How old were you when your "adult life" started?

[PollyannaMom]

I've been thinking about this lately. I know there are a few big milestones that kind of separate that young-adult-transitional stage to the actual "adult" stage and I'm hoping it might make me feel a little better about myself to take a quick DISsurvey!

How old were you when you graduated from university/college? Got married? Moved out of your parents' house? (not university residence but an independent situations) Started a full time job? Had a savings account?

I'm a university student currently and I feel like I am so behind in everything. I know at 19 I'm still young but I have friends who are starting to get engaged, graduate, move out.. and I feel like I am so far from that! I am currently taking my studies part time so I can work and I don't even know what year I am going to graduate in. Hopefully 2014? I pay for most of my tuition fees but I don't have anything close to a decent savings account. In fact I am quite in debt!

I will be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding this summer. She is 20 and her fiancee is 25. He already has a full time job and apartment. She'll be moving in with him after the wedding and they are already planning for kids! I don't feel at all ready for that yet... I'm still trying to sort my own life out.

I'm afraid I'm terribly behind in "growing up" and starting my "real life". Please tell me I'm not the only one who has felt like this!

Don't worry!! Each stage of your life is meant to be lived and enjoyed for what it is. You are legitimately in the "university" stage of your life, and I'd say you're being very "grown-up" about it, as you are working to pay for it.

To answer your question directly -
I had my first savings account as a child, graduated university at 21 (with my parents tuition help), left home at 22, but didn't get married/buy a house until 27, or have a child until 30. I knew when I was ready for each new stage, and so will you.

 

[lspst8]

I think these kind of wquestions are hard to answeron a general basis because everyone has such different lives. Some people get kicked out of their home after high school graduation (or even earlier) and some people have parents who pay for college, grad school, and a down payment on a home.

I graduated high school when I was 17 (late August birthday) and started college that fall. I finished college early and graduated when I was 21. I moved back home with my parents until I started law school, which I finished when I was 24. My grandfather had left me money to pay for school when he passed away, so I didn't have to take out any loans until my very last year of law school (I know, I'm very lucky in that regards).

I lived with a friend from college and worked for a year after law school, but then I lost my job and had to move back home. Luckily I found a new job fairly quickly and stayed with my parents for about 9 months in order to save up a down payment on a townhouse. I bought the house when I was 26. I just got married 2 months ago when I was 29, and I'm 30 now.

 

[LisaNJ25]

17 and a Senior in HS. .. I moved out of my parents house and in with my husband.

 

[SC Minnie]

Graduated from college at 21 and married at 23. I moved back into my parents home after graduation at their request- my Dad was being deployed, my Mom was taking care of an elderly parent, and they needed my help to run the family business. I ran the business and worked part time and first then full time at another job. I lived in their basement apartment so it wasn't too bad. I didn't move out until DH and I got married. DD was born when I was 25.

OP-- enjoy your late teens/early 20's.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think adulthood is somewhat a moving target. Some people experience milestones and have a tectonic shift, others can have the same milestone/experience and do not change at all. There are a lot of variables that come into play such as; personality, environment, financial status, perspective, etc..

 

[tink_lover]

I pretty much sought my independence at 18 even though I wasn't truly on my own, I did go away to college and never returned home to live with my parents after that (my choice). I graduated from college at 22, had a job waiting for me, and married at 23. I tell my children that 23 is too young to get married - there is so much to see/do in your 20's. First child at 35 and last one at 39. I'm very grateful that my parents allowed me to have a great childhood. I did start working at age 15 (again, my choice) as a lifeguard at the local pool because I wanted my own money. However, my parents encouraged me to have an active social life and enjoy high school. I have some wonderful memories of that time. Everyone does things differently and chooses the path that is right for them. I'm looking at going back to school and think it will be interesting to be in classes with young kids.

 

[MiniGirl]

I think adulthood is somewhat a moving target. Some people experience milestones and have a tectonic shift, others can have the same milestone/experience and do not change at all. There are a lot of variables that come into play such as; personality, environment, financial status, perspective, etc..

I agree. It is a moving target, and you really shouldn't be in any hurry to get there. The journey can be great fun and make it so much easier and fullfilling when you arrive.

To answer a few of your questions.... I graduated from college at 21. Got my first "real" job a few months later when I was 22, and that took me away from home to NYC. Over the next several years I enjoyed living in Manhattan and traveling a lot. (I was a flight attendant, so travel came with the job. ) I battled cancer, moved in with and then broke up with my college sweetheart, moved back home with my parents, met the man I would eventually marry, and moved back out of my parent's home and to Florida. I also bought my first home. However, I didn't really feel like an adult until I was about 30. I got married 6 weeks before my 30th birthday. We bought a house and a dog a few months later, and a few months after that both my parents died. Truthfully, that was when I felt like an adult. I had a husband, a job, and a mortgage, and really no one other than my dh to turn to. (I do have wonderful brothers. We are spread out all over the country though, so I can't really turn to them.

Anyway, like I said, don't rush it.

 

[beattyfamily]

Hmmmm, interesting question. Haven't thought about it in a long while.

I ran away from home at age 16 but lived with my sister so not sure if that counts but there was certainly some growing up involved.

I then moved out on my own and had to completely survive on my own at age 18 so I guess my answer is 18.

 

[antmaril]

I became an adult the day I became a parent. At age 35, I had a full time job that I had been working at for 14 years and had been happily married for 12 years. I thought I was a grown up, but I wasn't really. That happened the day I became a mother.

 

[AKL_Megs]

When I was 23 and moved out into an apartment with my then DF. It was the first time I had so much responsibility.

However, this year has been a real reminder of just how different my life is now than it was back when I was 23! My DH and I got married, I bought a brand new car with money I saved, I started a real career, and we bought a house! I think officially, I can't get any more adult than I am right now!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I agree with MiniGirl. Don't rush it. Don't be in a hurry.

I think people evolve into adulthood as a result of experiences that are meaningful to them. I think that's the sticky wicket. Meaning. Some children grow up too fast and some "adults" never grow up. It's those meaningful experiences and how it impacts a person's life that make the difference, I think.

 

[pooh4evr]

Who wants to be an adult- totally overrated!!

I still can't believe I am a 34 yr old mini van driving soccer mom (something I said i would NEVER be) to 3 girls!! I don't feel the way I remember my MOm being at this age. But I guess when you move out ,start paying bills, and being responsible for someone other than yourself - that is being an adult- no matter the age or the circumstances, it is a sort of understanding of a bigger picture (I guess)

 

[Ember]

Well, right now I feel about as grown up as I think it's possible to feel. When my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer in June my husband and I moved home to care for her. I accepted a part time teaching job in order to be available to take her to medical appointments and spend whatever time is left with her.

In order to simplify things when she dies it was suggested by her financial planner that she declare bankruptcy. (This has been hard emotionally as she was well on her way to being debt free in the next two years.) She is not well enough to handle any of the logistics of the proceedings so I'm doing it all. Her disability covers only some of her expenses so I'm covering the rest on my part time salary while still paying my own rent.

My husband is a PhD student and is working part time on top of his studies to help make ends meet. I spent the down payment for the house we now won't have to take my mum on a last vacation to California. We've also got student debt we're trying to chip away at.

I have learned the in and outs of being a care taker and now monitor all medications. I know more about bowel movements than anyone outside the medical profession should have to know. Every date my husband and I have planned in the last three months has had to be canceled because some medical emergency always comes up.

So, OP, don't feel behind. I have no home, no down payment, a used car, student debt, and a dying mother and I am 29 years old. All my friends have houses, new cars, furniture, babies and what seems like perfect happy families. They worry about where to go on vacation and what color to paint the walls.

And you know what, I STILL wouldn't trade places. I am thankful for this time and don't regret the lack of down payment for a house even for a second. That stuff (and that's all it is - stuff) will come with time.

 

[patsal]

How old were you when you graduated from university/college? Got married? Moved out of your parents' house? (not university residence but an independent situations) Started a full time job? Had a savings account?

22 when I graduated from University.
23 when I got married.
23 when I moved out of my parent's house (I did dorm while at University)
22 when I started working a full time career, 16 when I began a full time crappy job (steel plant layoffs in the 80's made it necessary for me to begin to pay my own private HS tuition if I wanted to stay at that school)
23 when we started a real savings account moving a certain percentage of the pay into an account on a regular basis

What works for some does not for others. I would never expect anyone to follow in my footsteps. Use your own pace, you know what is right for you. I think we often take the path our choices leave for us. With no children, no husband and a full time job my money was spent one way, once the picture changed so did the choices.

 

[Sparx]

i moved out and started college at 17. (apartment, not dorm) and i got a checking/savings account before i moved out.

when i graduated high school i worked 30 hrs a week at the high school for three months, which gave me enough money to be able to afford my apartment until my financial aid came in in the fall.

i feel older than i am, because in a month, i got my driver's license, graduated high school (in three years), started my first job, and moved out of my parents house. and that was only about six months ago. i've grown up a whole lot over this past year, and i'm happy. and i feel older than 18, but not by much.

 

[Danauk]

I guess I was 22, that was the year I left university, got married, got a full time job (which I am still at 12 years later!) and got a morgage (all in the space of 3 weeks!!) Although I did work all the way through uni to help with day to day bills etc (I lived in a rented house, not on campus) I still came home for the holidays.

 

[NHdisneylover]

You outlined some of the milestones that are essentially milestones of accomplishment. There are another set of milestones, I'd argue more significant, that are milestones of concern.

I can see your point that these "milestones of concern" do have a major effect on one's life. However, I do not think they are a part of the growing up process (which is what the OP is wondering about). Some people lose their parents at very young ages, others will die before their parents do. A four year old who looses a parent is not suddenly grown up. She may have a much deeper understanding of grief than a typical child, but she has not become grown up because of her loss.
I do not see the milestones (all related to choices one makes--rather than things life thrusts upon one) as "petty" at all. To me, one's choices in the larger areas of life are very real and valid indicators of maturity.

OP--I didn't do a rundown of ages in my earlier post like everyone else did, so here goes (things I did by choice which I felt moved me towards or then showed I was a grown up):
TRANSITIONAL milestones:
15--lived a year in Spain as an exchange student (built a lot of independence and confidence)
16--first job. Opened my own checking and savings accounts. Did my own taxes.
18--graduated highschool. Moved into teh dorms for college.
20--finally got my dirver's license.
22--graduated college

ADULT milestones:
23--got married (which was not and is not about the wedding at all), moved to another state, bought a home
24--had my first child, sold home, moved to another state, bought a new home
25--had my second child. moved again (bought and sold another house)
26--yet another state/house
31--new state, new house
37--moved to a new country!

 

[Micca]

DW and I got married when I was 19. We moved our stuff into our first apartment just before the wedding, and after the honeymoon I never returned to my parents house to live. Worked out great for both of us.

 

[PatriciaH]

12-first savings account
17-1st full time summer job (sales-Lord and Taylor on 5th Ave in NYC)
18-off to college in MD/checking account
19-first apartment with friend/roommate
23-moved back home to NYC and taught Montessori/and worked at L&T, 1st credit card
24-met soon to be DH and moved to MA
25-drivers licence-hey I grew up in NYC
26-married
34-moved to FL, worked for WDW
nearly 35-bought our first place (condo in Celebration)
39-what now???

 

[autumnpalm]

Thank you so much for all the input!! I just got home from a lonnnggg day and I'm looking forward to reading all the responses. Thank you to everyone who posted, though. I wish I could have a little DIS cheerleading team to carry around in my pocket for when I'm feeling down about things.