I should have ordered milk with my dinner anyway, would you mind topping off this glass? You're not using that one just now."

Hopefully she'll be mortified into locking up the spare "girl" at least.

OMG this is so funny!

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

the answer is you don't. for whatever reason (and she may have valid ones), this is her behavior and you can't control it. you can control yours, however. for instance, if you are done eating at the restaurant as stated above, there is no need for you to stay for a 30 minute feeding session...just say it was great getting together, looking forward to the next outing, then go.

for example 3, um, wow, that is some level of comfort she has! In that case, why not head off to a slide or lazy river or something.

the thing is, you are uncomfortable and she is not. you can both meet your needs...just remove yourself from the situations that make you uncomfortable.

for what its worth, I did bf in public but didn't go on display...only one breast at a time, and the baby or my shirt pretty much covered the situation. my kids HATED blankets/burp clothes over them, so that didn't happen in my world. still, it was not easy (unless you were looking) to see even an inch of breast, and certainly you never saw more than people see at the beach or on network tv.

Totally agree - she and her Dh are obviously doing this for some sick attention, and if you say anything to her about it, she will be hurt and upset. You can't do anything about what others do, only yourself, like this poster said.

Hmmmm... I would say that in this case SIL is not the side show but sounds like she wants to be the main event .

agnes!

TOTALLY AGREE!!!!

Oooh, BTW - the guy MASAGING her ta-ta while pumping - seriously, can I puke now?!?

 

[scottishduffy]

One "girl" hanging out for everyone to see- okay, it's a fact of life; not optimal, but definitely excusable since there's a nursing baby involved (I'm all for BF - did for 2 kids).

Two "girls" hanging about - exhibitism. There's no reason for it unless another baby is attached, too. Does she sit there totally topless? That could be messy. I know I had to 'double-cover' the free one when I was BF because sometimes the let-down reflex happened in both "ladies" at the same time. (Sorry if TMI )

Someone should just say to cover up a little, if she doesn't leave the area. She can nurse without the audience. Good Luck!

No, she usually has a button up shirt and will unbutton and let the girls loose. Half the time the baby's bottom will block the second tit, but sometimes he just likes playing with it. I suppose it is great fun for him.

We had tried altering times on plans since the baby is on a roughly 3 hour cycle. (he eats at 9... Let's meet at 10 so baby is fed and happy) but she has started adjusting his feeds to whenever we meet. Baby gets very grumpy when his food is delayed and then we get the tit-show again.

We are definitely cutting down on visits and i will be more forward in addressing this next time I see her. It is just that since hubby and I do not currently have children we wanted to make sure this was not a case of "people without kids don't understand". My years in child care taught me exactly how touchy some parents can be in regards to perceived questioning of their parenting. Just checking to make sure I am justified in asking her to leave one of the 'girls' covered up. Now I know the general concensus I will ask her to cover up, if that is unsuccessful Hubby and I will just leave the area next time she goes at it and return when she finishes.

 

[paintnolish]

I bf'ed both of my dcs, often in public, but discreetly when possible. I had no problem sitting next to an old man on a bench at the mall and bfing my dd (he got upand left), soi n no way does NIP offend me. But...this is taking it a bit too far. I really see no reason for the "twins" to both be out unless she happens to be nursing twins.

 

[RitaZ.]

Ewwwww

And I was a breastfeeder. This is strange.

I second that. Sounds like some kind of public foreplay to me. I nursed all my kids and my husband never had to "massage" anything.

As for having to wait at the restaurant... Why did everyone wait for her to nurse the baby? I would have left.

Maybe she is so fascinated with the current size of her ****s that she wants to show them to anyone that will watch/look.

 

[scottishduffy]

You could always just begin a conversation about her ta-tas.

"Grandpa? Aren't Suzy's ta-tas holding up well. They're still so firm, even after the breasfteeding. Oh look, it's just like a bullseye. You know...I should have ordered milk with my dinner anyway, would you mind topping off this glass? You're not using that one just now."

Hopefully she'll be mortified into locking up the spare "girl" at least.

That is awesome! Ya know... almost all of us (except for my brother and SIL) are in the medical profession. We could start this conversation from a 'strictly medical' perspective and get away with it.... We could just start talking about clinical comparisons of her breasts.

 

[Camicar]

I have been debating about how to respond to this post bec of my personal experience in this matter which was so uncomfortable that nearly 20 years later it still gives me the heebie geebies.

I had a coworker who invited her boss and colleagues to a dinner at her home. This was a blatant attempt to curry favor as she was in line for a promotion. So...one would think, best foot forward, right? Well, apparently she misread the memo and thought it was best breast forward.

We are all sitting around the dinner table when her two boys --ages 7 and 5 come in. We are all a little surprised that they were there for a formal, work-related dinner party (drinks, candles, etc.). We were further...surprised (aghast, disgusted, dismayed, shocked beyond words) when the two boys screeched, "Milk time, we want milk!" and went over and lifted her shirt, exposed her breasts and starting sucking on them. In front of god and all of us. Her dh started licking his own lips and asked if they boys needed any help.

We were all shocked into immobility. Then we all got up and left. The men there that night were never able to look her in the face again. One of the women finally said something to her and her response was first La Leche League politically correct, then she got defensive and started talking about the central role of the breast in their family life and well.... their fetish and exhibitionism.

We all then went to google and did our own research and discovered to our surprise a whole lotta people with the same fetish which often manifests itself in exhibitionism.

So...guess what I think of your SIL and brother? They are fetishists and exhibitionists. And I would not be part of their foreplay because I can assure you it is most certainly sexual. And the fact that they are doing it in front of family, we are crossing the line into incestuous. I would get up and leave and if they asked, I'd tell them why and refuse to get drawn into an argument.

 

[NMAmy]

There are plenty of reason why one might need to pump in public.

You're absolutely right. I was a little shocked and what I meant to say was, "Why would anyone need to pump like THAT in public?" With assistance from the husband, no less.

But I can tell you, as a champion pumper myself, that it can be done with no 'baring' of anything. LOL...I even pumped once at a state fair...my sister said she just HAD to take my pic...um, ok...and when I saw that pic I LOL!!!! I was sitting in front of a building labeled 'Milking Station'.

Now that is hilarious!

 

[Phedre]

I have been debating about how to respond to this post bec of my personal experience in this matter which was so uncomfortable that nearly 20 years later it still gives me the heebie geebies.

I think your story may have just scarred me for life.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

You're absolutely right. I was a little shocked and what I meant to say was, "Why would anyone need to pump like THAT in public?" With assistance from the husband, no less.



Now that is hilarious!

I'm not being "smart" at all, I never breast fed, so I don't know.... But why does anyone need to pump in public? I mean, your there, the babys there, the ta-tas are there - whats the point? Wouldn't you rather hook the kid up rather than he machine???
BTW - I'm not saying theres anthing wrong with it, though personally if I saw it I would think it was a bit strange, I just wanted to know what the reasons/needs for it would be.

TIA!

 

[northcapemaymom]

I had a coworker who invited her boss and colleagues to a dinner at her home. This was a blatant attempt to curry favor as she was in line for a promotion. So...one would think, best foot forward, right? Well, apparently she misread the memo and thought it was best breast forward.

We are all sitting around the dinner table when her two boys --ages 7 and 5 come in. We are all a little surprised that they were there for a formal, work-related dinner party (drinks, candles, etc.). We were further...surprised (aghast, disgusted, dismayed, shocked beyond words) when the two boys screeched, "Milk time, we want milk!" and went over and lifted her shirt, exposed her breasts and starting sucking on them. In front of god and all of us. Her dh started licking his own lips and asked if they boys needed any help.

We were all shocked into immobility. Then we all got up and left. The men there that night were never able to look her in the face again. One of the women finally said something to her and her response was first La Leche League politically correct, then she got defensive and started talking about the central role of the breast in their family life and well.... their fetish and exhibitionism.

We all then went to google and did our own research and discovered to our surprise a whole lotta people with the same fetish which often manifests itself in exhibitionism.

Folks...we have a winner! We could start a heebie-geebie thread for sure.

I think I would have died right there! Feet up, stiff and dead!

 

[diznygirl]

Just say, "Time to go!" as soon as the milk supply comes out. And then get up and leave. Enough of that and someone is bound to get the hint. (Throw in an, "oh gross!" or "not again" with and eyeroll for good measure!)

 

[Russian-in-Kansas]

Perhaps she does not have any comfortable nursing wear? Maybe a present of a few good bras and shirts would do the trick? I nursed my kids for two years each and in the beginning with the first one thought that regular bras would get the job done, but they allowed for the same kind of spillage you describe.it was not intentional but happened a few times too. Maybe you can tell her of the advances in nursing clothing and tell her you'd love to go with her to shop for some.

 

[MoniqueU]

After reading example number 3 I would go to a travel agent and get some brochures for Hedonism Resort in Jamaica and stick them in their mailbox.

 

[diznygirl]

I think your story may have just scarred me for life.

Me too!

 

[Sandy V.]

I have been debating about how to respond to this post bec of my personal experience in this matter which was so uncomfortable that nearly 20 years later it still gives me the heebie geebies.

Add me to those who are scarred for life!!! Oh my goodness.

 

[SeeVee]

First thing I would do is show here a couple of threads in this DIS in which no one agrees about ANYTHING!

And then I would show her this thread where everyone agreed about something.

Nuff said.

Oh yeah,

Blech!