How old were you when you had your first child?

[poohandwendy]

I had my first DD when I was 20 and I do have to say, I would not change a thing. I am happy with our decisions, happy with my DH of 20 years.

However, I would *prefer* that my children wait slightly longer to start a family. Mainly because we started a few steps behind financially and I would like my kids to have an easier time of it. That said, they make their own choices and I will support them however it all pans out, whatever they choose. But I would be lying if I said that I didn't *want* them to have an easier time of it and that starting really young, before you are financially established, is just not an easy road. (not that any road is easy...)

Ideally, I think getting married and starting a family a few years after finishing college would be the best of all worlds, IMO. Still young enough to have less chances of fertility problems, educated, old enough to have a few years of adult life under your belt and hopefully a growing financial future.

But, like I said, these choices are going to be made without my consent, LOL, and I will support them.

 

[MrsKreamer]

I think you are wise to wait until your are through school and started in your field. I'm actually pretty shocked to hear about all the teen mothers, or people who dropped out of college to start families. Having kids before you have your career established puts you in a dangerous position for the rest of your life -- if you're not careful.

I was in college for 3 years with absolutly no direction. I still want a degree to fall back on but I still have no idea what in. It took me having my son to realize my career goals are to be a wife and mother. I even went back to work, b/c I felt I owed it to myself. I hated it, and have NO desire to work for someone else again(I wouldn't mind having my own business though). I am so glad DH loves to work and loves for me to stay home.

 

[Desnik]

I was 22 when DD was born. 27 when DS was born. Now I am 30 and don't think I am done yet. We'll see in the next year, maybe we'll have another. I wanted to have my kids young. I also wanted nothing more than to be a SAHM. I really enjoy it and feel so lucky to be able to stay home with them. It is the best thing for me and our family.

 

[jodifla]

I think that's really wonderful, but unfortunately that won't really work out for a lot of people. Many people simply won't be able to afford all of those things in entirety, even if they save for a long time. Also for some people they don't plan to have a career, they want to be SAHMs for the next 20 or so years so that career building doesn't interest them. Additionally, many people feel that the risks associated with waiting till 40 to have a child are not worth the benefits so they sacrifice and have them younger. Also, I think no matter how much money you have, there will still be things that you can't afford for your kid, so I think that's why the phrase is so used.

I agree that 40 is rather late to start childbearing! It just worked out that way for us. But 30 is rather prime, in my view. Most of my friends started around then.

OP does have choices, though. And she was particularly concerned about the finances of it. Too often on these boards, I see the money aspect sort of brushed aside. But it's real.

 

[amarberry]

I was 30 when DD was born. For me (and I think for everyone, it is different), it was a great age. I really wanted to focus on my career for a few years and have fun with DH before we added a little one to the mix. I'm a SAHM now and feel very comfortable with my decision to leave my career. If I had been younger, I think I might have regretted not having enough time for my career to take off, and if I'd been older, I think that it would have been a lot more difficult to walk away.

 

[crazee4mickey]

I was 20 years old with my first DS who is now 19 y.o.
22 1/2 with DS#2 who is now 16 1/2 y.o.
30 with DS#3 who is now 9 y.o. and
32 with DD who is now 7 y.o.

 

[Our 2 Princesses]

Dh and I were 26 when we had our 1st dd and 30 with our 2nd. All you Moms who have had babies after age 35 have given me lots of hope. I am going to be 37 in May and want one more child. (I miscarried a few months ago.) This has been a very interesting thread!

 

[katerkat]

I was 25 when Russ was born, and he was planned down to the minute. (And completely around my sister's wedding!) I consider us young, but DH is established in his career (Air Force owns him for at least 8 more years) and we had plenty of savings for me to be a SAHM, our retirement accounts, Russ's schooling and a down payment on a house. For us, we figured Russ and whatever siblings he may have will be just about graduating high school by the time DH retires, so we'll have time to ourselves then instead of now, when the military makes it tough to just go and do things.

 

[Castlebound]

I was 21 when my DS(8) was born and 23 with DD(6). DH and I had been married for two years before DS was born and he was planned. Our children still have three Great-grandparents, several great-great aunts & uncles, all four of their grandparents, tons of great aunts & and uncles, and an uncle and aunt who love them to pieces. DH and I both come from young families with DH's grandma (74) being the oldest. My mom was a grandma before she was 40. She loves it and wouldn't change a thing!

Even with kids we have always lived within our means. It wasn't until 2003 that we were able to go on a vacation other than camping or a long weekend at a condo in Gulf Shores during off season. I have been a SAHM since about a month before DS was born. Being a SAHM is the career that I've always wanted.

 

[dizneenut]

I was 19 with my first, 21 with my second, 22 with my third, and 25 with my fourth.

 

[DMickey28]

Love this thread.

DH and I are 30 and 27. We have just started TTC #1. I have been working for the last five years and have a career that I could go back to if I had too. However my goal has been to be a stay at home mom. DH has been working in technology for 10 years. He has just recieved a promotion that opens up HUGE doors for us financially. We do very well together right now and are finishing up paying off our college debt and school loans. We don't own a house yet but have some of our downpayment saved, we moved a lot for DH's career which is the majority of the reason we don't have a house. We are hoping that this next move will be our last for awhile (back to MA)!! We have some savings, but live very well. We have plenty of room to cut back and save more money but with DH's career path, we can do fine with me as a SAHM.

I feel comfortable with our decisions and timing. We aren't as "established" as we could be but we are more than able to comfortably provide for a child. Both my grandparents started family's older and I never knew them. I want my kids to have a relationship with our families.

So if you have room..send some baby dust and prayers for God to contribute to our family.

BTW: DH and I have been married for 1.5 years and together for 3.5 years. We both feel that starting a family will complete our family...we are relaxed stay at home type people.

 

[Caradana]

Ideally, I think getting married and starting a family a few years after finishing college would be the best of all worlds, IMO. Still young enough to have less chances of fertility problems, educated, old enough to have a few years of adult life under your belt and hopefully a growing financial future.

But, like I said, these choices are going to be made without my consent, LOL, and I will support them.

Such a sweet thing to read because that's the path I seem to have miraculously tripped upon, and I'm feeling all cozy and validated now. (hee hee)

I know my mother would not have supported marriage before college graduation, though.

I agree - a financial safety net in place before the baby is born makes the stress of those early years MUCH easier to bear.

 

[Stacerita]

I was 21 when I had the sweetpea.

 

[poohandwendy]

Such a sweet thing to read because that's the path I seem to have miraculously tripped upon, and I'm feeling all cozy and validated now. (hee hee)

I know my mother would not have supported marriage before college graduation, though.

LOL actually, I cannot say I would be thrilled. However, I would not let it get in the way of my relationship with my DD and her future spouse. I guess I should clarify that I would definitely give my opinion while a decision was still being made, but once her mind was made up I would back off and learn to respect it. (or at least bite my tongue) And, we would not continue to pay for her education if she were married. So that would be a consideration for her to ponder too.

I say this because I have lived a situation where my in-laws not only did not support our marriage, but did not come to the wedding and did not talk to me or my DH for 2 years. They ended up meeting their first grandchild when she was over the age of one. It is something that took years for my DH to understand and forgive. It took the trust away, which is a real shame.

Now, as parents of a young adult, we do understand where they were coming from but they took it too far. Sometimes you just have to let it go and allow them to make decisions you think are foolish. Incredibly, we have a great relationship with them now. It could have just as easily been a grudgefest that never ended.

 

[Caradana]

Incredible (and a credit to you two) that you have a great relationship with them now ... it could've totally been "the end"!

 

[disneychick05]

OP asked about the finances about having kids. That's one of the big reasons we waited. I think that the statement, "If I waited until I could afford it to have kids, we'd never have them" is a huge falsehood.

Before we had DS, DH and I had our retirements funded and our DS's college education paid for. We can also afford to send him to private schools if that ends up being needed. We are well established in our careers, so taking time off from them is not a problem. Having a great track record at work buys you a lot of room once you have kids, because you've already paid your dues at work.

I think you are wise to wait until your are through school and started in your field. I'm actually pretty shocked to hear about all the teen mothers, or people who dropped out of college to start families. Having kids before you have your career established puts you in a dangerous position for the rest of your life -- if you're not careful.

I think that your advice is rather idealistic and unreal for most people. I can't say I know anyone who decided to fund their retirement, a college education, possibly private school and then decide to have the child after all of that. You also need to have compassion for the "teen mothers" or the "college dropouts" ...they were called to be mothers instead of going to school or working. I highly doubt that they feel that they were "put in a dangerous position for the rest of their lives." In fact, I'm quite sure that most mothers would agree that love is all you need to raise a child not a big pocketbook.

 

[poohandwendy]

Incredible (and a credit to you two) that you have a great relationship with them now ... it could've totally been "the end"!

Yeah, for a while it looked like the 'end', but I am glad it happened in a way. It helped make our relationship 'us against the world' instead of relying on family to get by and it also taught me what not to do as a parent. All is well that ends well.

I will never miss one of my children's weddings even if I have to be sedated to get through it.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think that your advice is rather idealistic and unreal for most people.

Yes, but isn't it smart to use an ideal as a goal? I don't think anyone should put people down for choosing a different path, but I do have to admire people who give their future lots of thought and planning.

As someone who was pregnant and married at a young age (in that order), I am not insulted by anyone who says they would prefer to do things differently. And the truth remains, having no skill or education and not planning ahead DOES leave many, many people vulnerable if the marriage fails or their spouse dies.

Yes, we all will face different paths, many out of choice and many out of circumstance. I cannot fault anyone for making plans and setting goals, idealistic or not. In the same way I do not fault anyone for making the best of situations that come up unplanned.

In fact, I'm quite sure that most mothers would agree that love is all you need to raise a child not a big pocketbook.

LOL, I think an argument can be made that you need quite a bit more than love to raise a child.

(I went on a tangent here, I am not saying you are faulting anyone...just addressing the idea of goal setting)

 

[disneychick05]

(I went on a tangent here, I am not saying you are faulting anyone...just addressing the idea of goal setting)

You are correct, I am not faulting anyone. I was just stating that I disagree with that particular post. Planning ahead is wonderful, I agree. My opinion is that having kids at a young age does not "put you in a dangerous position for life." Also, there are may pros to having children young. It's not all about the money.
And yes, I of course know that you need more than love to raise a child....my point is that you don't need a 401K, pre-paid college fund, and optional private school money on reserve to be a good parent.

 

[jodifla]

You are correct, I am not faulting anyone. I was just stating that I disagree with that particular post. Planning ahead is wonderful, I agree. My opinion is that having kids at a young age does not "put you in a dangerous position for life." Also, there are may pros to having children young. It's not all about the money.
And yes, I of course know that you need more than love to raise a child....my point is that you don't need a 401K, pre-paid college fund, and optional private school money on reserve to be a good parent.

True, but if more people did that, there'd be a lot less trouble and poverty in the world. And the OP IS in a position to plan her children. She's also in a very demanding field. She and her future children will be better served if she has them at a point where she is financially stable and set in her career.