How old was your child when you started leaving them home alone?

[Disney1fan2002]

My DS will be 10 in June, and I have always (even pre-kids) thought 10 was the perfect age to start "stepping out" and leaving him home. A few minutes at a time.

Something has happened here, that makes me tempted to try it now. He will be 10 in a few weeks. I did leave him a couple of weeks ago, because he was sick, and I had to pick the other 2 kids up from school. I asked him to take a nap, and I would leave when he was asleep. I went in to check on him, and he was determined to fake his sleep (he knew I wouldn't leave without him unless he was sound asleep). I knew he was faking, but played along. I left, I was gone a total of 12 minutes. When I got home, he was in bed watching TV. I totally bagged him.

I am thinking letting him come home from school to an empty house one day a week. He would be home alone for no more than 45 minutes. Probably closer to 30 minutes. The reason I am thinking about this, is because he stays at the Y aftercare program 2 days a week. From now until the end of May he needs to be at a practice for his big June play on one of his care days. The Y requires a minimum of 2 days a week to be in the program, so I will be paying for one day and he won't even be there. If I take him out of the program altogether, it will save me that much money per week.

Please, I am so tempted, yet so nervous. So, no flames. Some people here can read this and think just because I am considering it, means I am an awful mother. (you can say all you want that people here don't think anybody is an awful parent, but there are, believe me there are).

I hated being flamed by a "perfect" parent. So, please, be gentle. thank you.

 

[Boo'sMom]

only you'll know for sure if your child is ready. Make sure the groundwork of rules is very clear, and if you feel he can obey those rules, go for it.
Good Luck

 

[nliedel]

This is such a personal thing. Is your child ready? Do you have neighbors they can turn to in an emergancy? What about your neighborhood? We are in a Manufactured Housing project (If you want to be a snob and read trailer park then be my guest) and I trust my 9 year old if I have to be outside but I will never leave him home alone. We have packs of roaming kid with nothing to do here. They are pretty good but not focused and an unfocused kid is a kid looking for trouble.

While Gene-Gene is good on his own any kid under the influence of other kids can lose his judgement. It's not my son I don't trust it's my son in a pack.

So look at all of the larger picture and make a decision. I know for sure I was coming home alone two days a week by the time I was 10 but I grew up in a resort town that had no winter population so there was not much I could get into and no one to do damage with.

 

[powellrj]

we started leaving my olders DS alone at the same age. It was the spring of his 4th grade year and he was 10. I worked a couple of days a week and he would come home, call me, fix a snack and watch TV for about 45 mins. He was so proud that we trusted him and he still talks about how that made him feel.

My middle DS was much older when we left him alone until someone got home. He was scared and wasn't excited about it. He stays home now, but he is in high school and he is still a little scared.

DD is now the same age. We have left her while we had to pick her DB up from school and she is fine. SHe loves to have the house and TV all to herself. Of course its only about 10 minutes, but it makes her feel grown up.

I would say if he has a phone list handy and seems to want to try it, I would go for it.

 

[ryka]

My son is 10 and I leave him home when I have to go to the store or something. I do have a neighbor that I tell and he knows if he needs anything to go to her. I also call him a couple of times while I am out to make sure he is ok. He doesn't like to go shopping with me. He would rather stay home and play his video games. He knows not to open the door for anyone.

 

[LOVETHATMOUSE]

My dd is 10 and I have just started to leave her alone if I have to run to 7-11 or Dairybarn for a quick trip (they are only a few blocks away from my home, and it takes about 5-10 minutes). I tell her don't answer the door or the phone - we have caller ID and she can see if it's someone we don't know calling, or us calling. I know it's not a huge amount of time to be left alone, but it's a beginning.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

My dd is 10 and I have just started to leave her alone if I have to run to 7-11 or Dairybarn for a quick trip (they are only a few blocks away from my home, and it takes about 5-10 minutes). I tell her don't answer the door or the phone - we have caller ID and she can see if it's someone we don't know calling, or us calling. I know it's not a huge amount of time to be left alone, but it's a beginning.

That has always been my point. The kids have to start somewhere, right? That is why I am really struggling with this. I had always planned on weaning him into it. But, with this new situation, he could be home for up to 45 minutes. I do work in town, 4 miles from my house. My MIL is only 3 miles in the other direction.

He is more ready than I expected him to be. He can't wait for me to leave him alone. I remember how badly I wished my mom would let me stay home alone, but it never happened and I hated that I never had the house to myself. (with 11 siblings, is that even possible> ? LOL)

 

[Tantor]

I started leaving DD (she is 10) by herself for short periods of time. We also have a dog in the house that barks if someone came to the door. She feels very safe and I totally trust her.

 

[padams]

When my DS turned 10 this year, I started leaving him home alone for short periods (less than an hour). He loves being home alone. In fact, it's the "privilege" I now take away for misbehavior.

In our area, many of the kids start staying by themselves around the age of 10.

I started staying home by myself when I was 8. I started babysitting for other people's kids when I was 10.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I don't think that 10 is too young for most kids, but first of all, it's an individual thing and second of all, I wouldn't have a 10yo come to an empty house. It's one thing to be at home with a 10yo and run out to do some errands and be gone for 1/2 hour, but for them to come home when nobody has been there for a period of time is kind of a scary thing. I might would reconsider if there were neighbors who lived VERY close who I knew very well that I could count on to be there in a flash if my child needed them. Maybe.

We did have a home break-in about 6-7 years ago. What frightened me more than the actual break in was the knowledge (fear) that it could have been on a day that my middle school DD was coming home from school by herself and I was detained running errands (I was a SAHM and was usually home before her, but sometimes I didn't make it home in time, hit traffic, etc, etc) and in that case she would have surprised the burglar. That gave me nightmares. And even if it had of been after the fact, I would hate for a child that age to come home to a break in and have to deal with going to the neighbors to call 911, etc. So that's where I'm coming from and my main fear.

Is there any way that he can go to a neighbor or friend's house for that one day a week? He can then have a place to go and that person can have a little spending $? Seems like a win/win situation.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

but for them to come home when nobody has been there for a period of time is kind of a scary thing.

That is a legit fear, and how scary that must of been for you. In our situation, my DH leaves for work at 3pm, the bus comes at 3:25. The house would not be empty all day. I also like the fact that 3:30- 4 is like midday now with the sunlight. There is still hours of daylight by the time I get home.

 

[kristen821]

I think this is something you would have to decide for yourself because you know your son the best. I too would be afraid if my ds was coming home to an empty house, but he is not 10 yet and not at an age he can stay home alone so I may change my mind in 2-3 years. I would just be to scared he didn't make it home for whatever reason and nobody would be there to know he didn't make it and by the time I got home he would be missing for 45 minutes, but I know that is a little nutty to think like that, but I do.

 

[paigevz]

My son is 10 and in 5th grade. I started leaving him home for errands last fall. This Spring, he's finally convinced me to let him stay home (rather than have the sitter transport him to my school with his younger brother), one day a week, when his dad gets home about an hour later. So far, all is well. Of course, the sitter is there when he gets home, so we are assured he's safe and there.

He has our Boston with him, too, which makes me feel better. He's a pussycat when people enter our home through the front door, invited, but he's a tiger when people get too near the back of the house.

I have not yet let him stay, though he begs weekly, on the other day a week when his dad and I both would come home 2 1/2 hours after school. (The other 3 days, one of us gets home fairly early and the sitter just waits until we get there).

Next year, little brother will be in preschool, and he will be coming home to an empty house two days a week, and arriving at just about the same time as one of us the other three, on the school bus.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

That is a legit fear, and how scary that must of been for you. In our situation, my DH leaves for work at 3pm, the bus comes at 3:25. The house would not be empty all day. I also like the fact that 3:30- 4 is like midday now with the sunlight. There is still hours of daylight by the time I get home.

That's not so bad then. Do you have a cell phone that he could reach you on when you are on your way home from work? Not that you can do anything when you aren't home, but it helps him knowing he can call you if he needs to touch base 9and helps you, too).

One thing--I would never tell a child to ignore the doorbell--that's how our burglar knew we weren't home and broke in. I would have them go to the door and, through the door (NEVER open the door), say you were on the phone, in the bathroom, busy, etc.

When my kids were younger I had them stay inside when when I wasn't home. Now they are older and that restriction is lifted and I actually worry a lot more about something happening. My kids are 6, 12, 15, and 18 (oldest at college). Of course the 6yo can only stay home if the 15 or 18yo is watching him, but my kids do play outside when I'm gone because they are a lot older. Now I worry about them hurting themselves, not to mention strangers, etc, even though we go over all the rules and we live in a fairly safe and quiet area considering the closeness to major cities. Thankfully my 6yo enjoys playing video games and knows that when we're gone all the time limitations are lifted so he plays a lot.

So the bottom line is that it doesn't really get easier!

 

[HeatherinNC]

Just recently, we have started allowing both DD's to ride the bus home instead of to a babysitters. DD10 is still in elementary and her bus gets home about 20 min before DD12. DH gets home around 4, so both DD's are home alone for about 30 min everyday. DD10 actually beats everyone home and has about 20 min alone. At first, I was uneasy, but I feel fine about it now. She enjoys it, of course and knows to lock the door as soon as she gets in. Also, she calls me at work to let me know she is home. THIS is what eases my mind more than anything. If your work situation allows you to call him or him to call you, I think you should consider this.

 

[aprilgail2]

I remember how badly I wished my mom would let me stay home alone, but it never happened and I hated that I never had the house to myself. (with 11 siblings, is that even possible> ? LOL)

I didn't have 11 siblings-I had one- but I remember wanting very badly to be able to come home from school and just relax with no one else home and it never happened...my mom was a SAHM and I never seemed to be able to get any home alone time since she was there every single day when I came home from school...she didn't drive so its not like she could have been anywhere but there...I used to look forward to Saturdays when my father would go food shopping with her and I could stay home alone!
I think 10 is a good age to start leaving them home for short time....by 12 I was babysitting for a family with 4 kids and sometimes they didn't get home till 3am!

 

[maddiel]

My daughters' elementary school has offered a Red Cross babysitting course as an extra-curricular to kids in Grade 5 and 6 (so 10-12 year olds.)

A lot of the younger kids who take it do so not because they're going to be babysitting, but because the how-to-deal-with-emergencies part makes them more ready to stay home alone.

Personally, I'd do some shorter test runs before you cancel the afterschool program.

My older daughter started staying alone at 10 and at twelve started babysitting for her little sister (5), starting for both with 10-15 minutes and working up to longer.

M.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I didn't have 11 siblings-I had one- but I remember wanting very badly to be able to come home from school and just relax with no one else home and it never happened...my mom was a SAHM and I never seemed to be able to get any home alone time since she was there every single day when I came home from school...she didn't drive so its not like she could have been anywhere but there...I used to look forward to Saturdays when my father would go food shopping with her and I could stay home alone!
I think 10 is a good age to start leaving them home for short time....by 12 I was babysitting for a family with 4 kids and sometimes they didn't get home till 3am!

You were lucky mom and dad went shopping together! Mom went food shopping on Saturday, but dad stayed home with us. There was no escaping them! LOL

I really do not want to raise my kids as sheltered as I was. I started babysitting the little boy across the street when I was 11, and I remember being PARALYZED with fear of being alone in the house. I called my mom constantly to come over.

 

[MoniqueU]

12 years old and in 7th grade. He has 2 younger sisters 8 and 9 that I will probably have his start babysitting for money when he is around 14th and a freshmen in Highschool. For me that just seems the right ages.

 

[Planogirl]

Mine is just now coming home to an empty house and he's 13. For the short time you mentioned, I think that it's worth considering depending on your child's maturity level and your neighbors.