How sad is it to be the "ugly" sister (long)

[JessetheCowgirl]

I only have brothers, so I never had to deal with this.

But lately I've met two different families where one sister is downright beautiful and the other. . . um . . . not so much.

I know that looks aren't what truly matters, but it got me thinking how difficult it must be to grow up feeling like the "ugly" sister.

I even worked with a twin once who said her sister was known as the "cute" one and she was known as the "fat" one growing up. She was a beautiful woman and adored by her coworkers, but whenever she talked about that it was clear that it stuck with her.

 

[binny]

I think it must be really hard, I have all brothers too but I know how hard it is to try to live up to "perfect" overacheiving sibling.


My best friend in HS had a twin who was popular and pretty and she was more of a loner and not the most popular kid in school.


I think she got through it fine.

 

[lapinluv]

I'm the ugly/fat sister, but it never really bothered me. I guess because I am the oldest, so by the time she really blossomed, I was out of the house, living my own life. I was always considered the "smart" sibling.

We all have our crosses to bear. DSis has a learning disability that she battles with every day. She also had an eating disorder.

I had self-esteem issues due to weight and looks. We've both made it into adulthood okay.

 

[browneyes]

I'm the only sister (all I have are brothers, also). One of my brothers says I'm the ugliest and the better looking sister he has. We might be grown up, but I can still knock him down pretty hard.

 

[Crankyshank]

My sister is much prettier, thinner, and math/science smarter than me.
She's also 10yrs younger so it didn't affect me much growing up. Now that she's in college, I can see where being pretty can be a pretty annoying thing. She's not taken seriously a lot because of her looks and she also intimidates guys a lot more than I ever did.

 

[Jockaroo]

I wasn't the cute one, but I was the smart one. Choosing between looks or brains, I have to say I'm happy with my gift!

 

[eeyore74]

I only have a brother, but I'm always the ugly/fat friend. Oh well... I have nice hair. lol

 

[Cindy B]

You know whats funny, but me and my sister considered each other the "ugly" sister.

I was taller, thinner, and a bit more blonde than my sister. I looked older than her. However, I got good grades as well.

My sister was shorter, slightly fatter, but more popular with guys. Her grades were about the same as I, but in a different study track. (She went business, and I did college!)

We were/are vastly different.

 

[Lisa F]

I was/am the ugly sister, but I was also the "smart" one. The funny thing is, we had a heart to heart several years ago and while I was busy being jealous that she was pretty and popular, she was busy being jealous that I was smart and that I had "real" friends who didn't want to stab me in the back every chance they had.

The other funny thing is, if anyone ever tried to tell me that she wasn't smart, I'd kick their butt because I know it's not true... she IS smart. It's even worse when SHE tries to tell me that she's not smart. Of course, I get a pretty good smackdown from her if I make any self depreciating comments about my looks... and I believe she's being sincere.

As a kid being the "ugly" sister wasn't so much fun but honestly, I don't mind so much anymore. My husband doesn't think I'm ugly and that's really all that matters.

 

[MagicalMom]

Gosh, I'll have to ask my sister tomorrow which of us is the "ugly one." We may have a tie & have to decide which of us is the "uglier". LOL
I know I win in the "fattest" category, but I've had 3 kids & she hasn't had any.
I'm sure I must win in the "smartest" department too, because I am 3 years older. That must make me smarter & wiser.
I know that we have a tie in the "dorky" department, because we have discussed this one often. She should probably win for that one though. She came to terms with it years ago. I didn't know about it until my children told me!

 

[powellrj]

yep, I am the fat ugly sister. It really never bothered me until people started pointing it out to me. Like the minister at his wedding, Yes I know that he is over 6ft tall ( I am 5'1) with model good looks (he did catalog work in college) is fit and trim ( I won't even go there), but I don't need you to point this out to me. He has never ever ever made me feel like I am any less than he is so why should total stangers??????

 

[danacara]

My sister is heart-stoppingly beautiful. Our mother is pretty cute too. I was the buck-toothed, bad-haired, braces-wearing, thick glasses, fat, too book-smart for my own good fourth grader. Then my mother did one of those "She's Out of Control" interventions and the braces came out, contacts went in, the stylist went to work, and I turned the corner somewhat. Thanks be to God.

See for yourself, at Disney a couple of weeks ago: she's on the left, I'm on the right, our youngest brother between us. It's an alarming expression on my face, but whatever.

 

[snoopy]

What a beautiful family, Dana. No ugly people in that pic!

I grew up not only with a heart stoppingly beautiful sister, but my mother was also very beautiful. To the point where people would stop them on the street and ask if they were models, actresses, etc. Kind of sucked to be regular looking among that crowd. I had a very difficult time with it when I was younger, not as much as I grew older, and I never even think about it now.

The good thing about being the "ugly duckling" is you learn to hone other assets. I've always been told I'm interesting and fun to be around, and I think a lot of that is because I learned to rely on something other than my looks to open doors and make new acquaintances. My sister, to this day, has difficulty trusting people and opening up, and I think a lot of that comes from her insecurities about people liking her for her, rather than the way she looks.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Okay get this one, my sister did local beauty pageants and fashion shows! She made it all the way to some state thing, LOL!!! She's blue-eyed, fair and very dainty looking!

Here is my perspective. I used to sit in the audience during her shows thanking my lucky stars that I was more into science and astronomy than makeup and hair!

Now she is a mommy and wife, and thats all she ever wanted to be, and thats great too!

 

[aimee11621]

I don't have any sister or brothers. But I'm just ugly!!

 

[Crankyshank]

The good thing about being the "ugly duckling" is you learn to hone other assets. I've always been told I'm interesting and fun to be around, and I think a lot of that is because I learned to rely on something other than my looks to open doors and make new acquaintances. My sister, to this day, has difficulty trusting people and opening up, and I think a lot of that comes from her insecurities about people liking her for her, rather than the way she looks.

That's exactly it. My sister intimidates people. She's not only gorgeous , athletic, and funny, but I call her Rainman because she is such a math genius. She also says that fortunately I got the "rack" or she'd definitely have problems with people taking her seriously
We have a lot of the same personality quirks but I'm really at the other end of the spectrum so you can't compare us too much. I'm more intellectual than she is. I'm also a reader and she is not. We're both the smart ones but at polar opposites- she's math and science focused. I'm history and literature focused. I'm also the nice sister, believe it or not

 

[NMAmy]

I was always the smart one which really frustrated my younger sister. She's gone on to get her PhD and is still very competitive with me and doesn't seem to realize that umm...I'm not playing. We're both smart in different ways--she's had to work harder and felt she had something to prove to me but I've never thought she wasn't a very intelligent person. It's caused a lot of problems between us.

I was very pretty as a little girl but I looked hideous once I hit puberty. Braces, frizzy hair, glasses. I grew out of it at about 16 but have never thought I was particularly good looking since. Imagine my surprise a couple of years ago, when my older sister referred to me as the pretty sister. I had no idea that was how she'd thought of me. She's 10 years older and like a second mom to me so we've never had competitive issues.

So...I had one sister who thought I was the smart one and one who thought I was the pretty one and I never thought I was either.

 

[snoopy]

Another good thing about being "regular" looking (which I more or less consider myself -- not beautiful, not ugly) is that the aging process is a lot easier to deal with. You don't miss what you never had. My mother, who was an actress when she was young and certainly pretty enough to be a model, had great difficulty with aging. I'm sure if she had lived long enough, she might have considered plastic surgery. Her good looks were her identity in many ways.

 

[browneyes]

Originally posted by danacara
See for yourself, at Disney a couple of weeks ago: she's on the left, I'm on the right, our youngest brother between us. It's an alarming expression on my face, but whatever.

Dana, you're gorgeous! That's a great pic.

 

[missypie]

I have two daughters and am very aware of this issue. I am so glad that each of them has such a different look from the other. The older of the two is blonde, very photogenic, just a "classic" WASPy beauty. The younger one is cute as a button, with curly red hair and freckles. They don't look like sisters at all, both are attractive, and each has her own "look."

Think about the Baldwin brothers. You can look at a picture of all of them together and they all "look alike", yet Alec is so much more handsome than the others.

I guess Dennis and Randy Quaid have done just fine, even though Dennis is cute as can be and Randy...not so much.