How old were you when your "adult life" started?

[DMickey28]

I graduated college when I was 22. I didn't have a savings account. I got a decent job and moved out on my own that September. I met DH at the same time.

DH and I moved 1/2 way across the country when I was 24. He was 28. He had a great job ... I moved with him, got engaged and looked for a job when we got there.

We got married when I was 26.

Had my DS when I was 28.

Bought our first house at 31.

Still working on the solid savings account!!

Don't worry ... it normal to feel the way you do. You will get there.

 

[sbell111]

I could argue that my answer is either 17 or 42.

 

[macmickey]

I have no home, no down payment, a used car, student debt, and a dying mother and I am 29 years old. All my friends have houses, new cars, furniture, babies and what seems like perfect happy families. They worry about where to go on vacation and what color to paint the walls.

And you know what, I STILL wouldn't trade places. I am thankful for this time and don't regret the lack of down payment for a house even for a second. That stuff (and that's all it is - stuff) will come with time.

Ember, your post really touched me ... and you are so right, it's just stuff. Your time will come. You are a good daughter. I wish your Mom peace.

 

[ZPT1022]

And don't be surprised if you still feel like a phony, even when you are a bonafide "adult."

This part is oh so true! I'm married, live with DH, pay all our own bills, have three kids and one on the way and I still don't always feel like an adult!


For me personally, I lost my Dad at 11 and feel that I had to do a lot of growing up then- he was sick for 3 years before he died and there would be times where my mom would wake me up in the middle of the night because she had to take him to the hospital and I was to be responsible for my younger brothers. I knew how to change my Dad's IV and administer his TPN and meds when he was at home. I did a lot of things and saw a lot of things that most 10-11 year olds shouldn't/don't.

After my father died my mother remarried and my stepfather really treated my brothers and I like crap- his kids were like gold and could do no wrong but we could do no right. That forced a lot more growing up, I was babysitting at 12-13 and buying my own stuff that I needed- shampoo, lotion, clothes, etc...

I tried to go to college but couldn't because my stepfather made too much for me to even get a loan and he of course was not helping to pay for me to go. I made it a year and a half before finances/depleted savings made it impossible. I was also made to pay rent starting immediately after high school graduation, as in literally the next week.

I was desperate to get out and somehow managed to wait until I was 19 and moved out with my boyfriend, now husband. We had our first child at 21 and got married shortly afterwards.

I don't know which of those things officially made me an adult. I guess society would probably say when I moved out and officially paid all my own bills but I think that things were underway long before then

OP, enjoy where you are right now. If your home situation is good, stay and get a better start than people like me. It has not been an easy road and when I look at my friends from high school and where they are compared to where we are, I think the main differences were finishing college and taking advantage of living at home as long as possible. It doesn't always work out for everyone but if it does for you, take advantage and start as far ahead as you can. Good luck!

 

[Angelhalo]

How old were you when you graduated from university/college? Got married? Moved out of your parents' house? (not university residence but an independent situations) Started a full time job? Had a savings account?

I graduated from college when I was 23

I moved out of my parent's house when I went to college. When I graduated from college I got an apartment.

I started a full time job a few months after I graduated from college. I was 23.

I got married when I was 29 and am now 30 with no kids. And I still have no savings account.

There's no such thing as being "behind" in my eyes, every person is different. Don't focus on what others are doing, and just focus on your life, because you only get one.

 

[Mysteria]

And you know what, I STILL wouldn't trade places. I am thankful for this time and don't regret the lack of down payment for a house even for a second. That stuff (and that's all it is - stuff) will come with time.

...and that is what an adult truly is! I was also very touched by your story. Stay strong and I'm sending prayers and good thoughts your way.

OP if you are waiting to FEEL like an adult you may be waiting forever. When I was very young I always wondered what it felt like. I'm still wondering (I'm 41). For me there was no oh I'm this age I'm there, I graduated I'm there, I moved I'm there, I got married I'm there...etc etc. It's learning about life, priorities, responsibilities, accountability and I could go on and on.

You are FINE. Don't let anyone or anything make you feel like you aren't an adult. A young adult yes, but an adult you are.

 

[autumnpalm]

Thanks, guys.

I think what it truly is, is that I feel sort of "behind" in my accomplishments. I really wish I could go to school full time and finish in two years but I know that isn't at all realistic. With continuing to work part time and taking summer classes I am still hoping for 2014! I will have to live at home as long as I am in school and to be honest... I am jealous of the friends I have who are moving out and living independently. I feel like they are so much more "together" than I am.

It is so nice to hear that people really do hit different stages at different ages. Thank you so much for the input, everyone. It really is helping!

 

[beattyfamily]

How old were you when you graduated from university/college? Got married? Moved out of your parents' house? (not university residence but an independent situations) Started a full time job? Had a savings account?

Moved out of parents house = 16
Had a Savings = 16
Part time job = 17
Independent situation = 18
Started a full time job = 18
College = 25
Marriage = 26
Bought house = 28
First child = 30

 

[NotAmused]

I've been thinking about this as well lately. I am 22, graduated college in May, moved back home, and I am still looking for a full time teaching position while subbing in the mean time. I did move out on my own for college and paid all of my own expenses, but now that I am back home and single, I'm wondering how much of an adult I am.

I'm at the age where a lot of people I went to high school with are having children and getting married. But at the same time, I'm noticing my college friends are in the same boat I'm in while my married friends who are parents chose a different career path that didn't involve college. So I agree with other posters, it all depends on the person and their own situation. I know when I was in school full time and working as well, I had no time to date or any way to afford my own house. You are completely normal

 

[kafitty]

i do understand how you feel. i'm 23, and just graduated college, but i had to move home again right before graduation because of financial issues. It's also been EXTREMELY hard to find full-time work, so i'm still here, without any end in sight.

a LOT of my friends are having kids right now...while still living at home, and without an education or steady work. i do NOT in any way envy their lives.

we have plenty of time...graduating and growing up is TOTALLY overrated. i honestly don't plan on kids, marriage, or mortgages until my 30's...i can't imagine having that sort of responsibility right now. i do miss having my own place, but meh! it's really not so bad.

you'll be okay...just enjoy it while you can!! i miss college already!

 

[Tasha+Scott]

Here is my timeline:

Moved out= 18
Married= almost 19
Bought starter home= 20 (sooo hoping to upgrade in the next 5-6 years!)
Had first kid= 24
Finished college= 27
Had second kid= 27 (1 month out of college, planned it this way)
Got first career-related full time job, which I LOVE= 1 month before I turned 28
We might try for one more kid in the next couple years but that will put me in my early 30s either way if it works out like that.

The one thing I know for sure is that at 19 I thought I had all the answers. I thought I was mature and ready to be married and start a family. I was so naive in so many ways. I don't regret the marriage at all but I hope my kids will wait a few years longer than their father and I did because it was harder than I thought it would be in my fairy tale fantasies. I am sooo glad we didn't have kids right away too.

You are young, OP, and have a whole life ahead of you! I would advise enjoying these carefree days while you can because someday it will seem like they just flew by and you will be that responsible adult you are thinking of becoming and paying bills, changing diapers, and living an adult life before you know it! Life is not a competition with your peers so don't rush out and do something because your friends are and you feel you are behind. Trust me, you aren't!

 

[EMom]

My father died when I was 17. My mother pretty much fell apart. She was disabled and couldn't work. So between my (very limited) social security benefits and the money I earned from work, I became the sole supporter of both my mother and myself. I also had to be her emotional support until she eventually pulled herself together. Looking back, I did everything out of survival instinct and just kept my head above water.

So from 17 on, I was essentially in charge of my own life and in many ways, hers too. I put myself though college. But looking back, the toll all that took on me was enormous. I feel like I took on more stress in those few years (17-22) than many people take on by the time they are 40. I used up much of my "stress reserves," so to speak. What I had left, I used to take care of her when she was dying.

If you are a reasonably responsible person, there's no timeline to grow up. No age to marry or have kids or even buy a house. It's all relative. I had to grow up much too fast and it took a great deal out of me. But I had no choice.

 

[bumbershoot]

I grew up when my mom died when I was 30 and she was 55.

boom, just like that.

And I finally understood why fairy tales and Disney movies generally have the "loss of a parent" as the thing that starts the story. It's a life-changing, earth-shattering event, especially if you're still really connected (young, or still somewhat dependent, no one else to watch over, etc etc).

 

[shortbun]

I was out and on my own at 18. I paid for my own college, held down 3 jobs at a time for a while and when did I actually feel like an adult???......age 30. The night of my 30th birthday, I lay down on the floor and cried while I told my then boyfriend/now husband that I was 30 and had to start acting like a grownup. He was pretty amused, lol!

Then, like bumbershoot, I had another epiphany at age 55 when my mother died and I found myself the 'matriarch' of the family-oldest woman, person people call for recipes, comforter of the sick with no one to comfort me. I guess I'm finally, resignedly an adult. Sometimes I can still channel that wild teenager though. Sigh, those were the days!!!

 

[bas71873]

You r young. Don't rush it. I'm 36 and would give anything to be able to go back and slow down at your age (not that I'm not happy, but knowing what I know now, you know ).

I graduated HS at 17 (summer baby), college at 22, lived at home, got a "real" job, moved out at 24 and in with boyfriend (now DH), moved out of state at almost 25, engaged at 27, married at 28, had DD 17 days shy of my 30th birthday.

Take your time and soak up life and have fun. Responsibilty will come crashing down on you before you know it!!!!!!!! I tell my daddy all the time that I just want to move home and hide under the covers forever sometimes

 

[Uuaww]

I graduated college and moved across the country and to the middle of the ocean when I was 23. That's when it started for me.

 

[J3nn78]

How old were you when you graduated from university/college? 22
Got married? 22
Moved out of your parents' house? 22
Started a full time job? 22
Had a savings account? 16
22 was a busy year for me. Graduated in May, got a full time job in September, got married and moved out in October
I was 26 when I got pregnant with my first. Being married and just the two of us was important for a while

 

[TimandTanya]

First Job 15
Savings 15
Graduated High School 18
Joined Army Reserve 18
College 18
Graduated College 23
First Full Time Job 22
Worked myself to the bone 22-32
Married 32
Started to thoroughly enjoy life 32
First Kid 35
First time old age problems kicked in 41

 

[redsunfish]

Hi autumnpalm,

It sounds to me like you're doing just fine! Doing 'adult things' like getting married and living on your own doesn't always make you an adult.

Personally I feel like I became an adult at 14 years old. When I was 9 my mom was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and by 14 she was entirely disabled. My parents were very traditional - my dad worked long hours and my mom raised the kids, shopped, etc. My dad had never grocery shopped for the family or even written a check in his life. At age 14 I started balancing my parents check book, taught my dad how to grocery shop, cooked for my family, etc. Not ideal but that's just how it was and I think I'm a better person today for it.

As for the questions you asked:
I had a savings account as a small child. My own checking when I went away to school at 17.
Moved away to college at 17.
My parents bought my books and I used scholorships and loans for the rest and I paid my own bills.
Stopped living at home completely (no more summers at home) my senior year when I was 20 (at this point i payed my own rent).
Got my bachelors degree at 21.
Became a mama of my first 'fur baby' at 22 (now i have 3)
Got my masters degree and started my career at 23.
Got married at 26.
Bought a house at 27.

 

[DisneyAngel83]

Well... I don't really FEEL like an adult, but I would have to say that I probably passed that milestone when I got married, and DH and I started to pay all the bills ourselves and were no longer reliant on anyone else to pay our living expenses.

I was 22 (almost 23) and DH was 25 when we got married. Today I am 26 and he is 29 and we have since bought a house and a new car... so we are just more in debt than when we got married!

Like I said, I don't FEEL like an adult... sometimes I still feel like I am 20, but the main difference is we both work full time and we are self sustaining.

At 19 I was finishing my second year in college and had not even started dating DH yet (that didn't start until almost 21 yrs old) and my parents were supporting me while I went to school and worked part time.

Everyone is on different "schedules" in life.